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For me, quitting is impossible

zero_nine

I have come to this conclusion the hard way. I cannot quit drinking. Even when I think I can, I should realise that this is just a temporary illusion and that given repeated attempts now, maybe 50 or so, I should know myself better by now. So I think I'm just gonna quit quitting. To be clear, I'm not an alco or anything, and I only really drink at the weekend, on the lash with the lads or whatever. I don't get into any trouble and its generally good craic. So why quit anyway? My hangovers are dreadful. Like, they are truly harrowing experiences. I don't know why this is. I drink less than my friends. But anyway, my cycle generally goes drink for a while, then one night drink a bit too much or maybe two-three days ina row, have an awful hangover with panic attacks and all the crp and then quit. But I'm 24, I'm recently single, and all my friends drink. I can maybe hold out for a few weeks until I realise that its just not possible to quit. I feel I'm missing out too much, and it actually ends up more stressful than the drinking.
Maybe when I'm older and married and don't rely on the social side so much it won't be as much as a problem. But now, at my age, in my situation, and in this crazy crazy society its what I'm going to do. In the meantime, I'm going to have to find some way of managing the hangovers. "Suck it up" doesn't work anymore.
This post probably doesn't suit this group since its a non-drinkers group but whatever. At least I tried. I will continue to envy you people!

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gudbuzz

hey guys, i was wondering how ur getting on with this no drink lark?
have been saying it myself for ages and really think im gonna start it come september, was just browsing through this formum for some motivation and inspiration!!

zero_nine

Hi all,

I haven't been here in quite some while. Basically I quit drinking again for the millionth time 6 weeks ago. I'm going to keep a sort of a journal here for my own sake, as its a good mode of reflection. What's slightly depressing is that I posted here when I was around 24 talking about quitting, and here I am again at 30 talking about it again. I've no further backward, but then I'm not much further forward either. Its good that I posted then, because so much time can pass without noticing that problems haven't been solved.

Anyway, onward and upwardsss eh

the evasion_kid

Some pretty good posts and some sad ones in this thread,best of luck with it op

Amazingfun

zero_nine wrote: »

Hi all,

I haven't been here in quite some while. Basically I quit drinking again for the millionth time 6 weeks ago. I'm going to keep a sort of a journal here for my own sake, as its a good mode of reflection. What's slightly depressing is that I posted here when I was around 24 talking about quitting, and here I am again at 30 talking about it again. I've no further backward, but then I'm not much further forward either. Its good that I posted then, because so much time can pass without noticing that problems haven't been solved.

Anyway, onward and upwardsss eh

Welcome back

In your first post on this thread (2009) you said you were "quitting quitting" for good.

This is what I felt when I came back to AA after numerous failed attempts in dealing with my drinking. It turned out to be exactly what I needed to do: quit fighting something that absolutely kicked my azz every single time we "got in the ring" together.

Admitting defeat and surrendering feels like "losing" but for myself it turned out to be the beginning of a truly sober life. I am 13 years off the sauce now and if someone had told me way back then I would be able to stay sober and HAPPY for all these years (generally happy....no one is on could nine all the time:p) I'd have never believed them. And yet here I am.

All I am saying is you're not alone. Look forward to following your thread.

chardonnay

i was there, exactly there, so many times. As amazing fun says I had to totally surrender and get help. Yes AA. i'm four years sober and my life just keeps getting better and better. The first two years were a mixture of fabulous and crazy. learning to live with that reward system is really tough but sooooo worth it. you can't do it alone, you've discovered that. keep trying and your life will keep just going around around in that circle. Once you get the help you need you will stop going around in circles and you will start to move forward. Its amazing - i'd highly recommend this life. AA rocks.

zero_nine

Thanks for your replies guys. Only 1 in 5 alcoholics successfully quit their addiction...I can totally see why...I few years ago I would have thought that it was easy but its really tough..

Here's hoping

Sittingpretty

I was exactly like you. Took me until 32 years old to get totally sick of the wasted days spent hungover.

I wish I'd done it much much earlier

Sunnyisland

I was 47 when I stopped,years and years of abuse. Best decision I ever made,since I stopped I have dealt with life on life's terms,no masked illusions , and I feel fantastic for it.

Go for it zero nine...

Steve_Carella

zero_nine wrote: »

Hi all,

I haven't been here in quite some while. Basically I quit drinking again for the millionth time 6 weeks ago. I'm going to keep a sort of a journal here for my own sake, as its a good mode of reflection. What's slightly depressing is that I posted here when I was around 24 talking about quitting, and here I am again at 30 talking about it again. I've no further backward, but then I'm not much further forward either. Its good that I posted then, because so much time can pass without noticing that problems haven't been solved.

Anyway, onward and upwardsss eh

In my experience, the easiest thing in the world is to put something like this off until some indistinct point in the future where you'll either be able to drink without any problems or where you'll simply wake up one day, decide not to drink any more and it will be as simple as that. Unfortunately, it's likely that neither of those things will ever happen. What DOES happen, as you seem to have experienced for yourself, is that the longer you put off giving it up, the more difficult it becomes. Your very first post, starting the thread, seemed to be more thinking out loud and undecided about whether it was a problem and if it was what to do about it etc. Is that still your thinking or do you feel that you need, or would like, to give it up altogether?

hubba

If it's any help, I'm off it nearly 4 years and I truly wish I'd done it a long time ago. Ideally in my early thirties so that I could use the extra energy and money while I was still young and fit (not that I'm old and decrepit but you know what I mean).

So if any of you are undecided, don't wait a minute longer. You won't regret it.

zero_nine

Thanks for the replies everyone....I've kinda ignored this thread because I've been getting my ducks in row for a last ditch quit. I really can't take any more drinking, I'll definitely run into a lot of trouble- I'm becoming more dumb with each session and my life is basically slipping away. Some will say "ah you're only young" but I could easily be still saying that at 40 if I don't manage it (and my life might be destroyed/over by then-not exaggerating)......

My doctor thinks I need medication to help me with quitting. Its hard to disagree with him because even with the best intentions (initially) I always manage to change my mind in the long run (because i'm feeling good and have forgotten the pain and drinking looks like fun). I have a prescription for some things...... My thoughts were, I'll have one last shot at quitting without meds and if that doesnt work out I'll have to bite the bullet and start swallowing pills. It seems like it should be something I can do without help but the overwhelming evidence is against that notion. I have people helping me in AA too, but they can't stop me really.....
I'm wondering should I skip the interim session and just right for taking tablets to help, but I'd definitely way prefer to be able to stay stopped without them...I might be fooling myself though, I've been here a thousand times before...

Amazingfun

AA is not really about getting people to "stop drinking", funny as that sounds. It's about laying out the info we've found to be true about alcoholics of "our type" and then letting the newcomer see if this fits their own drinking. 1. Physical allergy (I take the drink.....the drink takes me) and then (2.) the maddening mental obsession with it:I pick up a drink again despite knowing I shouldn't and doing everything I can to get the drinking idea out of my head- and failing, over and over again. What you've described below is what we'd term a " peculiar mental twist" or "strange mental blank spots" concerning drink:

because even with the best intentions (initially) I always manage to change my mind in the long run (because i'm feeling good and have forgotten the pain and drinking looks like fun).

Anyways good luck with the medication route if that's the road you choose. It never worked for me but that's just my experience.

Abcxyz12345

Hi, I suppose the decision is ultimately yours on whether you take the tablets or not. It sounds like you've tried quitting before & now could be a time to try a different way? I would see no shame in taking them personally & Id always consider the opinion of a medical professional in decision making. There are so many different routes to living a sober life.

The important thing is stopping the alcohol intake. I believe no meaningful recovery can happen otherwise - a more peaceful, less chaotic, manageable life... In your head & outside. I agree that the people in AA can't stop you drinking but IMO if you decide you want to stop drinking, there is something that may be of value there - or not. For me there is & it's not a specific person or group in AA meetings, it can't be for me as they're not going to be around me at 4am haha!

I stopped drinking nearly 6 months ago & I was in such a dark place - drinking most days, self harming, being called into bosses office in work etc. I was broken & I was so frightened about my own future... Which I really had no picture of - scary stuff. Today my life is so much simpler & calmer. I don't drink, sh. & I work steadily. I'm able to sit with myself & my mind is not a war zone. It hasn't been easy - I honestly thought Id never stop crying!! - but my life is soooo much better & I'm so grateful. This forum has been a massive support to me too.

Good luck with your journey - but my hope is that you begin it soon as it will be worth it. Stay close to this forum too x

wbt

I used to drink too much, and a couple of times I seriously tried to stop. It didn't work and I think it's because I was putting too much pressure on myself, and because my lifestyle at the time largely revolved around social events that included loads of booze, my friends were heavy drinkers, etc.

About a year ago I decided to become healthier and started making small changes. I joined a gym, started eating a bit better, doing yoga and joining social groups like hiking groups and running clubs that encouraged a healthier lifestyle. I didn't really put any pressure on myself - if I skipped the gym or ended up going out and having loads of pints, I didn't beat myself up about it. Eventually I realised I was drinking a lot less, and that I was feeling a lot better. No more 'fear', no more hangovers, no more worrying I'd said something awkward while drunk. I realised that I actually enjoyed nights in watching films or messing on the internet with complete clarity of mind.

I now drink very little and it's not even that much of an effort. I'm just not that arsed anymore. I'm not saying this to sound smug, but honestly a year ago, I could NEVER have imagined ever saying this. I went to the supermarket earlier to get stuff for dinner, out of habit went to get a bottle of wine to have with dinner and thought 'naaah'. I never thought that would ever happen. Ironically it was when I STOPPED pressuring myself to cut down on drink that I finally managed to do it. And the benefits keep getting better and better. My mind is clearer. I feel way less depressed. I've lost some weight. I'm eating better because I don't end up binging on junk food after a night at the pub. I'm saving quite a bit of money, which I use for treats for myself.

I used to think I could never stop because life would be so boring, but it's kind of the opposite. Alcohol masked the fact I wasn't very happy. Yeah, drinking is fun, but I see now how superficial it all was...I used to spend Fridays and Saturday nights getting drunk talking sh1te with people who weren't even really friends. I won't lie - I do sometimes get a bit bored/lonely, but overall I feel so much happier now. My feelings are my own, not clouded by how much I've had to drink and that's a great feeling. I can honestly say I'm pretty indifferent towards booze now. I thought I'd be doing well to manage that by 40 and I haven't even turned 30 yet. That's not a boast - I NEVER thought I'd be typing that. And I think it's mostly down to taking away all the pressure and guilt. I never once said I was quitting alcohol or becoming teetotal - I just gradually made changes which meant alcohol was playing a smaller role in my life and I think that's what worked.