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Child Item

Womens attitudes to previous sexual encounters see mod note post #1

h.bolla

Myself and my GF broke up a few months back and it happened after a discussion about another girl with a similar story to the Magaluf girl.

I said something like 'no self respecting man will date the girl after this' and my GF defended her saying that shes young and drunk and what you do expect at that age.

I replied by saying "you were young and did you ever do anything like that?". Then her face changed I knew something was up.

After a lot of rowing she admitted she had a 6-some one night (her and 5 other men) along with a dozen or 3-somes over the years and has lost count on the amount of drunken one night stands shes had with randomers. Oh and for most of her teens right up to her mid 20's she has always had 1 or 2 friends with benefits at any given time most of them lasting for 3-4 months. She guessed all in all that she'd had around 500 partners give or take.

Its not exactly the kinda image that sprang to mind when we first got together and told me she only ever had 2 boyfriends and I'd be her third.

But alas, apparantly its none of my business what went on in her past, and if Im annoyed about her past then obviously I dont deserve her.

I thought I just had the worst luck and was dating a right bitch and put it behind me and moved on. But then I was reading a few threads on here (in the personal issues section) and I noticed that quite a lot of women posters have the same attitude.

This attitude really blows my mind. How do you gentlmen feel about the whole thing?

Mod note from #469

If anyone is unsure of what an acceptable standard of posting is then read the charter or pm me.
Do not personalise the debate.
Be respectful to other peoples opinions.
Do not be a dick.
No more backseat modding.
Oh and refrain from using derogatory sexist language from here on.

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h.bolla

LordNorbury wrote: »

I have to take exception to this. Firstly, the figure "500", has just been plucked from thin air and has no meaning or relevance in the context of the current discussion here.

But the thing is Username123 keeps defending a person who has actually slept with 500 partners and reckons it was an OK thing to do... I think thats were Larry is coming from.

username123

h.bolla wrote: »

But the thing is Username123 keeps defending a person who has actually slept with 500 partners and reckons its an OK thing to do... I think thats were Larry is coming from.

The number is irrelevant. However many partners someone has slept with is not an objective moral wrong.

If you can't handle someone who has had a lot of partners you should discuss it early in a relationship to be sure you don't get a nasty shock later.

It's ok to be celibate, virginal, have had 10, 20, 100, 500, 1000 partners. Each to their own.

This ludicrous notion that someone is wrong to hold such an opinion is just ridiculous.

h.bolla

username123 wrote: »

The number is irrelevant. However many partners someone has slept with is not an objective moral wrong.

If you can't handle someone who has had a lot of partners you should discuss it early in a relationship to be sure you don't get a nasty shock later.

It's ok to be celibate, virginal, have had 10, 20, 100, 500, 1000 partners. Each to their own.

This ludicrous notion that someone is wrong to hold such an opinion is just ridiculous.

Im not arguing with you

I was simply pointing out to LordNorbury that Larry didnt pluck the 500 number out of the air and that you support a person with 500 regardless.

LordNorbury

I have dated girls who have walked when they asked about my attitude to sex, as a single guy, when I answered honestly, and equally I have dated girls who, when they asked me the same set of questions, responded with, "would you ever be up for us meeting another couple and swapping partners?"... The point being, it really is a case of horses for courses. If you are gamey and a bit wild, you probably need to be finding a partner with the same or similar perspective. Equally, if you find these these things a bit off putting, you maybe need to find the same in a partner, or need to find a partner with the same view, neither case being right or wrong over the other...

Wibbs

The Wild Bunch wrote: »

Ahh Jaysus

Like I said, that's just me man. I'd be thinking that way. Shouldn't impact on you though.

username123 wrote: »

Lots of comments on this thread say that many men would not want a serious relationship or marriage with woman who had a lot of sexual partners in the past

For me it would be the amount(500? GTFO) and how these encounters went down. Someone chugging every Thomas, Richard and Harold in public while also practicing public onanism while drunk = More red flags than a Chairman Mao birthday celebration. It strongly suggests someone who is easily led, either by peer pressure or the content of their pants, someone who is impetuous and lacking self control. Not a good bet in a partner.

but the flip side of that is, a woman who had a lot of sexual partners in the past wouldn't want to be with a man who thought that way!

Maybe, though of the women I've known like that they tended to go for guys who more at the inexperienced end of things for some reason. Needless to say the guys never found out the past and unlike the OP's example they weren't attention whores/impetuous/lacking in self control, these women were discrete. Makes a big diff IMH. As for why they went for the less experienced guys? I dunno, maybe it was a way of normalising things, of settling down into blissful suburbia? Or the less experienced guys were more likely to accept it if they did find out? I have noticed men who are more the "player" type are a lot less forgiving of a particular woman's foibles and not just sexually. They don't buy into the "I'm special just because I'm a woman and will have sex with you" attitude. They're more about the person. Well they know that they have more choices should a relationship go bad. The less experienced guy is more likely to think himself "lucky to have her/she's outa my league" and all that stuff.

Standman

Larry Wildman wrote: »

There was no personal attack on you...it's your opinion that I have a problem with.

Your contention regarding subjectivity is also laughable because it ignores the existence of objective morality.

And public claims such as "post reported" etc are themselves a breach of the rules.

Your views and contentions regarding sexual mores are laughable to be honest. It is not "okay" to sleep with 500 people and to teach a child or teenager otherwise is shocking. People need to be taught to have respect for themselves and for others.

Do these "objective morals" happen to be the ones you personally subscribe to? What a coincidence.

Cait87

There's a point in a girls life where she says to herself- i can't live that lifestyle anymore. maybe it happened before/when she met you. and maybe she was ashamed of her actions to tell you and it came out in anger.

LordNorbury

Cait87 wrote: »

There's a point in a girls life where she says to herself- i can't live that lifestyle anymore. maybe it happened before/when she met you. and maybe she was ashamed of her actions to tell you and it came out in anger.

Maybe she was just being honest & didn't see any need to crucify herself over things she experimented with in the past & probably enjoyed. It sounds to me to be honest, that the OP's case is one of a deep mismatch, they have two nearly opposite perspectives on what is normal sexual behaviour.

mikom

Cait87 wrote: »

There's a point in a girls life where she says to herself- i can't live that lifestyle anymore.

Round about the time she is gobbling off the 4th cock of the night.....

LordNorbury

I have to say, in my view, this is the difference between being in your 20's and being in your 30's. In your 20's, you might run into a situation like the OP's and be a bit confused as to what to do about it, but in your 30's, you tend to sound out these things a lot earlier, and if they don't sit easy with you, you know what to do about it. I suppose it's the university of life really, experience teaches you what you are into and not into and you get a lot more adept at finding what suits you, and not running with what might not be for you, in your 30's...

h.bolla

LordNorbury wrote: »

It sounds to me to be honest, that the OP's case is one of a deep mismatch, they have two nearly opposite perspectives on what is normal sexual behaviour.

Exactly. Thank you.

For right or wrong Im not pushed on girls that slut it out. If she had have been upfront at the start then I could have made my own choice about it and took the risk accordingly.

But the thing is she wasnt upfront. Right thats fair enough. I can live with that. It was my own fault for not seeing through her.

But what I dont like is when society tell me its none of my business what she got up to before she met me. And then tell me that Im oppressive and a bollix and shes better off without me.

That peeves me off to no end. Im diseased for life now over her. THe next girl I meet now I have to tell her "hey if we get together you know Im probably going to pass this list of crap onto you too".

Girls can sleep around if they want. But at least have the decency to tell me before we get into a serious relationship.

Aurora Green

Magaggie wrote: »

Yeh, it's weird though how it can happen that someone seems utterly perfect in every way on paper, and then you meet them and get on great etc etc but there's just no sexual chemistry.
One of the most disappointing, unfair things ever!

It's not really, things like tone of voice, body language, facial expressions are a huge part of chemistry.

username123

h.bolla wrote: »

Exactly. Thank you.

For right or wrong Im not pushed on girls that slut it out. If she had have been upfront at the start then I could have made my own choice about it and took the risk accordingly.

But the thing is she wasnt upfront. Right thats fair enough. I can live with that. It was my own fault for not seeing through her.

But what I dont like is when society tell me its none of my business what she got up to before she met me. And then tell me that Im oppressive and a bollix and shes better off without me.

That peeves me off to no end. Im diseased for life now over her. THe next girl I meet now I have to tell her "hey if we get together you know Im probably going to pass this list of crap onto you too".

Girls can sleep around if they want. But at least have the decency to tell me before we get into a serious relationship.

If you're not pushed why do you continue to use offensive terms, like slut?

How do you know it was her who infected you? Were you a virgin when you met her? Were you having unprotected sex with her? Isn't keeping yourself disease free also your responsibility?

Aurora Green

h.bolla wrote: »

Exactly. Thank you.

For right or wrong Im not pushed on girls that slut it out. If she had have been upfront at the start then I could have made my own choice about it and took the risk accordingly.

But the thing is she wasnt upfront. Right thats fair enough. I can live with that. It was my own fault for not seeing through her.

But what I dont like is when society tell me its none of my business what she got up to before she met me. And then tell me that Im oppressive and a bollix and shes better off without me.

That peeves me off to no end. Im diseased for life now over her. THe next girl I meet now I have to tell her "hey if we get together you know Im probably going to pass this list of crap onto you too".

Girls can sleep around if they want. But at least have the decency to tell me before we get into a serious relationship.

Sorry to hear about the STD, hope it's not too serious.

Aurora Green

username123 wrote: »

If you're not pushed why do you continue to use offensive terms, like slut?

How do you know it was her who infected you? Were you a virgin when you met her? Were you having unprotected sex with her? Isn't keeping yourself disease free also your responsibility?

If it's your responsibility then you must accept then it is your responsibility to find out about your partner's sexual history.

username123

Aurora Green wrote: »

If it's your responsibility then you must accept then it is your responsibility to find out about your partner's sexual history.

You don't need to know the history, it'd be madness to have unprotected sex with someone who didn't produce a clean bill of sexual health from a doctors, regardless of if they had 1 or 500 partners before you.

LordNorbury

h.bolla wrote: »

Exactly. Thank you.

For right or wrong Im not pushed on girls that slut it out. If she had have been upfront at the start then I could have made my own choice about it and took the risk accordingly.

But the thing is she wasnt upfront. Right thats fair enough. I can live with that. It was my own fault for not seeing through her.

But what I dont like is when society tell me its none of my business what she got up to before she met me. And then tell me that Im oppressive and a bollix and shes better off without me.

That peeves me off to no end. Im diseased for life now over her. THe next girl I meet now I have to tell her "hey if we get together you know Im probably going to pass this list of crap onto you too".

Girls can sleep around if they want. But at least have the decency to tell me before we get into a serious relationship.

OP you sound very young, this is the university of life stuff, you make mistakes and you learn from them, I don't see the big deal really, upwards and onwards. I take it that when you say: "hey if we get together you know Im probably going to pass this list of crap onto you too", that you are talking about emotional crap and not an STD. If you have an STD, go see your GP, most are easily treated I think and there is no need to go telling your next partner, or anyone else for that matter, if you are given the all clear.

h.bolla

username123 wrote: »

If you're not pushed why do you continue to use offensive terms, like slut?

Im not very PC.... and where I come from its a general term. If a girl sleeps around shes a slut. Thats just how it is. DOnt ask me how or why, but it is what it is.

username123 wrote: »

How do you know it was her who infected you? Were you a virgin when you met her? Were you having unprotected sex with her? Isn't keeping yourself disease free also your responsibility?

Not that it really matters, but yes I was tested clean when I broke up with my previous GF and then when I met the new GF and asked her was she clean she guaranteed me she got tested right after she broke up with her last boyfriend..... I doubt it was a lie... but yeh... may aswell have been.

EDIT: Just thought Id add that I accept its my own fault for not insisting on a new test in front of me and let me watch it. I just write her off as bitch for not telling me, and myself as dumb and naive. But I just cant fathom why society thinks girls like this are perfectly OK and defend her.

h.bolla

LordNorbury wrote: »

OP you sound very young, this is the university of life stuff, you make mistakes and you learn from them, I don't see the big deal really, upwards and onwards. I take it that when you say: "hey if we get together you know Im probably going to pass this list of crap onto you too", that you are talking about emotional crap and not an STD. If you have an STD, go see your GP, most are easily treated I think and there is no need to go telling your next partner, or anyone else for that matter, if you are given the all clear.

Put it this way. She was 27 and Im not younger than her :P

Stanlex

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y7qWs6XRZvw

I had to, sorry!

Milly33

How long where you going out with her

Wibbs

h.bolla wrote: »

But what I dont like is when society tell me its none of my business what she got up to before she met me.

Ditto TBH. An individual doesn't exist in a vacuum and the past is a massive part of the person they are today. Anything like a pattern running in a persons past is likely to be repeated. Not always obviously or directly but it tends to come out in some fashion. Not just sexually BTW. EG if your current partner left their previous partner for you and there was any overlap then chances are damned high that'll be you when they get tired of the relationship.

And then tell me that Im oppressive and a bollix and shes better off without me.

You weren't man enough or mature enough to handle her apparently. Or something.

That peeves me off to no end. Im diseased for life now over her.

Look anyone could give anyone else some version of the clap, even if they've only slept with one other person before you who passed it on. It can happen and people with maturity will tell their partner or even ex partners who may have been exposed. Actually happened to me. An ex found out she had a (mild) STD and she told me post haste, so I'd be informed and could get tested(I was grand as it turned out). That took some stones on her part though TBH I wasn't surprised as she was and is a damned sound individual across the board.

However if you've rattled through a couple of hundred people then the risk is damn near 100% of being exposed to something and likely catching it. The fact she didn't inform you, or it seems get tested first speaks volumes. She didn't even have to tell you any "number".

username123 wrote: »

If you're not pushed why do you continue to use offensive terms, like slut?

If she indeed gave him a dose then "slut" would be a generous term. Utterly irresponsible selfish gobshíte would be better. If someone gave me a dose that was lifelong and lied by omission about her sexual history I dunno if I could contain my anger.

Were you having unprotected sex with her? Isn't keeping yourself disease free also your responsibility?

Ah c'mon outa that. Generally people with longterm partners hope that some level of honesty and information may be forthcoming. If I'm worrying about practicing safe sex with a long term partner I've got bigger worries goin on.

Buzz Killington the third

username123 wrote: »

Patronising nonsense. I don't have to have a daughter to have a particular attitude towards sex and sexuality. My attitude towards people's "number" is no different whether or not we are discussing my mother, my sister, my partner, my child, a random internet stranger or anyone else. My belief that there is nothing morally wrong with a high number of past sexual partners applies equally to all regardless of gender, race, sexuality, or relation to me.

I'd say if your hypothetical daughter follwed her admittance of a high number of sexual partners with an admittance that the majority of her experiences involved strangers and drinking games you'd hit the roof. Especially upon admittance of public masterbation!

ragnarl

h.bolla wrote: »

Exactly. Thank you.

For right or wrong Im not pushed on girls that slut it out. If she had have been upfront at the start then I could have made my own choice about it and took the risk accordingly.

But the thing is she wasnt upfront. Right thats fair enough. I can live with that. It was my own fault for not seeing through her.

But what I dont like is when society tell me its none of my business what she got up to before she met me. And then tell me that Im oppressive and a bollix and shes better off without me.

That peeves me off to no end. Im diseased for life now over her. THe next girl I meet now I have to tell her "hey if we get together you know Im probably going to pass this list of crap onto you too".

Girls can sleep around if they want. But at least have the decency to tell me before we get into a serious relationship.

Good post here.

Unfortunately society has changed markedly and women are now encouraged to have multiple sexual partners and feel great about it. This is a far cry from when our grandparents were in their 20s and got together and went from strength to strength. Women didn't slut around and get encouraged to have sex with hundreds of men back then.

Fortunately there are some women who don't behave like this, although it's becoming rarer and rarer. Society as a whole has changed and generally Irish women are becoming more and more slutty and entitled. This attitude is obnoxious and im happy to say I have a beautiful foreign girlfriend who values herself more than to be slutting around and having one night stands every week. In her culture that is actually frowned upon. Shes a great girlfriend, doesn't act like a tramp and takes good care of me as I do to her. If we ever break up, I have every intention of getting another girlfriend from the same country as her if I can.

To the OP I would say that you are playing a losing game by having an Irish girlfriend in this day and age. These girls generally feel like they just achieved something great if they have banged 100 guys and as a guy you are looked down on if you think that a girl being an absolute tramp is a bad thing.

LordNorbury

ragnarl wrote: »

Good post here.

Unfortunately society has changed markedly and women are now encouraged to have multiple sexual partners and feel great about it. This is a far cry from when our grandparents were in their 20s and got together and went from strength to strength. Women didn't slut around and get encouraged to have sex with hundreds of men back then.

Fortunately there are some women who don't behave like this, although it's becoming rarer and rarer. Society as a whole has changed and generally Irish women are becoming more and more slutty and entitled. This attitude is obnoxious and im happy to say I have a beautiful foreign girlfriend who values herself more than to be slutting around and having one night stands every week. In her culture that is actually frowned upon. Shes a great girlfriend, doesn't act like a tramp and takes good care of me as I do to her. If we ever break up, I have every intention of getting another girlfriend from the same country as her if I can.

To the OP I would say that you are playing a losing game by having an Irish girlfriend in this day and age. These girls generally feel like they just achieved something great if they have banged 100 guys and as a guy you are looked down on if you think that a girl being an absolute tramp is a bad thing.

Sounds like a deep seated and somewhat bizarre hatred of Irish women. Thankfully in the 21st century, the availability of contraception and not having the Catholic Church standing on our necks, means that men and women are more free to make adult choices about their sexuality and their expression thereof. Women no longer have to fear unwanted pregnancies, thanks to the widespread availability of contraception, and they don't have to fear the Magdalene Laundries, thanks to us living in an open and free society and not having sexual ignorance that goes to the very centre of the Catholic faith, imposed upon on us.

ragnarl

LordNorbury wrote: »

Sounds like a deep seated and somewhat bizarre hatred of Irish women. Thankfully in the 21st century, the availability of contraception and not having the Catholic Church standing on our necks, means that men and women are more free to make adult choices about their sexuality and their expression thereof. Women no longer have to fear unwanted pregnancies, thanks to the widespread availability of contraception, and they don't have to fear the Magdalene Laundries, thanks to us living in an open and free society and not having sexual ignorance that goes to the very centre of the Catholic faith, imposed upon on us.

There is no need to get into the amateur psychology.

It's simply a case of preferring a girl with few sexual partners. Its laughable that guys are now expected to be happy with a girlfriend who has banged 500 guys before him and there is something wrong with the guy if he has an issue with it. Fact is, many guys do have an issue with it. Some Irish girls obviously would not be up to that carry on but lets me honest, this is the way society is going in terms of mindset.

Thankfully there is an abundance of foreign women coming to Ireland who don't share this mentality.

Shakespeare's Sister

"Get a girlfriend" - like getting a carton of milk in Tesco.
A nice subservient woman from a country where women know their place.

Oh for the days of the Magdalene Laundries and marital rape not being a crime.

LordNorbury

ragnarl wrote: »

There is no need to get into the amateur psychology.

It's simply a case of preferring a girl with few sexual partners. Its laughable that guys are now expected to be happy with a girlfriend who has banged 500 guys before him and there is something wrong with the guy if he has an issue with it. Fact is, many guys do have an issue with it. Some Irish girls obviously would not be up to that carry on but lets me honest, this is the way society is going in terms of mindset.

Thankfully there is an abundance of foreign women coming to Ireland who don't share this mentality.

I've gone on dates with loads of Irish women and not one of them fit into your extremely negative stereotype.

ragnarl

Magaggie wrote: »

"Get a girlfriend" - like getting a carton of milk in Tesco.
A nice subservient woman from a country where women know their place.

Oh for the days of the Magdalene Laundries and marital rape not being a crime.

This is the kind of post that takes the piss and mods should be stopping it. If I reply to this post pointing out how retarded it is, I'll be the one who gets the warning.

eviltwin

ragnarl wrote: »

Good post here.

Unfortunately society has changed markedly and women are now encouraged to have multiple sexual partners and feel great about it. This is a far cry from when our grandparents were in their 20s and got together and went from strength to strength. Women didn't slut around and get encouraged to have sex with hundreds of men back then.

Fortunately there are some women who don't behave like this, although it's becoming rarer and rarer. Society as a whole has changed and generally Irish women are becoming more and more slutty and entitled. This attitude is obnoxious and im happy to say I have a beautiful foreign girlfriend who values herself more than to be slutting around and having one night stands every week. In her culture that is actually frowned upon. Shes a great girlfriend, doesn't act like a tramp and takes good care of me as I do to her. If we ever break up, I have every intention of getting another girlfriend from the same country as her if I can.

To the OP I would say that you are playing a losing game by having an Irish girlfriend in this day and age. These girls generally feel like they just achieved something great if they have banged 100 guys and as a guy you are looked down on if you think that a girl being an absolute tramp is a bad thing.

Most Irish women and men don't have numbers in the hundreds, most I know would have a number of partners but most of those would be relationships rather than casual sex. Those who have had a more colourful past are not any the worse for it. I don't know where you get the impression that 100+ lovers is normal for Irish women but its not, maybe you need to take your blinkers off.