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Child Item

Womens attitudes to previous sexual encounters see mod note post #1

h.bolla

Myself and my GF broke up a few months back and it happened after a discussion about another girl with a similar story to the Magaluf girl.

I said something like 'no self respecting man will date the girl after this' and my GF defended her saying that shes young and drunk and what you do expect at that age.

I replied by saying "you were young and did you ever do anything like that?". Then her face changed I knew something was up.

After a lot of rowing she admitted she had a 6-some one night (her and 5 other men) along with a dozen or 3-somes over the years and has lost count on the amount of drunken one night stands shes had with randomers. Oh and for most of her teens right up to her mid 20's she has always had 1 or 2 friends with benefits at any given time most of them lasting for 3-4 months. She guessed all in all that she'd had around 500 partners give or take.

Its not exactly the kinda image that sprang to mind when we first got together and told me she only ever had 2 boyfriends and I'd be her third.

But alas, apparantly its none of my business what went on in her past, and if Im annoyed about her past then obviously I dont deserve her.

I thought I just had the worst luck and was dating a right bitch and put it behind me and moved on. But then I was reading a few threads on here (in the personal issues section) and I noticed that quite a lot of women posters have the same attitude.

This attitude really blows my mind. How do you gentlmen feel about the whole thing?

Mod note from #469

If anyone is unsure of what an acceptable standard of posting is then read the charter or pm me.
Do not personalise the debate.
Be respectful to other peoples opinions.
Do not be a dick.
No more backseat modding.
Oh and refrain from using derogatory sexist language from here on.

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ZeroThreat

eviltwin wrote: »

If she were my friend I would be concerned. Not judging, just wondering what is driving it and worried it was a sign of a deeper issue. I think it would be amiss not to look at that angle. Of course if she just enjoys sex, orgies that kind of thing then more power to her. There are probably a lot of people out there with large numbers like this who just lie and never admit to being involved in swingers parties etc because they are scared of being judged. It's a shame she couldn't admit it to the op from the get go though.

Well I'd imagine if you attended enough swingers parties it would be hard to keep it a secret when practically everyone in the town/area has shagged you.

Buzz Killington the third

username123 wrote: »

The responsible default in the sexual arena is to protect YOURSELF so never have unprotected sex unless you are sure of your partners sexual health.

Do you think it's responsible to get hammered and let a string of guys have a go on you because you lost a drinking game? Does that sound like someone who's responsible or cares about the health risks?

Aurora Green

Katgurl wrote: »

I'm a girl.

If a boyfriend quizzed me on my history the following would happen:

I'd tell him it was none of his business and I wasn't asking him. Then if he pressed me, I'd tell him that if he wanted to know he had no business making a deal about it. If he did make a deal about it I'd dump him.

I haven't had 500 partners myself obviously but that is neither here nor there.

I think one of the issues is that she lied to you if you honestly were led to believe you were her third partner. It's feasible that you were her third boyfriend.

I really do think it is none of your business and she did not have to explain her past to you.

However, if one of my friends or I were getting together with someone and I knew they'd had 500 partners I might avoid because I woudl assume they had some issues that would rear it's head. But were there any issues? Was she ever unfaithful? Did she struggle with commitment?

If not then, yeah - she was within her rights to tell you to mind your own business.

By not letting your partner know how many previous partners you've had you aren't letting him make an informed choice whether he wants you to be his partner.

Everyone is entitled to their personal tastes, values, likes and dislikes. Of course you are entitled to dump him if you want. As is he entitled to dump you if you don't want to share your past with him.

JeffKenna

username123 wrote: »

Thats an honest answer and I am not being disparaging when I say this, but you could easily sleep with someone who had had only a few partners who suffered from mental illness. So it seems like an odd worry.

Plus - whats wrong with having mental health issues!!

There's nothing at all wrong with having mental health issues, I guess I've just been there and having supported someone for years I couldn't go through it again.

To answer your question, of course anyone could have mental health issues, but if someone had that many sexual partners I would be 90% sure they had some issues.

Just on a sidenote, and I want you to be honest about this. What would you say to your daughter if she came home and said she'd slept with 500+ men? And that last night 6 guys banged her at once. Are you honestly telling me you'd give her a pat on the back and say 'well done, I'm proud of you being so sexually liberated'?

Penny Tration

Buzz Killington the third wrote: »

Do you think it's responsible to get hammered and let a string of guys have a go on you because you lost a drinking game? Does that sound like someone who's responsible or cares about the health risks?

'Have a go on you?' Jesus, that description is gross.

She chose to engage in sexual activities with multiple people. I don't see how it's irresponsible, unless protection wasn't used.

Buzz Killington the third

Deleted User wrote: »

And again we see that the problem lies with the other people - not with her. It is the disgusting attitudes of people who would level derogatry terms at such a person that are at fault here. Not the girl. Those compelled to throw out terms like "Bike" and "slut" and worse are more at fault in these equations than anyone else in my view.

This isn't just a male viewpoint though, a lot of girls would think the same as her. It's exactly like a girl calling a guy a "player" or other such rubbish which you hear all the time and you can be sure that any guy with that level of sexual partners would be branded the same.

Aurora Green

[Deleted User] wrote: »

That is an over simplication of the matter. The user made a comparison between a violent rapist - and a promiscuous woman.

The latter is a matter of the persons _personal_ past.

The former is a matter of _public record_.

Not comparable at all - the user is comparing apples and oranges and you are simply bleating that "well it is all fruit really".

Ok so a person's past is important when assessing a suitor.

nc19

Any woman that has sex with 5 men at once has no respect for herself.

why would you want to be with a woman like that?

Any fella that has sex with 5 women at once is a hero. But lets be honest, what are the chances of that!

I know a lad that rides anything that will let him. Hes a slut. I wouldnt want my sister to go out with him. Its just as bad for a man to be a slut as it is a woman imo

h.bolla wrote: »

Myself and my GF broke up a few months back and it happened after a discussion about another girl with a similar story to the Magaluf girl.

I said something like 'no self respecting man will date the girl after this' and my GF defended her saying that shes young and drunk and what you do expect at that age.

I replied by saying "you were young and did you ever do anything like that?". Then her face changed I knew something was up.

After a lot of rowing she admitted she had a 6-some one night (her and 5 other men) along with a dozen or 3-somes over the years and has lost count on the amount of drunken one night stands shes had with randomers. Oh and for most of her teens right up to her mid 20's she has always had 1 or 2 friends with benefits at any given time most of them lasting for 3-4 months. She guessed all in all that she'd had around 500 partners give or take.

Its not exactly the kinda image that sprang to mind when we first got together and told me she only ever had 2 boyfriends and I'd be her third.

But alas, apparantly its none of my business what went on in her past, and if Im annoyed about her past then obviously I dont deserve her.

I thought I just had the worst luck and was dating a right bitch and put it behind me and moved on. But then I was reading a few threads on here (in the personal issues section) and I noticed that quite a lot of women posters have the same attitude.

This attitude really blows my mind. How do you gentlmen feel about the whole thing?

username123

Buzz Killington the third wrote: »

Do you think it's responsible to get hammered and let a string of guys have a go on you because you lost a drinking game? Does that sound like someone who's responsible or cares about the health risks?

Why do you feel the need to use derogatory terms? She chose to have multiple partners and they were in agreement too. Ive no idea of the sexual health of any of them.

I genuinely dont have a problem with it and no amount of using terms like "let a string of guys have a go at her" will change that.

Buzz Killington the third

green_screen wrote: »

'Have a go on you?' Jesus, that description is gross.

She chose to engage in sexual activities with multiple people. I don't see how it's irresponsible, unless protection wasn't used.

So again, this is being brought up... Nobody knows the details so you can assume protection was used if you want, others will presume it wasn't.

Recondite49

Slut : A word used to describe a girl with the morals of a man.

CrinkElite

That's MANK!! what a slapper.

Get yourself tested and move on OP.

F*cking horrific.

Buzz Killington the third

nc19 wrote: »

Any woman that has sex with 5 men at once has no respect for herself.

why would you want to be with a woman like that?

Any fella that has sex with 5 women at once is a hero. But lets be honest, what are the chances of that!

Not one person has stated as such!

username123

JeffKenna wrote: »

Just on a sidenote, and I want you to be honest about this. What would you say to your daughter if she came home and said she'd slept with 500+ men? And that last night 6 guys banged her at once. Are you honestly telling me you'd give her a pat on the back and say 'well done, I'm proud of you being so sexually liberated'?

I dont have a daughter.

If I did have a daughter and it was underage sex I would not be happy.

If my daughter was of legal age to be having sex Id be happy for her to be doing whatever made her happy. If she was unhappy about what she did I would be unhappy. If she was happy with it, Id be fine with that too.

If she wanted to make pornographic films I would support her decision. I may not want to make pornographic films but that doesnt make someone who does wrong, it just makes them different to me.

I genuinely mean the above, Im really not bothered by what other people want to do with their own bodies.

Wibbs

Pepe LeFrits wrote: »

Why?

There's no guaranteed corollary between # of sexual partners and # of sexual encounters.

There is a huge difference between sexual encounters with one partner and sexual encounters with 500. Basic logic here.

As for judgement? I'd put it this way; let's imagine someone gets her jollies from dressing up as a Transformer in high heels and finds like minded people where this is celebrated. I say game ball lass, I'll support you the whole long day and I'm glad you found your sexual niche. However you ain't for me. Obviously as a partner, friendship would have no such limitations. Same goes for gay folks, BSDM folks, multiple partner folks etc. I'm not judgmental objectively, but reserve the right to be so subjectively if I'm getting involved romantically.

Earlier talk of the "town bike" (jesus...) at 14 is another angle. Who the hell knows what's what at 14? No way in hell would I judge someone of that age. We all went through phases in adolescence, most of which were the run of the mill stuff, though some go through more extreme stuff and I would lob that kinda thing into that category. At a very basic level she just may be looking for acceptance and was convinced this was the way to go about it. Whatever the reason people tend to learn from that kinda thing. I've know three such women like that and they were very different people at 25 and all were very sound and together people with it. The same kinda thing at 28 or whatever is a little more problematic IME.

My point exactly. There is nothing inherently "wrong" with it. Perhaps you or someone else operates under a subjective moral system that assumes there is something wrong with a group sex session. Their subjective morality is not by definnition and better or worse than mine.

It is to them. You think group sex is right. Fair enough, others think it isn't and fair enough. It wouldn't be on my landscape so a meh from me.

My first penetrative sexual experience was aged 12 - and assuming I am every bit as "old and mature" as you are - I can tell you of no harm this caused me - no loss of innocence - absolutely no detriment at all. Sex at young ages is not bad per se. Context and the circumstances around it are everything.

Then we clearly inhabit a very different moral landscape if you think 12 year olds having penetrative sex is ok so long as "context" is in place. A 12 year old is a child, barely within physical puberty, never mind mental maturity.

catallus

Buzz Killington the third wrote: »

Not one person has stated as such!

I'll oblige:

Any fella that has sex with 5 women at once is a hero.

Recondite49

I think it's all very well judging a girl for doing this but if three women suggested to a man that they have a sex orgy, I'd be very surprised indeed if he turned it down.

Also this kind of slut shaming attitude interferes with my chances as a man of getting laid, so please end it now!

Buzz Killington the third

username123 wrote: »

Why do you feel the need to use derogatory terms? She chose to have multiple partners and they were in agreement too. Ive no idea of the sexual health of any of them.

I genuinely dont have a problem with it and no amount of using terms like "let a string of guys have a go at her" will change that.

Oh will you give over about the "derogatory terms"... This wasn't a planned event at a swingers party, it was getting locked and saying "I'm open for business, bring it on!"

[Deleted User]

JeffKenna wrote: »

JWhat would you say to your daughter if she came home and said she'd slept with 500+ men? And that last night 6 guys banged her at once. Are you honestly telling me you'd give her a pat on the back and say 'well done, I'm proud of you being so sexually liberated'?

No - I would probably question why she was sharing personal details with me that I neither requested - nor have anything to do with me. I certainly will not be sharing my sexual history with my children - with past partners or my current ones.

Any wisdom or knowledge and education I have gleaned FROM those experiences I will happily pass on. The details of the experiences are my own however.

I would neither congratulate my daugther or condemn her based on this information however. It is a value judgement I am in no position to make. My instant reaction to that knowledge - were it to be revealsed - would likely be merely to reinforce what I hope I would have already drummed into her from an early age - which would not be who to have sex with but how - that is the knowledge of safe sex.

Given the choice between a promiscuous child who did everything in her power to practice safe sex - and a not nearly as promiscuous child who did nothing to practice safe sex - I as a parent would feel myself wanting the former.

Buzz Killington the third wrote: »

This isn't just a male viewpoint though

Nor did I suggest it was.

That females hold the viewpoint too in no way validates or justifies the viewpoint though.

Aurora Green wrote: »

Ok so a person's past is important when assessing a suitor.

Not quite what I said - but if you MO is to be to over simplfy the posts of others to make it sound like they are saying something they are not - then best to highlight this early in your posting career so people know.

Recondite49

catallus wrote: »

I'll oblige:

Any fella that has sex with 5 women at once is a hero.

My record is four but they were ladies of negotiable virtue (around 400 Euro in this case). Actually it was quite a harrowing experience but maybe that's a story for another time... My partner knows about this but rightly says it's in the past.

username123

Buzz Killington the third wrote: »

Oh will you give over about the "derogatory terms"... This wasn't a planned event at a swingers party, it was getting locked and saying "I'm open for business, bring it on!"

The men clearly said much the same thing. Why are all your derogatory terms in relation to the woman?

So what if it was planned or not? Im not following your objection here - is it ok if its a planned event?

catallus

Who has the energy for threesomes anyways!?

Tbh, I barely have to energy to go on top anymore

Pepe LeFrits

Wibbs wrote: »

There is a huge difference between sexual encounters with one partner and sexual encounters with 500. Basic logic here.

I was talking about on a purely physical level. What difference is there in that sense?

JeffKenna

username123 wrote: »

I dont have a daughter.

If I did have a daughter and it was underage sex I would not be happy.

If my daughter was of legal age to be having sex Id be happy for her to be doing whatever made her happy. If she was unhappy about what she did I would be unhappy. If she was happy with it, Id be fine with that too.

If she wanted to make pornographic films I would support her decision. I may not want to make pornographic films but that doesnt make someone who does wrong, it just makes them different to me.

I genuinely mean the above, Im really not bothered by what other people want to do with their own bodies.

I respect that. I wouldn't be of the same opinion if it were my daughter, but I respect your point of view.

Recondite49

username123 wrote: »

The men clearly said much the same thing. Why are all your derogatory terms in relation to the woman?

So what if it was planned or not? Im not following your objection here - is it ok if its a planned event?

Shouldn't there also be an element of pragmatism to this? It seems better to me to plan to do this with other adults in advance rather than place yourself in a situation where you're not sure everyone is OK with group sex.

Recondite49

catallus wrote: »

Who has the energy for threesomes anyways!?

Tbh, I barely have to energy to go on top anymore

You said Catallus, I think I aged about five years the last time I did one, nearly three hour long marathon, I had to stop after that. Never again...!

Shakespeare's Sister

Thread title is unfair. People (whatever gender) have varying views on extreme promiscuity. A genuine opinion is fair enough once not being hypocritical - e.g. nothing wrong with guys being promiscuous in the extreme, but terrible for a woman... OR, women doing so are liberated sistas who "enjoy sex" (like that's the only way to enjoy sex

) and men who do so are womanising chauvinistic pigs.

Sex is a personal, individual thing - don't like the way there seems to be this consensus that we should all view it the same way.

BFDCH.

green_screen wrote: »

You're really comparing a promiscuous woman to a violent rapist?

yes that's exactly what I'm doing- and hitler too. Larry 'Nazi' Murphy, that's what his ex should be called.

I thought it was obvious but I'm pointing out that past history of a partner is definitely some of your business and trying to highlight the ludicrousness of saying that it shouldn't matter at all. The glaring hyperbole was too unnoticeable I see.
If she was proud of it she would never of misled him, if she was ok with it she would've been upfront about it, if she had of been upfront about it and they continued the relationship but kept giving her **** about it then he would've been out of order, i suspect if she had been upfront about it the OP might have knocked in on the head.

Recondite49

JeffKenna wrote: »

I respect that. I wouldn't be of the same opinion if it were my daughter, but I respect your point of view.

Surely though if your daughter was a porn actress or had multiple partners you'd realise that finger wagging would hardly help the situation? It's far better to help her to do it safely. You may not be happy about it but I wonder if you'd be as concerned if your son had a string of girlfriends?

Wibbs

Deleted User wrote: »

That females hold the viewpoint too in no way validates or justifies the viewpoint though.

I believe they're called women*. In any event it does validate the viewpoint that a fair number of people would have issue with a large amount of sexual partners in the past of a person they were considering as a potential partner. IMHO it's their right to hold that viewpoint. And I say that as someone who has been on the receiving end of it.

*tetchy on my part I grant you, but it just personally grinds my gears.