Tasden wrote: » Not necessarily. My child already has a dad, any guy I see isn't a replacement for him so I wouldn't expect them to treat her as if she's theirs. Obviously they'd have to have a good relationship with her if our relationship was to go anywhere long-term but I wouldn't expect anyone to treat her as their own. Both myself and my boyfriend have a child from a previous relationship and we both care about each others child but we don't take on a parenting role. Maybe in the future that might happen naturally, who knows. That's just me though. Everyones different.
jane82 wrote: » If you are prepared to treat the child like your own go for it. If not , dont, its not fair on the child or the mother.
jane82 wrote: » So if he is living in the house does he take his children out and leave yours.at home? Does the kid not end up feeling left out if its a my kids/ your kids divide. If the kid in the op needs new football boots does the op kick up a fuss about how he also wants new football boots. You have to treat them like part of the family not some " hey Im not your da Im only banging your mother" set up.
anncoates wrote: » Don't think anybody is saying you'd replace the kid's biological parent but it's impossible not to become close to the kid when you're a de facto 'parent' in the house. As for not having any input in the upbringing of a child in your own home....come on. I know nobody is suggesting this, but my mother actually knew a couple that met when the woman already had very young kids (father not on the scene and didn't want to kniow) and they had a kid themselves soon after. They split up a few years later and the guy would come and take his own child out for the day and basically ignore the other two after bringing them up as his own.
Tasden wrote: » Obviously if it becomes serious then the partner does become a "father figure" for want of a better word but not all parents want/expact a partner to treat the child as their own. With respect and decency yes but that isn't the same as treating the child as your own, to think it is is a little naive tbh. That situation seems to happen alot lately, very sad
Muise... wrote: » I'd see it more as uncle/aunt figure. This is a role I really enjoy having in a few families unrelated to me, but I don't think I could combine it with being a girlfriend - too complicated. It really bothers me to hear some children referring to their stepmother/stepfather, when both their parents are still alive.
Tasden wrote: » Obviously if it becomes serious then the partner does become a "father figure" for want of a better word but not all parents want/expact a partner to treat the child as their own. With respect and decency yes but that isn't the same as treating the child as your own, to think it is is a little naive tbh.
Muise... wrote: » It really bothers me to hear some children referring to their stepmother/stepfather, when both their parents are still alive.
anncoates wrote: » True but parents can have relationship that don't work out for whatever reason, not always their own fault. Even through bereavement. It's a hard ask to avoid falling in love again to a schedule until their kids grow up.
anncoates wrote: » Of course, it's not your child but if you live with somebody long term that has a kid, you'll presumably have to take an active part in the upbringing and a loot of people would end up very fond of the child. It would be a pretty strange situation if you were with a person long-term and you were not actively involved in parenting their child when in your home. That's not the same as being their biological parent but it's also a long way from being some kind of whimsical buddy figure with a child that shares your home for years. That's why I'd approach the relationship with a lot of caution. That said, this is a big leap of discussion when you're just dating somebody :pac:
jane82 wrote: » As a father who doesnt live with fhe first Childs mother I would absolutely love if the ex got a partner that treated him like a loving father. Itd be better for him. He is only over here so many days a week. Id love if the other few days he had somebody there to take him the park as a family or do whatever where he was priority. Theres been a few boyfriends over the years that never took an interest then fecked off once they felt like it. I think for him itd be a much better childhood to not be living a boyfriends here make yourself scarce existence or a boyfriends kids are here we can go the park existence. But you reap what you sow, if thats what ya ll do it must be right.
danniemcq wrote: » I think thats a bit harsh, while I agree with the sentiment of the post clear divisions like that in roles are impossible to judge/explain unless in the moment. I grew up without a da (died) and my ma remarried and he left (3 times), this left a huge gap in my life. Yes i had family who were actually aunts/uncles all around but there are days though that people who are father figures are needed. There is nothing like the feeling looking at a crowd and seeing 2 people who you see as parents even if only one is biological proud of you. Uncles/Aunts meh its more a buddy relationship I feel. Slap on the shoulder and a fair play. My ma had to fill the roles of both parents and i know it was hard on her and i probably didn't make it much easier. I guess the point I'm getting at is you can't be a x, y or z only figure for someone, you have to be a mix of all 3 and roll with it.
Muise... wrote: » I don't think it was harsh. Maybe I have a hangup with the word "stepmother/stepfather." Blame the Brothers Grimm. Also, I think the OP is rather put off by "you have to be a mix of all 3 and roll with it."
danniemcq wrote: » Sorry i should explain better, you say in an earlier post that you see yourself as an uncle figure for what i'm asssuming is mates kids? correct me if i'm wrong. Thats all well and good though if my assumption is correct. My issue with defined roles are when you are in something serious and there is a kid involved. If the Father/Mother is still involved and on good terms you aren't trying to replace them, you are there to compliment them to back them up. this may sound protracted but sometimes you'll have to take ... not a back seat more a side seat in whats going on (uncle figure) and sometimes you'll have to take the bull by the horns (father figure). If they aren't involved though thats when you have to ask yourself some serious questions, but most of these can be sorted between the 2 adults before the kid/kids are exposed I guess. Do both of you want other kids? Can you accept the kid? Are you gonna be in this for the long haul? Where do you both wanna be in X amount of years
Muise... wrote: » I don't disagree - as I said, I don't like the use of the word stepmother/stepfather when you could just use that person's given name and let the role develop from aunt/uncle to mother figure/father figure if that's what is needed and wanted by the children. It's all moot though because I'm actually an aunt figure and I don't think I could get involved with a single father. I find relationships difficult (yeah, I know, leaving myself wide open for insult there) without adding children and their mother into the mix.
suicide_circus wrote: » At least you know she's ridin'.
Specialun wrote: » at least you show she puts out OP
Boombastic wrote: » whatever floats your boat
