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Girlfriend travelling for 4 months. Advice needed

LegacyUser

Hey folks, going unreel for this.

I have been dating a girl since September 2014 (7/8 months). Things were going really well between the two of us. We spent most weekends together and would see each other a few nights during the week also. We agreed to be exclusive around the end of October and I asked her our around December.

However she said it wouldn’t be a good idea to go out as she was planning on going travelling in May 2015 but she wanted to remain exclusive. I wasn’t too sure how to treat this but I still decided to keep seeing her due to the fun we were having and she is honestly one of the most beautiful women I have ever been with. We got very close after christmas and both of us mutually agreed that we were officially boyfriend and girlfriend around March. We have both met one another families and stayed in one another family homes and we introduce each other to our friends as Boyfriend/Girlfriend.

I always knew she was going travelling but for whatever reason I put it out of my head. We agreed to keep in touch while she is gone (she’s gone backpacking through South America for 4 months, back in August) and we also agreed to break up.

Low and behold she left two weeks ago and i feel a bit heart broken to be honest. We have been what sapping everyday and we have skipped twice but I’m really struggling with the fact that we are broken up yet talking and chatting as if we aren’t. It just feels very strange to me and I’m wondering if I should cut all contact because I am really REALLY missing her. We have agreed that were going to meet up in August when she’s back (we both have tickets to go to Electric Picnic). Basically I’m afraid if I cut contact that I might not talk to her again until August and the relationship we have built up over the last 8 months (and most importantly the last 4 months) will have gone.

What would you guys recommend I do. Like I want to talk to her but it feels strange talking to her when there is a possibility she has been scoring other guys etc. Like I never had insecurities in the relationship before and the fact she is texting me every day has me wondering if she is regretting ’breaking up’. She has also told me that she doesn’t want to break contact and likes texting everyday.

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Mr. Incognito

Its only 16 weeks ffs. Not like she has emigrated or anything

Roselm

Who's idea was it to break up? Could you talk to her about staying exclusive while she's away?

maria34

Why did you break up? She is travelling only for the summer, its a trip only. Did she break up with you?

Id talk with her about it and try to stay in a relationship.

pkvader

Ride anything that moves over the next 16 weeks, when she gets home get back together and enjoy the rest of your lives together.

Stavro Mueller

I've never been able to wrap my head around the idea of a happy couple breaking up just because one of them is going travelling for a few months. Why? Is it because they can't cope with the idea of not seeing each other for a few months and want the freedom to snog/ride anyone or anything they fancy? Which to me is an odd thought. I'd have thought that if you meet someone you really like and want to become serious with, you're not going to be all that interested in getting frisky with other people.

Why suggested you break up and why? Maybe you should simply hold a proper adult conversation about this and work out ways to stay in touch for the few months. I think you're insane to break up with someone you like just because they're going away for a few months.

Sleepless and Manic

Stavro Mueller wrote: »

I've never been able to wrap my head around the idea of a happy couple breaking up just because one of them is going travelling for a few months. Why? Is it because they can't cope with the idea of not seeing each other for a few months and want the freedom to snog/ride anyone or anything they fancy?

I know and I agree. I think its youth. When you've only been an adult a short time four months can seem like an eternity.

Maybe?

LegacyUser

I was in a very similar situation a few years ago, I just started seeing a girl a couple of months before she went travelling for 3 months - we liked each other so there was never even a conversation about whether we would break up that I can remember.

The most important detail is one you left out - who suggested breaking up?
If it was you, then you should absolutely contact her and explain your feelings and the mistake you made, and see if she is willing to continue the relationship.
If it was her who wanted the break up, then unfortunately she probably just wanted the freedom to get up to whatever she likes on her trip - but you never know, she may be willing to give up that desire if you fought hard enough (though personally, I would think if she had that desire in the first place I wouldn't think she had THAT much interest in a relationship with you long term to start with - I wouldn't be able to continue the relationship with that knowledge.)

4 months is nothing in the grand scheme of things. Sure it absolutely sucks while it's happening, I was eaten up every day while she was away and we had contact every few days - but it is an absolute drop in the ocean if you feel like you could have future. We're still together years after and that time feels like nothing now.

LegacyUser

Hey folks, OP here,

Sorry I should have specified. She initially suggested we break up but this suggestion was made prior to Christmas when we weren’t officially going out.

I also should have mentioned that she is taking a job overseas starting around November and this will last 6 months. Again this was the reason we agreed that seeing other people for this length of time might not be the worst idea.

Having a long distance relationship is probably out of the question because over the next 12 months we will probably only see each other for 2/3 months between the period she arrives home from S. American and the period which she flies off on the 6 month work stint. This work was organised long before we had met one another and its one of her life goals so there was no way I was going to stand in the way of it.

Im almost regretting getting so involved with her over the last 8 months and specifically allowing us to get so close to one another in the last 4 months. I always knew she was going to be leaving and we always agreed that we were going to break up, just because the length of time we are going to be away from each other is so long.

Should have mentioned that i

santana75

My God man get out and start enjoying your life, get out there and see whoever takes your fancy. Shes off in south america having a ball, living her life doing whatever meanwhile youre at home twiddling your thumbs wondering if shes still into you or not. Cant you see that? Do you think shes worried about it? I would venture to guess, not a chance. Do what shes doing: Get on with your life and leave her to it. Dont invest so much in one person.