Sadderday wrote: » Ever spent a weekend with your in laws... ???
mauzo! wrote: » My husband got the sh*t in laws. They never welcomed him into the family, despite liking him and being happy for us. Same with the partners of my siblings. My dad is a dick and my mam just goes along with him. I feel embarrassed that his family welcome me and treat me as part of the family and mine never did that for him.
Kintarō Hattori wrote: » Same here. May partner is Polish, we're together 10 years. When I told my father that I was seeing someone from Poland, 'Well- at least she's European' (another member of the family was married to an African at the time). Any time we've gone back to the family home she's never made feel welcome by my mother, never spoken to directly. One time we were having a family photo taken and she was asked to step out of it by the mother. Contrast that to any time I go to visit her family in Poland- I'm made to feel like royalty. Always collected from the airport, tons of food on the table when we get there. The extended family are miffed if you don't come and visit them. Her father is a lovely guy- a very practical guy who loves spending time in his garden/workshop. We can barely speak with each other but will stay up late into the night going through a bottle of vodka. While her family are lovely, my folks have never made her feel welcome.
mauzo! wrote: » Its mortifying isn't it? My family have parties we're not invited to, including my mothers 60th last month. We don't talk about it, I see them rarely and its just known that my Husband isn't welcome in their home. I think I'm going to cut all ties actually. They're the kind of people that are always saints and its everyone else who's at fault. They love to sit around drinking and gossiping, then the next night they're gossiping about the people they were friendly with the night before. I just can't do it anymore. I hate the bitchiness and I'm sick of being left out just because I don't play the game.
Sadderday wrote: » Did you attempt to sit them down and just straight out ask what the problem is ?
mauzo! wrote: » Yeah, brought them to family therapy. My dad apologised and it was OK for a few weeks. Then he got bad again and my mam said the therapist ambushed him. I'm done with them, but now I'll be the bad guy, they did nothing wrong. I sat home one day crying because my sister, 4 aunts and my mam went dress shopping one day without me. Sat there talking about how excited they were to look at dresses, for my wedding. Sorry for derailing, just needed to vent. My husband just says they're family and you have to forgive, but I just can't. Theyve been at it years now.
Sadderday wrote: » ................ I know your love your OH so its hard to admit - but has he given them a reason to dislike him ? Or did you spend the early days of the relationship telling them about your arguments ? It's just I know that this can cause tension!! If not, give up. We don't choose our family so sometimes you get the short straw. If anything affects your life in anyway thats not positive - blank it, like you would blank a t-shirt with a stain on it... you might be happier if your efforts were placed elsewhere.
mauzo! wrote: » He's never done anything, they've said themselves he's lovely. Its me they have the issue with,they don't know what it is though. I'm the only sane one, I swear. I don't want to be two faced or bitchy, so I get excluded and I dont exist to them. Ah well sorry, back on topic, my in laws include me and I'm part of their family now
Kintarō Hattori wrote: » It certainly is. We bought our home in 2011- potentially the biggest thing a child will do- neither of my parents have been up to see it despite living just 22km away. We've offered to collect them from the train station, drive down and pick them up on a day of their choice etc. 'Yeah we'll get around to it'. Meanwhile her mother has been all the way from Poland twice, while her father who fears flying has even come. I feel really bad for her parents as they want to meet mine but we haven't arranged it. We've nicely tried to tell them that they aren't such nice people but they can't understand that, insisting 'But they're your parents'. The only thing I can say mauzo! is that you shouldn't stress out about people who are selfish and unwilling to show basic respect towards the most important person in your life. I learnt ages ago to concentrate on my missus, her family and my siblings. I rarely visit the folks and only call them occasionally. You make choices in life and theirs has been to show little respect and no love towards my partner whom I adore. They aren't worth the effort if they can't return a bare minimum of respect, so move on.
Buzz Killington the third wrote: » I don't want to bring up old posts but you previously mentioned that you got married within months of meeting your husband. I know from a friend who did something similar, her family just stopped taking her seriously and told anyone who'd listen about how 'silly and idiotic' she was to get herself into that situation. She eventually just drifted apart from them.
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