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Most stupid requests you've ever had at work?

bear1

Anyone have to suffer the most idiotic questions at work almost everyday?

Yesterday I was asked by our financial controller how to refresh a page....
Today I was asked why I didn't use certain payment terms in a document.
I politely said that if I am not given those details how am I to know and that the system inserts the default date.
This goes back and forth until I'm asked how did I not know what dates she wants?
ARE YOU FCUKING MENTAL!?!?!?!

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johndaman66

AgileMyth wrote: »

Get some strange requests working in a bar. Last week a guy asked me to put ice in his Irish coffee..

To be honest I was one of those types of customers once. not a customer of yours per se but a similar type of customer in a different location, scenario etc. Was out in Gran Canaria back in the day and met and got friendly with a young one from the north. Me being from well down Free State there was a bit of a communication barrier there at times. Was buying her a drink and asked her what she wanted and she said a vodka and white. With communication barrier and the fact I was neither a wine nor spirits drinker I took it up as vodka and white wine. I said to her white wine??...thinking that must have being incorrect all the same and she said yeah...I'm guessing she thought I said white white or something like that maybe for some unkown reason.

Anyway bar attendant asked me a few times if I was sure thats what I wanted and I said yeah so she done the needful. I'm ot sure what petrol tastes like but guessing if you were to make an alcholic beverage to taste like petrol white wine and vodka would be a good choice....it was rank

heldel00

johndaman66 wrote: »

To be honest I was one of those types of customers once. not a customer of yours per se but a similar type of customer in a different location, scenario etc. Was out in Gran Canaria back in the day and met and got friendly with a young one from the north. Me being from well down Free State there was a bit of a communication barrier there at times. Was buying her a drink and asked her what she wanted and she said a vodka and white. With communication barrier and the fact I was neither a wine nor spirits drinker I took it up as vodka and white wine. I said to her white wine??...thinking that must have being incorrect all the same and she said yeah...I'm guessing she thought I said white white or something like that maybe for some unkown reason.

Anyway bar attendant asked me a few times if I was sure thats what I wanted and I said yeah so she done the needful. I'm ot sure what petrol tastes like but guessing if you were to make an alcholic beverage to taste like petrol white wine and vodka would be a good choice....it was rank

White white??? This made me laugh more than anything else

Bazmedic

Me: Hello, I'm one of the emergency doctors here. What brings you to the hospital today?

Patient: Well you're the doctor, you tell me

Me: ...... ok, what symptoms have you been having? Do you feel unwell in any way?

Patient: You're the doctor, I don't know what's wrong with me. You should know.

Me: *eye twitch*

Working in any ED is stressful enough without that kinda rubbish.

PizzamanIRL

heldel00 wrote: »

How much are they? :P

Ignore this and answer me. Does your shop sell them?

Jawgap

Bazmedic wrote: »

Me: Hello, I'm one of the emergency doctors here. What brings you to the hospital today?

Patient: Well you're the doctor, you tell me

Me: ...... ok, what symptoms have you been having? Do you feel unwell in any way?

Patient: You're the doctor, I don't know what's wrong with me. You should know.

Me: *eye twitch*

Working in any ED is stressful enough without that kinda rubbish.

Lying in the ED in the Mater a few months ago and I heard some 'brilliant' stuff including.......

......the guy with a 'growth' on his foot that turned out to be a blister

......the guy who argued with the doctor and asked for a second opinion........then a third opinion

......the guy who when asked where he was hit answered 'Temple Bar'

my3cents

Jawgap wrote: »

....

......the guy who when asked where he was hit answered 'Temple Bar'

Reminds me of when I was coming over to Ireland on the ferry once with the car. A policeman with a customs guy stopped my car and asked me where I had come from and I replied "Tesco's" as I'd just been there stocking up on stuff before I came back. He laughed but I guess he really wanted to know where I'd started my journey

Its an incident my wife won't let me forget

johndaman66

heldel00 wrote: »

White white??? This made me laugh more than anything else

I know!! As I say there was a communication barrier and too much drink down on top of it all was't helping matters!

bear1

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

I can't get over this rage all the IT drones here are expressing at the fact that the "higher-ups" of their company don't know the ins and outs of their software systems.

Of course they don't! If they did then they wouldn't bother paying you to sort out that stuff.

Just to pre-empt the shrill cries of "You think they'd at least learn the basics!!". It's a complete waste of time. If I have a problem printing off a document, or connecting to the internet, then its a complete waste for my firm to have me crawling around on all fours pulling wires in and out of a computer. I get paid to do a job that very few other people can do and thus am remunerated accordingly. It would cost the company a fortune to have me sorting out trivial IT problems. It's much more efficient to call one of the scruffy lads from 'the dungeon' to come up and sort it out whilst I get on with more pressing issues.

I don't know you nor your posting style, but this seemed a tad pompous.
I mean someone from "the dungeon"? How nice.

The King of Moo

I worked in Dunnes during the euro changeover when the trollies had both £1 and new €1 slots, some of which were slightly stiff owing to newness . Every time I arrived or left work someone would stop me to say "Can you help me? It was a bit hard to get the euro in, so I tried putting it in the pound slot and now it's stuck."

I was slightly on their side as some of them were a bit stiff, but why not try another trolley instead of trying to shove a coin into a slot designed for a much thinner coin? Some of them really mangled the slots trying to ram the coins in.

milltown

On a night shift in an open production area, one of the contract staff had never really had access to a computer before and (pretty much) unsupervised access to the internet blew his mind. He would browse porn on the computer and if he saw anyone coming (sic) he'd just walk away. Wouldn't bother closing or minimising or turning off the monitor. We mentioned to him one night that the IT department could check every web page that had been viewed on every computer and he could be sacked over it. He went white as a sheet, then gathered himself enough to come up with a solution.

He unplugged the monitor and walked out the door looking for a skip to throw it in!

Also, my sister used to work in an AIB branch and regularly got people coming in looking to withdraw money from their accounts in other banks. Not branches. Without a card and often without any ID whatsoever.

ghostfacekilla

Whilst selling phones once, a guy asked me for the latest iphone as he had the three earlier models. Nice guy so offered him extra data for free. He said not to bother as there wasn't an internet explorer app on the iphone. I asked him if he'd ever pressed the safari button. He told me he didn't as he had no interest on going on safari. Typical iphone user.

JoeA3

BBDBB wrote: »

I once worked at a place where I got an email marked urgent for the attention of the entire company, senior managers the lot, including those not even based at the office where I was based.

On opening it, it was a from a lady asking if anyone had change of a tenner

Later that morning, a second email from her came around to everyone (about 90 employees) saying not worry as she now had it sorted

I had something similar many years ago. A loud yank had joined the company and sent a global email (incl senior directors, the works) on his first week:

"has anyone got an Asprin?"

(Implying he had a raging hangover).

20 minutes later he dumps one of the lads in it with another global reply-to-all, name checking the helpful colleague who had an ample supply of hangover cures.

[Deleted User]

MorganIRL wrote: »

Got one of my colleagues to go get diet water from the store and put on the shelf. Got rid of them for a while.

Once, under the assumption that it was an old classic that he'd get as being a joke, I asked one of the lads on the shop floor if he could grab me one of the weights from the stockroom and bring it to the office. You know, one of the long ones. I told him to make absolutely sure it was a long weight. He walked off looking for it...

As for requests, I used to work in a Centra in a large village (so it's not like it was one of those tiny "has everything" shops). People used to call up looking for bus times, library opening times, information about local history and local attractions, even had a woman call up from America once asking a long string of questions about her ancestors and their old estate (neither of which I had ever heard of, but it didn't stop her racking up the minutes). As though any of that was anything to do with any of us. The best one was a foreign-sounding lady who called up one day, when I was unlucky enough to answer the phone.

After a very long period of her babbling and me having no clue what she meant, she finally got around to explaining that she was looking for one of the dubliners. So she had basically just called a random Dublin number and now wouldn't let me off the phone. She wanted to speak to one of the Dubliners, and once I managed to get "NO." through to her, she begged me to just give her his number or address. She found it impossible to believe I didn't have the information, and so I eventually told her it was private and that I couldn't give it to her even if I wanted. She then started half-crying and pleading with me to at least give him a message. WTF?? As though Dublin is one short street and I need only lean my head out the window and shout "here Ronnie!, there's a lady on the phone for ya!" and he'd pop round for a chat.

kylith

Was going through an enquiry with a colleague a while ago and I told her that she could just search for the reference number and that'd bring up the info she needed. She asked "That's the control and F one, right?" She does nothing but work with computers, how does she not know that? A good 30% of my inbox is her asking me to find things that she could do herself in a fraction of the time if she could only master ctrl+F and the 'search workbook' function.

efb

ghostfacekilla wrote: »

Whilst selling phones once, a guy asked me for the latest iphone as he had the three earlier models. Nice guy so offered him extra data for free. He said not to bother as there wasn't an internet explorer app on the iphone. I asked him if he'd ever pressed the safari button. He told me he didn't as he had no interest on going on safari. Typical iphone user.

doubtful

cute_cow

I had to book flights from Heathrow to Dublin for a colleague in the UK office, never met her before, never even spoke to her.

I booked a flight for around 8am and sent on the details of the flight to her. Not 2 minutes later she rings me and asks, what time do I need to leave my house at to get to Heathrow. WTF? I told her I had no idea, as I didn't know where she lived or how she was getting to the airport. She then says oh well that puts me in a pickle as I do not want to miss the flight. Grand say I to her, if you leave your house at 4.30am, you should make it. Turns out she lives 20 mins from the airport. Long day for her

Same woman asked me how should she pay for her hotel room. Would they take cash or credit cards "over there" meaning Ireland. I felt like telling her to being a few spuds and a goat to sacrifice to pay for her room.

Jaysis!!

jimgoose

c_man wrote: »

Aren't you just one of those automated high frequency trading bots that make the majority of sales and purchases on the stock market? Awh, I thought you were cool

It's a Perl script that went rogue sometime in 2008 and has somehow managed to trap and handle SIGKILL. We just leave "him" on a VPN to yap away, 'cos he's funny!

petrolcan

Grayson wrote: »

I saw a guy in a computer shop ask for a plastic screensaver for his computer.

He meant a plastic screen protector for his ipad.

Heh.

Because it was an old fashioned tool shop we used to get the newbie apprentices sent in looking for odd stuff. Tartan paint, sky hooks, long stands etc.

We had a spotty youth come in asking for a spirit level bubble.

His boss wasn't overly pleased that we could supply :-)

Matta Harri

Nursed a man years ago that had paralysis in his right arm and a bad shake in the left. I used to shave him every morning after his shower.

One day, around lunch, his brother was in visiting. 'There she is!' says the patient. Over toddles the brother with a bar of soap and one of those cheap blue Bic razors.

'Jimmy says you a lovely job shaving him so I want you to do me today.'
After apologising and explaining that I couldn't due to time constraints and that he wasn't actually my patient, he got huffy. Cue the 'I pay for your wages' from him and every smart wanker that thinks you're their slave because you work in a public hospital.

Summer wind

I used to work in a petrol station a few miles from an airport. We used to get a lot of Americans especially in the summer. One day I was on the till and this american lady came into the shop. When I spoke to her she said "oh my god you are a real irish Cailin, can I touch you"
Turns out I was the first irish person she had spoken to and she got a bit carried away:)

qt3.14

petrolcan wrote: »

Heh.

Because it was an old fashioned tool shop we used to get the newbie apprentices sent in looking for odd stuff. Tartan paint, sky hooks, long stands etc.

We had a spotty youth come in asking for a spirit level bubble.

His boss wasn't overly pleased that we could supply :-)

On a similar vein, when I was coming up we used to be sent for a bucket of steam for the presser, tin of elbow grease if we were slacking off, tartan thread and invisible thread. You can actually get the last two these days. Cost me a tenner when the youngun came back with them.

AngeGal

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

Young lad from Ireland with a cheap suit and a sheet of paper from UCD that made him think he was the next Warren Buffet.

Odd that a financial guru like yourself can't spell Warren Buffett. The mask slips....

Kevin McCloud

AngeGal wrote: »

Odd that a financial guru like yourself can't spell Warren Buffett. The mask slips....

He might be after a bottle of Schloss Reinhartshausen Erbacher Marcobrunn Riesling Trockenbeerenauslese.

Sociopath2

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

I can't get over this rage all the IT drones here are expressing at the fact that the "higher-ups" of their company don't know the ins and outs of their software systems.

Of course they don't! If they did then they wouldn't bother paying you to sort out that stuff.

Just to pre-empt the shrill cries of "You think they'd at least learn the basics!!". It's a complete waste of time. If I have a problem printing off a document, or connecting to the internet, then its a complete waste for my firm to have me crawling around on all fours pulling wires in and out of a computer. I get paid to do a job that very few other people can do and thus am remunerated accordingly. It would cost the company a fortune to have me sorting out trivial IT problems. It's much more efficient to call one of the scruffy lads from 'the dungeon' to come up and sort it out whilst I get on with more pressing issues.

Wouldn't lower yourself to learn basic IT skills? Really?

Were you not looking for help to learn basic access skills in the design forum a few months ago? For someone supposedly so high up in finance, complete lack of database skills is very unusual.

Your post has the air of someone of low background who has attained a very minor level of success and does not know how to act accordingly.

Absolutely no class whatsoever.

shruikan2553

AngeGal wrote: »

Odd that a financial guru like yourself can't spell Warren Buffett. The mask slips....

That's the interns fault. You don't expect him to type out his own posts do you? He has to order the staff around at German burger king or wherever he works.

Stheno

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

I can't get over this rage all the IT drones here are expressing at the fact that the "higher-ups" of their company don't know the ins and outs of their software systems.

Of course they don't! If they did then they wouldn't bother paying you to sort out that stuff.

Just to pre-empt the shrill cries of "You think they'd at least learn the basics!!". It's a complete waste of time. If I have a problem printing off a document, or connecting to the internet, then its a complete waste for my firm to have me crawling around on all fours pulling wires in and out of a computer. I get paid to do a job that very few other people can do and thus am remunerated accordingly. It would cost the company a fortune to have me sorting out trivial IT problems. It's much more efficient to call one of the scruffy lads from 'the dungeon' to come up and sort it out whilst I get on with more pressing issues.

It would cost the company far less if you at least learned to figure out the basics.

I'd a "priority" call one time as the CEO couldn't log on. Turns out he'd plugged the network connection into his pc, then came in wondering why his laptop that he'd unplugged from it wouldn't log on.

It's not rocket science, it's cop on. Stats for calls to service desks which have a root cause of PEBCAK* are about 40%

That's an awful lot of money wasted, on a team of five techs that three you wouldn't need if users were educated.

*Problem exists between Chair and Keyboard

milltown

Stheno wrote: »

It would cost the company far less if you at least learned to figure out the basics.

I'd a "priority" call one time as the CEO couldn't log on. Turns out he'd plugged the network connection into his pc, then came in wondering why his laptop that he'd unplugged from it wouldn't log on.

It's not rocket science, it's cop on. Stats for calls to service desks which have a root cause of PEBCAK* are about 40%

That's an awful lot of money wasted, on a team of five techs that three you wouldn't need if users were educated.

*Problem exists between Chair and Keyboard

Ah, the old ID 10 T errors!

smash

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

I can't get over this rage all the IT drones here are expressing at the fact that the "higher-ups" of their company don't know the ins and outs of their software systems.

Of course they don't! If they did then they wouldn't bother paying you to sort out that stuff.

Just to pre-empt the shrill cries of "You think they'd at least learn the basics!!". It's a complete waste of time. If I have a problem printing off a document, or connecting to the internet, then its a complete waste for my firm to have me crawling around on all fours pulling wires in and out of a computer. I get paid to do a job that very few other people can do and thus am remunerated accordingly. It would cost the company a fortune to have me sorting out trivial IT problems. It's much more efficient to call one of the scruffy lads from 'the dungeon' to come up and sort it out whilst I get on with more pressing issues.

If you're crawling around pulling wires out of your computer to fix a software issue then you shouldn't be allowed near a computer at all.

IT as an industry is a whole lot bigger than fixing a printer. Congrats on your post though, you did as good a job of depicting the IT stereotype as you did portraying the obnoxious, too big for their boots, middle management types.

UCDVet

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

I can't get over this rage all the IT drones here are expressing at the fact that the "higher-ups" of their company don't know the ins and outs of their software systems.

Of course they don't! If they did then they wouldn't bother paying you to sort out that stuff.

Just to pre-empt the shrill cries of "You think they'd at least learn the basics!!". It's a complete waste of time. If I have a problem printing off a document, or connecting to the internet, then its a complete waste for my firm to have me crawling around on all fours pulling wires in and out of a computer. I get paid to do a job that very few other people can do and thus am remunerated accordingly. It would cost the company a fortune to have me sorting out trivial IT problems. It's much more efficient to call one of the scruffy lads from 'the dungeon' to come up and sort it out whilst I get on with more pressing issues.

If you're valuable enough to justify it, you'd have a personal assistant. Your personal assistant would see that your document would be printed. The assistant would know the basics of IT and know who to escalate a problem to when there was a more serious problem with the printer.

The biggest problem most of the IT drones have with helping someone is that it's almost always outside of the scope of their job description and the request is almost always made outside of the official channels. In their annual performance review, almost always, 'Helping Jimmy or Mary print his or her powerpoint' is not what they were hired to do. Usually, they're meant to write software or ensure the systems servers are up and running.

If I were hired somewhere and they said, 'Well Mr. UCDVet, you're job here is to assist our users with the basics of operating a computer. They often will have questions about how to print or how to log in or how to copy and paste things in Excel. Just general sorts of stuff like that. When they have a problem, you fix it'.

If that were my job, I'd be happy to help you. But it's not my job.

Unless it's a private company and you are the CEO/president or it's in my job description, that assistance you're requesting is just a *personal favour*. And clearly, you feel you are entitled to what is actually a *request* is a large part of why IT workers aren't thrilled about doing it for you.

Aongus Von Bismarck

Sociopath2 wrote: »

Wouldn't lower yourself to learn basic IT skills? Really?

Were you not looking for help to learn basic access skills in the design forum a few months ago? For someone supposedly so high up in finance, complete lack of database skills is very unusual.

Your post has the air of someone of low background who has attained a very minor level of success and does not know how to act accordingly.

Absolutely no class whatsoever.

I have excellent basic IT skills. I'm not on the telephone to It asking them how to book a meeting room, or how to write a macro in Excel. But I don't really want to or need to know what version of Oracle our systems are running on. Or how they get backed up.

I see IT as being like a utility. Water, electricity, IT. It should work almost all of the time, and if something goes wrong then I expect someone to arrive promptly and fix it. I don't need to know why it stopped working; I just want it back asap. And I expect the person who does fix the issue to be professional about their work. That includes being prompt, well dressed and with a pleasant phone manner.