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Child Item

My first go - title "The Madman?"

padraiggg

Chapter 1

A man in a hat entered the room. He took off the hat. “It's you!” They all said. At the same time like a class speaking to a teacher. “Hahaha Hello gentleman”, the man in the hat said, putting the hat on the table. “And hello ladies he said. Turning to the ladies and lifting his hat politely. “Leave us alone Trent!” The women said. Perhaps it was because the were angry at him for something he had done in the past, a long, long time ago. Or perhaps it was because he was holding a gun at them! The gun came from nowhere. He had got it out of his pocket and now both bullets were aimed at the people.”Say your prayers!” The man said but one of the men grabbed the gun, knocking the table with the hat on it and some other things on the floor. A vase got broken. Now the gun was in the other hands and we would have to wait and see if it was the right hands.

got this far, now got to work out what happens next!

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KERSPLAT!

Fiend-Foe wrote: »

Well Done Trent!!

Remember some time ago someone with some time correlated all the Trent posts into one?

I copied and pasted it into a word doc for easy perusing. Makes it easier to read all the story from the beginning, and makes it look like I'm working.

(Wish I were nimble enough to snapkick my boss, without snapping my groin. I've been thinking it over for some time. The only feasible snapkick delivery method would be to first jump on my desk. But I am not nimble enough for that, so I would need to jump up on my chair and then to the desk and snapkick. But I think the wheels would make it roll and then I would just bang my head on the desk.)

Anyway, I think this person did us all a great service, and it would be quite noble of them to do it again...

Nah, the replies and reactions from posters are what makes it so good IMO. Cut that out and half the enjoyment is gone.

Fiend-Foe

KERSPLAT! wrote: »

Nah, the replies and reactions from posters are what makes it so good IMO. Cut that out and half the enjoyment is gone.

I agree totally, this is just for a stealth Trent fix whilst on the job...

ciaran12

padraiggg wrote: »

...the moustache he had grown for the occasion.

Brilliant!

ectoraige

padraiggg wrote: »

He ducked into a stripclub but couldnt think cos he got in a gunfight & a massive fishtank got smashed

One of the best sentences written in the history of sentence writing.

padraiggg

This is a story from when France and Malinesia were arguing which was about a year ago. SO if it seems a bit confusing thats probably why

Trente in: "Pain et Pain"

Le President of france was fliquing through his newspapier reading a story called Berets - oui or non? when something else caught his eye... it was a standrad issue spy school combat boot and had just ripped through the paper and gently stunned him. Voulez vous un SNAPKIQUE Monseiur President? Said a voice. Monsieur president raised his hand to stop his guards who looked like they were about to pounce on Trent or possibly le run away. HAW HAW HAW- Bonjour le Trent! said les president holding out his perfumed hand to be kissed. HAWHAWHAW said Trent in perfect French & skilfully deflected the powdered hand with a karate kiss from his own hand. The guards were still to scared to do anything or had guessed by now that they knew each other from the foreign legion years ago.

Just then le presidentes wife came in, looking a milion pre-crisis Euro. She had hair the color of ripe brie & legs all the way to the floor. Alow me to introduce... started to say Monsiuer, but trent was already introducing himself with reckless disregard for diplomatic protocol. Garlicky sweat started to drip down Msr. presidentes face. Trent was circling his wife like he was a hungry dog & she was a sicked up kebab. INTERNATIONAL INCIDENT! Trent smoothly mounted le presidents wife as if she was a normal supermodel & not an ex-one turned first lady. "Ce'st une scandale grande!" Parler'd les president. 'Arrette/stop Trente!" But Trente n'arete pas. KAPFRRFT! The sound of a bagette ripping cut rhough the air like a hot knife through too much buerre. Les presidente was lookign at Trent with a mixture of anger and fear like if he had just stubbed his toe on a werewolf.

Ah just wanted you to stop le Malinese rebels but ah should ave known somesing would get had sex wiz. Cried les pres. Just then the chief Malinese rebel came in and gave the presidnet a chinese burn in front of everyone in the palace. His gang started laughing and firing illegal Ak47s in the air and doing genocide a little bit. PARKOUR! Trent suddenly got in touch with youth culture and jumped over a wall then did a forward roll. The Malinese rebls stared firing there machien guns wildly. "What the! said one. is this a very cool man or some sort of urban kangeroo." Hahaha over here gentlemen! Said Trent, then he did a cartwheel and suddenly was somehwre else. 'Or is it over here!?' The Rebels were saying stuff like 'el diablo' and 'white ghost' and 'gott in himel' They were spooked alright.

Then all the rebels ran away to get proper jobs & enjoy Frances lax labour/striking laws, and soon only the cheif was left. "Hey! cut out all the hollering & unbridled lawlesness' Said Trent. 'Aw shucks, said the malinese rebel as he kicked a small pebble on the floor. Just then, le president came in with icecream for everyone. 'Now thats what I call a peace TREAT-y! said the rebel. Hahaha said everyone else. Then Trent had sex with the presidents wife again.

FIN

[Deleted User]

padraiggg wrote: »

Le President of france was fliquing through his newspapier

Love iiiiit

Trent is great

Big Nasty

Fooking brillant!

miamee

So funny... I just burst out laughing at "She had hair the color of ripe brie & legs all the way to the floor"

MrStuffins

His gang started laughing and firing illegal Ak47s in the air and doing genocide a little bit.

Amazing!

Orim

Damn Trent and his perfect French. Everytime I think I have that rogue figured out, POW, he hits me with a metaphorical snapkick.

Rothko

"Les presidente was lookign at Trent with a mixture of anger and fear like if he had just stubbed his toe on a werewolf."

A sentence so perfect that I was stunned into silence.

Zaph

Trent. Quel homme.

Dave147

I think this is the best one yet. The authors in depth knowledge of France is astounding, 5 stars.

BBDBB

As Trent is now an International Provactive Agent, he needs to get his ass down to Crimea to snapkick some sense into those Russkis

Useful.Idiot

padraiggg wrote: »

Les presidente was lookign at Trent with a mixture of anger and fear like if he had just stubbed his toe on a werewolf.

This killed me.

Mr Steak

Wo ist Trent???

padraiggg

I just accidentally thought of this instead of some work, and wrote it quickly from my head so there might be some mistakes but here it is.

The bomb is in the stadium said the cheif. Trent ran a hand down his own face, but like he was shutting the eyes of someone he had just killed. "Not" said Trent,' The world CUP stadium? The chief coughed diffidently like a librarian calling attention to a silence sign. YOu betcha bottom De Niro he said. Trent made hsi way to the stdium as quickly as could be expected when people were dancing sambas in their pants in the streets. Ive come to stop the bomb he saud at the gates and the man let him in and he went out to the pitch. NUmner 9 was just scoring a goal but he got kicked by another man instead of the ball. I'll take over from here said Trent as he pushed Pele out of the way and took the ball in his hand to take the penalty. Then he heard a ticking, Was the bomb in the ball? Only one way to find out. Trent unwired the ball, clipping the blue wire first then red, then blue... NOTHING! It must be nearby though, he thought... The ticking was getting louder, it osunded like an tutting man on the bus growing increasingly annpoyed with some teens playing music but not actually wishibg to get into a confrontation. SUddenly Messi piped up, "I think.. I am ze bomba senior" he said. Trent inspected him, he had a fuse poking out of his head and was black all over and round like a football and he had the word bomb written on him. ISSISs must have got to you too said Trent and bicycle kicked the diminutive genius into the net. The bomb exploded but the net save everyone, then they all watched it again on the goal line technology machine. Now that's what I call "an explosive shot!" said someone in the crowd. And trent went and kilkled him and fornicated with his girflfirend. "Explosvoe shot indeed" he mumbled to himself as he left the world cup stadium

keith16

padraiggg wrote: »

I just accidentally thought of this instead of some work, and wrote it quickly from my head so there might be some mistakes but here it is.

SUddenly Messi piped up, "I think.. I am ze bomba senior" he said. Trent inspected him, he had a fuse poking out of his head and was black all over and round like a football and he had the word bomb written on him. ISSISs must have got to you too said Trent and bicycle kicked the diminutive genius into the net. The bomb exploded but the net save everyone, then they all watched it again on the goal line technology machine.

Nope, not a single mistake, particularly in this passage :pac: :pac: :pac:

ibarelycare

padraiggg wrote: »

I just accidentally thought of this instead of some work, and wrote it quickly from my head so there might be some mistakes but here it is.

The bomb is in the stadium said the cheif. Trent ran a hand down his own face, but like he was shutting the eyes of someone he had just killed. "Not" said Trent,' The world CUP stadium? The chief coughed diffidently like a librarian calling attention to a silence sign. YOu betcha bottom De Niro he said. Trent made hsi way to the stdium as quickly as could be expected when people were dancing sambas in their pants in the streets. Ive come to stop the bomb he saud at the gates and the man let him in and he went out to the pitch. NUmner 9 was just scoring a goal but he got kicked by another man instead of the ball. I'll take over from here said Trent as he pushed Pele out of the way and took the ball in his hand to take the penalty. Then he heard a ticking, Was the bomb in the ball? Only one way to find out. Trent unwired the ball, clipping the blue wire first then red, then blue... NOTHING! It must be nearby though, he thought... The ticking was getting louder, it osunded like an tutting man on the bus growing increasingly annpoyed with some teens playing music but not actually wishibg to get into a confrontation. SUddenly Messi piped up, "I think.. I am ze bomba senior" he said. Trent inspected him, he had a fuse poking out of his head and was black all over and round like a football and he had the word bomb written on him. ISSISs must have got to you too said Trent and bicycle kicked the diminutive genius into the net. The bomb exploded but the net save everyone, then they all watched it again on the goal line technology machine. Now that's what I call "an explosive shot!" said someone in the crowd. And trent went and kilkled him and fornicated with his girflfirend. "Explosvoe shot indeed" he mumbled to himself as he left the world cup stadium

Can't pick which part I like the most. You really paint a beautiful picture with your words padraiggg.

DHFrame

This is like a sketch on Naked Camera. We are the butt of the joke. Next chapter then, lets have it...

Rothko

When I saw that there a new post on here, I was praying that it wasn't someone just building up my hopes for another chapter.

My prayers were answered and I was treated to another little snippet of comedic genius.

This particular part stands out for me:
"The ticking was getting louder, it osunded like an tutting man on the bus growing increasingly annpoyed with some teens playing music but not actually wishibg to get into a confrontation."

Queen-Mise

OK - I am so sad. I actually started hopping up and down on the chair with excitement - 'Trent's back, Trent's back'. Husband now thinks I am very weird.

I am not picking out a favourite bit - the whole lot was genius

I loved bringing ISIS to the World Cup.

gerrybbadd

I can't believe i've missed out on the return of Trent after all this time!!!

Amazing stuff again padraiggg. PARKOUR!!!

Dave147

I read it when he posted it, but must have overlooked this quality line.

I'll take over from here said Trent as he pushed Pele out of the way and took the ball in his hand to take the penalty.

Zaph

gerrybbadd wrote: »

I can't believe i've missed out on the return of Trent after all this time!!!

Amazing stuff again padraiggg. PARKOUR!!!

I saw posts in the thread and thought there was new Trent. I am very disappointed.

Fuzzytrooper

Hope you don't mind padraiggg but I had to borrow Trent for a story thread over in after hours. Things were getting a bit heavy for Stabby McHobo and I felt he needed some support:

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057282759&page=16

The legend continues...

padraiggg

A man said to me about writing a film script and I said 'ok if I can write it one scene at a time and then we just film it like that' and he said get the hell out of my office. But heres the first scene. .I did it anyway.

TRENT: MAXIMUM EXPOSITION

[A war battlefield] Two armies of soldiers are trying to get each other

[Extreme close-up]: A man is fighting the war

[The camera zooms in. It's Trent.] Several large guns kill and shoot him!!

[The camera goes in even further], Another, larger gun shoots him!!

[Flashback] - A science man is looking into a microscope, Trent enters the room

[without looking up from the microscope]
SCIENCE MAN: Ahh Trent its you, or should I say, Agent double-0..
[he looks up and removes his sunglasses]
eight! {he finishes saying]
[Director note: Pause here for an audience gasp as they realise 008 is one better than 007]

SCIENCE MAN (continues): We've invented this new weapon for you, we call it a Guerilla Neutralising Utensil, or gnu for short

[Trent takes hold of the gnu]
SCEINCE MAN: And these, these feed into the gnu there called Ballistic Ultra Light Enemy Targeter or Bulets for short

[Exterior] - The war battlefield again

[The camera zooms in closer} Trent is firing his gnu and still killing at least 10 people as he falls off a cliff

[A song starts singing that is called the same name as the film. A grown up cartoon shows a man killing men with a gun and having sex with women with himself. Then He shoots the camera and the cameraman dies and blood goes on the screen and spells out TRENT: MAximum Exposition]

[Scene 1: We're in a very cool underground office. Anything that isnt made of silver is a gun and also there are some silver guns there.-Two men in balck suits are talking]

Man 1 - I can't believe its been 6 months since Trent died in World War 3

Man 2 - Me neither and I also cant belive that the boss is in charge now and everyone in the world has been made to work for him, creating weapons for... World War 4

[Director note - another longer gasp pause here, before...]

CHIEF ENTERS

CHEIF: And I cant believe that as the chief of the resistance fighting against the boss, only you two remain and we only have a few gnus to kill everyone with and trent is our only hope, except he DEFINITELY died off of being killed and shot at with guns and then falling off a cliff. He won't be coming back that's for sure.

[RE-flashback to the scene where Trent is getting the guns and bullets. A gang of baddies have summersalted into the window]

TRENT: Quick grab the gnus and the bulets and make them shoot the people!

[A man who looks like the cheif but he has a beard is holding the chief, who also has a beard now.]

ONE OF THEM: But which one people?

THE CHIEF, OR MAYBE IT WASNT HIM: why did I grow a beard on the day my eveil twin showed up

[Unflashback to the present again, the chief is rubbing his chin, beardlessly]

CHIEF: YEp... he's never coming back alright...

BillJ

Mind = fcuked

ibarelycare

I prefer Trent in story mode

endacl

ibarelycare wrote: »

I prefer Trent in story mode

I don't know.... I'd like to see this made. I know we'd go all Harry Potter/LOTR, and say the book was (would have been?) better, but I'd watch it.

I'd chip in to the kickstarter fund for this one!

:pac: