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Child Item

I would like to give someone some money.

strobe

No, not you, sorry.

Good morning oh wise and revered denisons of AH, I come humbly seeking your guidance.

My issue is thus. I know someone that could use some money. I have money and would like to give it to them. They however, are too proud (read: ****ing retarded) to accept my money.

So, I would like to come up with a way of them having the money, without knowing I have given it to them.

I, unfortunately, am not an intelligent person, and as such, the best I have been able to come up with is to simply post a big wad of cash to their address, perhaps with a card inside the envelope written to 'Joe'. But there is the possibility the cash could be lost (or stolen) in transit through the postal system, or that the gob****e would hand it into the cops in the hope that they could locate 'Joe', or something else I haven't thought of could go awry... there's too many unknown variables at play.

Here is where you come in. I need to harness your well known sneaky, conniving, despicable streak and use it to my own ends.

Any ideas welcome.

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely, etc.

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Miss Lizzie Jones

Just put it in an envelopewith their name on it in a birthday card ( also with their name on it) and drop it in their mail box or have it hand delivered with some flowers. Say it is either a future or a belated birthday gift. No need to say from whom.

Macavity.

Have a private conversation with them but make sure to be really condescending. Wear a suit, a top hat and smoke a cigar when you talk to them. Refer to them as "boy" as in "You need my money, boy?" and make sure to say it in a really smug way. If they don't accept wave the money in their face then smack the money off their nose and say "You need my money, boy?", then get your lighter and burn the money in front of them and mush the burned money into their face.

strobe

Thanks kids, some good suggestions there, keep them coming if anyone's any other ideas.

The poker things a good one but isn't really a goer unfortunately for a couple of reasons, mainly the amount is not something they would ever agree to play for and if I did manage to arrange it and get them liquored up enough to play for those stakes they'd probably feel guilty and start a thread on AH looking for sneaky ways to give it back to me without me knowing and we'd get caught in a weird loop.

messrs

I think go with the draw/raffle, could you ask them to buy a ticket for €2 for some raffle in your job then tell them they won and give them the money

Mr. CooL ICE

Walk up to them and give them the money. Then shoot them in the kneecap so they can't follow you.

nelly17

Nicolas Cage wrote: »

Walk up to them and give them the money. Then shoot them in the kneecap so they can't follow you.

Its kind of the opposite of a protection racket

biko

An older thread on the same topic
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057215549

Fair play OP(s) for being so generous!

emer_b

Have you seen Breaking Bad? Walter found a way to get that money to his kids in the end...few ideas in there

Fishyfreak

Fair play OP.

Really liking the fake raffle idea. Print up some professional looking literature similar to the Temple Street ones where it's massive prizes for a small ticket price.

If you really want to follow through and make it 100% believable see if a printer will do up a one off book of tickets for you.

_Whimsical_

I know someone who got a wad of money in the post at a time they needed it and despite the fact that they'd never ask for help ,they were delighted.
It came with a note that was written on a copy book page in pencil in block capitals and a mass card so it was impossible to trace the writing or imagine who they knew who'd go about it in such a way. It didn't say anything about their money situation just , "I have some extra cash and wanted to share it, just thought it might give you a lift". It was signed just "a friend".

That person still talks about it and wonders who it was and would love to thank them. I still think about it myself and it cheers me up when I do to think there are kind people like that. You never know how many you can touch by doing a nice thing.

It's a lovely idea OP. Fair play.

Tail Docker

Tie it round a brick and feck it through their front window. Everyone loves getting money that way.

Gongoozler

Probably most likely to accept it if it's anonymous, through the door. Or yeah if it's a win on something, but making up that seems like an awful lot of effort.

Would this person play poker? Cause if not, that's also a non runner

Lalealynn

strobe wrote: »

No, not you, sorry.

Good morning oh wise and revered denisons of AH, I come humbly seeking your guidance.

My issue is thus. I know someone that could use some money. I have money and would like to give it to them. They however, are too proud (read: ****ing retarded) to accept my money.

So, I would like to come up with a way of them having the money, without knowing I have given it to them.

I, unfortunately, am not an intelligent person, and as such, the best I have been able to come up with is to simply post a big wad of cash to their address, perhaps with a card inside the envelope written to 'Joe'. But there is the possibility the cash could be lost (or stolen) in transit through the postal system, or that the gob****e would hand it into the cops in the hope that they could locate 'Joe', or something else I haven't thought of could go awry... there's too many unknown variables at play.

Here is where you come in. I need to harness your well known sneaky, conniving, despicable streak and use it to my own ends.

Any ideas welcome.

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely, etc.

This rings a rather strange bell.....but ...it's out of reach ...where have I heard this before?

indigo twist

Lalealynn wrote: »

This rings a rather strange bell.....but ...it's out of reach ...where have I heard this before?

Maybe in one of the links that have already been posted in this thread, from a previous similar thread by a different poster a few months ago who found themselves in the same situation ...

beks101

I've just spent the afternoon dealing with aRseholes and this thread has warmed the cockles of my heart.

Please stick with your plan OP, there is definitely a way. The world needs more decent and kind-hearted people like you!

Joe Doe

I'm a joe,
ack, I won't say no
if you want to send me spare some doe.
Sure just open the wallet and let it go.

Karmic flow will reward you whenever you die,
cause up in there in the sky, there is not much fancy to buy.
So it is, like...

kissmequick

O.P. could ya Paypal it to them? Would you have any way of finding out their email address? If you chat to them on a regular basis, maybe you could strike up a convo about playing games online or something and try and see if they by any chance happen to have a Paypal Account? If ya do happen to know their email ya could then write them an anonymous email from a dummy addie telling them what you've done. Or actually could you set up a Paypal Account yourself but actually for them like, and put an anonymous note with these details in their Letter-box then, and they can withdraw it into their own Bank Account from there......

Or perhaps a Money-Card? Payzone or one of them.... I know they incur fees but still. Drop that in their Letter-Box then with a simple note of acknowledgement signed or anonymous whichever. I don't know a whole pile about finance-y stuff, but I wonder, if ya were to post the money-card to the person anonymously if that's what you wanted to do to post it, maybe the Money-Card Company have some way of safeguarding it until later-activation with a delayed pin / code or something / some way in case it gets into the wrong hands during posting.

Personally, if anyone ever did such a lovely act of kindness for me, I think, i.m.o., I'd like to have known who the good samaritan was before I departed this world. It'd be so annoying time going on and it'd always be on your mind and not ever being able to say thank you or re-pay them.

If I was you if I was going to do Money-Card thing, I'd load the money on the card and go see them and hand it to them personally. Just say you know they're down on their luck and consider it a loan if they so wish but you're more thinking of it as a gift to a friend, and the money's loaded onto the card now and any protests they have will fall on deaf ears, and leave it at that and be on your merry way. Or just say you have something for them to tide them over, hand it over and leave and walk away.

Lalealynn

strobe wrote: »

Thanks kids, some good suggestions there, keep them coming if anyone's any other ideas.

The poker things a good one but isn't really a goer unfortunately for a couple of reasons, mainly the amount is not something they would ever agree to play for and if I did manage to arrange it and get them liquored up enough to play for those stakes they'd probably feel guilty and start a thread on AH looking for sneaky ways to give it back to me without me knowing and we'd get caught in a weird loop.

Ok here is a way.

It's tried and tested. But it reeeally relies on a few things. 1. It would help if they were male. 2. That you know them quite well are on friendly enough terms. 3. You are mates with a couple of their mates.

Allah sent 20 apples it's the name of a short story. Anyway the premise is this. You get a card and get a number of people to sign it. Their friends. You put the sum of money with it. You tell them that each person donated an equal amount. Say seven people gave 75 euro thats 525 euro (odd number I know). Tell them that if they accept then you will take 100 euro of it and all of you will go out and have the biggest night out ever. And the rest they will take. But if they don't accept then there is no night out and each of you takes a measly 75 euro home. (Adjust the figures to suit).

The good thing is they don't think it's coming from you but rather a rallying of their mates.

When I was in college a guy had a fire in his digs and he was in hospital etc. We only managed to get him to accept a whip round if we agreed to let him use some of it to buy a few rounds.

What's the point of making everyone take back a measly contribution? If you admit you gave a large figure it's harder to accept for your mate.

As I say it has some draw backs. It works if you have a group to go along etc.

Anyway. If they won't accept maybe it's not your place to give it. But just support them. Anyway you could put in their letterbox and run. Are you fast?

Packrat

Be careful OP:

A few years ago, I was in difficulty with a company I had as well as a divorce, and a very good friend lent me a few thousand. He was handling millions at the time. The deal was that if or when he needed it, he'd give me plenty notice. The company went bust, and I've spent the last few years gathering together the ruins of my life.
Now he is in trouble and needs money fast. I have a little, but have a child on the way and am fairly tight. Thing is though, that I was given it in good faith and I'll have to give it back now, despite the consequences for my fiancée and child this winter.
I'm now wishing I'd never got it.

If you want to give it, - give it anonymously.

cruais

Go to the bank and get a bank draft made out for the amount you wish to give.

Doing this ensures that your friend knows that it is definitely meant for him, as his full name will be printed on the draft. Your name isn't, so you will remain anonymous.

Pop it in a card, with a message like,

'A gift from me to you'

Put it through the letterbox.

Claregirl

cruais wrote: »

Go to the bank and get a bank draft made out for the amount you wish to give.

Doing this ensures that your friend knows that it is definitely meant for him her, as his her full name will be printed on the draft. Your name isn't, so you will remain anonymous.

Pop it in a card, with a message like,

'A gift from me to you'

Put it through the letterbox.

This is what I was going to suggest!

Hopefully the draft is made out to Claregirl - I'll keep an eye on the letterbox

Ideo

Quick click on boards on the phone before I go to bed and I end up clicking in this thread. Then I realise, it's threads like this that are complete waste of time and why I'm thinking about deleting my boards login. Genuinely. So a serious question, why do people start threads like this / even bother to write responses to threads like this?

cruais

Ideo wrote: »

Quick click on boards on the phone before I go to bed and I end up clicking in this thread. Then I realise, it's threads like this that are complete waste of time and why I'm thinking about deleting my boards login. Genuinely. So a serious question, why do people start threads like this / even bother to write responses to threads like this?

Why did you even bother?

Night Night.

lila1

solomafioso wrote: »

Gift them prize bonds. Well done you!

Dose anybody ever win on the prize bonds

lulu1

The Backwards Man wrote: »

I would just be direct.

Go and see them, make sure no one else is in earshot and tell them 'Look, you need this more then me at the minute, to just take it and say fcuk all. That's it. No ifs, ands or buts about it. End of story. Finito. Kaput.'

Well I'm sure after that discussion they would be shaking in their shoes (thats is they can afford shoes) and would take hand and all off ye.:)

Gongoozler

Ideo wrote: »

Quick click on boards on the phone before I go to bed and I end up clicking in this thread. Then I realise, it's threads like this that are complete waste of time and why I'm thinking about deleting my boards login. Genuinely. So a serious question, why do people start threads like this / even bother to write responses to threads like this?

What's wrong with people writing threads like this, or people replying to threads like this ?

Tasden

I'm in need of money right now but tbh if I opened my door and there was money left anonymously and i had no clue who it could have been there's not a hope in hell I'd spend it. I'd be too worried about where it came from or what I owed back etc. In theory it'd be amazing but if it happened in reality I'd be way to cautious about it no matter how much I needed it. And if i knew who it was from I would probably give it back anyway.

ellejay

Op, someone anonymously gave me some money when I was badly stuck.
Very badly stuck as in no food, no heat and electricity about to be cut off.

To this day, I can say that person changed my life.
Although I've a good idea who it was, they've never admitted it.

Do not under any circumstances send cash through the postal service.

If you don't need the money to be paid back, just put in the their door at night.
Ensure you write a note short enough that they know it's not a mistake and don't say you know they're in trouble.

The act of giving them the money is already recognising they're in trouble.

If the amount is too large for cash, meet one of them.
Arrive with big bunch of flowers, keep it short and happy, just give them the cheque in a card with a big smile and go!!

Thud

lila1 wrote: »

Dose anybody ever win on the prize bonds

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056292513

Poker idea might be risky if they then think they are good at it and try to win more elsewhere

Me_Grapes

Fake your death, and leave them money in your will.

You may need to change identity, appearance etc, but you can still see your friend enjoy the money under a new alias, which would be all sorts of fun.