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Child Item

Adults living with their parents...

guitarzero

This post may(/must?) have been done but sure....

As someone in their late 20's living with their ma (and 2 siblings of late 20's), it's driving me up the wall. Unemployed and for the time being, dependent on her for a roof over my head. I give rent, daily job seek, get up around 9,10, do odds and ends around the house that need done and pretty much keep a bit of a low profile. Yet this does not curtail the underlying tension and arguments that spark out of nowhere. She's regularly stubborn, irrational and reactive which leads to needless arguments. Are all Irish mammy's like this? She's in her mid 50's and her behaviour is getting petty and ridiculous. These bouts are a feature now, myself as the regular target. There is no talking, its very much a defiant 'my way or the high way' kinda tripe.

I'm curious as to how other folks well into their 20's and upwards are managing living with their parents. Do they find themselves caught up in regular needless disputes? Of course theres 2 sides to every coin and I am not claiming to be an angel but these particular sparked reactions are the hall marks of a unbearable, irrational, petulant child.

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Carson10

Its that Irish'ness attitude that has this country f*cked up. What your and adult and you live at home. who cares. move out when you feel the time is right. For some people that could be 21 others 31. We all have a different connection to home.

Its that boring traditional Irish attitude that made all those young people go out and buy apartments for 400/500,000 euro that are now worth nothing, just to look like they were normal.

Stay at home forever, who cares. As long as you feel happy and secure in your bed at night thats all that counts.

If your having problems with other family members/parents its something that can be worked on. Just get a hobby and stay out of their way. If your unemployed, do a course, paint the house, head off on your bike or do other stuff.

Einhard

marshbaboon wrote: »

I moved home & only my dad lives here.

Mightn't see/speak to him for weeks on end.

Broadband in his room so?

Rich11

i got out as soon as i could:pac:, moved out when i was 18, moved back for a year when i was 21, and then moved out again, id say thats the last time id move back for good......... i hope

GonzoPunch

I'm in my early twenties and have moved in and out of my folks gaff a couple of times. It's been a few years since I've lived there and hope that I never have to again. But saying that I was recently quite ill and spent about 2 weeks at home. I get on well with my parents but I see living in their house as a last resort. I dont think its acceptable or appropriate for me to live in their house but I love the security of knowing that there is always somewhere to go when I need it.

scudzilla

OP 1 Scudzilla 0 on the Mammy score

Whippersnapper

I'm 28 and had to move home recently after the end of a relationship. It's surreal being here and quite claustrophobic but until I find somewhere else, it will do.

Kirby

Kirby wrote: »

Wow, this thread is some read. Some of you must have been abused as children or you are just being internet drama queens and exaggerating.

Either that or I think I'm one of the few people who actually like their parents. They are nice people. Yes, they have flaws that really annoy me sometimes but I'm sure I have plenty of flaws too. I'm not going to crucify them for it.

Don't get me wrong, I live at home because I have to. But if I didn't have to, I probably still would. Who else would have me?

I went golfing with my Dad yesterday and it was great. And me and my mother are very alike. They are retiring to Florida soon and when they are gone I will miss them.

SuperInfinity wrote: »

Just out of curiosity, what kind of flaws?

My flaws or theirs? You didn't really make this clear.

Regarding theirs, I'm sure as hell not going to bash my folks on an internet forum. That seems bad form in my eyes even if they will never read it.

Regarding my own flaws.....how long do we have and where do I start?

Argumentative, lazy, anti-social, negative, loud. I'm sure a case could be made for me being all of these things. So they put up with my flaws, it seems only fair that I put up with theirs without bitching about it.

wintersolstice

my kids live out but come home at weekends.i can tolerate that but i love sunday afternoons when they are all gone again and peace descends for the week.if they all moved back fulltime i would have to go myself.i love them dearly but i dont want to live with them again!

Dickie10

ok just found this topic, it seems fairly relevant for me. just in the last 6 mths living at home had begun to become irritable for me. in the last 6 mths my best friend moved out to a nice house to rent a room , we usually did all the seminal life landmarks at the same time so I suppose it really hit me then.

im 31 and still at home with parents,a few years ago I was unemployed for 3 years, I was only getting an odd day on the buildings and helping the aul lad farming. in 2010 I made the descion to either go to Oz for a few years til construction came good again or pursue my real intrest in going to college. I checked out the college route and kinda fell in love with it. definitely the greatest descion I ever made.
Anyway I graduate next summer and maybe do a masters so that meant living at home with the parents, I commute 30 mins to uni. cant wait to get a job and move out even though they are out doing their own thing 5 of 7 nights. they still don't like me drinking in the house, so I never do, they also make me go to mass every week. if I wanted to be awkward I could refuse but I like to keep the peace so I just tip along even though I don't belive a bit of it.

another thing which does irritate me is my mother and her crazy ways. im pretty much a very easy person to live with and don't rock the boat in any way, but if I go out at weekends she is really pissed off she thinks im out to late and drinking to much , I never make any noise or have any friends in the house. if im out of a sunday evening she calls and texts to see do I want a lift home and if I get a cab she rants and raves at why I should have called her to pick me up. I cook dinners for her sometimes if shes away or late home and im there I put on dinner and have it ready, I wash my own clothes and iron them myself. my father is seriously easy to live with and we get on well.

One difference I have to other lads is that im taking over the farm when i graduate this summer, its all legally done this two years so everyone in the family knows the score, im also inheriting the family home at this time so in one fell swoop I will be responsible for my parents well being and security. all bills, as well as income will legally be mine to take care of with regard to the upkeep of the house and farm. now my thinking of this is that just give my parents the cheque book and debit card to continue running the house as they wish. for my part im running the farm on my own this last 3 years with minimal input from my father who really sees this as retiring from a business as any other person would, giving advice if I want it but leaving all descions to me.

My problem is they see absolulty nothing wrong with me living with them for ever if needs be. at the minute I have no girlfriend and have put it off til after I graduate because I wouldn't be able give the time at the minute, I know it sounds very clinical but I perhaps overthink these things with regard to having girlfriends, unfortunately theres a girl mad into me at the minute and I like her but am afraid to commit I don't want to mess her around either.

my mother can make life difficult for girls around our house, stuff like wanting to know where id be sleeping if I stay the night and this shiit! I went to a wedding a year ago and she told me not to go straight to the hotel after the church but come back to the house for tea because I might start drinking to early in the day! I find it a bit off putting to actually get a girlfriend and have this crap going on with the mother. thing is im still somewhat dependent on her because I live at home and my future will be interlinked and tied to the farm and the house because I own them.
I really need to get a job that can let me move out of home while keeping the farm going part time. I need advice as to my next step, my parents are 79 and 69 (mother). I do love my mother of course but I agree irish mammies that are corrupted by the catholic church over the years are not the nicest breed of people, sexist, racist,anti drink, anti young ones!, anti other faiths, and very explosive in mood swings.

kowloon

Harpy wrote: »

Has she always been like this or is it a more recent thing? Could she be maybe going through the 'change'?

When's the next full moon?

McChubbin

Feel I must weigh in here.
I'm 26 and to date have only lived outside of the family home once, during my last ill-fated relationship.
That didn't work out so well and whilst I've looked everywhere for a place to suit my needs, I feel more secure living at home as I am disabled in a number of ways-physically, mentally and intellectually- and thus have certain difficulties that make it hard for me to live a fully independent life. Okay, living with my parents is not ideal but I would rather be here at home comforted by the knowledge that my folks are around if I need them for anything then be left stuck in a glorified hamster cage in some crappy part of town paying too much money for the privelage.
I've been on the list for social housing for the last 5 years as it is the only viable way I can find suitable accommidation. Whilst I'm eligible for Rent Allowance, the majority of landlords in Dublin don't accept it and I refuse to share a flat with a group of total strangers for fear I might suffer a nervous breakdown and end up going insane from having to put up with them.
I've read the "I Hate My Housemate" thread and it's really turned me off the idea of sharing a house with outsiders.
And so, the wait for social housing continues.
It's a major drag sometimes and I can get why some people fly the nest at the first opportunity as I know all too well what it's like living with "D'mammy" and having to abide by the rules like coming home at a reasonable hour, no bitches after ten, etc.
Even so, at least I have a roof over my head and food in my belly.
Yes, I pay a nominal fee each week to help out with the housekeeping and I try to do my share but it's only fair.
Unless a sheer miracle occurs and someone actually responds to my desperate emails with a job offer, I've resigned myself to the fact that I'll be staying at home for the long haul.
No biggie- there are worse situations to be in.

crybaby

I'm now 31 and looking back I really do have to wonder what in christ I was doing living with my parents until I was 24.

Uncle Ruckus

None of my business what other people do as long as it doesn't effect me but I'd rather live on the streets than live with my parents.
Visiting for a couple of days is fine. Anything longer would drive me insane.

caustic 1

Way I see it you have three choices. No 1. Move out. No 2. Stay put but start living your life the way you want to live your life. You only get one shot at it, do you want to look back with regret thinking I should have done this that and the other. Your mother chose the way she lived hers. Your life is not her life. No.3. Stay put and plod on.

knucklehead6

I think we'll see a lot more young adults moving back in with their parents to get together their 20% deposit when the time to buy their own place comes around.

I moved back home at 30 to get my deposit together.

LuckyLloyd

Every situation is different and - as the long thread bumping post above clearly illustrates - the issue can be a lot more complicated in rural areas.

Chunners

Moved out when I was 17 and never went back, sure I haven't even seen them in the last 10 years and only talk to them about once every 6 months on the phone. Wild horses couldn't drag me back there lol

LuckyLloyd

Chunners wrote: »

Moved out when I was 17 and never went back, sure I haven't even seen them in the last 10 years and only talk to them about once every 6 months on the phone. Wild horses couldn't drag me back there lol

lol indeed

rosedream

It's not that I hate my family or anything, but dear god, it is just not possible for me personally to live at home with my family (I am 21), because I grew up in the sticks, and I also don't drive, because it is not possible for me financially.
That, and the fact that my mother also has to drive me and my little sister everywhere when we come home from college because we are nearly on hour's walk from the local shops.
Alright to do on a sunny day during the holidays now and again, not great to do everyday, especially on a rainy wintery day.

It horrible to live like that, because it's sometimes ok on weekends when i come home from college, because it literally taking it in small doses. But try living like that during the summer holidays when you have no summer job, no transport of your own, living in the most isolating area possible, surrounded by a family that you argue with all the time, because you are seeing them everyday, so tension builds up, and you feel so unstimulated and blocked out from the outer world.

It's just mentally depressing living like that, and demeaning as well when it comes to the driving. I might be able to get away with it now, but I don't want to be living at home at 30 or 40 and still have a parent driving me to work everyday.
It's not that I am embarrassed of my parents, no way about that, but it would be embarrassing for me as an adult who has not become independent.

I sometimes feel mean having to get my point across about how I dislike where I grew up, but I feel like I have to get to get people to realize why I wanted to get away. It's not that I hate my family or anything, but it was not possible for me to progress any further as an adult if I stayed and I also don't want want to end up resenting my family.

LoganRice

Well, some adults with kids live with their parents

Dickie10

yeah il probarbly just plod on for now, im not into making a big deal of petty stuff, dosent really bother me that much going to mass anyway just lie again the wall at the back with the rest of the lads/men that dont want to really be there. bit like run of the country, kinda routine. when i graduate il prob rent a room with whatever lads are renting in my local town, most lads in my area do this when the graduate or start earning bigger money.

only thing is im 31 while the lads renting together are all 24-34, dosent bother me too much as were all friends/clubmates but i suppose choosing to go back to college kinda freezes your life at university age, which dosent really have a number as such just a situation! i find myself having more in common with the 23 year olds in the town than former friends of 29-33 age group, basically cause im just not at that life stage of marriage/settling down relationship.
funny enough though i still run a 120 acre farm as a fully adult business so i suppose work related im my age but socially/relationships im 22/23. its that bad im still getting invited to 21sts instead of weddings. really want to start my life on my own terms soon, because i get the feeling most girls woudnt enjoy my current situation as a basis for a relationship. is this the scnario where rural irish batchelors are created, i thought that was a bygone social group.?!

Manc Red

I can see this becoming a big issue in the next few years (if it isn't already). Domestic abuse is already on the rise and it's only going increase as more and more families have to go through it.

As people get older they need their own place that they can control themselves in order to have relationships, have friends over etc.

I can't imagine having to live in house as an adult with other siblings. It must be a nightmare and there really isn't any way that someone could have a proper "relationship" with someone without notifying the rest of the family. It must be hell.

Just out of curiosity, anyone here have to put up with "hearing" their siblings? I think I might want to floor to open up and swallow me if that ever happened to me.

lulu1

Chunners wrote: »

Moved out when I was 17 and never went back, sure I haven't even seen them in the last 10 years and only talk to them about once every 6 months on the phone. Wild horses couldn't drag me back there lol

Maybe they might feel the same about you going back

Filmer Paradise

I moved out at 20. Emigrated.

Came back a couple of years later & moved in with the 'rents as a temporary measure.

Wound up there till I was 35!

I didn't get on good or bad with them, but I always had a job, social life, GF with her own place etc..

They hardly noticed I was there, because I wasn't usually.

Also, I gave them 50 yo-yos a week, which was okay money then (10+ years ago), took my mam to the supermarket to do the shopping & other bits & bobs.

All in all, it worked out okay.

I'm happily married now with my own house, kids & all that goes with it.

No harm in living in the family nest as long as you have some kind of life plan & don't think that life the way it stands now stays the same forever.

Taajsgpm

guitarzero wrote: »

This post may(/must?) have been done but sure....

As someone in their late 20's living with their ma (and 2 siblings of late 20's), it's driving me up the wall. Unemployed and for the time being, dependent on her for a roof over my head. I give rent, daily job seek, get up around 9,10, do odds and ends around the house that need done and pretty much keep a bit of a low profile. Yet this does not curtail the underlying tension and arguments that spark out of nowhere. She's regularly stubborn, irrational and reactive which leads to needless arguments. Are all Irish mammy's like this? She's in her mid 50's and her behaviour is getting petty and ridiculous. These bouts are a feature now, myself as the regular target. There is no talking, its very much a defiant 'my way or the high way' kinda tripe.

I'm curious as to how other folks well into their 20's and upwards are managing living with their parents. Do they find themselves caught up in regular needless disputes? Of course theres 2 sides to every coin and I am not claiming to be an angel but these particular sparked reactions are the hall marks of a unbearable, irrational, petulant child.

I think with 3 kids in the house over 20 she is more disappointed than anything else and that leads to her frustration, Moms want their kids to be successful and independent andmarried and give em grandkids , she's feeling let down by all 3, just my thought

Filmer Paradise

Dickie10 wrote: »

yeah il probarbly just plod on for now, im not into making a big deal of petty stuff, dosent really bother me that much going to mass anyway just lie again the wall at the back with the rest of the lads/men that dont want to really be there. bit like run of the country, kinda routine. when i graduate il prob rent a room with whatever lads are renting in my local town, most lads in my area do this when the graduate or start earning bigger money.

only thing is im 31 while the lads renting together are all 24-34, dosent bother me too much as were all friends/clubmates but i suppose choosing to go back to college kinda freezes your life at university age, which dosent really have a number as such just a situation! i find myself having more in common with the 23 year olds in the town than former friends of 29-33 age group, basically cause im just not at that life stage of marriage/settling down relationship.
funny enough though i still run a 120 acre farm as a fully adult business so i suppose work related im my age but socially/relationships im 22/23. its that bad im still getting invited to 21sts instead of weddings. really want to start my life on my own terms soon, because i get the feeling most girls woudnt enjoy my current situation as a basis for a relationship. is this the scnario where rural irish batchelors are created, i thought that was a bygone social group.?!

When I was your age, I wondered where I fitted into the scheme of things & where I was going in life.

Try to get something going outside of the situation you're in.

A part time job that might lead to something permanent, so if all plans go to pot, you have something else to fall back on.

I bought a house whilst still living at home. Rented it out room by room, but keeping one for myself in case there was a big argument at home.

Filmer's love palace.

BTW, I got caught with the Mass thing too. Jeez the memories!

shamrock55

Buddy of mine is nearly 38 and he lives at home with mammy, he always has and id say he has no intention of ever moving out:D

Pablodreamsofnew

I'd rather live in a box than my ma's house.

My two sisters still live at home and they are in their forties. They fight alot. I don't think it's healthy over the age of 18 to be honest! Too many cooks in the kitchen sort of thing.

Elessar

Still living at home at 29 and no intention of moving out. I've no siblings and its just two of us in the house. To be honest, even though my mam irritates me sometimes (and I her no doubt), I like it and have no intention of moving out. I have no desire to pay someone else's mortgage or buy my own house (this one will go to me). I'm able to save a good bit and lead a pretty good life by all accounts.

Pablodreamsofnew

Elessar wrote: »

Still living at home at 29 and no intention of moving out. I've no siblings and its just two of us in the house. To be honest, even though my mam irritates me sometimes (and I her no doubt), I like it and have no intention of moving out. I have no desire to pay someone else's mortgage or buy my own house (this one will go to me). I'm able to save a good bit and lead a pretty good life by all accounts.

What about if you get in a relationship or have kids?