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Near miss experiences

Pat Mustard

This one didn’t happen to me, but I saw it happen.

I was on a guided tour around Kakadu National Park, Australia. We had a guide called Dean, and a trainee guide whose name I can’t recall. Walking upriver towards a waterfall, we made a brief stop at a sandy area by a watering hole, overlooked by cliffs. People were relaxing and taking photos. Dean met a different guide who was on the return journey with his own group. A few of us were standing out of the sunshine, chatting. To the amusement of those who were listening, Dean was bitching about the incompetence of the trainee, who had forgotten to pack bread for our sandwiches, for the second day in a row.

The other guide looked up casually.
Other Guide: "Hey, mate?"
Dean: "Yeah, mate."
Other Guide: "Take a look at that, mate."

Dean turned and looked at some of the tour group getting into the water. He leapt into action, sprinting towards them, waving his arms, screaming:

“GEDDAFACKOUTTADAWADDAH!”.

The trainee had been encouraging people to go for a swim, assuring them that it was ‘out of season’ and that there was no need to worry about the big yellow warning sign for crocodiles.

Any other stories of near misses?

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uch

I missed the Ferry once

Badly Drunk Boy

I missed the bus thrice.

I am pie

Wish the croc had eaten Dean and I got those 2 mins of my life back.

Gongoozler

The Mustard wrote: »

This one didn’t happen to me, but I saw it happen.

I was on a guided tour around Kakadu National Park, Australia. We had a guide called Dean, and a trainee guide whose name I can’t recall. Walking upriver towards a waterfall, we made a brief stop at a sandy area by a watering hole, overlooked by cliffs. People were relaxing and taking photos. Dean met a different guide who was on the return journey with his own group. A few of us were standing out of the sunshine, chatting. To the amusement of those who were listening, Dean was bitching about the incompetence of the trainee, who had forgotten to pack bread for our sandwiches, for the second day in a row.

The other guide looked up casually.
Other Guide: "Hey, mate?"
Dean: "Yeah, mate."
Other Guide: "Take a look at that, mate."

Dean turned and looked at some of the tour group getting into the water. He leapt into action, sprinting towards them, waving his arms, screaming:

“GEDDAFACKOUTTADAWADDAH!”.

The trainee had been encouraging people to go for a swim, assuring them that it was ‘out of season’ and that there was no need to worry about the big yellow warning sign for crocodiles.

Any other stories of near misses?

What a weirdly told story. I'm confused.

Wishiwasa Littlebitaller

My Science teacher was a total babe and one time in class she rubbed her boobs off my shoulder when correcting the chaps work beside me. That was the only time I was near miss.

Jimoslimos

Wouldn't a "near miss" actually be an accident?

Hotfail.com

Dean is my hero.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Gongoozler wrote: »

What a weirdly told story. I'm confused.

Reminds me of a story my friend told me one time when we were drinking.

"Ok, I've a good one for you. You know, when you come home from a night out and you're mad to go brushing your teeth?"

"Eh, I suppose, go on"

"Ah you do, everyone LOVES brushing their teeth after a night on the drink like"

Followed by about five minutes of him insisting that everyone knows that giving the teeth a good brush after a night out is a "thing", and he doesn't know why we're all pretending it isn't, and then:

"well anyways, one night when I was a teenager I came home, scrubbing away at the teeth as you do, and my sister comes in, walks straight past me, and does a sh1t in the bin"

I know it's not a near miss but it's the first thing that sprung to mind reading the OP

Hotfail.com

Timothy Shrilling Stipulation wrote: »

Reminds me of a story my friend told me one time when we were drinking.

"Ok, I've a good one for you. You know, when you come home from a night out and you're mad to go brushing your teeth?"

"Eh, I suppose, go on"

"Ah you do, everyone LOVES brushing their teeth after a night on the drink like"

Followed by about five minutes of him insisting that everyone knows that giving the teeth a good brush after a night out is a "thing", and he doesn't know why we're all pretending it isn't, and then:

"well anyways, one night when I was a teenager I came home, scrubbing away at the teeth as you do, and my sister comes in, walks straight past me, and does a sh1t in the bin"

I know it's not a near miss but it's the first thing that sprung to mind reading the OP

That story was so ridiculous that it made me laugh

Calibos

Driving one of those old little Subaru mini hiace thingies. 1mm of metal and 6 inches of air between me and the outdoors up front. Engine is under rear cargo area. Driving home with a front passenger one night. Pissing rain. Around a tight bend comes a ford Grenada spinning out of control. Nothing I could do to avoid collision. Back corner of Grenada hits dead centre at front of the van, pushing the front in as far as the front seatbacks. Ie. myself and passenger are now segregated by the pushed in front of van. Had he hit 6 inches to the left or right, either me or my friend would be dead or at the least legless. The driver of the other car was also legless.......drunk.

Drove off before we could climb out of the overturned van to stop him. Gutted until about 30 minutes later when a fireman came to the back of the ambulance where we were being treated for cuts and bruises and asked me......'is this your number plate?' 'No!!

Sulla Felix

Badly Drunk Boy wrote: »

I missed the bus thrice.

Hate when that happens, especially rural buses. Miss the 6pm, fsck it, go get something to eat. Miss the 7pm, ah well, few pints it is... Miss the 8pm, starting to feel stupid... :pac:

Macavity.

Fuck Dean.

XsApollo

Had a near miss on my first motorbike(250 cbr).
Was coming out of limerick city over the bridge past the maternity hospital and had to stop at the traffic lights at the junction.
Lights went green so I took off revving hard.
A few hundred metres up the road a lady starts crossing the road and gets to the middle of the road and stopped as there were cars coming the other way, I keep accelerating thinking she would stay there, there are no cars on my side just me so I would just go past her giving plenty of space.
As I got closer she panicked and starts to run back across, I was way to close for this and she realised too and stopped halfway back.
I was going straight for her , I knew I wouldn't be able to stop in time ,so I go left she goes left ,I go right she goes right.
I remember thinking oh my god I'm going straight through her.
I remember letting out a scream and trying to lean the bike away from her as I was about to hit her everything went in slow motion thinking this is it , I don't know how I got past her but I remember my shoulder pad rubbed her as I went past.

I stopped after to see if she was alright she was on the other side of the road kept walking past and didn't even acknowledge me.

That was slow motion about to die stuff right there for me.
13 years ago will Never forget it.

Arthur Beesley

Timothy Shrilling Stipulation wrote: »

Reminds me of a story my friend told me one time when we were drinking.

"Ok, I've a good one for you. You know, when you come home from a night out and you're mad to go brushing your teeth?"

"Eh, I suppose, go on"

"Ah you do, everyone LOVES brushing their teeth after a night on the drink like"

Followed by about five minutes of him insisting that everyone knows that giving the teeth a good brush after a night out is a "thing", and he doesn't know why we're all pretending it isn't, and then:

"well anyways, one night when I was a teenager I came home, scrubbing away at the teeth as you do, and my sister comes in, walks straight past me, and does a sh1t in the bin"

I know it's not a near miss but it's the first thing that sprung to mind reading the OP

In the bin? Classy bird. Why not use the sink?

endacl

http://www.independent.ie/world-news/europe/unbelievable-moment-cyclist-lands-on-feet-after-headon-collision-with-car-30456457.html

Nicked from a thread on the cycling forum. Very lucky man, managed to go over the bonnet and land on his feet. Not a near miss for the bike, which was totalled, or the gobshyte in the Peugeot, who was found to be at fault.

Edit: A Citroen. Even worse!

368100

Arthur Beesley wrote: »

In the bin? Classy bird. Why not use the sink?

Ehh, why not use the toilet ??ðŸ˜·

fyfe79

Driving my car one winter night (with my wife in the passenger seat), I lost control of it when the front passenger tyre hit some ice, cue a few seconds of the car swerving all over both sides of the road with me maniacally trying to regain control. After what seemed like an eternity the car straightened up just before a bend on the road, as another car came around the corner at speed. Had the other driver been a couple of seconds earlier he would've smashed straight into us. Jocks were changed accordingly.

Nearly drowned in Greece a few years back, but it's not that interesting really!

ratracer

So, was there a crocodile or was he just warning them about the sign warning of crocodiles?? Worst near miss story EVER!!

ratracer

368100 wrote: »

Ehh, why not use the toilet ??ðŸ˜·

Cos he was brushing his teeth in it!!

rolliepoley

I ran a half mile just under 2 minutes whilst touching cloth.

danniemcq

Marshalling for a Rally few years back, car went off at the next corner so needed moved, myself and 3 others ran down leaving a guy behind to flag other cars.

We managed to get the car out and away and just as it left another car who must have not seen the flags came round.

Driver lost control for whatever reason (panic maybe) and went sideways. It was on a direct collision course with us. The 4 of us just froze as it loomed bigger before smacking into a tree stump about 10 ft in front of us and spun the car to a stop beside us.

By far the closest i've ever come to sh*ting myself

Pat Mustard

ratracer wrote: »

So, was there a crocodile or was he just warning them about the sign warning of crocodiles?? Worst near miss story EVER!!

He didn't go screaming to get them out of the water just because of the sign. It's a UNESCO World Heritage site as well, so they don't put up the signs that lightly.

Downriver, the guide had told us that there were crocs. He pointed out croc cage traps in the river that had been interfered with, which he said was a sign of croc activity. There was nothing to prevent crocs from swimming upriver. Also, they hide underwater to ambush prey, so they can be hard to spot until it is too late.