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Child Item

Primary school memories...

Hotfail.com

Primary school is a strange place.. Got any good stories?

We had a resource teacher who none of us would go near because there was a rumour she'd throw chairs at you if you got a question wrong..

Our janitor (is that even the term?) decided one day to take off his glove and show us the two stumps he had left because the fingers got amputated after a wild cat bit him.. Keep in mind we were in first class and this scared the shíte out of us

Calling my pen a "jackass" when I dropped it on the ground in second class and some little shít told on me and I got in "big trouble".. :rolleyes: He's now a scumbag who's going to court after being caught with a sizeable amount of ecstasy :cool:

The telly that they wheeled in when there was some shítty educational programme to watch, something like "FarmZone" where they turned it into a game that just made jumping into a slurry pit sound cool.. :rolleyes:

Playing the fúcking tin whistle.

When the priest came in and someone asked him a question about evolution and he'd nearly shít himself trying to answer in the most Catholic way possible

I really really hated the place. :mad:

You guys are better at this storytelling caper than me

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DaveNoCheese

Had our principal Christy teaching me for 4th, 5th & 6th class...

He let off smelly squeaky guinness farts as he walked up and down passed ya, he'd be shouting so hard at you that not only would be he be spraying you with spit... Sometimes his false teeth would fall out and you'd have to pick them up for him.

He was also mad for the gaa, he'd be f'ing and blinding you as he ran the length of the field!

Quite a character!

[Deleted User]

Going mitching in 5th class and getting seen smoking by the local parish priest.
Hated primary school. Hated the other kids in the school.

DazMarz

I had the ignominy of having one of my parents being a teacher in the primary school I attended, so I got away with NOTHING. Everything I did would be reported back to them in the staff room. Even as a kid, I was cute enough to be aware of this, so I was extra careful if I was ever going to get up to shíte.

Add in, I was born when my parent had been teaching in said school for like 15 years, so they were good friends with a lot of the other teachers there. Hence, a lot of the teachers in the school knew me and all from the time I was born!!! :eek: So... I REALLY got away with nothing!!!

***

One thing that sticks in my mind, and this was 20 years ago!, was the teacher we had in Senior Infants (6 year olds). She was some headcase. An absolute loo-la with an attitude problem. Could never warm to her at all. She was a venomous, machete-mouthed cow. I think she suffered a nervous breakdown a few years back. Can't say I was sorry or anything.

***

I remember drifting into a daydream when I was in 4th class, staring off into space for ages. I only began drifting out of it when I noticed a few heads in the rows in front of me had turned around and were looking at me. Then I realised the teacher was looking at me with an eyebrow raised and a "look" on their face. I finally, embarrassingly realised that the teacher had asked me to read from the book, but I had been in a blissful la-la land for at least ten minutes...

***

One of the more "upsetting" memories of my sporting time in the school was being on the losing team in the final of the school's perpetual football trophy... twice. First time when I was in 5th class. I was the team's vice-captain and the best goalkeeper in the school. The way the competition was structured, it had players from all the classes from 3rd, 4th, 5th and 6th classes on each team. We had an UNREAL team this year. The best footballers from each class. Yet, we still lost. It was bitter.

The following year, I was in 6th class. This time, I was captain and, once again, the star goalkeeper. We played amazing, but a dinked goal over my head and a defensive performance that makes Ireland's last stand in Russia look pale in comparison saw us "robbed" again. I wept over it. You'd swear it was the Champions League Final or something, but it was a trophy that had years of bragging rights attached to it.

***

Every year, it was tradition for the previous year's 6th class (now in their 1st year in secondary school) to come back and play against the current 6th class in a football match. Usually, a combination of being older, fitter and having hit puberty saw the 1st years win the game. Handily.

The year I was in 6th class, however, that changed. We played our hearts out, got creased by tackles, got flattened a lot... but we won! The first time in an age that the 6th classers had beaten the 1st years. It was amazing.

***

Myself and two others got onto that RTE kids show "Stream" when we were in 6th class. It was actually me, one of my best friends and a tomboy girl who was like one of the lads. We kicked an unreal amount of ass, got a huge amount of prizes and goodies and had a ball.

One thing that sticks in my mind is that before the recording began, you had a "practice" round. The host would ask questions and each team would practice answering. We actually had to be told to stop answering so many to give the other team a chance to use the buzzer and to know how to answer!

The host even referred to us as "his" team and was dead sound to us. Loved it!

***

many, many more than currently elude my memory. :P

alroley

In sixth class we all drew/painted pictures for the school Christmas cards. Mine was seriously amazing. It was a beautiful painting of an old snowy village at Christmas. I probably couldn't do one so well now. I spent days working on it. I had seen most of the other submissions from my class and I was 100% sure mine would be picked. Well, this other girls lame drawing of Santa got picked. I was fuming :mad:
(weirdly I ended up going to secondary school AND college with that girl. Not just the same college - she was doing the same course as me)

In fourth class we had these forms to fill out each time we had read a book and get our parents to sign it. It came time to hand it in to the teacher - I had actually read the books but I had forgotten to get my mother to sign it. That morning at school I forged her signature. It got to the end of the day and the teacher hadn't asked for the form. I had forgotten all about it by the time I got home. Next day she came around collecting the forms. She got to me and I handed it to her, I was very proud of all the books I had read. I can't remember her exact comment but it was something along the lines of "maybe next time you could actually get a parent to sign it". I was shocked, I thought my forged signature was very good. Turns out my mother had found it in my bag and told the teacher that morning

Our secretary came in to our class one day and ended up giving us a lecture about personal hygiene because the smell of sweat from the boys after playing football was so bad.

In fifth class for PE the boys had to do hurling and the girls had to do hockey. I wasn't too pleased to be told I couldn't do something the boys were doing just because I was a girl. It ended with me sitting in the middle refusing to play hockey.

Also in fifth class, I never did my homework. My teacher would usually just ask randomly a few of the answers or just do a quick check around the room. I honestly don't know how I got away with it for so long. One day it was coming up to English time and I didn't have the work done. It must have been important or I knew she would check it properly so I went as far as asking her could we do history instead that day. I conveniently went to the bathroom while she was checking the homework. I was in there and all I heard was "Where is alroley gone now!?". I actually don't remember the rest of that day at school but I do remember the talk I got from my parents that evening.

zcorpian88

One really bad memory just popped in my head from primary, probably pissed me off more than anything in primary school...

I was in 6th class, and this particular week I had the misfortune of having a sister in transition year doing her work experience, she wanted to be a teacher for years so she landed in her former primary school which was still my primary school.

Anyway she went from class to class all week eventually landing in my class towards the end of the week, my sister was at the other side of the classroom correcting copies and class was going ahead as normal, we were doing geography and the teacher was asking random geography questions and she threw a question at me and on this ocassion I didn't know the answer and said "I didn't know" now this teacher is never normally this strict and she would never have done this to anyone else but she gives out to me in front of my sister AND gave me like 100 lines for not knowing the answer.

I just sat there seething with rage but tried not to lose it because I knew what she was doing was complete bulls**t but thought I shouldn't call her out on it because my sister was there and I'd embarrass her but I was so mad about what this cow did, so I went home later that day in really bad form and my sister the goody two shoes that she is reported me to mam and dad. I said "I wasn't doing it because she only did that because my sister was there and she was an unreasonable cow"

Parents made me do it regardless, thinking about it now still pisses me off 12 years later! I was totally in the right and my parents made me do the punishment anyway and wouldn't even listen to reason and take my side that the teacher was just being a bitch by unfairly punishing me and humiliating me in front of 30 students and my sister.

When I see the teacher on the street I still think about it and still want to give her an earful over it, crazy as it sounds.

RayM

Princess Consuela Bananahammock wrote: »

I remember when I made my Confirmation, we did a song with the first line "Peace is flowing like a river..." --- that one was just askign for trouble...

...flowing out of you and me.

"Make me a channel of your peace" was another one.

james66

Rolly polly, standing in the corner, excitement at getting to ring the bell, entire class had to use mouthwash from those weird cups, penis inspection day, serving mass.

[Deleted User]

Me and my cousin used to pretend we were a protection agency and ask all the smaller guys if they were being bullied and whom was doin it, we would then go up to the bullies and tell them to back off....

We also used to play wrestling in the school yard and gave someone a move call the 3 D , which resulted in that person accidentally Landing in a pile pile of doggie poop. We felt bad but was hilarious.

Also when Pokemon cards suddenly and my premier league stickers were worthless.... No one was even interested in the shineys

Misticles

Playing pogs in the shelter and someone stealing my eagle slammer!

Travellers got buns, milk and sambos..... We got zilch.

Getting a slap on the back off a nun.

Playing RATTLESNAKE in the yard

Skipping

Playing that game where you had elastic bands around two peoples ankles

So many memories...I think the best is... My parents couldn't afford a pe kit for me so I got a hand me down, which would have been fine had that person been in the same school as me. I was scoil mhuire and for a few years I wore a pe kit with the scoil Aine crest and name on it in red..

I stuck out like a sore thumb

Mr Keek

Those plastic rulers and confusting 'Shatter Proof' with 'Indestructible'.... You'd wack it off the side of some clowns head and be surprised when it snapped on two!

Being made 'Class Captain' and every time the teacher left the classroom it would you job to sit in front of the class and write down the names of every one who misbehaved on the black board when the teacher was gone for a smoke or to photocopy something!

Once a month a nurse came from the local health board and she'd have a fluoride mouth wash, that we had to gargle and spit it back into the cup..., of course being our age your mission was to get the fella beside you to laugh and spit his mount wash all over the place.

Putting you teachers car for sale on Auto trader!

Conquers, and covering your horse chestnut with Tipp Ex or glue to make it stronger!

Breaking the tip of your pencil just so your could take a break and top it at the bin! Also calling a pencil sharpener a topper!

And my personal favourite, the bishop called to my school when in first class, he asked where was Jesus born?.....like a smug fecker, I stuck the arm up and answered the question, but I confused Bethleham with Bermingham!

Duggy747

Someone made a luminous green shìte that had a black tip on it but couldn't flush the toilet to get rid of their evidence where I was the unfortunate bastard who discovered it.

Everyone ended up having a look at this mutant, possibly radioactive, monstrosity. We tried flushing it but the flush in the toilet was rubbish so that thing wasn't moving an inch.

Our teacher saw everyone gathered around the cubicle, he came up behind us and told us to clear off but not before he saw it and roared out:

"What in..........what in the name of Jesus is that!?!..............."

We never did find out who gave birth to what was known as The Hulk.

Mr Keek

The B.C.G

BetterThanThou

I remember once my teacher had to step out of class for a few minutes for whatever reason, as usual, she asked the teacher next door to keep an eye on the class. As per usual, the class made a load of noise, and the teacher from next door came in, gave us some kind of rant about being quite and respectful, and right before he leaves, he just lets off an f-bomb out of nowhere. We all thought it was hilarious.
And this second memory is from secondary school, but still a great memory none the less. I was never great at Irish, so come fifth year, after barely scraping a pass in my Junior Cert, I was put in the lowest Irish class, the majority of the class were just people who didn't try, and a few others like myself, who just weren't great at Irish. Most of the class never behaved, bar myself and a few other students. The class was constantly talking, refused to do work, some were even disrespectful to the teacher, and I saw them deal drugs in the middle of class on at least one occasion. One day the teacher had enough of it, she took her hand bag and her car keys, left the school and drove home.

Mr Keek

Remember at Christmas, and you'd only be in first or second class and you'd be giving your class mates Christmas cards....., you'd give all your Holy/Religious cards to the innocent lads and you gave the Christmassey cards to your cooler friends!

handbagmad

The small cartons of milk.
In 2nd class at break we were handed out our milk. It didn't taste right n lot of us complained. Teacher made us drink them anyway.
ha ha. Hot classroom two hours later cue about 15 kids puking their souls up.

Duggy747

Those small cartons were called Yogi Milk, weren't they and there were strawberry flavoured ones?

Stunk the place out because they'd be left in the sun or somebody would hold onto one for a week.

handbagmad

Duggy747 wrote: »

Those small cartons were called Yogi Milk, weren't they and there were strawberry flavoured ones?

Stunk the place out because they'd be left in the sun or somebody would hold onto one for a week.

we got a choice normal milk or Benny bunny strawberry. They stopped giving the strawberry stuff after many projectile vomiting incidents lol

osarusan

Holding a ruler on the edge on the table and bending and releasing it so it produced that twanging vibrating sound, then moving the ruler in towards the centre of the table so the sound increased in pitch.

Huell

Rock hard balls of mála

Sir Arthur Daley

Knocking one out to miss.doherty at lunch time.

Hotfail.com

Sir Arthur Daley wrote: »

Knocking one out to miss.doherty at lunch time.

I hope to god that was in secondary school.... :pac:

Duggy747

I used to wear glasses and one time a classmate wanted to see my glasses case.

I handed it to him and he fiddled about with it for a few seconds before, as if he had planned it, projectiled vomited all over the place and filled the case up with his breakfast.

I thought it was hilarious at the time as everyone in the class was screaming and he was crying trying to hand me back my vomit-flooded glasses case in between bouts of more vomiting.

Another time a friend had a toy formula one car, one that you'd reverse and let go. Anyways, he was flying it through the air and drove it over another friend's head where it got caught in his hair and he couldn't get it out.

He thought rewinding the wheels would help but that just chewed the friend's hair up even more to which he was screaming crying and started running away with a formula one car stuck to the side of his head.

It was pretty much like this scene

The teacher ended up cutting it out which left him with a bald spot :pac:

_Whimsical_

1st class memory, I was around 6.
Coming into school one morning after a windy night to find loads of tiny dead birds lying on the path beneath the trees outside our class . Going into class to report the awful news and then a stampede as everyone rushed out to get their very own dead bird. I'm not sure if we thought we were rescuing them or what but it seemed like a good idea at the time. Little girls wrapping then is toilet paper, putting them in their pockets, their lunch boxes as if they were cute
teddy bears.
Then later the wild and hysterical reaction of our teacher on finding a class of six year olds all clutching dead birds.
She made us all get rid of them outside and washed our hands with a domestos soaked rag.
Some sneaky people had managed to keep theirs undetected in lunch boxes etc and we're very smug at break time.

Right Turn Clyde

My worst memory of primary school was when I got into a bit of a slagging match with an older kid. We were throwing harmless crap at each other, but then he said "why don't you go home and give your mother some more?" That really heated things up and I didn't know how to handle it. My reply? The exact same sentence, word for word. "Why don't you go home and give your mother some more?" It was humiliating. Everyone felt embarrassed. A schoolyard full of kids face-palming, before they even knew what face-palming was.

Ruu

Left over wallpaper to cover the schoolbooks (wood chip was the style at the time), Mr.Brick the inspector who used to come along every once in a while, the banger of a schoolbus we had. It eventually died one winter morning, exhaust fell off about half a mile from school. Not far off this yellow CIE bus.

HugsiePie

Moving from abroad and being expected by teachers to ask to go to the toilet in Irish.......like geez louise my first week in the school and I was with 1 teacher for 10 minutes trying to get me to say a phrase I had never heard before in my life.....I just wanted a wee :P :rolleyes:

Wompa1

Lots of beating. In my first school in Mayo, my high infants teacher hit us. Moved to a school in Galway for 1st and 2nd class. Two of the nuns beat us. Some with a bamboo stick. Moved into an all boys school after 2nd class up until secondary school. Teacher beat us there too.

One positive, we all grouped together and everybody was friends. We all had a common enemy

[Deleted User]

HugsiePie wrote: »

Moving from abroad and being expected by teachers to ask to go to the toilet in Irish.......like geez louise my first week in the school and I was with 1 teacher for 10 minutes trying to get me to say a phrase I had never heard before in my life.....I just wanted a wee :P :rolleyes:

Haha stop! I came from France and hadn't a word of Irish. Actually got really good at it by the end if primary school. Then it went to sh*t in secondary school.

I remember when I first came over from France I was kissing all the kids. Because that's what French kids do. Of course they were all disgusted by it and I had to have a "talk" with the teacher and my Mother.

OneArt

Worker's strikes turning into riots in the local capital. School was closed into a state of emergency, some of the older kids started telling us that they would storm the gates and cut off our heads, cue all the younger kids freaking out. On the flipside, my class had been incubating chicken eggs and they hatched. Came home with a little black chicken that followed me around, was delighted after all that.

First time in an Irish primary school, the teacher tells me we usually do prayers in the morning. I thought it'd be just a quick Hail Mary. Turned out to be a significant decade of the rosary including prayers of thanks and this whole "weeping and wailing in the Valley of Tears" nonsense. Creeped the hell out of me.

I had a weird childhood.

Badly Drunk Boy

There was one teacher in my school who I had for 2 years, and everyone in other classes hated having to bring a message to her class because she always made them say it in Irish. It was great because she didn't really force the people in her class that much about speaking Irish, but we'd get to see others squirm as they tried to get the cúpla focal out.