Anxiety and/or depression discussion.

The fall out from my ex-friend's treachery is still coming, it's a continual kick in the teeth.

Gremlinertia wrote: »

The fall out from my ex-friend's treachery is still coming, it's a continual kick in the teeth.

sounds like youve got to go thermonuclear on their asses:pac:

Not worth it.. She's in so much denial that it'll be a waste of time.. However those around her have been informed..

well hi all, I'm quite new here so please pardon me if i do not manage to "fit in" properly : )
anyway i do fight with depression (and anxiety) for the last year and i can only say it is tough..
i started therapy in June last, on college with student counselor and it helped me lots but it was 8 sessions only and then you are on your own again.. she helped me all right, for when i met her first time i cried my eyes out to be honest..
i got divorced few years ago then i met this Irish boy and we were together for almost 5 years but boy how something so beautiful in the beginning turned into hell, i should not even start to describe what i went through.. anyway last March i finally managed to brake up and kick him out (he originally moved into my place).. not nice thing to say but that is the truth..
i also am an architect so lost my job due to recession and then started to study in IT sector so got an internship and i worked really hard for 8 months! they were promising me a job after 8 month expires even were telling me they are very happy with me and my work etc, just so that when i went home for a week holiday they sent me AN EMAIL saying they will have to let me go when the contract is over..
before that my mom died, and i somehow crashed.. i was just totally down.. totally no will to live at all..
anyway (sorry for this long post), i started therapy and she was suggesting meds but i was reluctant to that didn't want to start, but started to exercise, go for long walks etc, postponed some exams - had to - just to lower the stress levels, but in December i said okay i will try that, i had nothing else to try i guess
so i started meds (one of those serotonin inhibitors whatever they call it) and in first few weeks it was grand.
i managed to sleep and relax, as i really needed that. but afterwards symptoms started to come back and she increased my dose like from 10 to 20 to 30 to 40 what is max, but it didn't help honestly, i just became so sleepy i could not function at all. there were also some guys who wanted to date me but i was such a wreck i just couldn't do it..
so now i am getting myself off of that on my own. i already had few days totally clean from it, and it is not easy but i have to .. go back to life and do things like for example now study for these September's exams etc.
i also met a guy i started to like but since he's going to USA in December i decided not to do anything about it just to enjoy the higher energy i feel cause f him : ).. i don't think i was this good (meaning having good positive periods throughout the day) for a while now lol..
yes, low's are hunting me still and sometimes i just have to stoop and look at them and acknowledge them but i will continue.. as do not what else to do..
i said to myself not to entertain the suicide thoughts because i have a family that i love very very much and i just could not do that to them. never, ever.
huh, long post, i better stop here, even id like to type more

))), perhaps some other time.
anyway, just thought to say hi....

Joya wrote: »

well hi all, I'm quite new here so please pardon me if i do not manage to "fit in" properly : )
anyway i do fight with depression (and anxiety) for the last year and i can only say it is tough..
i started therapy in June last, on college with student counselor and it helped me lots but it was 8 sessions only and then you are on your own again.. she helped me all right, for when i met her first time i cried my eyes out to be honest..
i got divorced few years ago then i met this Irish boy and we were together for almost 5 years but boy how something so beautiful in the beginning turned into hell, i should not even start to describe what i went through.. anyway last March i finally managed to brake up and kick him out (he originally moved into my place).. not nice thing to say but that is the truth..
i also am an architect so lost my job due to recession and then started to study in IT sector so got an internship and i worked really hard for 8 months! they were promising me a job after 8 month expires even were telling me they are very happy with me and my work etc, just so that when i went home for a week holiday they sent me AN EMAIL saying they will have to let me go when the contract is over..
before that my mom died, and i somehow crashed.. i was just totally down.. totally no will to live at all..
anyway (sorry for this long post), i started therapy and she was suggesting meds but i was reluctant to that didn't want to start, but started to exercise, go for long walks etc, postponed some exams - had to - just to lower the stress levels, but in December i said okay i will try that, i had nothing else to try i guess
so i started meds (one of those serotonin inhibitors whatever they call it) and in first few weeks it was grand.
i managed to sleep and relax, as i really needed that. but afterwards symptoms started to come back and she increased my dose like from 10 to 20 to 30 to 40 what is max, but it didn't help honestly, i just became so sleepy i could not function at all. there were also some guys who wanted to date me but i was such a wreck i just couldn't do it..
so now i am getting myself off of that on my own. i already had few days totally clean from it, and it is not easy but i have to .. go back to life and do things like for example now study for these September's exams etc.
i also met a guy i started to like but since he's going to USA in December i decided not to do anything about it just to enjoy the higher energy i feel cause f him : ).. i don't think i was this good (meaning having good positive periods throughout the day) for a while now lol..
yes, low's are hunting me still and sometimes i just have to stoop and look at them and acknowledge them but i will continue.. as do not what else to do..
i said to myself not to entertain the suicide thoughts because i have a family that i love very very much and i just could not do that to them. never, ever.
huh, long post, i better stop here, even id like to type more ))), perhaps some other time.
anyway, just thought to say hi....

you should maybe take up cycling as well. really helps getting out in the country roads

Welcome to the thread Joya, you have really been through quite a bit there. You'll find plenty of stuff in common with a few of us here, post away..

Roquentin wrote: »

you should maybe take up cycling as well. really helps getting out in the country roads

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Welcome to the thread Joya, you have really been through quite a bit there. You'll find plenty of stuff in common with a few of us here, post away..

thanks guys, Roquentin id love to but i sold my bike last year cause i needed money lol and now well, my flatmate has a bike but its allways at his wrk : ) but if he brings it (he say hes just lazy and bus is easy) id ask hime for a ride or something, its a good feeling yes : )

Gremlinertia, yes i know, if you believe me that is not even all lol..

but really thanks for the welcome id be looking forward to talk with you here : )...

Welcome to the thread here Joya. It sounds like you've had a rough few years there.

Suicide ideation is hard. I get it myself but the same reason as yourself stops me from continuing down that path.

Feel free to post here and join in the chats

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

Welcome to the thread here Joya. It sounds like you've had a rough few years there.

Suicide ideation is hard. I get it myself but the same reason as yourself stops me from continuing down that path.

Feel free to post here and join in the chats

thank you Hugo, rough few that's so very true, never saw that recession coming to be honest and yes it hit my industry the worst.. company i was working for was small but we tried to hang out as long as we could so my boss he was letting one after another go in the end he had to make me redundant as well..
anyway so i survived lol and am really hoping that some better years are coming ahead with the new job / industry etc. i started looking for a job too and it is stressful as well, you know they have like first round interview over the phone then you have to wait if they will call you for a face to face interview, then more wait if they will call you for a skills test etc.. i just hope to manage to go through all of that and find a good positive place to work at it would mean so much..
and to pass these 4 exams in sept.. then i'll go for some next step, like to finish professional exam at ucd for architecture that i started as well but kind of left when it all crushed...

ps. this is pulling i again wrote lots but didn't think to lol ill take better care next time i promise : )))

Joya wrote: »

thank you Hugo, rough few that's so very true, never saw that recession coming to be honest and yes it hit my industry the worst.. company i was working for was small but we tried to hang out as long as we could so my boss he was letting one after another go in the end he had to make me redundant as well..
anyway so i survived lol and am really hoping that some better years are coming ahead with the new job / industry etc. i started looking for a job too and it is stressful as well, you know they have like first round interview over the phone then you have to wait if they will call you for a face to face interview, then more wait if they will call you for a skills test etc.. i just hope to manage to go through all of that and find a good positive place to work at it would mean so much..
and to pass these 4 exams in sept.. then i'll go for some next step, like to finish professional exam at ucd for architecture that i started as well but kind of left when it all crushed...

ps. this is pulling i again wrote lots but didn't think to lol ill take better care next time i promise : )))

No need to apologise, there's no grammar nazis in here!

I only got a job myself a few months back. The interviews etc can wreak havoc on the mind.

Best of luck with the exams. I'm sure you'll ace them!

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

No need to apologise, there's no grammar nazis in here!

I only got a job myself a few months back. The interviews etc can wreak havoc on the mind.

Best of luck with the exams. I'm sure you'll ace them!

Ha, thanks, well I have to say I finished the first year in TCD with distinction but the second year was tough perhaps also cause of my state you know.. sometimes Id find myself just unable to get up and go to lectures

. while in first year i missed almost none..
Anyway i did mostly all for the group work cause i thought okay, there's other people depending on it, but for myself it was like few times asked course director for extending you know..
however all assignments and lectures are long finished now, I took and passed one exam in June, but have 4 more now to come.. really looking forward to have it behind me : )......

Joya wrote: »

Ha, thanks, well I have to say I finished the first year in TCD with distinction but the second year was tough perhaps also cause of my state you know.. sometimes Id find myself just unable to get up and go to lectures . while in first year i missed almost none..
Anyway i did mostly all for the group work cause i thought okay, there's other people depending on it, but for myself it was like few times asked course director for extending you know..
however all assignments and lectures are long finished now, I took and passed one exam in June, but have 4 more now to come.. really looking forward to have it behind me : )......

There's no shame in letting the course director know if things get too much or that you think your work has been affected. They will totally understand.

Fair play for passing the June exam. Getting exams out of the way is like the best feeling ever eh?!

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

There's no shame in letting the course director know if things get too much or that you think your work has been affected. They will totally understand.

Fair play for passing the June exam. Getting exams out of the way is like the best feeling ever eh?!

yes it really is, now i see all (almost all) my student mates are finished ith it and started go for other things and I am still here, but well, what can i do now. just go for to finish it in September..

and yes, talking about this with people was really not an easy step for me as yes, you know, you feel embarrassed to admit it, but my counselor helped me with that and then i was really positively surprised to the understanding and reaction of the professors, some of them even told me honestly and openly their stories so it was really nice to experience and see..

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

No need to apologise, there's no grammar nazis in here!

I only got a job myself a few months back. The interviews etc can wreak havoc on the mind.

Best of luck with the exams. I'm sure you'll ace them!

those interviews drive me nuts alright.

Roquentin wrote: »

those interviews drive me nuts alright.

yea its kind of not the interviews itself but the waiting in between is just exhausting lol :....
and also they do not tell you the date so you really do not know how long you have to or not to wait, you know what i mean...

so actually few days ago i realised i should not "wait" for any of that but continue to look and apply as if nothing is happening, i think its more wise (ho) - if i may say that word :d)))

Joya wrote: »

yea its kind of not the interviews itself but the waiting in between is just exhausting lol :....
and also they do not tell you the date so you really do not know how long you have to or not to wait, you know what i mean...

so actually few days ago i realised i should not "wait" for any of that but continue to look and apply as if nothing is happening, i think its more wise (ho) - if i may say that word :d)))

Roquentin wrote: »

..img..

ha, yes, sounds about right : )

Well said Roquentin

Joya wrote: »

ha, yes, sounds about right : )

another great quote is:

Our greatest hopes and worst fears are seldom realized.

The two facets to it are A) That we all dream of this Utopian life, but in reality life is what you are doing now and

We worry too much and often the worry is greater than the actual reality of the situation.

Like you say you kind of have to take each day on its merits and think about the journey rather than the destination

Found this somewhere on boards today, anywho, belongs here too.

https://imgur.com/gallery/5oybmTK

Roquentin wrote: »

another great quote is:

Our greatest hopes and worst fears are seldom realized.

The two facets to it are A) That we all dream of this Utopian life, but in reality life is what you are doing now and We worry too much and often the worry is greater than the actual reality of the situation.

Like you say you kind of have to take each day on its merits and think about the journey rather than the destination

yes, know lots of great quotes myself : )) but putting it to work when you are down is tricky : ).. somehow you find yourself in a situation in which you want to do something but simply have no power to do it, and every move takes hu-uge amount of your energy so you are exhausted even before you start..
anyway i have experienced this in my worst days, and however little it my sound, i feel that those worst days are behind me....

i learned those things like, one day at the time, you know so understand what you are talking in your "a" point, and in relation to "b" i was reminded to learn to appreciate and be grateful for things i DO have, as oppose to always worry about what is not in place..

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Found this somewhere on boards today, anywho, belongs here too.

[...img...

i like that, thanks for sharing : ))

handbagmad

Well its night 4 of operation can't feckin sleep...because of the heat.

Im becoming slightly mad at this stage.
I cannot fathom how Irish folk can lie out in that sun all day and say they like it
I mean the amount of red/purple bodies walking around today....Irish must have allergies to suncream ;-)

Any way sorry to moan about such a trivial thing. Trying to keep the mind from obsessing.

Best get aquainted with the ceiling, looks like we gonna be buddies for a while

I'm up.. Chat away..

handbagmad

Aww just missed you Grem. Passed out round half 2.

Would like the heat to feic off now...

drugstore cowboy

handbagmad wrote: »

Well its night 4 of operation can't feckin sleep...because of the heat.

Im becoming slightly mad at this stage.
I cannot fathom how Irish folk can lie out in that sun all day and say they like it
I mean the amount of red/purple bodies walking around today....Irish must have allergies to suncream ;-)

Any way sorry to moan about such a trivial thing. Trying to keep the mind from obsessing.

Best get aquainted with the ceiling, looks like we gonna be buddies for a while

I hate this weather. It's driving me crazy!

Haven't slept right since Tuesday maybe. Exhausted and starting my work week.. Still feeling like there is an awful lot looming over me too.