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Child Item

Womens attitudes to previous sexual encounters see mod note post #1

h.bolla

Myself and my GF broke up a few months back and it happened after a discussion about another girl with a similar story to the Magaluf girl.

I said something like 'no self respecting man will date the girl after this' and my GF defended her saying that shes young and drunk and what you do expect at that age.

I replied by saying "you were young and did you ever do anything like that?". Then her face changed I knew something was up.

After a lot of rowing she admitted she had a 6-some one night (her and 5 other men) along with a dozen or 3-somes over the years and has lost count on the amount of drunken one night stands shes had with randomers. Oh and for most of her teens right up to her mid 20's she has always had 1 or 2 friends with benefits at any given time most of them lasting for 3-4 months. She guessed all in all that she'd had around 500 partners give or take.

Its not exactly the kinda image that sprang to mind when we first got together and told me she only ever had 2 boyfriends and I'd be her third.

But alas, apparantly its none of my business what went on in her past, and if Im annoyed about her past then obviously I dont deserve her.

I thought I just had the worst luck and was dating a right bitch and put it behind me and moved on. But then I was reading a few threads on here (in the personal issues section) and I noticed that quite a lot of women posters have the same attitude.

This attitude really blows my mind. How do you gentlmen feel about the whole thing?

Mod note from #469

If anyone is unsure of what an acceptable standard of posting is then read the charter or pm me.
Do not personalise the debate.
Be respectful to other peoples opinions.
Do not be a dick.
No more backseat modding.
Oh and refrain from using derogatory sexist language from here on.

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Mrs W

Reading this thread is some scary ****! I'm only 29 but WTF??! 500 hundred partners?! Whatever about past partners being disregarded but that really tells you a lot about the type of person they are and male or female, no thank you.

amkin25

Mrs W wrote: »

Reading this thread is some scary ****! I'm only 29 but WTF??! 500 hundred partners?! Whatever about past partners being disregarded but that really tells you a lot about the type of person they are and male or female, no thank you.

I agree with you 500 is a crazy number and she would most likely have to have caught some stuff,but at the same time there is a double standard in that you see guys i'm sure i read Michael Douglas possibly,boasting of having slept with over 1000 women and some other famous guys boasting of similiar numbers,William Roache who plays Ken Barlow from Corrie he boasted of similiar numbers and nobody bats an eyelid when its a guy.

Mrs W

amkin25 wrote: »

I agree with you 500 is a crazy number and she would most likely have to have caught some stuff,but at the same time there is a double standard in that you see guys i'm sure i read Michael Douglas possibly,boasting of having slept with over 1000 women and some other famous guys boasting of similiar numbers,William Roache who plays Ken Barlow from Corrie he boasted of similiar numbers and nobody bats an eyelid when its a guy.

I definitely would bat an eyelid, male or female. IMO that's disgusting

amkin25

Mrs W wrote: »

I definitely would bat an eyelid, male or female. IMO that's disgusting

You would still go for a bit of Kens charm lol.

Mrs W

amkin25 wrote: »

You would still go for a bit of Kens charm lol.

Bit out of my league though

buried

amkin25 wrote: »

I agree with you 500 is a crazy number and she would most likely have to have caught some stuff,but at the same time there is a double standard in that you see guys i'm sure i read Michael Douglas possibly,boasting of having slept with over 1000 women and some other famous guys boasting of similiar numbers,William Roache who plays Ken Barlow from Corrie he boasted of similiar numbers and nobody bats an eyelid when its a guy.

Bull$hit. The Op isn't Michael Douglas or William Roache or whoever pathetic male mindless degenerate celebrity douchebag you want to equate him to though is he? Every man is his own person and has no call to be equated to some useless point of call celebrity just because that particular celebrity is notorious for it.
What kind of mindless generalization is that in fairness?

amkin25

buried wrote: »

Bull$hit. The Op isn't Michael Douglas or William Roache or whoever pathetic male mindless degenerate celebrity douchebag you want to equate him to though is he? Every man is his own person and has no call to be equated to some useless point of call celebrity just because that particular celebrity is notorious for it.
What kind of mindless generalization is that in fairness?

I wasn't equating the op with Michael Douglas,you lost me to be fair,but sort of agree with you .

B.A._Baracus

Magaggie wrote: »

Any guys who do have sex with her despite being disgusted with her promiscuity are total hypocrites though, seeing as they're actively contributing to this promiscuity that causes them such disgust.

Being honest I don't get the hypocrisy deal. As I say I wouldn't shag someone that we are talking about. But... I understand why someone would.

I get what you are saying tho but they would just be throwing it into such a woman. No relationship. Nothing more. You could akin this to using them. Almost like treating them like a tissue (It serves its purpose and you throw it away)

As I say I do get what you are saying... but let's apply it to a job. Take Pennys for some random example. Out of morals you hate sweatshops but you take a job there because you need cash and eventually toss it there. As you do not see yourself building a career there.

It's the same principle. You got needs. But it's not what you want.

buried

amkin25 wrote: »

I wasn't equating the op with Michael Douglas,you lost me to be fair,but sort of agree with you .

Yeah, Looking at it now I'm sorry for for the harshness of my reply amkin25, I just see the OP being hounded for their own personal and emotional traits and excuses thrown at them in order to 'forget about it' which I do not agree with. I apologise again.

Luke92

Yeah everyone is different. I wouldn't sleep with someone who has had over 500 partners but some other people would.

kingtubby

Would it not be reasonable to be concerned that someone with so many partners( in fairness 500 is a really huge number) would eventually get bored with just one?

I don't have any moral issue with such a large number but I think insecurity is understandable!

House of Blaze

beano345 wrote: »

I was telling a mate about that newspaper link with the comments and he came out with an interesting take on it,he reckons women are the most vicious at slut shaming each other because a promiscuous women lowers the value of sex, one of the main reasons a woman can manipulate a man and get things done for her.

Ah i don't know how much i'd read into the contents of a single article or study as definitive by any means, I was just reminded of it when I was reading through the thread!

I mean I've really never seen those dynamics played out myself, and it seems to me that it's quite possible that the fact it is all based on college age girls in america would be enough to suggest to me that that's a bit of a hypersexualised environment to study in the first place, if my loosely formed impressions of college life in america are even close to true!

Pretty interesting read all the same though i thought.

Luke92

kingtubby wrote: »

would eventually get bored with just one?

I don't have any moral issue with such a large number but I think insecurity is understandable!

You're not allowed say that! The PC brigade have already outlined that just cause she likes sex does not mean she will be unfaithful.

Although she must have a huge sexual appetite, so I'm sure if she is to stay faithful she would need some vibrating knickers!

Mrs W

I think over 10 is a bit much? Obviously depends on age etc but someone constantly sleeping with others just for sex wouldn't appeal to me

Pug160

It looks like you've increased the numbers to make it sound worse. But even if you haven't, it doesn't matter - it's still none of your business. How could it be? It happened before you met and she had no commitments. Just out of interest, if most of that sex occurred because she was escorting - let's say while she was a high end escort - would that change your view? In my opinion, a lot of this is down to the male ego. Men simply don't want something that's perceived to be 'easy'. I do agree that there's middle ground though, and that there's a difference between a sexually liberated person and someone with no self respect. But as I said, I think you're being disingenuous.

Luke92

Pug160 wrote: »

it's still none of your business.

How is it none of his business? He was in a relationship with this girl for years. Yes if it was a fling then its not his business. This was a serious relationship, in any serious relationship you should be honest and open.

The op believed she had 3 partners before him but in fact she had only had 3 boyfriends and the other 497 were fook buddy's/one night stands/multiple at once (I'm sure that list is endless).

Op thought he had a nice respectable young lady when in fact he had someone who would have got it on with Larry Murphy. He called her out on this and said he wasn't happy and then she tried to turn it and tell him he's in the wrong for not accepting the fact she had 500 different partners.

3 vs 500 is totally different and op was right to be upset and his ex was wrong to try turn it on him. If she hadn't of tried to turn it I'm sure he would have got over it.

LegacyUser

username123 wrote: »

Im a woman. On the planet. I couldnt care less about how many past sexual partners someone has had.

I echo this.

Myself and my boyfriend are the same age, both mid twenties, and while I have had less than 10 sexual partners since I became sexually active at 19, he has had a considerable amount more. He started at 16, and has actually told me he has lost count.
That didn't make me think my boyfriend was a sex addict before I came along, I just put it down to different backgrounds/life experiences/preferences.
For example, I am personally not a fan of one night stands, I have had maybe 3 between long-ish term relationships. He is the opposite, he was single for 4 years before he met me and he enjoyed himself.

I never really was one for asking people ''what's your number'' when it came to sexual partners, each to their own, but since people do seem to have that conversation, people should remember there are factors that can determine the number and that people are too quick to judge.

B.A._Baracus

Magaggie wrote: »

Ah jeez, this is a human being we're talking about!

I don't see anything wrong with a guy just having sex with her and not seeing anything more with her in terms of future, but being disgusted with her... yet still having sex with her... he is in absolutely no position to be disgusted with her when he is contributing to what he deems so disgusting about her, and is no better.

I think you may be getting confused beteen disgusted and using someone.

hatrickpatrick

h.bolla wrote: »

But alas, apparantly its none of my business what went on in her past, and if Im annoyed about her past then obviously I dont deserve her.

Lad here, agree with her 100% and it's absolutely fantastic to hear of a woman who hasn't swallowed (pun only slightly intended) the sexual repression bullish!t.

Honest question to those who agree with the OP - why does it matter to you? My last girlfriend once told me (crying, I might add) that she felt she had to tell me her "number" before we went any further and that I'd break up with her when I heard it. I told her straight away that I didn't want to know, that it was none of my business and that it was an absurd thing to worry about.

As long as someone is faithful and doesn't have any STDs, what practical reason whatsoever is there to care about her past promiscuity or lack thereof? What actual difference does it make to you whatsoever? How does it actually affect your relationship?

Honestly, in my mind the only effects it could have are philosophical / ideological ones, and if you have the kind of repressed attitude to sex that sees promiscuity as something to judge someone by, I respect your view but I honestly feel sorry for you. Must be an awful world in which vague philosophical concepts are enough to cause you to dump a woman who is otherwise perfect for you.

hatrickpatrick

h.bolla wrote: »

If its such a non-issue why does she get uppety about it?

Probably because she, like millions of other women around the world, has been brought up with the notion that promiscuity is something to be ashamed of, and is therefore hideously self conscious about it.

buried

hatrickpatrick wrote: »

Lad here, agree with her 100% and it's absolutely fantastic to hear of a woman who hasn't swallowed (pun only slightly intended) the sexual repression bullish!t.

Honest question to those who agree with the OP - why does it matter to you? My last girlfriend once told me (crying, I might add) that she felt she had to tell me her "number" before we went any further and that I'd break up with her when I heard it. I told her straight away that I didn't want to know, that it was none of my business and that it was an absurd thing to worry about.

As long as someone is faithful and doesn't have any STDs, what practical reason whatsoever is there to care about her past promiscuity or lack thereof? What actual difference does it make to you whatsoever? How does it actually affect your relationship?

Honestly, in my mind the only effects it could have are philosophical / ideological ones, and if you have the kind of repressed attitude to sex that sees promiscuity as something to judge someone by, I respect your view but I honestly feel sorry for you. Must be an awful world in which vague philosophical concepts are enough to cause you to dump a woman who is otherwise perfect for you.

That's not fair Patrick, many men view the act of sex as a more emotional and even spiritual experience than others, and to them, the act of promiscuity and willingly throwing about the physical act of sex and sexual contact is totally anathema to them, and that is fair enough too, its not 'repression' or whatever you deem to call it.

FISMA

newport2 wrote: »

If I loved her, then her past is history. End of story.

Until someone tests positive, then it's your history too!

Sam Quentin

It is your business, I'd certainly like to know if I was dating a slag.... She really does sound extreme to say the least...
Anyway at least you'll have no problem getting it on, it must be like throwing a carrot down O' Connell Street.... Unlike the absolute stunner I was with last weekend! unfortunately it was like trying to push a golf ball into the end off a straw, no luck there, so in that sense your kinda lucky to have a girl with so much experience.

hatrickpatrick

buried wrote: »

That's not fair Patrick, many men view the act of sex as a more emotional and even spiritual experience than others, and to them, the act of promiscuity and willingly throwing about the physical act of sex and sexual contact is totally anathema to them, and that is fair enough too, its not 'repression' or whatever you deem to call it.

Most people view it that way, hence why cheating is pretty much universally abhorred. To get hung up about the past seems ridiculous though - and doubly so for the many lads who walk around with the insidious double standard that this rule doesn't apply to them.

rockbeast

The OP is totally correct to break up with her.

For him.

I'd break up with her if she was my girlfriend.

Why, you ask?

Because at the end of any day, like any secret, her history will come out.

There are echoes that resonate from every action. Now, maybe some will say it's OP's issue and he should change...Why?

You'll find another girl, OP.

Sorry it didn't work out for you

Galwayguy35

Yes someones sexual history is nobodys business but if as in the case here it came up in conversation and the OP was lied to then that's a problem.

I wouldn't be with someone who lied to me and defnately wouldn't be with a nutter who wrecks the place during an argument.

This double standards bit is bull as well, lots of women don't want to be with a man who has shagged all around him for years because he wouldn't be seen as someone a person could have a permenant relationship with, which is what most people want once they reach a certain stage in life.

Daveysil15

If I found out in the early stages of a relationship that she had slept with that many guys it would put me off a bit, because I'd wonder where it was going. Discovering it three years into a serious relationship however is a different story. I don't think I would dump her because of it. Everyone has different ideas on what they consider deal breakers though.

TBH, I probably wouldn't rule out a one night stand with someone that promiscuous either if she was very attractive. You can never be sure of a persons past anyway.

I remember reading a thread a few years ago where women were asked would they dump their boyfriends if they found out they had used prostitutes in the past. The responses were varied of course. It really depends on what you consider to be unacceptable. 500 sexual partners, 50 sexual partners, a few hookers in Amsterdam, dogging, where do you draw the line?

Buzz Killington the third

Daveysil15 wrote: »

If I found out in the early stages of a relationship that she had slept with that many guys it would put me off a bit, because I'd wonder where it was going. Discovering it three years into a serious relationship however is a different story. I don't think I would dump her because of it.

If you had been led to believe you were her third partner, when in fact you were around 500 people off that mark, would you feel the need to dump her?

Let's face it, she didn't exactly lie, but she didn't tell the truth either. She's been very misleading.

fits

Oh come on. Saying you've had three boyfriends has nothing to do with other encounters. She didn't lie, she just didn't tell him about her past, which is something many people choose to do. That's not the problem here, the OP just cant deal with the past now he has found out about it. Fair enough but stop trying to blame it on the imagined deception.

Daveysil15

Buzz Killington the third wrote: »

If you had been led to believe you were her third partner, when in fact you were around 500 people off that mark, would you feel the need to dump her?

Let's face it, she didn't exactly lie, but she didn't tell the truth either. She's been very misleading.

Well a liar is a liar, but the discussion here seems to be more about peoples feelings towards promiscuity. I'd be more concerned about whether or not she was faithful during her relationship with the OP. I wouldn't really care about a persons sexual past, but lying and cheating are different things altogether.