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Lack of empathy

Olive8585

Is it just me or are lots of people totally devoid of empathy these days?

Something awful happens to someone and instead of just saying 'poor them' or 'that's awful' people find ways to blame the victim and say they brought it on themselves.

Anyone else find this?

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pharmaton

donegal__road wrote: »

There has been a dramatic increase over the last number of years, of autism spectrum disorders, including many adults who have recently been diagnosed as having forms of mild Asperger's syndrome without ever having realised it.

People with Asperger's are often characterized as lacking empathy.

I dont want to offend anyone who may have a family member with Aspergers, it just seems that it might be the answer to the OP's question.

y'know, this is just silly. There are a hundred reasons why people may not demonstrate emotion, it doesn't necessarily mean they lack them and by the same token it has nothing to do with autism, nor is it a disorder. I actually find heightened displays of emotion disturbing. Some people just deal with emotion differently. I find as I grow older I have greater respect for my emotional well being, how I deal with feelings, my own and others has become something of an art and at least I find it more satisfying this way.

The King of Moo

Pwindedd wrote: »

I will give you a ride if your car got robbed

I'm not sure that'd really help, but I'm up for it anyway.

I'm... not a feeler.

What kind of ride is that then?

Olive8585

Vito Corleone wrote: »

Empathy is faked 80% of the time, at least that's how I see it.

That's depressing. Not only do you not feel it, you can't believe that other people would.

Pwindedd

The King of Moo wrote: »

I'm not sure that'd really help, but I'm up for it anyway.

What kind of ride is that then?

Oh that tickled me :P

I'm not from round these parts - I sometimes forget that word has another meaning.

Lift, I'll give you a lift ? (That's not much better really is it)

I'll get you to your destination? (oh dear god stop now)

Ahh Sod it - I'll give you the bus fare and tell you where to get off.

Vito Corleone

Olive8585 wrote: »

That's depressing. Not only do you not feel it, you can't believe that other people would.

I have empathy when appropriate. From a practical point of view, however, empathy holds no advantages.

Muise...

Vito Corleone wrote: »

I have empathy when appropriate. From a practical point of view, however, empathy holds no advantages.

Plenty of advantages -such as a means of getting good information for emotional manipulation.

It's also part of the altruism that is necessary for the survival of the species, as opposed to the individual.

And it makes you look good.

pharmaton

Olive8585 wrote: »

That's depressing. Not only do you not feel it, you can't believe that other people would.

there are lots of different types of people in this world and lots of different ways of processing information, one is not better or less than the other. I don't know if you've come across the meyers briggs personality indicator, it might interest you to discover more about how you process data in comparison to how others do. It's a little Jungian psychology but it might give you some perspective.

Vito Corleone

Muise... wrote: »

And it makes you look good.

I feel this is why a lot of people feign empathy in certain circumstances.

Shakespeare's Sister

Vito Corleone wrote: »

From a practical point of view, however, empathy holds no advantages.

Weird again. To think of an involuntary (or sometimes voluntary) response in terms of what practical advantages it offers.
You look kinda edgy though.

Muise...

Vito Corleone wrote: »

I feel this is why a lot of people feign empathy in certain circumstances.

OMG! Vito just empathised!!! :pac:

Shakespeare's Sister

pharmaton wrote: »

there are lots of different types of people in this world and lots of different ways of processing information, one is not better or less than the other.

Having a specific view that might be completely incorrect seems more like a choice/confirmation bias than involuntary processing.

pharmaton

Magaggie wrote: »

Having a specific view that might be completely incorrect seems more like a choice/confirmation bias than involuntary processing.

I'm putting my hand on my heart here and honestly admitting I don't understand what that means

Shakespeare's Sister

pharmaton wrote: »

I'm putting my hand on my heart here and honestly admitting I don't understand what that means

To say "I think 80% [wtf?!] of empathy is not genuine" seems like something that has been *decided* (due to a particular bias) rather than it just being an involuntary, as you say, processing of information.

pragmatic1

I actually think people are less cunty than they were in the past.

pharmaton

Magaggie wrote: »

To say "I think 80% [wtf?!] of empathy is not genuine" seems like something that has been *decided* (due to a particular bias) rather than it just being an involuntary, as you say, processing of information.

ah ok. I thought you were implying that those who don't think the same as you are wrong.

Vito Corleone

Magaggie wrote: »

Weird again. To think of an involuntary (or sometimes voluntary) response in terms of what practical advantages it offers.
You look kinda edgy though.

I don't know why you are posting passive aggressive

faces for. Just because someone has a different opinion to you doesn't mean they're edgy.

If I wanted to be edgy I'd go on Tumblr or something. I'm merely being honest.

Olive8585

pharmaton wrote: »

there are lots of different types of people in this world and lots of different ways of processing information, one is not better or less than the other. I don't know if you've come across the meyers briggs personality indicator, it might interest you to discover more about how you process data in comparison to how others do. It's a little Jungian psychology but it might give you some perspective.

I personally find a lack of empathy a very bad trait in a person.

pharmaton

Olive8585 wrote: »

I personally find a lack of empathy a very bad trait in a person.

I can understand why (especially in the example you gave in your op) however, not being able to express empathy is not a sign that some people don't have any. (victim blaming or laughing at anothers expense is a different kettle of fish, that's just being a dick)

Shakespeare's Sister

Vito Corleone wrote: »

Just because someone has a different opinion to you doesn't mean they're edgy.

I'd never think that about someone merely having a different opinion to me.

I'm talking about the opinion itself, which I was posting a counter-opinion to.

mcmoustache

Olive8585 wrote: »

Is it just me or are lots of people totally devoid of empathy these days?

Something awful happens to someone and instead of just saying 'poor them' or 'that's awful' people find ways to blame the victim and say they brought it on themselves.

Anyone else find this?

Try empathising with the poor socio-paths - instead of trying to turn AH against them as you are doing now.

I see what you're doing. A good person would try to understand why these people are the way they are. You're just judging them.

B.A._Baracus

Empathy, compassion, ethics etc etc. All fall into the category of 'the way people are' IMO. People as a whole, like.

Personally I think people don't give a bollocks in this world. All about their inner circle (partner, family, close friends) and being honest I can't blame anyone for thinking that way. Not that I am a heartless jerk it's just from repeat experiences it's hard not to be the same.

Muise...

mcmoustache wrote: »

Try empathising with the poor socio-paths - instead of trying to turn AH against them as you are doing now.

I see what you're doing. A good person would try to understand why these people are the way they are. You're just judging them.

I've only met one actual sociopath/narcissist. Judge wisely, and stay the fcuk away - they do not care what you think as long as you don't cross them.

People who don't seem to empathise aren't devoid of feeling; they might just have difficulty communicating.

People who give out about someone injuring herself badly in a fall and saying it was her own fault, as in the OP's example, are just rubbish at being people.

Red21

Olive8585 wrote: »

I personally find a lack of empathy a very bad trait in a person.

Seriously? You find what you consider a lack of empathy a "bad trait". You've really opened up a can worms with that one.:rolleyes:

If you didn't like the person who slipped (supposing they were the "PRICK" who did the terrible crime of dropping fruit on a supermarkert floor) where would your empathy have been?
You're the same as me and pretty much everyone else, on that occasion you felt empathy towards you're colleague and you ticked a little box inside your head. The little box that said, I'm full of empathy for my fellow human beings. After ticking the little box you are now very slow to review the situation and take an objective view of all this, instead you look out at the world and say if only everyone could be wounderful like me, it would be great place. Do you really think it's that easy to divide people into good and bad?

Wazdakka

Vito Corleone wrote: »

I feel this is why a lot of people feign empathy in certain circumstances.

Or social acceptance.

If you're in a situation where you realise that socially, the appropriate response to what is happening is to feel bad... but you don't....
You fake it.

Think Dexter..

Muise...

Red21 wrote: »

Seriously? You find what you consider a lack of empathy a "bad trait". You've really opened up a can worms with that one.:rolleyes:

If you didn't like the person who slipped (supposing they were the "PRICK" who did the terrible crime of dropping fruit on a supermarkert floor) where would your empathy have been?
You're the same as me and pretty much everyone else, on that occasion you felt empathy towards you're colleague and you ticked a little box inside your head. The little box that said, I'm full of empathy for my fellow human beings. After ticking the little box you are now very slow to review the situation and take an objective view of all this, instead you look out at the world and say if only everyone could be wounderful like me, it would be great place. Do you really think it's that easy to divide people into good and bad?

Can't speak for Olive, though you're being way too harsh on her, I feel

, but if someone I didn't like fell and injured themselves I might have a bit of extremely private schadenfreude in a dark corner of my mind, then cop myself on and realise I have the same fragile human body, which is subject to the same gravitational forces. That's fairly objective, and objectively fair, without getting over-emotional or over-disconnected. Because the cause of the fall has nothing to do with understanding the pain that the person is feeling.

[Deleted User]

I would say there is a fair bit of the just world theory in it and it a way of deflecting for some people, for example see what happened to the McCann or if a child gets say knocked down out side their own house its nearly always why weren't the parents watching them...blame the parents. Apparently it make the judger feel it will never happen to them and it lets them deflect away from the guilt that they themselves feel when they were not "perfect parents" but thy got away with it.

Shakespeare's Sister

Red21 wrote: »

You're the same as me

I don't know that she necessarily is.

I'd guess those who have this weird issue with people who feel/show genuine empathy to others and don't like coldness/hardness... have this weird issue because they lack empathy themselves, hence all the protesting too much.

Olive8585

Muise... wrote: »

Can't speak for Olive, though you're being way too harsh on her, I feel , but if someone I didn't like fell and injured themselves I might have a bit of extremely private schadenfreude in a dark corner of my mind, then cop myself on and realise I have the same fragile human body, which is subject to the same gravitational forces. That's fairly objective, and objectively fair, without getting over-emotional or over-disconnected. Because the cause of the fall has nothing to do with understanding the pain that the person is feeling.

If someone I didn't like fell and injured themselves, I'd still feel really bad for them because I wouldn't want to be in their position. Is that weird?

Whats strange to me is that the lady who slipped on the fruit isn't unpopular or anything...a bit of a ditz maybe, but not unpleasant or anything. I was the only person to contact her and ask if she needed anything...everyone else pretty much said it was her own fault and they weren't going to waste time worrying about her.

It's sad because this lady is really nice and the first to help others.

Muise...

Olive8585 wrote: »

If someone I didn't like fell and injured themselves, I'd still feel really bad for them because I wouldn't want to be in their position. Is that weird?

Whats strange to me is that the lady who slipped on the fruit isn't unpopular or anything...a bit of a ditz maybe, but not unpleasant or anything. I was the only person to contact her and ask if she needed anything...everyone else pretty much said it was her own fault and they weren't going to waste time worrying about her. It's sad because this lady is really nice and the first to help others.

That is sad. Things like this always reveal who is sound and who isn't. Hopefully you and she won't stop being sound over it, but you might be more careful who you spend your extra kindness on.

jimgoose

If you have no empathy, then congratulations - you're a psychopath. It rubs the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again.