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Child Item

New technology and gizmos that can go and ask our collective lovely årses

IvaBigWun

So apparently the iPhone 6 is just hours away and as I look at my own smartphone here I wonder; "what the fcuk do we need on a new phone that we don't already have now?"

The one upmanship between Apple and Samsung is now like something out of a playground.

What new technology and gizmos can go and ask our collective lovely årses?

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byronbay2

Karl Stein wrote: »

We're onto something we are.

Hey, you're the brains of the operation - I'm just glad if I can help (even in a small way) towards getting this world-changing invention onto the shelves of every retailer on earth. Just imagine it, a world where children no longer have to chew their food - Da Vinci dreamed of it but couldn't bring the idea to fruition! I don't want or expect anything in return for my input except perhaps a quick mention in your speech at the Nobel Prize-giving ceremony.

ancapailldorcha

eamonnq wrote: »

but it could not play Angry Birds.

Angry Birds pales in comparison to Snake.

Quin_Dub

solomafioso wrote: »

This. Waste of time and money...

catallus wrote: »

Soap dispensers? Seriously, you have a problem with that?

Best thing since sliced bread.

No.. It's pointless...

S....Don't touch it because it might have germs????

But I'm just about to wash my hands with your superdedouper Anti-bacterial soap???

So why the hell does it matter if I have a few germs on my hands a split second before that?????

cerebus

DubDJ wrote: »

Decent battery life. How nobody has realised this and invested resources into it I'll never know. I couldn't care how thinner my phone gets anymore.

Lots of people are working on battery technology, but the problem is that it is a really difficult thing to solve - hardcore chemistry and physics problems.

catallus

Quin_Dub wrote: »

No.. It's pointless...

It isn't pointless at all. Integrating motion-sensor technology into household items is the way of the future.

I have one of those soap-dispensers and I couldn't live without it; I shudder to think of all of the backward thinking luddite households in this country and beyond, sliding their grimy uncouth hands on their filthy plastic manually-operated soap dispensers. Absolutely abhorrent. Think of the grime that builds up on it!?? :eek::mad:

Cienciano

DubDJ wrote: »

Decent battery life. How nobody has realised this and invested resources into it I'll never know. I couldn't care how thinner my phone gets anymore.

You'll be happy with the direction Sony are going:
http://www.cnet.com/news/sony-doesnt-believe-2k-screens-are-worth-the-battery-trade-off/

Wibbs

OSI wrote: »

Smartwatches.

"God, my phone is so far away in my pocket. If only I had a much smaller, restricted version strapped to my wrist with even worse battery life"

Funny enough pocket watch wearers said pretty much the same thing about the wristwatch when it came out(and suggested it was only for ladies). Though the one big diff is that a wristwatch is more convenient, easier to read in a hurry and has the exact same info that the pocket watch has. A "smart" watch simply won't. It can't. Now if they had brought oout a smart watch back in the days of tiny screened mobiles they might have taken off but not now, or I really really doubt it. Don't get me started on the daftness and potential twat labeling device that is google glass.

catallus wrote: »

I have one of those soap-dispensers and I couldn't live without it; I shudder to think of all of the backward thinking luddite households in this country and beyond, sliding their grimy uncouth hands on their filthy plastic manually-operated soap dispensers. Absolutely abhorrent. Think of the grime that builds up on it!?? :eek::mad:

Exposure to bacteria is in the vast majority of cases beneficial to humans. The larger an ecosystem of bacteria you carry, in and on your body the healthier you will be. For a start you'll be highly unlikely to have any allergies. About the biggest reason a large percentage of kids today are huffing inhalers and being generally allergic to every goddamned thing is because a generation(and more) were convinced that bacteria were bad and attempted to sterilise everything, or tried to kill them with antibiotics. Plus "antibacterial soap" is largely a con. Ordinary soap will kill/remove just as many.

catallus

Fine. Let's all just wash with a rag on a stick then! Jesus! :mad:

Wibbs

Yep. You'd be better off. Lick your dog and cat while you're at it and let them lick your face after they've run around in the world picking up all the good stuff.

jmayo

Trigger Happy wrote: »

Japanese toilets with automatic 'bidet' function. Gave me a hell of a shock the first time I got a 'blast' of warm water whilst having some loo time.

I am lost a bit, is the new iphone going to have a bidet function.

Fecking hell I heard they were going to wipe Samsung's ar**, but this is taking to a whole new level.

Karl Stein wrote: »

I've recently patented the 'ChewBot'. It's a robot that chews your food for you and then spits it into your mouth; it will take the hassle out of having to chew your own food.

I'll save you some time, ever heard of a blender ?

Karl Stein

jmayo wrote: »

I'll save you some time, ever heard of a blender ?

No NO NO.

The consistency was to be chewed not blended. Anyway the idea has moved on to the Digesti-Bot™ where the food will go into the formerly named ChewBot's mouth and come out the DigestiBot's bum-hole onto a plate.

Do keep up. Sheesh.

The Strawman Argument

Trigger Happy wrote: »

Japanese toilets with automatic 'bidet' function. Gave me a hell of a shock the first time I got a 'blast' of warm water whilst having some loo time.

You can get ones of these that can be controlled by a smartphone app now, so presumably you can do things like literally scare the **** out of your visitors by abruptly turning on the bidet option while they're on it.

The Strawman Argument

cerebus wrote: »

Lots of people are working on battery technology, but the problem is that it is a really difficult thing to solve - hardcore chemistry and physics problems.

...and basically all the real advancements still seem to come from making hardware less power hungry

Call Me Jimmy

Last_Minute wrote: »

It's not Apples or Samsung's fault, its the consumers who but them that create the demand.

Genuine question, is it the consumers that create a demand in this instance?

Consumers: Hey technology companies, you got all that manufacturing equipment and knowledge just lying around gathering dust and costing money, make something for me will ye, I'll pay ye?

or the technology companies say:

Hey we made something with all our manufacturing equipment and knowledge, our design and marketing geniuses will tell ye all about it but safe to say it's grreeeeat.

Sounds like I'm being facetious and juvenile... maybe I am.

_Kaiser_

I was gonna watch the stream for the IPhone 6 launch out of curiosity but it won't work on their site without their own browser/OS

Clever! I'm quite happy with my Note 3 but good way to drive off new customers :rolleyes:

Lenin Skynard

IvaBigWun wrote: »

Is it past beta yet?

It's for sale on the US Play store.

IvaBigWun

_Kaiser_ wrote: »

I was gonna watch the stream for the IPhone 6 launch out of curiosity but it won't work on their site without their own browser/OS

Says it all really.

FloatingVoter

I am keeping a close eye on the interactive sex doll industry. When they invent one that cooks dinner and does the dishes I'm investing.

ScumLord

Trigger Happy wrote: »

Japanese toilets with automatic 'bidet' function. Gave me a hell of a shock the first time I got a 'blast' of warm water whilst having some loo time.

I'm sure there's an app for those toilets, I just hope it's called smartarse.

Samsung have teamed up with oculus rift to make a mobile version of their VR headset. I think it won't take off though, mostly because their customers will probably end up dead from wandering in front of traffic while going for a stroll in their VR world.

Bang_Bang

FloatingVoter wrote: »

I am keeping a close eye on the interactive sex doll industry. When they invent one that cooks dinner and does the dishes I'm investing.

Where have you been??? I have the "flap master 5000" at home. Savage bit of kit. Cooks, cleans, takes the kids to school and .........

*Dramatisation may not have happened.

IvaBigWun

Wibbs wrote: »

Yep. You'd be better off. Lick your dog and cat while you're at it and let them lick your face after they've run around in the world picking up all the good stuff.

They say if your kid is playing in muck to more or less push his or her head into it. Perhaps not when the neighbours are watching.

Akrasia

I've sent my kids off to Liberia to do volunteer work in a funeral home. Good to get the immune system going

KungPao

I was playing with a super duper touchscreen Quad HD Samsung Laptop today which was the thickness of a slice of ham...decidedly underwhelming for me. The small screen with a ridiculous resolution just for the sake of it...needed a magnifying glass to see anything - and I have 20/20 vision.

I can see tech junkies lapping it up, but I think it's technology that's just not needed.

And even though Windows 8 is now 8.1, it's still horrible. I just hope my perfect Windows 7 gets a good few more years support.

3D was bull****. Curved TVs are bull****. Ultra HD is bull****...unless you have, like, a 100 inch telly.

Fr_Dougal

DubDJ wrote: »

Decent battery life. How nobody has realised this and invested resources into it I'll never know. I couldn't care how thinner my phone gets anymore.

You've never heard of the Sony Xperia Z2 then? Or the HTC One M8?

ShadowHearth

As mentioned already: smart watches. Looks like the latest fashion item. What a stupid piece of ****.

Putting 4k resolution in to mobile phones or small screen laptops. Why's the point of it?! Something that you barely notice, but it will take a massive hit on performance of device.
Those high resolution screens on laptops are even worse. Even very high end desktop pcs struggle to handle 4k resolution and they are putting it in laptop, which is crippled in performance by design.

srsly78

Yeah, 300x200 should be good enough for anyone. Oh, and 256 colours is loads.

KungPao

We all know that tech peaked when Alan Sugar had the good grace to allow us to play with his new toy - the exquisite Amstrad 6128+.

What a machine.

Everything since has been superfluous.

The Th!ng

There is no such thing as a smart phone. The word 'smartphone' is marketing bolloxology.

Pat Mustard

Hah. I remember the days when it was cool to have an FM radio on your phone.

Luckily, Apple and Samsung are rid of that, so you can now attempt to stream it over the internet, with varying degrees of failure and frustration.

I suppose next we'll have to route all our calls and texts over the internet because some 'studies show a trend of interest' in that.

Link

Our studies show a trend shift of interest to digital broadcasting, specifically – focus on listening to music content in social networks or on the channel YouTube. The flagship model of our products are focused on customers who use digital content, which use modern formats and channels of information consumption. (translated from Russian).

Bang_Bang

The Mustard wrote: »

Hah. I remember the days when it was cool to have an FM radio on your phone.

Luckily, Apple and Samsung are rid of that, so you can now attempt to stream it over the internet, with varying degrees of failure and frustration.

I suppose next we'll have to route all our calls and texts over the internet because some 'studies show a trend of interest' in that.

Link

I used to have a pager around 1993. Right before the 088 phones came out.