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Contribution for birthday party - OK or not?

[Deleted User]

Got an invite to a friend's big birthday which is next weekend. He used to be a fairly close friend, but we have drifted apart quite a bit and the last time I saw him was about last June.

His wife has arranged some sort of 'themed' evening with actors and so on, and has asked for a contribution of £25 per person for it. This is quite a lot for me and my partner at the moment, as my hours were cut and we're struggling a bit. In addition to that, he lives miles away and the train is £25 per person on top of that, so the evening will end up costing us £100 as well as any gifts, wine, etc.

Would you go if you were me? It's annoying that we've been asked for a contribution, IMO - I'd definitely go otherwise but I feel like it's a hell of a lot to ask for a birthday party. It's not like it's £5 each or something...can't decide what to do!

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[Deleted User]

FTA69 wrote: »

I hate to break it to you but your friends are assholes. Don't worry, it happens to the best of us; one minute we get on with someone and the next we realise that in reality, they're complete tossers. Murder mystery parties? Charging admission to a vanity-fest in some backwater miles outside the city? F*ck that.

I've never heard of such effete and self-absorbed nonsense in all my life. Tell them your mam is over that weekend to visit and then ignore them from then on.

Eejitry of the highest order.

Haha, well yes. That was my first thought. My partner doesn't seem to think it's as outrageous as I do, so I was wondering if I was the one being weird.

eamonnq

Ask if you two and the other people cc'd on the email, can do the acting bit and get paid for turning up!!

FTA69

IzzyWizzy wrote: »

Haha, well yes. That was my first thought. My partner doesn't seem to think it's as outrageous as I do, so I was wondering if I was the one being weird.

They sound like the type of people to make you take your shoes off before coming into the house. Also your partner needs to realise that a birthday party poncing around some cringe-inducing acting b*llocks is no party at all.

He should be out getting drunk with his mates like real men.

[Deleted User]

FTA69 wrote: »

They sound like the type of people to make you take your shoes off before coming into the house. Also your partner needs to realise that a birthday party poncing around some cringe-inducing acting b*llocks is no party at all.

He should be out getting drunk with his mates like real men.

Haha, they do make you take your shoes off! Last time I went, I was getting really passive aggressive vibes from the wife and I wondered what I'd done wrong until I realised I STILL HAD MY BOOTS ON! Shock horror!

FTA69

I knew it.

You live in London. Go eat some nitro-glycerine ice-cream in Camden. Go for a walk around the golden Sikh temple in Richmond. Rent a boris bike and cycle along the canal. Go to Smithfield at 4am and buy a cheap steak for later and eat a sausage on a stick.

Don't waste a weekend in some bore-fest in the Home Counties with anal people you don't like.

Pumpkinseeds

The only birthdays I've financially contributed to are milestone birthdays like 65ths, where our families have organised a meal in a hotel and some expensive gift, that's fine but there's no way I'd pay for anyone elses birthday. I find the idea of being asked to pay to attend a party a bit offensive actually.

Riskymove

I think the issue is the framing of it by the wife as a contribution

If it was a suggestion that ye all go to a show or an event together with people paying for their own admission I dont think it would look so bad.

FollatonWood

If they're good friends I'd genuinely tell them you'd like to be there but you just can't afford it. A real friend will understand your situation and also see where they've gone wrong here. Maybe offer them an alternative meet up, but I wouldn't stress yourself over it. They've created the obstacle here with their thoughtlessness, not you.

December2012

Just be straight out and say why you can't come because it points out how ridiculous she is being.

"I'd love to come but can't afford it, the train fare and €25 is too much.

Have a great time, why don't you come to us the following week for dinner?"

Alf Veedersane

Why even invite them over for dinner?

The nthe OP wastes time and money on people you don't value enough to waste time and money on.

December2012

Because the guys a friend and the OP indicated he would like to keep in touch more.

Alf Veedersane

December2012 wrote: »

Because the guys a friend and the OP indicated he would like to keep in touch more.

Not much of a friend:

IzzyWizzy wrote:

The more I think about this, the more irritated I feel. He's oneof those people who hardly ever replies to your texts or emails because he's so'busy', as if the rest of us have shag all to do all day. He hasn't made anyeffort at all with us over the last 9 months...now they do have a 2-year-oldbut I have plenty of other friends with kids and they don't totally ignore me

mathie

Charles Rocher wrote: »

Dear Friend,

lol, no thanks.

Regards.

Your former friend.

From "Friend" to "former friend" in a few words.
You move fast Charles, you move fast.

hollypink

IzzyWizzy wrote: »

Haha, they do make you take your shoes off! Last time I went, I was getting really passive aggressive vibes from the wife and I wondered what I'd done wrong until I realised I STILL HAD MY BOOTS ON! Shock horror!

ah no way, she sounds awful! Do you think she expects you to bring a present as well as the contribution? It wouldn't be as bad if the contribution was in lieu of a gift I suppose.

caustic 1

soooo to throw a spanner in the works,

Do we have to invite blah and blah, jeez they keep trying to get in touch, take the hint, can't fe cking stand ye.

Lets put a charge on it that way they will refuse.:D

I am pie

Actors...at a party? Are they going to playing the rest if his friends which he doesn't have?

Sound like pretentious saps, I wouldn't waste your time never mind your money.

People come and go in life.

naughtysmurf

The OP should ask for a €100 appearance fee to attend

FudgeBrownie

They shouldn't book what they cannot afford to pay for.

Don't bother going, but use the money on something nice for yourself and your wife.

MadsL

FTA69 wrote: »

I knew it.

You live in London. Go eat some nitro-glycerine ice-cream in Camden. .

Is it the 70s again? Radical Republican Ice-cream?

Liquid nitrogen ice-cream, the non explosive kind. And yes, do get some, I have had it, it's delish.

McGrath5

These type of threads seem to be popping up more and more often.

Menas

Sounds like a brutal party in fairness. Actors? Like a night at the theatre with no choice of what play is on.

Tell them you have a clash with another friends free birthday party.

Temptamperu

We used to be best friends... then came the pussy and I dont know what happened.

FTA69

MadsL wrote: »

Is it the 70s again? Radical Republican Ice-cream?

Liquid nitrogen ice-cream, the non explosive kind. And yes, do get some, I have had it, it's delish.

That's what I meant.

(Also while we're being pedantic bastards, it was ammonium nitrate which was used in bombs in Ireland)

Alf Veedersane

Trigger Happy wrote: »

Sounds like a brutal party in fairness. Actors? Like a night at the theatre with no choice of what play is on.

Unless the play is 'Charades'.

Seamus1964

IzzyWizzy wrote: »

......can't decide what to do!

If you want to go then leave your partner home, buy wine from ASDA and gift(s) from Poundshop and you are good to go
.
If you cant afford to go then don't go.Its invitation not obligation. It will be wasted evening for you if you will not contribute and trying to avoid his wife rest of the evening because she might ask you money you don't have.
Send a card

ScumLord

If you were a close friend I'd understand, close friends could have an idea for something and have no problems chipping in for someone they hang out with every day. To start ringing up people you used to know just sounds like fishing for funds.

I think this plan of theirs will backfire on them if they're ringing around people they haven't talked to in ages begging for money. He's next birthday party could be a party for one.

Penny Dreadful

IzzyWizzy wrote: »

OK, so what should my excuse be? 'Something else on that weekend?'

You could say " I wish I wanted to go but I don't so I won't be there".

MadsL

FTA69 wrote: »

(Also while we're being pedantic bastards, it was ammonium nitrate which was used in bombs in Ireland)

What did they use in London? :P

/pedant...

Fox_In_Socks

MadsL wrote: »

What did they use in London? :P

/pedant...

Derry?

Starbordsie

EyeSight wrote: »

even if it was free, i wouldn't go to a party with hired actors. Sounds cringey

Yeah, sounds like something off 'Come Dine With Me'!