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Housemate issue

Compu Global Hyper Meganet

Hi all,

Really sorry about the long windedness of what I’m about to post but I’m probably not going to be able to post very often in this thread, so I thought I better make all salient points right away to leave no questions.

I moved in with a couple to a 2 bed apartment not so long ago, so it was just the three of us. They were really nice people, but I felt like a bit of a third wheel. Therefore, when they moved out (emigrated for work) I decided to search for just one person to share the place with. Unfortunately, this left the rent a bit high but I said it would be worth it.

A lot of couples applied for the double room, saying that it would be nice and cheap to split the rent/bills/deposit three ways rather than two ways. I was a bit tempted because I’m not exactly rolling in cash, but I was determined to avoid that awkwardness. All of the applicants except two women were couples. One woman said that she’d be working nights, and I felt that this would work well as we would have the place to ourselves – while one of us was at home, another would be working/sleeping and we would have a bit of freedom so I settled on her. Things were fine and she seemed nice, but she seemed to sleep unusual hours which was a bit of a pain.

One day (on which she apparently was not working) she text me to ask if it was ok with me if a friend stayed over as he had no place to sleep for the night. I said it was; after all it was only one night. It turns out her “friend” was a guy and I did not even see him but I could not help but overhear them quietly having sex in their room. This was before I went to sleep, so I was not disturbed. I got up and went to work at my 9-5, 5 day a week job. By the time I came back, there was no sign of him so all was ok.

So far so good. However, after we had been living together for around 2 months we got our first ESB bill, and it was far higher than it had been before when I was living with the couple. It perplexed me a bit, but we halved it and paid it anyway. Shortly after, I left to go and stay with my family at Christmas. Around 3 times during my time away, I got texts from my flatmate, ostensibly to offer greetings (Happy Christmas/Happy New Year etc) but always wondering when I would be back in the apartment. Anyway, a few days ago, I returned and it was immediately obvious (as if it hadn’t already been with her transparent texts) that someone else had been staying at the apartment with her – towels lying around where she would never leave them, some of my toothpaste gone when she only ever used her own etc. I sighed and left it go but then yesterday evening, she tells me that she is expecting a friend over. No sooner had I said a surprised ok than the doorbell rang and some guy walked in. I’m assuming that this was the “friend” that she had over before. They went into her room and have a long chat before having sex. It wasn’t like there was shouting and screaming or anything, but it was certainly less discreet than it had been before. Once again all was silent before I went to sleep, got up the next morning and went to work.

I came back this evening and I have seen no sign of anyone in the apartment, but I think I heard hushed voices coming from her room.
This is how things stand. It only today struck me that all the time when I left for work at 9, she was probably inviting him over here before getting him to leave before I came home none the wiser. This would presumably explain why the ESB bill was so high.

I’m sort of uncomfortable with the whole situation to be honest, and I’m posting to see if the people of Boards believe that I have good reason to be or if I’m just a killjoy. I mean, all things considered it’s not too bad. I’m a quiet person, and I have yet to fail to get peace and quiet here. However, I can’t help but feel that if this guy is coming over here and using the ESB/Internet connection it isn’t right that I should be footing half of this unnecessary expense. I’m also beginning to wonder if boundaries are starting to be overstepped here with regard to him staying over, and maybe it will lead to worse in future.

I suppose I feel that I deliberately waived the opportunity to live with a couple (even though it would have made things cheaper), and now I have ended up with something of a couple and paying more. Also, on a moral level, I’m pretty good at paying my way and I feel a bit unhappy that someone may be starting to live somewhere without paying rent/bills while I have to. It is of course possible that he is making financial contributions to compensate her while I’m left paying half of everything.

I should also point out that she does not appear to be working anymore; this does not jeopardise the rent as she seems to have “family wealth” to fall back on, so theoretically not short of a few quid.

Advice/opinions are welcome.

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Comments

The_Valeyard

Probably better in another forum which would give you a serious answer,

if you want the AH answer, your probably best to record them or join in the sexy time.

Just have a chat with her OP, lay your cards on the table and work something out.

dirtyden

Let her know what you think. If its two people using your place rather than one you are entitled to feel put out about it. Once or twice a week would be ok but if he is practically moving in he should pay his way.

Panthro

She's a high class hooker brah!

Gongoozler

Have a chat with her, tell her you didn't pick a couple to move in because you don't want to live with a couple, that the guy is there too much, and that (if you're ok with it continuing but for the ESB) if it's to continue he will have to contribute a third of the bills. I would approach it with a gentle tone though, as you don't know for sure he is there as much as you think he is, and as much as you might suspect it, you'll probably never be able to prove it and she'll likely deny it, so it'll add some tension.

El Weirdo

Compu Global Hyper Meganet wrote: »

... some of my toothpaste gone...

Seriously, what type of freak notices that?

NSAman

Totally agree with the above. If he is moving in more than just a day or two a week it is not on. Also using anything belonging to you is a no no. Have words with her, lay it all out and say what is annoying you. Obviously higher ESB means either more heating is being used or water being heated, he must pay his way if he is using your water to get ready for work etc....fair is far.

Kristopherus

Are you sure its the same guy every time?

Venus In Furs

I'd just move. Selfish people won't change their ways.

If someone who doesn't live there is going to be adding to your bills, yet not paying towards them, it's shyte - and don't pay attention to anyone on this thread who pretends otherwise for the sake of an argument.

It's obviously fine for people's boyfriend/girlfriend to stay over a few nights a week - this is part of house shares, but not for said person to take the piss.

Tails142

yeah that guy could be using up to 2kwh of electricty when he visits, make sure to collect the 34 cent off him each time he visits to cover this.

Venus In Furs

Tails142 wrote: »

yeah that guy could be using up to 2kwh of electricty when he visits, make sure to collect the 34 cent off him each time he visits to cover this.

we got our first ESB bill, and it was far higher than it had been before when I was living with the couple.

Some people would say absolutely anything, no matter how baseless and easily contradicted, for the sake of being argumentative/a smart-hole.

coolkidirish

Set up a camera in the corner of the living room or leave your laptop on the table open and have it set to record with the camera (even though it will look like it is in standby) or have it set to answer skype calls automatically and you can check the place out then to see what going on while you are not there

kingchess

You could drop some gentle hints that you would be "up" for a threesome,Mention double-tagging in the conversation etc.Plan B would be to get a Girlfriend of your own and actually have Sex-You will find that that it is fun,

Fr_Dougal

Venus In Furs wrote: »

and don't pay attention to anyone on this thread who pretends otherwise for the sake of an argument.

So 'anyone that disagrees with me is wrong'....

OP set down some ground rules now, as another poster suggested, two nights a week is fair, anything outside of that is taking the piss. Tell her she can accept it or move out.

Venus In Furs

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

So 'anyone that disagrees with me is wrong'...

Nope. That line gets thrown out very easily and without any thought. Here's what I said again, in relation to this thread only: "If someone who doesn't live there is going to be adding to your bills, yet not paying towards them, it's shyte".
Anyone who thinks it's ok... well they don't really.

magentis

Ahh come on now,its not like her fella is coming around blowing his load into your cornflakes.

Fr_Dougal

Venus In Furs wrote: »

Nope. That line gets thrown out very easily and without any thought. Here's what I said again, in relation to this thread only: "If someone who doesn't live there is going to be adding to your bills, yet not paying towards them, it's shyte".
Anyone who thinks it's ok... well they don't really.

How do you know? Some people are very chilled out about this sort of thing whilst others are not. Personally I wouldn't be, but different strokes. You can't say that people that are ok with it are not being truthful.

Venus In Furs

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

How do you know? Some people are very chilled out about this sort of thing whilst others are not. Personally I wouldn't be, but different strokes. You can't say that people that are ok with it are not being truthful.

But that doesn't change that it's not ok to be using someone's electricity excessively and not paying a cent towards it.

Fr_Dougal

Venus In Furs wrote: »

But that doesn't change that it's not ok to be using someone's electricity excessively and not paying a cent towards it.

No, it doesn't change that you or I might have a problem with it, but it certainly doesn't mean that other posters might not be ok with it.

Stheno

Venus In Furs wrote: »

Some people would say absolutely anything, no matter how baseless and easily contradicted, for the sake of being argumentative/a smart-hole.

In fairness if she is there when he is not and vice versa bills are going to be higher as more power will be used to heat/run the house?

Letree

Gongoozler wrote: »

you'll probably never be able to prove it and she'll likely deny it, so it'll add some tension.

I think a secret camera in her bedroom is the only answer.

Bubosw

Could the increase in cost of electricity be caused by new tenant working nights/shifts so now electricity is in use during daytime. Before, all were out 9-5!

Venus In Furs

Stheno wrote: »

In fairness if she is there when he is not and vice versa bills are going to be higher as more power will be used to heat/run the house?

That's very true. I'm thinking more of the guy staying over using a lot of electricity (which there certainly wouldn't be anything wrong with objecting to) but obviously the housemate has to.

kowloon

magentis wrote: »

Ahh come on now,its not like her fella is coming around blowing his load into your cornflakes.

Wait a second, I thought they were Frosties! :eek:

Stheno

Venus In Furs wrote: »

That's very true. I'm thinking more of the guy staying over using a lot of electricity (which there certainly wouldn't be anything wrong with objecting to) but obviously the housemate has to.

I'd reckon so, both my OH and I regularly work from home so we've worked out a timing system for our heating to make the most of it from an economic sense.

ESB however is out of our control, more lighting, internet, cups of tea, heating up food when we are at home.

If one is in and out over when the other is not I'd expect the bills to double and if they hadn't I'd not be quibbling

BetterThanThou

I couldn't really see the guy coming over using much more electricity, since he's obviously just coming over to be with her. They're hardly in different rooms watching different tvs and cooking separate meals etc. But that said, as long as you're 100% sure he's been there without you knowing, I'd just tell her, and assuming you don't mind, tell her you don't mind him moving in as long as he's willing to split the costs.

Baggy Trousers

Set up a video camera to track this guy's movements.

The Strawman Argument

El Weirdo wrote: »

Seriously, what type of freak notices that?

I squeeze from the end of the tube, so I'd potentially notice when someone else has been at my toothpaste by the shape of it. Not that hard to notice heaps of stuff like that sometimes, you'll have one way of doing things and your brain'll spot if it's off pretty quickly.

GTDolanator

She pays Rent yeah??Whats wrong with her having someone around for the ride??

You sound jealous OP

Venus In Furs

GTDolanator wrote: »

She pays Rent yeah??Whats wrong with her having someone around for the ride??

You sound jealous OP

But... he... was fine about the guy calling?

Only became a problem to him when the bills were really high and the guy was calling really often (the OP already said he didn't want to live with a couple) and leaving a mess.

I suppose the opportunity (no matter how spurious) to throw out the "Jealous" cat-call is too irresistible for some though.

shruikan2553

Burn the place down.