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Younger women and older men and vice versa?

steddyeddy

The most surprising thing I learned in college is that younger women like older men! Although I have had offers from younger women (around 5-6 years younger) I don't feel comfortable with it. Is an age difference a big deal and would you go out with a younger/older man/woman?

Edit: For example I was chatting to one girl just to see would I change my mind. It didn't. My worst fear is going to bed with her and waking up the next morning to hear her signing "call me maybe" in the shower :S. (Which happened to a mate of mine).

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IamMe33

mauzo! wrote: »

When I was 16 I went out with my boss, he was 26. He refused to have sex with me until I was 18.

I was disgusted Now I know he was doing what he felt was right, I just kept thinking, Im hot, Im 16, have sex with me!

I think I was preying on him then!

A Stockholm syndrome meets Lolita if you will.

Tarzana

Candie wrote: »

Most men aren't the evergreens they sometimes think they are

+1 There's very few men I think look better in middle age than they did in their 20s. Ah, people will say, women are more attracted to social status in menfolk. Yeah, it's more of a factor with women, but a lot of us love really handsome men too, just as men love beautiful women.

massdebater

I owe it to my future 40 year old self to bang any 18+ hotties that I get a chance to.

prizefighter

Sir Arthur Daley wrote: »

Age is only a number.

In the immortal words of Gary glitter.

Vinz Mesrine

I'm 30, my girlfriend is 23. We're together 5 years now.

Pwindedd

steddyeddy wrote: »

Can I ask the ladies why they like older men?

Because (and this is a generalisation to some extent) they've stopped giving a **** about what anyone else thinks, they tend to know what they want from life, they're more honest, have more experience of life...(and other things

)

But I think the thing I like most about older men (and my feminist/egalitarian friends would hang me in the square at dawn for admitting this) they have the remnants of chivalry about them. They do the door holding thing, the dinner buying thing, the protective instinct is still very much there. And I find this extremely attractive.

My husband is 16 years older than me, we met when I was 27.

Wibbs

steddyeddy wrote: »

Yea I would agree with that. I don't judge anyone else it's just not for me. I do notice that some of the young ones seem to want to get an older man for the challenge of it.

Some of my women mates, a minority mind you, went through an "older bloke" phase alright. Maybe it's just a thing for some women? Most didn't. They did go for guys a few years older as a general rule though. One took it to much older bloke levels. Like her 24 them 50 kinda thing. Electra complex wasn't in it. Last time we chatted she was living with a bloke knocking on the door of 60 and she was 35. They're rare enough though IME at that extreme anyway and in every single case I've seen they had near cliche levels of "daddy issues".

steddyeddy wrote: »

She looks about 20 Shane :S.

and...

Seriously though Ted 30 to 24 is nothing. That's not an age gap IMHO. 30 to 19 on the other hand would be. I grew up around age gaps in my family. EG 16 years between my father and mother. Was a bit of a pattern. So I didn't see it as odd. My biggest age gap in a longtermer was also 16 years funny enough. Another was 13 years. The closest was 7 years. Family influence ahoy.

SaoirseRose

It's a maturity thing IMO. Dispute it all you like, but generally women mature faster than men - at least up to the age of 25; after that it evens out more.

My first relationship had a 7 yr age gap and lasted 5 years, he was 23 and I was 16 when we met. Didn't sleep together til I was almost 19 (getting that in before the pitch forks come out about legalities here). People act so shocked when I tell them the age gap, but none of our friends or family batted an eyelid at the time because we were completely on the same page maturity wise and you just wouldn't have known there was a difference at all.

Since then, most guys I've dated have been a fair bit older and my OH now is 35 (I'm 28).

I did date a guy a year younger once very briefly in my early 20s, but I just couldn't take him seriously, we had nothing in common at all. That said, once you hit late 20's I think males&females become more on the same wavelength.

vandriver

"My worst fear is going to bed with her and waking up the next morning to hear her signing "call me maybe" in the shower"
Was she deaf?

Czarcasm

Obviously it's such an individual thing that it's impossible to speak in general terms. From my own perspective, I wouldn't be able to get around the age gap (even five years), and I know people say "age is just a number", it's not really, it's also a good indicator of life stage and maturity level.

I have women friends from 17 to 70 and it gives me a pain in my face the amount of times I'll hear "I'm more mature for my age than most of my friends", or "I don't feel 60 at all", good for them, that's their opinion and all, but it's not necessarily one I'd share given my experience of other people in that age range. They're grand to talk to, great mates and all and we have a laugh together, but I could never see myself in a relationship with them.

Wibbs

Pwindedd wrote: »

But I think the thing I like most about older men (and my feminist/egalitarian friends would hang me in the square at dawn for admitting this) they have the remnants of chivalry about them. They do the door holding thing, the dinner buying thing, the protective instinct is still very much there. And I find this extremely attractive.

I reckon P that much of this has an instinctive vibe going on. A holdover from our ancient past kinda thing. Like height in men. In the modern world where we're not bashing each other over the head with clubs a man's height shouldn't matter one bit, but it seems to. Few enough women will go out with a guy shorter than them and tall women(6ft or over) will usually tell you their dating options are pretty reduced. Shorter guys have fewer options. Daft, but if does seem to be the case.

Age in men may be similar. Back in the ancient past a guy over 30 was a) lucky to make it that age intact b) was demonstrating better genes by doing so and c) was likely well resourced up in both goods and experience. If a couple of cavemen lads of 20 were chatting up a 17 year old woman and a 35 year old cave dude rocked up, go home lads, game over, you're fcuked, or not as the case may be. The 35 year old dude would simply have more to offer. Even by the time of ancient Greece Aristotle held that the ideal age for men and women to get married and start a family was 38 and 17 respectively. Though he wrote that when he was in his late 30's so I have my suspicions about old Ari, the chancer

Even our biology seems to back this. Men's fertility doesn't stop, it declines and it does so very slowly(if the man is healthy). A healthy fit man of 50 has the same fertility as he had at 20*. This was clearly selected for because they needed to be fertile for longer, because enough fertile women between 16 and 26 were getting with them.

SaoirseRose wrote:

It's a maturity thing IMO. Dispute it all you like, but generally women mature faster than men

Oh I would agree, though I would describe it more that women self "domesticate" within society faster than men. Men remain "wild" for longer. Women "tame" them. Unrestricted full on male testosterone mind and actions is a double edged sword. It's great for moving society forward(in art most male artists peak in their 20's. In music it's a near rule), but it's equally dangerous if not focused(the vast majority of violent crime is perpetrated by young men). IMHO this is why "bad boys" are so attractive to many women, particularly young women. They're driven to tame the male testosterone mind and actions for the sake of wider society. Romance stories across time and mediums show this trend. The beauty and the beast metaphor. But that's a theory for another day...

*a study was jumped on a while ago that seemed to show men's fertility sharply declined after 30. However when examined the study was shown to be very flawed. They didn't take into account their partners age and fertility. The graph was actually tracking that. When they looked at overall fertility, the age of the woman was the deciding factor.

chinacup

IamMe33 wrote: »

I'm relaxed and didn't miss your opinion that it sat right with you only if the relationship between older and younger people when couples are equals. Your post wasn't that long or complex.

I'm just wondering about your opinion when it's a young person who's doing the 'preying' for shallow reasons?

Ok you clearly have missed my point (twice) because as I've literally just pointed out to you, they were just a couple of examples of what I find disconcerting - not an exhaustive list. To answer your question that sits uncomfortably too but as I mentioned in my first post it depends on the levels of maturity, circumstance and whether or not each person feels they are equal in the relationship. If you want I can start typing a list of the different situations that would appear to be taking advantage so you can better understand my opinion on this?

SaoirseRose

Wibbs wrote: »

Oh I would agree, though I would describe it more that women self "domesticate" within society faster than men. Men remain "wild" for longer. Women "tame" them. Unrestricted full on male testosterone mind and actions is a double edged sword. It's great for moving society forward(in art most male artists peak in their 20's. In music it's a near rule), but it's equally dangerous if not focused(the vast majority of violent crime is perpetrated by young men). IMHO this is why "bad boys" are so attractive to many women, particularly young women. They're driven to tame the male testosterone mind and actions for the sake of wider society. Romance stories across time and mediums show this trend. The beauty and the beast metaphor. But that's a theory for another day...

Oh god, don't even mention MUSICIANS....

Story of my life :P

Reindeer

steddyeddy wrote: »

I'm 30 and there is a 24 year old sending me dirty pics :S

You say that like it's a bad thing

Reindeer

That's a very tamed attitude.

Wibbs wrote: »

I reckon P that much of this has an instinctive vibe going on. A holdover from our ancient past kinda thing. Like height in men. In the modern world where we're not bashing each other over the head with clubs a man's height shouldn't matter one bit, but it seems to. Few enough women will go out with a guy shorter than them and tall women(6ft or over) will usually tell you their dating options are pretty reduced. Shorter guys have fewer options. Daft, but if does seem to be the case.

Age in men may be similar. Back in the ancient past a guy over 30 was a) lucky to make it that age intact b) was demonstrating better genes by doing so and c) was likely well resourced up in both goods and experience. If a couple of cavemen lads of 20 were chatting up a 17 year old woman and a 35 year old cave dude rocked up, go home lads, game over, you're fcuked, or not as the case may be. The 35 year old dude would simply have more to offer. Even by the time of ancient Greece Aristotle held that the ideal age for men and women to get married and start a family was 38 and 17 respectively. Though he wrote that when he was in his late 30's so I have my suspicions about old Ari, the chancer

Even our biology seems to back this. Men's fertility doesn't stop, it declines and it does so very slowly(if the man is healthy). A healthy fit man of 50 has the same fertility as he had at 20*. This was clearly selected for because they needed to be fertile for longer, because enough fertile women between 16 and 26 were getting with them.

Oh I would agree, though I would describe it more that women self "domesticate" within society faster than men. Men remain "wild" for longer. Women "tame" them. Unrestricted full on male testosterone mind and actions is a double edged sword. It's great for moving society forward(in art most male artists peak in their 20's. In music it's a near rule), but it's equally dangerous if not focused(the vast majority of violent crime is perpetrated by young men). IMHO this is why "bad boys" are so attractive to many women, particularly young women. They're driven to tame the male testosterone mind and actions for the sake of wider society. Romance stories across time and mediums show this trend. The beauty and the beast metaphor. But that's a theory for another day...

*a study was jumped on a while ago that seemed to show men's fertility sharply declined after 30. However when examined the study was shown to be very flawed. They didn't take into account their partners age and fertility. The graph was actually tracking that. When they looked at overall fertility, the age of the woman was the deciding factor.

Blitzkrieger

Hotfail.com wrote: »

What a load of nonsense.

I used to think that. In short I don't think I was giving young women enough credit to make the right decision.

IamMe33

chinacup wrote: »

Ok you clearly have missed my point (twice) because as I've literally just pointed out to you, they were just a couple of examples of what I find disconcerting - not an exhaustive list. To answer your question that sits uncomfortably too but as I mentioned in my first post it depends on the levels of maturity, circumstance and whether or not each person feels they are equal in the relationship. If you want I can start typing a list of the different situations that would appear to be taking advantage so you can better understand my opinion on this?

Twice now you've failed to grasp my point. I'm not asking for exhaustive lists.

Elessar

I recently got the number of a hot girl who I thought was in college. Turns out she's only 17/18 and still in school! Felt like a right creep. She looks older I swear! Called it off before we met but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't tempted (still am!). I'm 28

blastman

My biggest age gap in a relationship was almost 15 years (she was younger). She was the mature one, too.

fattymuatty

I'm 28, my husband is 38. We have been together for 10yrs. It wasnt that I had a thing for older men, we met and just hit it off extremely well, the same way I might with someone my own age. The age thing was never an issue for us although some friends raised eyebrows in the beginning.
As we have gotten older I sometimes feel the age gap has become more of an issue. Although it may be just our different personalities. He is very settled and not very adventurous whilst I am more flighty.

Wibbs

fattymuatty wrote: »

The age thing was never an issue for us although some friends raised eyebrows in the beginning.

That can be an issue. I got the "can't handle a woman your own age" spiel once or twice alright. My answer was usually along the lines of "no, I don't want to look at a woman my own age luv, now go away and mind your beeswax", or told them they were projecting. That usually shut them up as they tried to figure out what the hell I was talking about.

That's older man/younger woman dynamic, older woman/younger man get it a lot more in my experience. Less directly blatant, but the disapproval can be very obvious. Doubly so if it gets properly serious with moving in together and marriage and the like. The cougar meme is still a bit of a taboo IMHO.

_Redzer_

I'm 20 and he's 28.

Writing it out makes it seem bigger than in reality, but I'm out of school years and have been working and doing my own thing for years, so there's no maturity disparity between us.

Maturity is the biggest decider, not age, I think.

Reindeer

_Redzer_ wrote: »

I'm 20 and he's 28.

Writing it out makes it seem bigger than in reality, but I'm out of school years and have been working and doing my own thing for years, so there's no maturity disparity between us.

Maturity is the biggest decider, not age, I think.

Oftentimes, being out on your own, more or less, matures a person rather quickly. At 18 I left home, paid my way through University, joined the military, killed people, got a job, founded a small company, lost it, and am now back to 18.

bb1234567

Large age gaps make me really uncomfortable. I wouldnt go out with a girl more than 3 olders or younger than me.

Fat Christy

Candie wrote: »

5 or 6 years isn't much of a gap if everyone is over the age of 20, say.

What are ya on about woman? I'd ride Hotfail, he's only 18. But he wouldn't ride me because I'm an old wan.

Hotfail.com wrote: »

Might as well explain,

In general I hate that phrase because it's nothing but a lie to make old people feel better.

Sorry old people.

Absolutely devastated, I had you down for a post LC results ride and all.

You cheeky fecker.

p.s: In the unlikely event of a ride, I'm not licking you bum hole.

Toto Wolfcastle

My husband is a good bit older than me. 18 years older. It's not that I go for older men. I just met an awesome man and fell in love with him. I never think about his age really. Whether an age difference in a relationship can work out or not depends entirely on the people involved.

SaoirseRose

bb1234567 wrote: »

Large age gaps make me really uncomfortable. I wouldnt go out with a girl more than 3 olders or younger than me.

What if you met someone without knowing their age, got on like a house on fire and arranged a date.... Only to find there was a 5yr+ age gap.

You'd cancel the date over a number?

Makes no sense at all to me.

Mariasofia

The older the fiddle the sweeter the tune but ya cant teach an old dog new tricks.......make your mind up people!!!!

Fat Christy

I find older men more attractive in general but only in the last year or so. As a teenager, I was only really interested in guys my own age and I met my current bf at 19. He's 3 years older.

I'd say if I was single I'd definitely be going for the older blokes. 10 years older +.

I suppose at the end of the day I could be won over by anyone. If I like someone and they told me they were 18/19 or 40/45, I'm not going to run off. :P

Wompa1

Any mention yet of the opposite? I remember being at a house party full of women who claimed it makes sense for young women to go out with older guys because women mature sooner than men. And that they wouldn't consider going out with a younger guy...They were dopes