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Finding a good Humanist/Solemnist in Cork?

Bradt Pitt

My fiancée and I are getting married next August in Cork. We're both Catholic but neither of us are practicing so we are having a Humanist wedding.
However neither of us have any experience/have friends who have been married by a humanist before so we have no idea how to book one.

I did some googling and came across spiritualceremonies.ie but don't know much about them?

Any ideas? All suggestions very much welcome

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lazygal

Contact the Humanist Association of Ireland, it'll have a list of solemnisers.

Bradt Pitt

OK I will, thanks!

Bradt Pitt

Sorry, I meant to say Spiritualist (apparently the spiritualist is a bit more traditional (?) and our older relatives would probably be more comfortable in this setting).

Any experience with Spiritualists in Cork?

Peregrinus

I think all of the Spiritualist solemnisers are based in Dublin, but they serve all parts of the country. You can contact them through the website spiritualceremonies.ie.

Bradt Pitt

Peregrinus wrote: »

I think all of the Spiritualist solemnisers are based in Dublin, but they serve all parts of the country. You can contact them through the website spiritualceremonies.ie.

Ok great, thanks

BizzyC

More traditional?

I dont think so.
I've only been to one where the guy may as well have been from the HSE, just read from a card basically with no real ceremony taking place.

Also, I believe the main guy is also Ireland's top medium too?

lazygal

The spiritualist union has some.very questionable beliefs in my opinion, and the ceremonies are classed as religious.

Bradt Pitt

BizzyC wrote: »

More traditional?

I dont think so.
I've only been to one where the guy may as well have been from the HSE, just read from a card basically with no real ceremony taking place.

Also, I believe the main guy is also Ireland's top medium too?

Really? We're completely new to this. We haven't attended anything other than church weddings in the past and are only going on what we've heard from a few people.
The one thing we do know is we don't want a church wedding.

lazygal wrote: »

The spiritualist union has some.very questionable beliefs in my opinion, and the ceremonies are classed as religious.

That's very interesting. I'm definitely leaning towards the Humanist ceremony after reading this. Clearly need to do more research! Thanks

Peregrinus

I suggest it's worth talking to both of them. Both, from what I hear, are very accommodating, and can adapt the ceremony to the couples' tastes with much more flexibility than the HSE, or most churches. Yes, the Spiritualist Union is very much into seances and communication with the spirit world and such, but they are completely accepting of the fact that not everybody is into this, and they don't flavour their wedding ceremonies with this stuff (or with any explicit religious or spiritual stuff) unless it's what the couple want.

They're both in fairly high demand, and in the end it may come down to which one can provide a celebrant you are comfortable with on a day that suits you. So I wouldn't close off either option before I had to.

pwurple

It depends what you are looking for, but there are priests who do non-church weddings as well.

We would consider ourselves christian-athiest... We generally align with the teachings and cultural traditions of chistianity, but are non-believers. We found some priests who have a similar theological position.

[url]Http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_atheism[/url]

We had an outdoor wedding in Cork, we were married by a priest. I can pm you his number if you like.

rainbow kirby

Hate to say it, but unless you are looking for something midweek you may have some trouble trying to find a celebrant. We had a tough time trying to find a humanist celebrant for a Saturday in May 2015, August is worse...

Milly33

Yep like Rainbow Saturday weddings outside the church is pretty hard to get someone to do..

Civil will not do it, but there is the option of ye going into the reg office the day before hand to sign the papers and then just having someone a close friend perhaps who is a good speaker to say a few words on the day itself.. Ye will have to call to the reg office anywho on or after the wedding if ye are signing papers or making it legal.

Wanting it all on the same day then well,

A friend of ours had a celtic priest do their ceremony which was loverly but it was still a little church like which was nice really (I am not religious either) but no big long prayers or communion..

Have seen on spiritualist and really they all kinda of do the same thing..I think it is really up to ye what ye want to do on the day.. It is ye who say well we would like to do the sand, the candles, like this song or this prayer...

Remember also that they all charge extra on top of the reg fee.

It is great fun arranging it all

Bradt Pitt

rainbow kirby wrote: »

Hate to say it, but unless you are looking for something midweek you may have some trouble trying to find a celebrant. We had a tough time trying to find a humanist celebrant for a Saturday in May 2015, August is worse...

You're definitely right there! I got emailing last night and couldn't find any humanist who was available on the date. So I asked our contact at the hotel and she recommended a spiritualist who is supposed to be really nice - very accomodating, no bs etc. Anyway, long story short we booked her. I did a good bit of googling beforehand and she appears to come well recommended from several couples - phew!

Thanks to everyone for their help and input. I'll update this thread on our progress in case anyone is interested. Cheers

fits

pwurple wrote: »

It depends what you are looking for, but there are priests who do non-church weddings as well.

We would consider ourselves christian-athiest... We generally align with the teachings and cultural traditions of chistianity, but are non-believers. We found some priests who have a similar theological position.

[url]Http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_atheism[/url]

We had an outdoor wedding in Cork, we were married by a priest. I can pm you his number if you like.

That's really interesting, never heard of that before. We identify culturally as Catholics but I can't be doing with the crazy stuff and the interference in education, women's rights etc. Very difficult choice with devout and unhappy parents on both sides. We have a humanist celebrant booked but having difficulty with that too... of course. Least worst option.

Milly33

Ok so went to the first humanist wedding at the weekend and have to say ick.. The lady was like a tour guide or something, surprisingly quite like a church wedding with speakers and all that goes but I still cant understand why they charge so much.. [snipped]

lazygal

Milly33 wrote: »

Ok so went to the first humanist wedding at the weekend and have to say ick.. The lady was like a tour guide or something, surprisingly quite like a church wedding with speakers and all that goes but I still cant understand why they charge so much.. [snipped]

Maybe that's what the couple chose? We worked with our humanist celebrant, picked our own readings and format and vows. I'm sure it wasn't to everyone's taste. But I'm sure some couples want a "churchy" type ceremony? Especially to appease traditional parents.

Milly33

Yeah maybe it might have been alright but I wouldn't think too much of the lady herself even as a speaker very drool

Broken Strings

After a less than favourable experience trying to get the church sorted in the past few days, we are now thinking of going down the humanist/spiritualist route!

Does anyone have any advice for 2 rookies who aren't really sure what the whole humanist/spiritualist thing entails?

Any feedback from anyone who've had these type of ceremonies would be great!

stinkle

We had a humanist ceremony in June. We had officially booked our celebrant about 15 months in advance but had been put in contact with him sooner. At that stage humanist weddings didnt have legal status - they do now and demand has soared. The Humanist Association of Ireland can put you in touch with someone in your locality.

Ceremony-wise, we could do what we liked really. The celebrant sent us template ceremonies to work off and readings if we wanted to use them. We chose two, and got siblings to read them. Another relative took care of music - one tune for bridesmaids to walk in to, another for me. We had more music for signing the register and finally for walking out. We didnt bother writing our own vows, but it's something that can be done. Ceremony seemed to last a while (in a good way!) but lasted just over 20 mins in total - it was a hot day and we were delighted to get outside into the sunshine and mingle with out guests, champagne in hand.

We had nothing but positive responses from our guests about the ceremony. This was the first non-traditional wedding for many of them and I'm sure some thought it'd be a bit off the wall. But it was us to a tee - relaxed, bit of humour and the modern songs we had went down a treat. One set of parents were a bit miffed initially that it wasnt a church affair, and the others got a bit antsy as the date got closer as to what exactly was involved (cos people were asking). People loved the relaxedness and the fact that they werent stuck indoors for long on such a hot day, nor did they have a humungous drive from church to venue.

fits

Broken Strings wrote: »

After a less than favourable experience trying to get the church sorted in the past few days, we are now thinking of going down the humanist/spiritualist route!

What happened with the church?

We too are going humanist route. And hope the weather is kind to us so we can get married outside.

pooch90

There was a similar thread a while back and I posted my very happy response to the Spiritualists in the last post, bit lazy today!
http://touch.boards.ie/thread/2057240458/3/#post91763467
Found the humanists a bit dry tbh!

Benny_Cake

Broken Strings wrote: »

After a less than favourable experience trying to get the church sorted in the past few days, we are now thinking of going down the humanist/spiritualist route!

Does anyone have any advice for 2 rookies who aren't really sure what the whole humanist/spiritualist thing entails?

Any feedback from anyone who've had these type of ceremonies would be great!

You may already be aware of this but there is a Unitarian church in Cork. It seems to be quite a popular choice for those of a non-theist bent looking for something other than a civil marriage.

Broken Strings

fits wrote: »

What happened with the church?

We too are going humanist route. And hope the weather is kind to us so we can get married outside.

We started ringing about our Letters of Freedom and it went downhill from there.

The priest of the church that I wanted to get married in said he wouldnt do the ceremony for us, and that we should stick in our own parish church and use that parish priest.

This was despite the fact that the church I want to get married in, while it wasnt my birth or current parish, it was my school parish. So I did my first confession, holy communion and confirmation there. All the school masses were there, graduation mass, harvest festival and choir masses where I was a singer. It was special to me and he still refused and said he had no juristiction over us.

He told me that if they eventually did approve us, we'd have to bring our own priest and that it would be unlikely that it would work because most priests wont travel these days (even though this church is literally a 7 minute drive from our current parish church) He was abrupt, dismissive and said he wont see me til at least January. I actually had originally rang for an appointment so I could speak to him in person and he wouldnt entertain it. He said that I'd have to wait until 6 months before the wedding to start my documentation and that there is no guarantee they would approve us for the church, yet they wanted full payment non refundable for our place by December. Essentially I could have ended up paying 250 for the church by december only to be told they refuse and then i'm left 6 months before the wedding with No church, no priest and 250 out of pocket.

I then spoke to our current parish priest which I've never met. Truth is we haven't been to the new church since we moved location, and when he asked if we lived in the same place he was extremley disappointed to hear that myself and Hubby to be are already living together and that we dont have to go to different parishes for our pre-nuptial inquiries. I was pretty upset and I came off the phone feeling like he was trying to make me feel ashamed of the fact that I already live with my other half.

After all the Hulaballoo we a were both upset, we felt we were being poked into a judgmental box and that surely there was a more straighforward less judgy way of having a spiritual ceremony.

I was so down yesterday, I felt so dismissed and upset over the whole thing.

fits

Well I am not surprised. They are the architects of their own demise with that sort of behaviour. I couldn't be bothered with it from the start.

But, I am very sorry to hear they upset you. Hope you find a better solution now.

Gatica

Broken Strings, that sounds like a horrible experience, very sorry to hear it. I'm sure you'll be able to find a place and solemniser that you're happy with!

OP, your wedding is actually quite soon in terms of booking a solemniser. Definitely try to email or call all of your options: Humanists, Spiritualist Union and, if it's on a weekday, the region's (where your wedding will take place) HSE registrar. Book ASAP if anyone of them has availability because non-church weddings are becoming really popular and available dates and solemnisers are booking up faster, especially for popular summer months/weekends.
We were happy with our ceremony. We had the Spiritualist Union solemniser and we requested no mentions of gods and spirits. We did find the delivery to be dry and auction-like. I think most people will say that their own ceremony was great, irrespective of things like that, and not mention delivery (no one wants to think of own wedding negatively). So like Milly33 found, the speaker may not be great. However, the format and content may suit. Best of luck.

pooch90

We found our Spiritualist spoke very well, it was Tom Colton Snr and he was very good.
We were 2 months away from wedding when we booked them so Broken Strings, I would call rather than email. Tom Colton Jr was very helpful in sorting someone at such late notice.

loveisdivine

I can recommend Dara Molloy. He will make the ceremony as religious or non religious as you like. I think he used to be an official member of the church but decided to leave because he didn't agree with the whole dogma thing.

Anyway, he was absolutely brilliant. Everyone at our wedding thought he was wonderful and even though we had only spoke a couple of times, he picked up on so many personal things and added little touches into the ceremony. It actually really surprised us!

You would have to do the legal bit at a registry office though.

If you google him he has a website.

Milly33

Plus one for Dara must say we went to a wedding where he was the celebrant as such.. He done it very nicely. Looked into it ourselves but he was too pricey but worth it if that's what you want

Here Comes The Trio

Also I don't know if it's your cup of tea because you kind of have to be at one of the ceremonies to see for yourself but the Grace Christian church do what is basically a civil ceremony, but in a non-denominational way there is a very small element of God. They're fully legal ceremonies so same as the HSE/Spiritualist/Humanist one in your hotel or chosen venue (not in the church) and they really don't have a lot of religion in it but there is a small bit. I like it because I'm somewhere in that believing-but-not-practising window so you can introduce elements of faith into a very short ceremony or keep it with as little religion as you like - I really like their ceremonies!

Also going back to how the Humanist celebrant speaks, like Priests can be so hit and miss? Many can be really dull and people just accept that as part of having a church wedding. Some HSE/Humanist/Spiritualist speakers will be passionate and some will be business like, some, like priests, may be dull, some may be hilarious. It doesn't say much about the faith as just the individual so don't be put off by one review on one type of ceremony.
Have also played at a Spiritualist ceremony and it was very similar to Humanist ones... At no point in any of these did anyone go on a massive shpeel about their beliefs. The one in the Humanist ceremony is about 5 sentences long and over in half a minute, it does not take away from the ceremony and we've played at some where it's been taken out.

Anyway for anyone else looking the options are HSE (Mon-Fri), Humanist, Spiritualist, Grace Church, and registry office. The girls at A Beautiful Ceremony also do lovely ceremonies that aren't fully legal so it would have to be reg office + ABC which is common enough, we've played for three ceremonies by them now.

Have to say they've all been lovely, HSE ceremonies are the shortest but can be very beautiful as you can add your own readings, music etc., and the format of all of them really is the same except for the odd mention of whatever organisation is celebrating the marriage. There's very little difference between the ceremonies in my opinion, but of course you have to agree with the beliefs of the individual groups too. Best of luck whatever you do, it's so exciting!

pwurple

Milly33 wrote: »

Yeah maybe it might have been alright but I wouldn't think too much of the lady herself even as a speaker very drool

Was she actually drooling? That would be offputting!

That's a poor response from both churches there, our priest told us we SHOULD be living together before we got married, and as we were already, we didn't need the pre marriage course.