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Can an introvert become an extrovert? My job depends on it.

CM24

So, I've just started a new job that requires me to be dealing with people face to face for hours at a time. I'm a Personal Trainer in a busy gym. The onus is on me to attract clients myself and so I spend all day on the gym floor wearing my PT shirt and trying to give people advice where I see fit.

I'd consider myself an introvert and so I'm finding these first couple of days incredibly draining. I'm generally very comfortable in a gym environment as I've been a fitness fanatic for nearly a decade now. It's different when you're working there though. People are constantly looking at you and you feel like you have to be switched ''on'' all the time. Every person there is a potential client after all.

Anyway, I fully expected this when I signed up to the job. I wanted to be put in a situation where I'm forced to come out of my shell. I'm just surprised by how quickly my mind gets fried and I just need to escape for a while. When I get into conversations with people after being on the floor for a few hours my ability to speak just deserts me! Half way through my sentences I sort of change the word I'm going to say and just blurt out something that barely makes sense.

I'm sure this is making me look really un-professional. This problem has plagued me in several jobs in the past. (I'm 26). I got let go from jobs in retail and on reception because I was told I was too quiet. Prior to this job, I had been doing an internship at a big gym and was told I needed to show more of myself.

The thing is, I'm not lazy! I'm really dedicated to helping people and am constantly expanding my knowledge. It's just, I can only cope with people for short bursts at a time. After prolonged interaction with people I just start making stupid mistakes and can't think straight. I even banged my head off a barbell today which I had put there myself!

I'm constantly locking myself in the bathroom cubicles and just closing my eyes and taking deep breaths to try and ''recharge''. I'm sure the bosses think I'm just in there wasting time or something but I literally need to do it just to keep myself from getting overwhelmed.

I think I will improve as I get familiar with my surroundings. Problem is, I haven't lasted long enough in similar previous roles to know if it does get easier or not.The only jobs I've lasted more than 2 weeks at have been manual labour type jobs where you don't really have to chat to people. In those jobs I can work long hours with no breaks with no issues.

Can anyone elighten me? Is it normal to get flustered when starting a new job? Is there anything I can do to calm myself and stop rushing my sentences? At the moment I feel ridiculous. I literally have to take few deep breaths and psyche myself up before a simple conversation! They want me to start teaching classes now too. I taught a few classes in the past on my internship and know I'm pretty bad at them. I constantly have the same problem where I speak without fully thinking about what I'm trying to say, and the whole class just looks at me weird!

I've tried lots of supplements that are supposed to ease anxiety but none of them have done much. To be honest, the thing that's helped me is ecstasy! The first time I tried it really opened up my eyes. I felt what it was like to be ''normal''. I was able to chat away with everyone and actually enjoy it. Even things like dancing started to come naturally to me. I've taken it a couple of times per year now for the last 3 years and find for a couple of weeks after I'm able to socialise a lot more easily. Obviously it's a risky solution though.:)

Anyone have similar problems and manage to overcome them? Does it just come with practice?

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Stheno

bb1234567 wrote: »

I did my midterm reviews last week before term ended. I had drank some vodka and orange juice before hand because I was physically unable to present in front of a large number of people while sober. I got an A for my presentation. Do you really think anyone noticed? I remembered everything, I do this quite often so Im perfectly able to function with some alcohol and able to make it inconspicuous.

Do you not think that eventually someone wi notice?

bb1234567

Stheno wrote: »

Do you not think that eventually someone wi notice?

No..its so little alcohol that I don't think anyone could notice. Im talking about 75ml of vodka like, drank over the space over an hour before the presentation begins.

Shrap

CM24 wrote: »

I've tried lots of supplements that are supposed to ease anxiety but none of them have done much. To be honest, the thing that's helped me is ecstasy! The first time I tried it really opened up my eyes. I felt what it was like to be ''normal''. I was able to chat away with everyone and actually enjoy it. Even things like dancing started to come naturally to me. I've taken it a couple of times per year now for the last 3 years and find for a couple of weeks after I'm able to socialise a lot more easily. Obviously it's a risky solution though.:)

Hiya CM. I just skimmed through all the comments and found nobody talking about this, so I want to warn you about something. When I was in my late teens/early 20's, I too found amphetamines to be hugely liberating in terms of my social anxiety and it was indeed wonderful to feel so at ease with myself. So attractive was it, that I kept using it.

Unfortunately, the effect of such a regular overdose of the brain chemical dopamine (and serotonin too I think) which is responsible for the feeling of well-being, is to retrain your natural uptake of the chemical to a point where if once you were naturally feeling happy and your neurotranmitters were producing a normal amount of the chemical, now your neuroreceptors (which take up the chemical) are trained to respond only to extremely and unnaturally high doses.

Over time with taking e's or other amphetamines, unfortunately you will become less able to achieve any feeling of well-being naturally and will possibly bring on clinical depression, because the neuroreceptors only now respond to large doses, not normal doses. This is how people get a dependency, as I did. Took me 10 years to recover from it.

Can I suggest that this amazing feeling of being comfortable with yourself (that you get from e's) is completely possible without the drug? It is now for me. At one point during my recovery, it was like I determinedly threw a switch in my mind and said to myself "actually, I CAN feel this way without drugs, because this IS me. This is how I WANT to be, and so this is what I AM." At the same time, I realised that I had been very concerned about how I had been coming across to people and what they thought of me. The real liberation came with deciding I couldn't care less what people thought - that this is who I am, like it or lump it. That it's ok if not everybody likes me. That it's ok if I "mess up" in talking to people. That I'm ok by me, so screw everybody else. The most liberating thing I could have done for myself, and without the aid of drugs.

Although, I will say that if it hadn't been for the drugs showing me how I could feel, maybe I'd have never got here! So they had some benefit, as you have noticed too. The trick for you now mate, is to try going it alone and say "fcuk the begrudgers". You are fine, and you are you just the way you are and you can be exactly how you want to be, overcoming the anxiety without the drugs - it's much better than endangering your mental health, potentially for 10 years. Best of luck

Ps. Oh, and BTW, I'm exactly the extrovert now that I was on drugs! A far cry from the shrinking violet of my teens and young adulthood!

take everything

Stheno wrote: »

Some of the most famous people in the world today are classed as introvert.

Google INTJ famous people, they span a large range of specialities

And I do think you are limiting what you are saying in terms of social experience, as an introvert, I've years of experience as a volunteer, have played team sports, lead teams, lead initiatives and am now part of a startup business that requires me to contribute.

Introversion is more about focussing on what you rather than the great unwashed think, and trusting that, rather than being a social cripple as so many think.

This is a hugely interesting point for me.
If I am genuinely honest with myself I have more ability than literally anyone I know. And I really mean that.
But the whole introvert thing really corrodes my life (if I let I suppose).

But because I am introverted, I feel there is this constant projection on me of others' insecurities and I find that absolutely exhausting.

That thing in your post about making time for your own thoughts (and not obsessing about others' thoughts about your introversion, say). I think that's what you're getting at. Correct me if i'm wrong.

But I do worry that because i'm quite introverted, that the great unwashed (as you say) will win the battle of projection.

CM24

Shrap wrote: »

Unfortunately, the effect of such a regular overdose of the brain chemical dopamine (and serotonin too I think) which is responsible for the feeling of well-being, is to retrain your natural uptake of the chemical to a point where if once you were naturally feeling happy and your neurotranmitters were producing a normal amount of the chemical, now your neuroreceptors (which take up the chemical) are trained to respond only to extremely and unnaturally high doses.

Thanks for posting and the advice is appreciated. Can I just ask, how often did you take the drug? I've done quite a bit of reading on it, mainly on the MDMA SubReddit. They recommend no more than 1 dose every 3 months, at the very least. I definitely don't do more than this. I'd really only save them for special occasions like festivals. I'm very wary of giving myself some sort of long term depression.

I reckon I could stop taking them now and be content. Some of my friends have become wayy too reliant on them. Like, taking them most weekends. That's just reckless.

Good to hear you recovered anyway. I think I'm on the right track now myself. Every day I'm finding myself a little more at ease at the job. Gave a new member his complimentary free PT session there today and he tipped me $20 after, so he must have been happy with it! Feels good!:)

descheness

I would say just set small goals for yourself each day. Branching out and talking to one person a day, then two, etc. The more interaction and practice you have, the easier and more comfortable it will become!

Shrap

CM24 wrote: »

I'm very wary of giving myself some sort of long term depression.

I reckon I could stop taking them now and be content. Some of my friends have become wayy too reliant on them. Like, taking them most weekends. That's just reckless.

Good to hear you recovered anyway. I think I'm on the right track now myself. Every day I'm finding myself a little more at ease at the job. Gave a new member his complimentary free PT session there today and he tipped me $20 after, so he must have been happy with it! Feels good!:)

Excellent! Bank that feeling and remember how you climbed out of feeling a bit low about yourself.

And yes, I started out using only for occasions and festivals and ended up most weekends over about 2 years. This increased (speed actually, not e) to midweek use in the second year due to the development of a serious dependency. I'm very glad people are much better educated about the risks these days, even researching the dangers before going ahead. Very encouraging and it's a very good thing to be wary of the long-term effects.

Gavin_Sweeney

CM24, would you mind if I asked you some questions on your internship with Flyefit (I looked up Flyefit internship on boards and you were the one who came up)? My brother was looking into doing the same thing and it would be great to hear your opinions on it. To be honest I am a little dubious on its merits as my brother is qualified and has experience and I think having to do an unpaid internship for what could be up to six months is somewhat exploitive but what the hell do I know? Do you think it's worth while? I have heard that the company does not actually play employees but lets them PT on their premises if they do classes. Do people actually make money off of this? I would be worried my brother would not be assertive enough to solicit clients -- he is somewhat of an introvert.

Any info you could give would be appreciated.

CM24

Sure. I'll just PM you instead of keeping this thread going.

conorh91

I may have given this example before but I know a woman who has a medical conniption which causes feelings of serious anxiety when speaking in public. It's not simply a case of nerves, it's a genuinely disabling anxiety disorder.

She almost had to sacrifice her career (high pressure job; involves speaking in public) because of her condition, and tried therapy, hypnosis, some sort of group therapy thing (?) and so on, to no avail. Eventually she found a doctor who took one look at her and prescribed some anti-anxiety drugs and that was that. It worked a treat.

I know it's popular to eschew drugs for the treatment of psychological problems, but I say if it works, fcuk it. At least something to consider….