Single life as a guy...

amie91 wrote: »

what is the big deal about oral!? seriously ..

Who mentioned oral?

Fat Christy

Dial Hard wrote: »

Who mentioned oral?

I am also very confused.

Knex*

LordNorbury did, when talking about a married friend of his, who doesn't get anyway. A rather depressing concept, in my mind.

amie91

Dial Hard wrote: »

Who mentioned oral?

LORD NORBURY WROTE :
It's a lot more common that you would think, I reckon. I was extremely taken aback recently when I was having a chat with some married mates about sex. One mate reported never getting oral sex, basically since he got married, and this is a young lad in his 30's, I found this difficult to get my head around (no pun intended!), but the consensus that night amongst a few of my married mates was, "it completely changes when you get married, no question about it", and this wasn't always down to kids being present, some of these couples were without kids, so the usual (reasonable enough I suppose), explanation of kids taking up time and energy wasn't there.

As a single guy dating regularly, I shudder when I think I could end up in a relationship like this where certain acts of sexual intimacy appear to be taken off the table after marriage, and I'll be honest about it, it completely turns me off the idea of marriage.

that was what I was replying to ..

LordNorbury

Just to clarify the context that oral was mentioned in... :cool:

LordNorbury wrote: »

It's a lot more common that you would think, I reckon. I was extremely taken aback recently when I was having a chat with some married mates about sex. One mate reported never getting oral sex, basically since he got married, and this is a young lad in his 30's, I found this difficult to get my head around (no pun intended!), but the consensus that night amongst a few of my married mates was, "it completely changes when you get married, no question about it", and this wasn't always down to kids being present, some of these couples were without kids, so the usual (reasonable enough I suppose), explanation of kids taking up time and energy wasn't there.

As a single guy dating regularly, I shudder when I think I could end up in a relationship like this where certain acts of sexual intimacy appear to be taken off the table after marriage, and I'll be honest about it, it completely turns me off the idea of marriage.

Fat Christy

Knex. wrote: »

LordNorbury did, when talking about a married friend of his, who doesn't get anyway. A rather depressing concept, in my mind.

amie91 wrote: »

LORD NORBURY WROTE :
It's a lot more common that you would think, I reckon. I was extremely taken aback recently when I was having a chat with some married mates about sex. One mate reported never getting oral sex, basically since he got married, and this is a young lad in his 30's, I found this difficult to get my head around (no pun intended!), but the consensus that night amongst a few of my married mates was, "it completely changes when you get married, no question about it", and this wasn't always down to kids being present, some of these couples were without kids, so the usual (reasonable enough I suppose), explanation of kids taking up time and energy wasn't there.

As a single guy dating regularly, I shudder when I think I could end up in a relationship like this where certain acts of sexual intimacy appear to be taken off the table after marriage, and I'll be honest about it, it completely turns me off the idea of marriage.

that was what I was replying to ..

Ohhhh right.

Big deal about oral? :eek:

If I wasn't getting any, I wouldn't be a happy camper! :mad:

LordNorbury wrote: »

Just to clarify the context that oral was mentioned in... :cool:

Sorry, missed the oral part, just thought he wasn't getting sex full stop.

catallus

Oral in a tent? Hello!

amie91

Fat Christy wrote: »

Ohhhh right.

Big deal about oral? :eek:

If I wasn't getting any, I wouldn't be a happy camper! :mad:

Each to their own I suppose..

Well, I'm a single man, who's not actively dating and is not looking for a relationship, but I'm still having a lot more sex than many of my married male friends. In some cases it stops almost entirely. A lot of that has to do with kids. Parents are just too tired to do anything after the day is done. However, in other cases it just seems the Sex stops.

Some wander when this happens, others end the relationship but the vast majority seem to just get on with it. I think you might be surprised how many Men (and Women) in marriages have no sex at all and these people would be in their 30's and 40's.

As for the Oral situation.... I think the point here is not the act, but say you and another used to do something in the bedroom all the time and then one day soon after you marry, it just stops.

LordNorbury

Onthe3rdDay wrote: »

Well, I'm a single man, who's not actively dating and is not looking for a relationship, but I'm still having a lot more sex than many of my married male friends. In some cases it stops almost entirely. A lot of that has to do with kids. Parents are just too tired to do anything after the day is done. However, in other cases it just seems the Sex stops.

Some wander when this happens, others end the relationship but the vast majority seem to just get on with it. I think you might be surprised how many Men (and Women) in marriages have no sex at all and these people would be in their 30's and 40's.

This is the bit that scares the absolute shíte out of me I have to say, when it comes to marriage. My mates are the very same, sex after marriage from what I've been told, becomes mundane/vanilla and a lot lot less regular than beforehand. Now that might suit some couples, where they might both be happy with that but it would be my idea of a nightmare I have to say.

Warper

One of the biggest downsides is no one to go on holiday with especially if you want to go somewhere far off or different like Japan, Egypt etc.. Im in mid 30's and most of my friends are in relationships with kids so they are out straight away. Another negative if going to weddings, you can feel like a spare prick if you are there on your own.

LordNorbury wrote: »

This is the bit that scares the absolute shíte out of me I have to say, when it comes to marriage. My mates are the very same, sex after marriage from what I've been told, becomes mundane/vanilla and a lot lot less regular than beforehand. Now that might suit some couples, where they might both be happy with that but it would be my idea of a nightmare I have to say.

Well I think it's each to their own. For some the sexual part of a relationship isn't that important. If both parties are happy then that's fine. However, it's the couple that 5 years previously couldn't and wouldn't come out on a Saturday Night because the were having a 4 day session in the bedroom, and that same couple that couldn't be taken anywhere because they'd end up embarrassing you with public shows of affection... When that couple have been married for less than 3 years and they've done nothing in the bedroom for 12 months, (and everyone is physically healthy) that's the scary bit.

LordNorbury wrote: »

This is the bit that scares the absolute shíte out of me I have to say, when it comes to marriage. My mates are the very same, sex after marriage from what I've been told, becomes mundane/vanilla and a lot lot less regular than beforehand. Now that might suit some couples, where they might both be happy with that but it would be my idea of a nightmare I have to say.

Is the act of marriage itself the problem, though? I'd imagine a lot of unmarried couples who've been together years are in the same boat.

Warper wrote: »

One of the biggest downsides is no one to go on holiday with especially if you want to go somewhere far off or different like Japan, Egypt etc.. Im in mid 30's and most of my friends are in relationships with kids so they are out straight away. Another negative if going to weddings, you can feel like a spare prick if you are there on your own.

Most people in relationships with kids would never have the money nor the time to go to Japan or Egypt. That's the great thing about being single, you do have more money to do those sorts of things. I"d agree about the weddings but then again I tend to avoid them as in many cases it's like going to see a car crash happening in slow motion. The tension levels at some I've been at has been shocking. Mother in Law doesn't like other Mother in Law etc etc.

Wibbs

Dial Hard wrote: »

Is the act of marriage itself the problem, though? I'd imagine a lot of unmarried couples who've been together years are in the same boat.

Aye but I would suspect there may be differences. You regularly hear people say that marriage was very different to being boyfriend/girlfriend living together. It was more serious, there was a deeper commitment and all that. That's fantastic, but maybe there could be another side to that coin? Namely that because marriage is more difficult to leave that complacency may be more likely? Goes for all sorts of things, not just sex and not gender biased. People putting on weight (and again not just women), less romance, less effort, because they're married.

I once sat in a pub with a bunch of blokes and one was complaining about "Married Man's Mickey(TM)" and that he was getting no action. TBH I'm not surprised. 5 years into the marriage and he'd gone from a fit bloke who had some excitement to him to a tubby slob and I don't think they'd had too many romantic getaways either. His wife who I met briefly had stayed pretty much the same over this time. No wonder she went off him(and they didn't have the distraction of kids). TBH if I was with someone and she changed that much physically and mentally I'd be gone as fast as my legs could carry me. Though this is apparently "sexist" if it's the woman who piles on the pounds if the man takes issue. My arse. I'd say exactly the same to a woman mate if her bloke turned into a physical and mental slob because he had "settled". He better get his mojo back or there's the door Ted.

If sex started to go off the menu? Eh nope. 1) I'd think "oh oh, somethings is going wrong within our relationship". I'd try to figure out what. I'd try to figure out if I was to blame for it and change that if I could and hopefully get back on an even keel for both our sakes. 2) that beyond the honeymoon shagging stage this is their background level sex drive and it's mismatching mine. At which point there's the door. I've a strong enough drive now in my 40's, if I was in such a relationship in my 30's or 20's I'd be gone like a rocket TBH. If there was even the hint of using sex as a bargaining tool, regardless of drive I'd be gone faster than a rocket attached to another rocket.

Anyway I'd be thinking that with the boyfriend/girlfriend setup it's easier to leave(usually), so subconsciously maybe this makes for more effort on the part of both? Not always of course I've seen enough people turn into boring coach potatoes in longtermers, but I suspect it would have some influence.

Wibbs wrote: »

Aye but I would suspect there may be differences. You regularly hear people say that marriage was very different to being boyfriend/girlfriend living together. It was more serious, there was a deeper commitment and all that. That's fantastic, but maybe there could be another side to that coin? Namely that because marriage is more difficult to leave that complacency may be more likely? Goes for all sorts of things, not just sex and not gender biased. People putting on weight (and again not just women), less romance, less effort, because they're married.

I don't know, maybe you have a point. It certainly wasn't my experience of being married but when you look at how many people (of both genders, as you've said) let themselves go after they get married, perhaps there is something to it. The "Married Bob" (also TM) is another perfect example - where women who've had long hair their entire lives go and get it cut pretty much as soon as they're back from the honeymoon. Not all, by any means, but like "Married Mans Mickey", a significant enough proportion that there's a name for it. A friend of mine got married last year, a girl who was always very attractive and took excellent care of herself. Before the first anniversary had arrived she'd chopped the hair and put on a load of weight - she looks middle-aged now, and that's not an exaggeration. And I've often thought that her husband must look at her sometimes and think "Where the hell is my gorgeous missus gone???"

Dial Hard wrote: »

The "Married Bob" (also TM) is another perfect example - where women who've had long hair their entire lives go and get it cut pretty much as soon as they're back from the honeymoon.

That's a very accurate point, but I think it's a very Irish thing. Women don't appear to change so radically after marriage in other European Countries. Obviously the same may be the case for men, but overnight changes like that are rare enough. The real shock with men is when you don't see them for 2 years and you see how they let themselves go.

Sleepy

Being entirely honest, having seen some friends experiences (and from what I'd read on PI over the years) I was so worried about it I opened a conversation about it with my now wife within 24 hours of buying the ring... I was pretty clear: if our sexual relationship ends, so does the rest of it.

walshb wrote: »

Cons: Nice to have a companion to share your day with, your opinions with.

I don't know!! My thoughts are far too deep. Women just like small talk with a few jokes thrown in, not the over-analytical observations!!

It's very hard to support someone through their mistakes when you know that if you were in their situation, you'd see it coming. I no longer really make mistakes, so therefore(now that I'm not in a relationship), I don't have to worry about anyone else OR myself. It's absolutely fannytastic. I've done enough worrying to this day, so don't know if I want a partner, not to mention kids to worry about!

I also don't know if I could devote enough time to my hobbies or career if I was in a relationship. And I'd also constantly have consider if I'm contributing enough to the relationship in order to keep her. If if I lose her, it could end up being all for nothing. I'd be a lot more inclinded to give it a shot if I was in the 1950's, but as Dillon says, 'the times, they are a changing'

But some people just need to be in relationship... it's like they're only half a person without it. But then those sorts of people generally don't have hobbies

Knex*

To Need a Woman wrote: »

I don't know!! My thoughts are far too deep. Women just like small talk with a few jokes thrown in, not the over-analytical observations!!

A sweeping generalisation, if ever there was one. And wrong, too.

Certainly in my experience.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Knex. wrote: »

A sweeping generalisation, if ever there was one. And wrong, too.

Certainly in my experience.

Remind me later now I must tell you, Mary down at the office - do you know Mary? She's a fat arse anyways - were just talking about this the other day over lunch. I had soup.

Fat Christy

To Need a Woman wrote: »

Women just like small talk with a few jokes thrown in, not the over-analytical observations!!

Well, we now know why you 'need a woman'.

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

Living alone might be more expensive as well as opposed to renting a one bedroom flat with a spouse or partner and splitting the rent and other costs.

I'll be rich though, so yeah

Fat Christy wrote: »

Well, we now know why you 'need a woman'.

predictable jokes from the fat fella. Let's have something smart come out of your mouth other than Einstein's cock

Frank Dry Logging wrote: »

Remind me later now I must tell you, Mary down at the office - do you know Mary? She's a fat arse anyways - were just talking about this the other day over lunch. I had soup.

if you want to joke go to after hours

catallus

Judging by the shíte that's coming out of your mouth I shudder to think what you put in there.