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Child Item

Rosanna Davison advises cheating woman to conceal paternity doubts from her boyfriend

hatrickpatrick

I'm pretty speechless after reading this. If anyone wondered why the issue of mens' rights has started to become widely debated in recent times and those who campaign for them sometimes seem bitter and untrusting, this type of unbelievably hideous sh!te is the exact reason.

http://www.independent.ie/style/sex-relationships/dear-rosanna-im-six-months-pregnant-but-im-not-sure-if-my-boyfriend-or-his-best-friend-is-the-father-31094031.html

Q. I’m six months pregnant and I’m not sure that my partner is the father of our child. I had a one night stand with his friend and now timing-wise this child could belong to either man. My boyfriend is so thrilled at the prospect of becoming a father and I want to just go along with that because it’s something that we had planned to do anyway. His pal and I have not said one word to each other since we slept together but I can see how he looks at me since we announced my pregnancy.

He has a wife and two children, so it’s not like he wants any of this to come out, but this is a pretty big secret to have lurking in the background – if there was no chance whatsoever that the pal could be the dad of my baby then I’d try put it behind us, but time wise I can’t lie to myself that this is the case. I think the fact that myself and this other man have not spoken about what happened or the possibility that this child is his is not helping – if we can both agree to chalk it up as a mistake that we will never mention to another soul then maybe I can just plough on with my partner?

A. This pregnancy must have come as a shock timing-wise, but your focus really needs to be on having a healthy and stress-free pregnancy, and delivering a healthy baby.

It’s happened now, you’re bringing a new life into the world and it would be pointless to get caught up in guilt and regret. I do think that you need to speak to your boyfriend’s friend before the baby is born, and to make it clear to him that the baby could be his but if he is willing to forget that the one night stand happened, then you are too. I would imagine that he’s happy to get back to his normal life and not get caught up in another woman’s child, as well as the huge problems it will cause with your boyfriend.

You might consider taking a paternity test on your child, but for now it’s most important to speak to this man and agree on how you both want to proceed. My advice is to focus on your boyfriend as being the father and cut contact with this other man once you have spoken to him.

The fact that a mainstream newspaper (yes, even if it is the Indo) would happily print an article advising somebody to trick her partner into giving up his life to raise another man's child without realising it is something I find shocking, even in a society in which mens' rights and autonomy are generally ridden roughshod over without a second thought. Is paternity fraud really normalised to the extent at which it can be advised to casually and openly, without literally a single sentence in the article giving thought to how the boyfriend might feel if he knew the kid wasn't his?

That's not even getting into the fact that this woman is being advised to conceal her infidelity, again as if her partner's feelings or role in their relationship is completely irrelevant. I have a very hard time imagining that any cheating man would ever be advised to do the same. Nor is it even touching the issue of another man potentially having a child that he will never know about - where do his rights as a biological parent come into any of this?

I consider myself a gender egalitarian rather than either a feminist or an MRA, and I definitely don't consider myself MGTOW - but bullsh!t like this is directly responsible, at least in part, for the trend of guys shunning relationships. The same trend which I'm sure people like Ms Davison will bemoan in future newspaper columns, "why are there no good men who are interested in a relationship / getting married / etc?" before accusing the majority of this generation's men of being childish or having "peter pan syndrome" simply because they're disillusioned with how irrelevant their own desires and feelings in relationships have become from society's point of view.

Does anyone else find the article absolutely abhorrent? Does it surprise anyone? Am I being overly pessimistic in my belief that this kind of male disposability has become absolutely endemic in society to the point at which it is seen as somehow normal, and not a horrific violation of an actual human being's life? Is this view less mainstream than the media trends suggest?

Thoughts?

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smurgen

Maximus Alexander wrote: »

The way some people behave makes me sick to my stomach.

To quote christopher moltisanti :"human frailty.Makes me sick sometimes".Is there anyone well adjusted, happy or not a scumbag anymore?

the evasion_kid

Paternity testing should be mandatory on all babies born nowadays.

Macavity.

Rosanna Davison should be made raise the child, see how she likes it.

Maximus Alexander

The way some people behave makes me sick to my stomach.

TommyOM

I read that ages ago and I remember being completely shocked that she would give such a response. I suppose that's what happens when you grow up in such wealth and pomp. You stop caring about anyone else and just focus on yourself and whats best for you.

Egginacup

Brutal Deluxe wrote: »

I understand why she would advise it. IE: speak not of it and nobody gets hurt. It was a one night stand only.
Raising another person's child doesn't make you any less of a parent, BTW. If you think it does then I'd wonder what you think of adoption. It's not about men's rights anymore than it is about the right of kid she's pregnant with. Nor is it about women's rights.
It's about doing what is best for all parties involved.

That's a bit of an oversimplification. It strikes me that the woman doesn't really love her boyfriend, after all she slept around on him. Granted it was only a one night stand and maybe she was drunk/horny/ovulating. That she's pregnant is fine but it seems that she is more worried about being supported than anything else. She tells the boyfriend that he's not the father and chances are she's on her own. He would be under no obligation to support her or the kid. She could hit up the other guy for child support but the fact appears that she'd prefer to sucker her boyfriend than inconvenience the one-night-stand guy.

Hardly true love.

murpho999

bjork wrote: »

What a creep! (Davison)

Cheat in a marathon, cheat in relationships what's the difference? Once you get your own way lie to everyone, even your child

Just for pedantic clarification ....it was not a marathon but a ' Mini-Marathon'.

For further clarification.....a 'mini- Marathon' gives the impression of stamina and endurance but it's only 10k, less than a quarter marathon.

So it makes her cheating and perfect hair and make up at the finish even worse.

She is the worst type of celeb with no talent who seem to become famous in ireland. The Independent seems to promote them all the time. Very annoying.

Duggy747

Bullshít story or not (It is the shít-rag Indo, afterall), I'm surprised at some of the reactions here that agree with the sentiment that the boyfriend should be kept in the dark.

That's an incredibly stupid risk to take and one of the most disgusting things you could do to someone.

Secrets like this rarely go to the grave.

the groutch

regardless of what the woman in question should or shouldn't do, there is no way this should been published.
Rosanna is in no way qualified to answer something like this that could have a profound effect on several people's lives, and will also influence other people in similar situations who read the article.
It's no wonder so many people hate on the Indo.

Neyite

*Bans Rosanna Davidson from ever giving advice in PI* :P

The only reason to keep something like this quiet is for self-protection. Sure, you can dress it up to say that it was a mistake or that you really love your BF or that the truth would devastate him.

Bollocks. What would devastate him is having his child, his entire world ripped right away after he has invested in that child's life, in every way from emotionally to financially for years and years, rather than after a few months of being excited. Even if it turned out to be his, he can still be excited about his kid, just not so excited about his ex and former mate.

Are people still that thick to assume that paternity will never come to light provided the two cheaters involved never say a word? Really? Do they think that the hospital don't record newborn blood groups on their chart, because they absolutely do. That information is all over the hospital records.

Do they not stop to think about what if your child or baby needs a blood transfusion or tests in hospital due to an illness or an accident. Do they want their A&E department in the midst of a crisis to be that exact moment their partner finds out he's been cruelly duped? Or when that child is an adult or teen and wants to give blood, or donate marrow or an organ to a 'relative' Or when they learn about blood groups in science class. Or, when they turn out to be the absolute spit of their dads mate.

Something like this is bound to come out sooner rather than later. So best to do it sooner, let everybody move on and adjust before this child is born into a mess of lies. Ireland tried the whole secret parentage thing some years back where pregnant women were hid away and their babies secretly adopted to people who faked the pregnancy and birth certs. It didn't end well.

There are only two people who benefit from keeping it quiet. The selfish ones. Everyone else is set up to potentially suffer down the line.

smurgen

NachoBusiness wrote: »

Fair enough so, well then I have to agree it's kind of strange advice.

I mean, she's six months pregnant, I'd be furious if I was at my g/f's side throughout a pregnancy and then after she gave birth she admitted she had doubts to who the father was all along. It's a betrayal of the highest order.

It's gonna be traumatic either way. Best to get it out in the open asap.

I'm disappointed in Roseanna. She's not a sweet girl anymore as far as I'm concerned.

I would argue that anybody who could put up such a convincing facade through such an emotive time for a period of months is a psycho/sociopath.

Icemancometh

I've heard estimates of misattributed paternity of about 10%, but wikipedia suggests a more sober 3.7%. So one in every 27 people or thereabouts is being raised by someone who isn't there father and doesn't know it. How many people have posted on this thread so far...

[Deleted User]

I can't believe anyone would think it's ok to allow a man to be excited about his girlfriend's pregnancy, and to hold and fall in love with his newborn son or daughter when it may not even be his.

It's sick, tbh.

Lt J.R. Bell

Brutal Deluxe wrote: »

How so? The choice is "keep the boyfriend out of the loop and never mention the subject again" or "tell boyfriend, potentially risk breakup, possible fist fight between him and the other fella, possible ruining of the other man's family, leaving the pregnant woman without a partner to support her at all.

I completely agree but the thing is, the advice seemed to be "if it can be pushed away and never mentioned again then it's fine". It all does come down to individual situations and all but given how little the letter to her said, her reply was pretty decent for the informatnion she got.

What? and deceive the guy into possibly helping to raise some ho's child with an unfaithful girlfriend?

She should have thought about those things earlier.

fed up sick and tired

She should get the paternity test for the child's sake. If her partner is not the father she should have the decency to tell him. Let the chips fall where they may.

The kind of thing being 'advised' in the article goes on, and more than one man's life, ambitions, and money has been deceived away from him.

beertons

I didn't know she could read.

One eyed Jack

KomradeBishop wrote: »

Why has nobody copped yet, that the partners who have been cheated on deserve to know about the cheating, so they don't waste the next couple of decades raising children with people who have betrayed them?
Don't see why the child issue should be viewed in isolation to that.

Because it's not real. Honestly, do you think people really write into Rosanna Davison about their personal problems?

bjork

What a creep! (Davison)

Cheat in a marathon, cheat in relationships what's the difference? Once you get your own way lie to everyone, even your child

KomradeBishop

Why has nobody copped yet, that the partners who have been cheated on deserve to know about the cheating, so they don't waste the next couple of decades raising children with people who have betrayed them?
Don't see why the child issue should be viewed in isolation to that.

murpho999

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

It's not a real scenario. We don't need to feel aggrieved on the part of the cuckholded boyfriend. They make up all this stuff.

After all who in their right mind would write to RD in the feckin Indo?!?

I like their pro-life and deceit agenda though "focus on raising a healthy baby, decieving your partner into raising a child that isn't his own is nothing to be concerned about".

I had to read it three times to realise that it was not Rosanna Davison who was pregnant and admitting she had a one night stand before I realised that she has now become an agony aunt!

Says more about how bad the Independent has become than anything else.

suicide_circus

This is why there used to such close connections between kings and emperors and their nephews and nieces (giving rise to the word nepotism). You could always be 100% sure that your sister's children were at least partially of your bloodline. But you could never be 100% that the children your wife gave birth to were your own. This was in the days before dna testing and Jeremy Kyle of course.

Teyla Emmagan

It's not a real scenario. We don't need to feel aggrieved on the part of the cuckholded boyfriend. They make up all this stuff.

After all who in their right mind would write to RD in the feckin Indo?!?

I like their pro-life and deceit agenda though "focus on raising a healthy baby, decieving your partner into raising a child that isn't his own is nothing to be concerned about".

TwoShedsJackson

endacl wrote: »

Presuming:

(A) the letter wasn't actually 'from' an Indo sub editor filling inches on the page,

and,

(B) the reply wasn't actually 'from' another Indo sub editor filling inches on the page,

who cares? It's the Indo.

A safe assumption - the Indo got rid of all their subeditors some time back, and then printed an article inviting their readers to email about any mistakes they saw in the paper, and do the subs' former jobs for free.

floggg

hatrickpatrick wrote: »

I'm pretty speechless after reading this. If anyone wondered why the issue of mens' rights has started to become widely debated in recent times and those who campaign for them sometimes seem bitter and untrusting, this type of unbelievably hideous sh!te is the exact reason.

http://www.independent.ie/style/sex-relationships/dear-rosanna-im-six-months-pregnant-but-im-not-sure-if-my-boyfriend-or-his-best-friend-is-the-father-31094031.html

The fact that a mainstream newspaper (yes, even if it is the Indo) would happily print an article advising somebody to trick her partner into giving up his life to raise another man's child without realising it is something I find shocking, even in a society in which mens' rights and autonomy are generally ridden roughshod over without a second thought. Is paternity fraud really normalised to the extent at which it can be advised to casually and openly, without literally a single sentence in the article giving thought to how the boyfriend might feel if he knew the kid wasn't his?

That's not even getting into the fact that this woman is being advised to conceal her infidelity, again as if her partner's feelings or role in their relationship is completely irrelevant. I have a very hard time imagining that any cheating man would ever be advised to do the same. Nor is it even touching the issue of another man potentially having a child that he will never know about - where do his rights as a biological parent come into any of this?

I consider myself a gender egalitarian rather than either a feminist or an MRA, and I definitely don't consider myself MGTOW - but bullsh!t like this is directly responsible, at least in part, for the trend of guys shunning relationships. The same trend which I'm sure people like Ms Davison will bemoan in future newspaper columns, "why are there no good men who are interested in a relationship / getting married / etc?" before accusing the majority of this generation's men of being childish or having "peter pan syndrome" simply because they're disillusioned with how irrelevant their own desires and feelings in relationships have become from society's point of view.

Does anyone else find the article absolutely abhorrent? Does it surprise anyone? Am I being overly pessimistic in my belief that this kind of male disposability has become absolutely endemic in society to the point at which it is seen as somehow normal, and not a horrific violation of an actual human being's life? Is this view less mainstream than the media trends suggest?

Thoughts?

I think anybody who uses acronyms to describe their views on gender issues is too involved in the issue to ever be a "gender egalitarian."

Balmed Out

Id guess one of the many reasons rape has always been considered such a heinous crime is it removes a woman's right to determine the father of her offspring and what this women is considering may be the same. He also deserves to know she cheated - and with a friend which says even more and on top of this the child would have a right to know who their father is.

so wrong on many levels.

Would I be right in assuming that Rosanna doesn't actually write the column herself? I always assumed all the sections like this used ghost writers.

4zn76tysfajdxp

Collard Greens wrote: »

Seriously you think it's too far fetched that they didn't use protection? You need to familiarise yourself with the human race.

Only sailors wear condoms, baby.

tritium

Brutal Deluxe wrote: »

I understand why she would advise it. IE: speak not of it and nobody gets hurt. It was a one night stand only.
Raising another person's child doesn't make you any less of a parent, BTW. If you think it does then I'd wonder what you think of adoption. It's not about men's rights anymore than it is about the right of kid she's pregnant with. Nor is it about women's rights.
It's about doing what is best for all parties involved.

There's a significant stretch between knowlingly raising someone else's child and basically being deceived into being a convenient parent.

How is it 'best' for someone to invest time, emotion and money unknowingly on someone else's child?

Blackgrass

If the shoes was on the other foot and Rosanna had to answer a mail from the girls bf hypotheticaly speaking he had a one night stand and the girl got pregnant soon after with a chance it's his kid he'd get flamed...
Girl cheats and it's a case of 'ahhh sher, we'll wait and see' if the kid does turn out to be bf's, will he be told about the one night stand? Would he be expected to stay in a relationship with the girl no matter the result?

lazygal

Doesn't the child deserve to know it's paternity regardless of the man's or woman's feelings?

One eyed Jack

hatrickpatrick wrote: »

I consider myself a gender egalitarian rather than either a feminist or an MRA, and I definitely don't consider myself MGTOW

Mmmhmm, always with the men's issues and pointing out the failings of women though, but you're egalitarian of course... :rolleyes:

but bullsh!t like this is directly responsible, at least in part, for the trend of guys shunning relationships.

No it's not, it's tugging the stalk off themselves to PUA crap has led to the trend of guys shunning relationships.

The same trend which I'm sure people like Ms Davison will bemoan in future newspaper columns, "why are there no good men who are interested in a relationship / getting married / etc?" before accusing the majority of this generation's men of being childish or having "peter pan syndrome" simply because they're disillusioned with how irrelevant their own desires and feelings in relationships have become from society's point of view.

I don't think that's happening on a large enough scale yet to have women worrying about finding men tbh. In fact, I don't think men are worrying too much about it either. This whole Internet effect is having a weird affect on truly only a minority of men though, and it's not likely they were ever going to contribute a whole lot to humanity anyway.

Does anyone else find the article absolutely abhorrent?

Fcuk no, it's Rosanna Davison in the Independent! Why would anyone actually give a shìt? I'd laugh at it tbh, just like I do any of those 'problem' pages. They're made up ffs!

Does it surprise anyone?

No it doesn't surprise me in the least, nor does it surprise me that you just happened across the Rosanna Davison problem page in the Independent. I'm assuming you're a regular reader :rolleyes:

Am I being overly pessimistic in my belief that this kind of male disposability has become absolutely endemic in society to the point at which it is seen as somehow normal, and not a horrific violation of an actual human being's life?

I'd say yes, yes you are being overly pessimistic and overly dramatic and a bit of a naysayer of doom and gloom if I'm honest. Again though - unsurprisingly.

Is this view less mainstream than the media trends suggest?

One letter. One fcuking letter. And you're talking about 'media trends'. Christ almighty :pac:

Thoughts?

I might get in half an hours shut eye before I've to get up and do things in the real world rather than getting bent out of shape about things like this.