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I don't have a diamond... and I'm quite happy with that!

Broken Strings

I recently got engaged in NYC.

Hubby to be didn't have a ring for me (he proposed using one of my own which he grabbed before we left for the airport) as he didn't know my ring size and didn't want to get me something that I wouldn't like.

We were going to wait until we got home to get the ring, but New York was so special that we decided to go ring shopping there and then and came across a beautiful little Jeweler near Times Square.

The girl behind the counter went to bring me straight to the diamonds section and I explained that I wanted something much more reasonable. She showed me a different set of rings and there was one which stood out immediately. It was a sterling silver ring with a triple split shank and a White Sapphire stone. It was the most amazing ring I've ever seen, and to me it's perfect.

I didn't want an expensive ring for a couple of reasons:

1. I don't think I could enjoy wearing my ring if it was worth a few grand. Constantly terrified that i'd lose it (I'm pretty clumsy sometimes and misplace stuff) or that it would be stolen.

2. I'd much prefer myself and hubby-to-be start saving for the wedding itself, we also have a house and i'd like to continue to put money into that

3. I think when the ring becomes more important than the proposal itself, then you've already lost the meaning of what getting married is all about. To me the commitment part is much more important.

Anywhoo, I kinda operate an each to their own kind of attitude and I also know a lot of people who have expensive rings which they adore and have no regrets about getting. I can also totally understand this as it will be a ring you wear for the rest of your life so I can understand why people would like to invest the money in it if they have it.

What I don't appreciate is one person in particular who kind of dismissed my ring when they found out it wasn't a diamond. They got a ring for their fiancée in a very expensive Jewelers and were very vocal about boasting about price. This makes me uncomfortable and a little angry because my ring is so special to me and to have someone look down on it is disheartening and i'm not sure how to deal with it.

Any thoughts on this? Have any of you been in a similar situation?

I know that I wouldn't change my ring for the world and I'm so excited about getting married, but it would be nice to see if there has been anyone else in the same boat when it comes to people being rude :P

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kippy

Broken Strings wrote: »

I recently got engaged in NYC.

Hubby to be didn't have a ring for me (he proposed using one of my own which he grabbed before we left for the airport) as he didn't know my ring size and didn't want to get me something that I wouldn't like.

We were going to wait until we got home to get the ring, but New York was so special that we decided to go ring shopping there and then and came across a beautiful little Jeweler near Times Square.

The girl behind the counter went to bring me straight to the diamonds section and I explained that I wanted something much more reasonable. She showed me a different set of rings and there was one which stood out immediately. It was a sterling silver ring with a triple split shank and a White Sapphire stone. It was the most amazing ring I've ever seen, and to me it's perfect.

I didn't want an expensive ring for a couple of reasons:

1. I don't think I could enjoy wearing my ring if it was worth a few grand. Constantly terrified that i'd lose it (I'm pretty clumsy sometimes and misplace stuff) or that it would be stolen.

2. I'd much prefer myself and hubby-to-be start saving for the wedding itself, we also have a house and i'd like to continue to put money into that

3. I think when the ring becomes more important than the proposal itself, then you've already lost the meaning of what getting married is all about. To me the commitment part is much more important.

Anywhoo, I kinda operate an each to their own kind of attitude and I also know a lot of people who have expensive rings which they adore and have no regrets about getting. I can also totally understand this as it will be a ring you wear for the rest of your life so I can understand why people would like to invest the money in it if they have it.

What I don't appreciate is one person in particular who kind of dismissed my ring when they found out it wasn't a diamond. They got a ring for their fiancée in a very expensive Jewelers and were very vocal about boasting about price. This makes me uncomfortable and a little angry because my ring is so special to me and to have someone look down on it is disheartening and i'm not sure how to deal with it.

Any thoughts on this? Have any of you been in a similar situation?

I know that I wouldn't change my ring for the world and I'm so excited about getting married, but it would be nice to see if there has been anyone else in the same boat when it comes to people being rude :P

There's plenty people like that in the world.
Be it, the price of their house/car/handbag/holiday etc etc

At the end of the day you did what you wanted to do, for the right reasons.
Fair play to you.

eviltwin

Its one thing to be proud of your ring but bragging is another thing. I don't like bragging full stop, doesn't make a difference if your talking about your house, car, ring, holiday whatever. Its tacky, no one else cares about your things as much as you do.

Tasden

Neyite wrote: »

I did a traditional engagement, diamonds and everything. But I pay more every month to the creche than I spent on a ring. So traditional does not = biggest purchase.

Ok.

I'm not going to argue the point that an engagement ring generally is one of the biggest purchases a couple (or the husband to be) will make together. I never said that it was "the biggest purchase" they WILL make or that they wouldn't spend a similar amount of money on other bills etc. Its a big purchase on one thing, even if not in cost, its a big one off special purchase and generally if they are going the traditional route a lot of the time they will be going by traditional guidelines of cost too. It is a big purchase in terms of cost, the fact parents pay colossal amounts on childcare doesn't negate this. I don't see why that is what you are taking from my post? If someone is bragging about the diamond being a certain value then it WAS a big purchase and probably one of the biggest they've made together so far. Nowhere in my post did i say every couple considers their engagement ring to be the one thing they have ever spent the most amount of money on.???

Neyite

Tasden wrote: »

I said one of the biggest purchases. Which it is. Nobody would bat an eyelid at someone discussing features of their new car or how many bedrooms their house has or how stunning the beaches were on holidays, yet when someone brags about a ring its looked down on by people imo. And i think its a little unfair because its a nice and romantic time for them and they just want to celebrate that.

I did a traditional engagement, diamonds and everything. But I pay more every month to the creche than I spent on a ring. So traditional does not = biggest purchase.

Tasden

Neyite wrote: »

It isnt the biggest purchase they'll make as a couple though. A car, or a mortgage, are bigger financial commitments. And in terms of memories, a wedding day, or the birth of your children far eclipses the joy of an engagement.

I'm polite, and would never say anything if people were bragging, I had a girl who absolutely hated me show off her ring to me after months of making my life a misery. A great oppertunity to get my own back if I wanted, but I was polite and congratulated her and complimented her ring, even though it wasnt to my personal taste.

But to put someone elses choice of ring down to their face and make them feel bad about their choice is snobbish and arrogant and distasteful, and there is no excuse for that. Its simply bad manners.

I said one of the biggest purchases. Which it is. Nobody would bat an eyelid at someone discussing features of their new car or how many bedrooms their house has or how stunning the beaches were on holidays, yet when someone brags about a ring its looked down on by people imo. And i think its a little unfair because its a nice and romantic time for them and they just want to celebrate that.

I wasn't saying that it was ok for anyone to put down someone else's ring or to start bragging about their own ring in response to someone else's, that's a given, i just feel like a lot of people seem to think its wrong or distasteful for a woman to be excited about a diamond ring or for a man to discuss the clarity or value of it. And the fact that there will be bigger and better memories or purchases ahead doesn't negate it tbh, just because I've given birth and experienced the most special day of my life doesn't mean that everything else yet to happen throughout my life is going to pale in significance, if someone were to propose to me I would still consider it a huge moment and get excited regardless of the fact that the actual marriage is more important or that the wedding will be more significant.

Neyite

Tasden wrote: »

Its a huge occasion to get engaged and for those who decide to get the traditional ring its one of the biggest purchases they'll make as a couple (or their husband to be will make) and it is a show of how much he loves her- not a measure of it but it is his way of demonstrating it- so why begrudge them having a brag about it? Its a beautiful piece of jewellery in itself, even if its not to your taste, and its expensive, of course they want the whole world to see it and know the story behind it. I'm not mad on diamonds but if a girl comes in to work waving her hand about and discussing clarity and value etc I let her have her moment and i woo over how beautiful it is because it's her moment and its something she obviously adores.

Same with if a guy brags about the ring he bought, its a huge purchase and he spent time researching it and saving for it or what have you- let him have his moment to brag about that, hes doing something purely to make his fiance feel special and loved so too right he should feel proud about it.

Yeah it might seem a bit tacky but jesus we've enough doom and gloom already, its one moment in their life that's joyful and romantic and special, I'm not gonna begrudge them for bragging.

I'm incredibly picky about jewellery and my style/taste changes depending on my mood or where I'm going or what I'm wearing, so the idea of one ring that symbolises so much doesn't appeal to me at all really.

It isnt the biggest purchase they'll make as a couple though. A car, or a mortgage, are bigger financial commitments. And in terms of memories, a wedding day, or the birth of your children far eclipses the joy of an engagement.

I'm polite, and would never say anything if people were bragging, I had a girl who absolutely hated me show off her ring to me after months of making my life a misery. A great oppertunity to get my own back if I wanted, but I was polite and congratulated her and complimented her ring, even though it wasnt to my personal taste.

But to put someone elses choice of ring down to their face and make them feel bad about their choice is snobbish and arrogant and distasteful, and there is no excuse for that. Its simply bad manners.

pooch90

Broken Strings wrote: »

He even went so far as to suggest that my ring should only be counted as the proposal ring and that I need to start organizing private sittings with the Jeweler that he went with to get a better one because he couldn't understand why it wasn't a diamond. I found that pretty insulting to be honest.

That guy is a tool!!!

I have a diamond E-ring and band. Love them.
My E-ring is a 1/2 carat but is a marquise cut that looks bigger than 1/2c.
I couldn't give a crap how big it is or what it is. I love it, it suits my personality.
When we were getting it made I said I wanted something that if my nails were broken and I was having a tracksuit day it would still suit me. I have small fingers and hands so a big whopper wouldn't suit me anyway.
Whatever ring you choose should represent your personality and tastes not the rest of society's.

The alexandrite rings are very unusual and unique.

Broken Strings

Tasden wrote: »

Am i the only one who doesn't get irritated by people "bragging" about their diamond ring?

Its a huge occasion to get engaged and for those who decide to get the traditional ring its one of the biggest purchases they'll make as a couple (or their husband to be will make) and it is a show of how much he loves her- not a measure of it but it is his way of demonstrating it- so why begrudge them having a brag about it? Its a beautiful piece of jewellery in itself, even if its not to your taste, and its expensive, of course they want the whole world to see it and know the story behind it. I'm not mad on diamonds but if a girl comes in to work waving her hand about and discussing clarity and value etc I let her have her moment and i woo over how beautiful it is because it's her moment and its something she obviously adores.

Same with if a guy brags about the ring he bought, its a huge purchase and he spent time researching it and saving for it or what have you- let him have his moment to brag about that, hes doing something purely to make his fiance feel special and loved so too right he should feel proud about it.

Yeah it might seem a bit tacky but jesus we've enough doom and gloom already, its one moment in their life that's joyful and romantic and special, I'm not gonna begrudge them for bragging.

I'm incredibly picky about Jewellery and my style/taste changes depending on my mood or where I'm going or what I'm wearing, so the idea of one ring that symbolises so much doesn't appeal to me at all really.

I have no problem with him bragging about it, and if that's all he was doing then It would be fine. As I said in my original post, each to their own. I've seen some absolutely stunning engagement rings which would have been a million miles out of our price range but they do look fantastic on the ladies who wear them.

What made me uncomfortable about the situation was him bragging about his ring off the back of being judgmental about mine. It felt like a serious put down. He even went so far as to suggest that my ring should only be counted as the proposal ring and that I need to start organizing private sittings with the Jeweler that he went with to get a better one because he couldn't understand why it wasn't a diamond. I found that pretty insulting to be honest.

As I mentioned, I have no problem with anyone paying a lot of money for an expensive ring if that makes them happy, after all it will be the ring that they'll wear with their wedding band for the rest of their life if they wish so if they'd like to splash out, more power to them. I have my own reasons for not getting a diamond but that doesn't mean I don't respect their decision as long as they aren't nasty about my own choice.

Tasden

Am i the only one who doesn't get irritated by people "bragging" about their diamond ring?

Its a huge occasion to get engaged and for those who decide to get the traditional ring its one of the biggest purchases they'll make as a couple (or their husband to be will make) and it is a show of how much he loves her- not a measure of it but it is his way of demonstrating it- so why begrudge them having a brag about it? Its a beautiful piece of jewellery in itself, even if its not to your taste, and its expensive, of course they want the whole world to see it and know the story behind it. I'm not mad on diamonds but if a girl comes in to work waving her hand about and discussing clarity and value etc I let her have her moment and i woo over how beautiful it is because it's her moment and its something she obviously adores.

Same with if a guy brags about the ring he bought, its a huge purchase and he spent time researching it and saving for it or what have you- let him have his moment to brag about that, hes doing something purely to make his fiance feel special and loved so too right he should feel proud about it.

Yeah it might seem a bit tacky but jesus we've enough doom and gloom already, its one moment in their life that's joyful and romantic and special, I'm not gonna begrudge them for bragging.

I'm incredibly picky about jewellery and my style/taste changes depending on my mood or where I'm going or what I'm wearing, so the idea of one ring that symbolises so much doesn't appeal to me at all really.

Neyite

Hold the Cheez Whiz wrote: »

He bought an alexandrite solitaire, and I LOVE it. He picked it because it is my birthstone, but the really cool thing about it is that it changes color, depending on the light - outdoors, or in fluorescent light, it is green, while indoors/under incandescent light, it is purple.

Gorgeous gemstone! I love the colours in it.

OP, when I was trying on rings, the one I loved was actually cubic zirconia. But it didnt look good on my hand so I went with a different style and it just so happens that the ring I went with is diamond. I was taken with the style rather than the fact it was diamond. It could have just as easily been another gemstone. I also didnt want an expensive ring. Mine cost about the same as a months rent and that was the max amount of money in jewellery I was prepared to wear on me. I've had loads of compliments on it, and if I won the euromillions tomorrow I wouldnt swap it. Its my penguin pebble.

I find it amusing when I hear some couples bang on about the 4'c like amateur gemologists, when they wouldnt know it from a bit of glass, moreso when they start on about the ring being an investment - resale values for jewellery are not great. I understand wanting to get the best deal for your money, and respect that, but bragging about how much they spent on a ring is a bit vulgar to me. Its not something to invest in for resale?

I love creativity and individuality, and to hear a ring story like yours is waay more interesting and personal and romantic than to hear someone talk about how much their big carat diamond cost them, in Big Jewellers on the High Street, and how they shopped around and bored everyone senseless about the 4C's yawn.

Enjoy your beautiful ring. I didnt even know white sapphires existed until this thread. They are gorgeous!

lazygal

CaraMay wrote: »

Boasting about a ring whether it's a 1 carat diamond or .1 carat ruby is just tasteless. People have different values and it's neither right nor wrong to go for the ring you like - no matter what the style. I don't have an engagement ring but do find a lot of smugness on this forum towards couples who have gone for traditional diamond rings.

It's just seems to me that everyone is judging everyone else!!! Each to their own people!!

I tend to agree. I don't have a diamond myself but there is a air of superiority from some quarters that they didn't 'fall' for the diamond marketing spin or get an expensive piece of jewellery and their more individual choice somehow makes them better than those who went for an extravagant 'standard' diamond and gold ring.

I got engaged four years ago this month and no one, and I mean no one, comments on my rings any more - and they are all non diamond rings. People really don't think you're as different as some like to make out just because you got something out of the norm.

CaraMay

Boasting about a ring whether it's a 1 carat diamond or .1 carat ruby is just tasteless. People have different values and it's neither right nor wrong to go for the ring you like - no matter what the style. I don't have an engagement ring but do find a lot of smugness on this forum towards couples who have gone for traditional diamond rings.

It's just seems to me that everyone is judging everyone else!!! Each to their own people!!

CaraMay

Boasting about a ring whether it's a 1 carat diamond or .1 carat ruby is just tasteless. People have different values and it's neither right not wrong to go for the ring you like - no matter what the style. I don't have an engagement ring but do find a lot of smugness on this forum towards couples who have gone for traditional diamond rings.

It's just seems to me that everyone is judging everyone else!!! Each to their own people!!

Gatica

Hold the Cheez Whiz wrote: »

That said, my husband's brother kept insisting that "all women want diamonds" and that I was "just saying that" when I insisted that I didn't. :rolleyes:

ugh, I hate when people keep contradicting what you say you want or like. Especially when it's accompanied by, "you'll see, you'll change your mind, *wink*" as if they know you better than you know yourself... frustrating.

fits

Gatica wrote: »

I wouldn't agree with that, diamonds are still the hardest naturally occurring stone. Though looking it up, seems that rubies are pretty close.
Makes no difference to stones in jewellery though, I'd imagine. Most people don't go around doing hard manual labour wearing their delicate jewellery..

As I mentioned, I have seen an emerald ring that was fairly damaged. A robust style was important to me anyway as I do muck around a bit and am worried ill lose the ring if I take it off very often.

Toots

If anyone's interested, here's a link to a page that has a good listing of gemstone hardness according to the Mohs Scale

http://www.gemselect.com/gem-info/gem-hardness-info.php

Gatica

Princess Peach wrote: »

Our goldsmith was such a talker, loved to chat about his work, I feel I could write a pamphlet about ruby rings :pac:

Rubies are as hard diamonds and sapphires, apparently anything below that is classed semi - precious (I think)

And rubies are more expensive per carat than diamonds. Buuuuut for a diamond to look good it needs a good bit of depth you don't need that so much with coloured stones. So while my ruby is a good diameter its pretty shallow, so less carats than a similar diameter diamond and so better value.

I had always wanted a ruby though, before I knew all these self important facts :pac:

I wouldn't agree with that, diamonds are still the hardest naturally occurring stone. Though looking it up, seems that rubies are pretty close.
Makes no difference to stones in jewellery though, I'd imagine. Most people don't go around doing hard manual labour wearing their delicate jewellery..

Hold the Cheez Whiz

I told my (now) husband before we got engaged that I didn't want a diamond, and I preferred simple jewelry (I should also add that he was the one who insisted on an engagement ring, not me). He bought an alexandrite solitaire, and I LOVE it. He picked it because it is my birthstone, but the really cool thing about it is that it changes color, depending on the light - outdoors, or in fluorescent light, it is green, while indoors/under incandescent light, it is purple.

I haven't received too many snarky comments about the ring, just some occasional confusion, and a few disappointed "Oh"s when people demanded to see what they expected to be a big honking diamond ring (these are usually second cousins). That said, my husband's brother kept insisting that "all women want diamonds" and that I was "just saying that" when I insisted that I didn't. :rolleyes:

ABajaninCork

I have a beautiful Tanzanite dress ring I bought in Barbados years ago. Sadly, I've lost the stone, but fully intend to replace it the next time I'm in Hatton Garden.

My engagement ring is a half carat diamond. It's an emerald cut in the centre, with baguette shoulders. A mate of mine got engaged a little earlier than I did and was busy boasting about her 1ct diamond. (The biatch in me can tell you, the diamonds were sh1te, and didn't sparkle like mine did but never mind! :P) She saw mine and commented on how 'dainty' it was. The nose was also turned up when she saw my wedding ring - it's patterned and NO DIAMONDS which is what I wanted. I hate the all diamonds look (engagement, wedding and eternity ring)- it's a bit Footballer's Wives to me. But - that's just my taste. To each their own!

I now have an eternity ring. But I wear it on my right hand. It's an antique 1ct 3-stone yellow gold diamond twist that I just fell in love with whilst browsing in Cork- I wanted to wait until we went to the Jewellery Quarter in Birmingham when we next went home.

OP - I just LOVE the sound of your ring. It's different (I've never seen a white sapphire before - hint, hint

). A friend of mine has a yellow sapphire, and yet another has an aquamarine which looks so pretty. I love coloured stones, but other than rubies/sapphires/emeralds, none of the pastels suit me.

Dorothy Roxy

I don't have an engagement ring because I proposed to him with a watch! Plenty have asked when I am getting an engagement ring and I tell them I'm not. To me getting engaged was about us committing to each other not about me getting a new piece of jewellery.

Some people have diamonds, some rubys and some, like my future hubbie, have a watch. As long as it makes you happy who cares what anyone else think you should have.

[Deleted User]

It would be a very dull World if we all liked the same things! Had to look up Tanzanite. It's a beautiful stone. No matter what your engagement ring is made of, wear it with pride for what it signifies. LVE, LOVE LOVE.

Gatica

OP, it's very rude to not admire someone's engagement ring, whether it's in one's taste or not. That person was being very rude.
In any case, as many threads on Boards have shown, people have had all sorts of engagement rings, from a few euro to thousands, and in silver, palladium, etc... with different precious or semi-precious stones. The important thing is the couple is happy with it. Yours sounds beautiful, and if you're happy with it, don't worry what some classless twit thinks!

Toots

I've seen loads of gorgeous engagement rings that aren't diamonds. My cousin had a really unusual one, I think it was called Tanzanite? I could have imagined that name, but whatever it was, it was amazing looking.

My own wedding ring and engagement ring are diamonds but my eternity ring is sapphires. It means the world to me, besides the occasion for giving the ring, sapphires are my son's birthstone.

An engagement ring could be an onion ring, all that really matters is the sentiment behind it.

OP remind your colleague of the colossal sapphire Kate Middleton wears and see does he approve of that, seeing as it probably cost 20 times what he paid for his ring!

Liam McPoyle

Myself and o/h went to Antwerp to get her ring. She always said she didnt want a diamond so went with a sapphire as the main stone with small diamonds on the band. She too prefers the more vintage style and fell in love with it as soon as she saw it. That Im aware of nobody has ever said anything about it not having a main diamond and tbh, if someone did my arsehole detector would go into over drive.

Milly33

I do have a diamond!! ecckk but to be honest it would not bother me if it was plastic.. Himself went and picked it out before he proposed and the whole thought that he went and done this for me was much more than the diamond.. It wouldn't bother me what it was or

Seb_bixby

I just mentioned this thread to himself and he said that he always thought of the engagement ring as the same as the pebble that pengiuns give to each other!

Not having a clue what he meant, he told me that male penguins search beaches to find the perfect pebble to give to their female mate and when they find it and give it to them it means that they have mated for life and even if they are split up by storms or for long periods of time they will stay faithful to each other until they are together again.
I thought this was a lovely way to put into perspective the whole diamond/ not a diamond thing.

It all depends what is the perfect "pebble" for your mate.

(He surprises me everyday!:))

fits

Birdie086 wrote: »

I do have a diamond, but it's a teeny tiny one, about 1/2 a carat.

My mam had given it to my step father on a tie-pin when they got engaged. He passed away a few years ago and she gave the diamond to me.

We got it set on a nice, plain solid 9ct gold band by a local jeweller.

half a carat isn't teeny tiny! Besides, I think the overall design is much more important than the size of the stone, and this one means something to you.

Broken Strings

Thanks for all the responses ladies!

It's so nice to see that people have an array of different stones and that diamonds don't have to be the default.

I'm in love with my ring and even more in love with my fiancee and i'm just so happy that he proposed in NYC as it was our first time really travelling together (After nearly 7 years together!) It topped off what was already a trip of a lifetime in my eyes as we had travelled around North America and Canada for a few weeks before hand.

I'm sure you all have stunning rings!

Birdie086

I do have a diamond, but it's a teeny tiny one, about 1/2 a carat.

My mam had given it to my step father on a tie-pin when they got engaged. He passed away a few years ago and she gave the diamond to me.

We got it set on a nice, plain solid 9ct gold band by a local jeweller.

John Mason

i dont have a diamond either - mine is an amethyst which i choose.

i love it . it is so different to anything else i have seen. people are always commenting on it