Dial Hard wrote: » To be honest, this whole "What if you regret not inviting her later?" thing doesn't wash with me. All people can do in any stressful situation is make the best decision for them at the time - you can't legislate for how you might feel five, ten, fifteen years down the line. I didn't go to my brother's wedding for reasons I won't go into here, and that's all I heard from everyone - "What if you regret it in years to come?" Well, what if I do? I'll deal with that if and when the time comes. But I definitely would have regretted going there and then, so that's the choice I made. Tbh, OP, the only thing that confuses me about your scenario is why you asked her to be a bridesmaid in the first place.
mrsbyrne wrote: » OP your sister had alot of problems and thats sad BUT A. She's not a troubled teen and B. What if she steals.ftom your guests? Wedding guests are very casual about their belongings . It's s different vibe to a nightclub or a bar. There sn expectation that everybody is your friend st s wedding so you kick your handbag under the table while you get up to dance/go to the loo/buy a drink/ go for a smoke.Your guests have gone to enough expense without being robbed by a bridesmaid. Write her a kind loving but firm letter de-inviting her.
gugleguy wrote: » In the event OP you do invite your sister to your wedding, here is an admittedly unpalatable suggestion I shall make.........should your sister repeat the same offence in future on someone else, friend or family. Return your sister's wedding gift for you to her. Be prepared for this. Keep the present in it's wrapping if it's an object.
Gatica wrote: » I am surprised there was even any question of her remaining bridesmaid. As far as I can see she does not deserve this honour (let's now get into who it's an honour for), and you're hardly still going to be calling her a bridesmaid if you don't invite her. If I was you, I wouldn't invite her at all, not even as a guest. As mentioned, people are lax with with belongings at weddings. I always just leave my handbag on the chair and go dancing, as do my friends. It would leave a really sour taste in your mouth if you'd heard one or more of your guests had things stolen from them at your wedding, and it would put them in an awkward situation with you as well, as I'm sure they'd not be keen on upsetting you. On the other hand, can you be really 100% sure she took the money and that there hasn't been someone else in the house, you child didn't play with it, it fell in behind some furniture, or fiance forgot he'd put it into his pants pockets, etc...? It's happened before where I was sure I put something in a particular place only to find it was somewhere else, for example...
Sala wrote: » Only you can answer this in my opinion because of your history, family dynamic etc. If you are genuinely uncomfortable with her there, it will ruin your day, you don't deserve that
893bet wrote: » Why do people want to be so dramatic!!! So you sit at home with the box of wedding knives unopened just waiting for her to mess up so you can have your moment of "I told u so, I knew you stole from us, I didn't even open your gift two years ago, have it back". Id nearly prefer to be friends with the thief. I would invite her. Family rifts are unreparable and this would cause a serious one especially of she lives at home with your parents.
Tomato19 wrote: » like you said, people are lax at weddings, as they should be. I would be mortified if it happened to a guest. also, no children and 100% can say , there was no one else who had the opportunity
MouseTail wrote: » I am quite surprised at the harshness shown in this thread. To me, weddings, like funerals are a time where fractured families can come together and build bridges. They should not be a time where people are excluded and rifts widened, although of course they often are. But OP, it is your wedding, and your decision. I truly hope in time you and your sister can forgive each other and build a truce if not a friendship.
michellie wrote: » How about invite her but take the role of bridesmaid from her?
Her name was Lola wrote: » Has she a drug addiction?
Tomato19 wrote: » her drug is; clothes, make up and jewellery.. all for vanity
Tomato19 wrote: » hi Michellie absolutely, if she was to come, she'd be a guest. However, she would still have opportunity to cause trouble, i presume family would still give he cards in good faith as she's my sister
Eleysian wrote: » OP I am sorry for you. I thought you were describing my sister. She was in her 30s and had a serious stealing habit to support fancy shoes, bags and make-up too. I decided not to have her as a bridesmaid because of two stealing episodes about a year and a half prior to the wedding. She stole at the wedding - jewellery belonging to friends of ours and cards with some money. We never found how how much. It has cast quite a shadow over one of the best days in our life. As pointed out above by this stage she is more than old enough to act better. Two years ago I was round visiting my Mum when the guards called at the house with a warrant for her arrest - theft and fraud. I am not saying the same thing will happen to your sister but one day she will have to face the consequences - be it the law or losing her family.
Tomato19 wrote: » cant say I'm happy yo hear someone can relate personally, thats terrible, sorry she put you through that. its quite scary to realise what will happen to her if she steals from the wrong person one day.i cant help but pity her and i will feel guilty for excluding her
893bet wrote: » The cards are always handed to a best-man or one of the parents in my experience rather than a family member. I wouldnt worry too much about that to be honest.
Arbiter of Good Taste wrote: » I would be very worried. There is precedent. She's cunning and a thief. Picture this scenario Sister sees Auntie Mary who is at the drinks reception with a cuppa and holding a card: Sister: Auntie Mary! (mwah, mwah) How are you? Wasn't it a lovely ceremony? Did you make it down here alright? Auntie Mary: Hello dear (mwah, mwah), I'm great. Doesn't she look wonderful today? Have you seen the best man around? I want to give him this card before I lose it. I really do hate carrying around cash. Sister: I think they are still getting their photos taken. Let me take that off your hands. You just relax there.....
