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Young Cali girl heads to India to marry her f/b boyfriend and live in small village

WilyCoyote

How many Irish colleens could leave the Irish climate/social whirl to become cailín deas crúite na mbó/water buffalo?
After reading this, could you picture yourself in her sandals?
No smart answers from the guys please!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2546623/American-party-girl-ditches-cocktails-COW-PAT-CAKES-fly-world-traditional-housewife-rural-India-meeting-husband-Facebook.html

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crockholm

From Cali to Kali

anncoates

Young girl eh.

RDM_83 again

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

Nah, I can't imagine much judgement of a 25-year-old woman and a 41-year-old man at all. Nothing shocking or exploitative at all about that and happens often; she's a grown woman at 25. 17 (or younger) and 41 would be a different story altogether though.

It might not be "shocking" (a word I didn't use) because his age in this case is high enough to imply hopefully a reasonable level of maturity.

But it would definitely attract negative judgment, are you honestly saying that if you saw a headline that read

"41 year old American man moves to rural village to marry his internet girlfriend (25)"

You wouldn't consider the relationship to likely be exploitative and for the man to have likely have poor social skills.
Look at the threads on AH which I am fairly sure you have been involved in, what do you think of the guys on here that go on about "foreign" woman do you really not presume at least some of that is to do with their poor social skills (the posters not the foreign woman obviously)

Angry_Mammarys

smurgen wrote: »

She sounds like a thoughtless idiot.if leaving her daughter was so hard then obviously she shouldn't do it. She'll get sick of the place rapidly.

Her daughter is 25, and in fairness noone can say if she'll be sick of it, love is love, she seem's happy enough, I actually don't even know why it's news

Nodin

RDM_83 again wrote: »

It might not be "shocking" (a word I didn't use) because his age in this case is high enough to imply hopefully a reasonable level of maturity.

But it would definitely attract negative judgment, are you honestly saying that if you saw a headline that read

"41 year old American man moves to rural village to marry his internet girlfriend (25)"

You wouldn't consider the relationship to likely be exploitative and for the man to have likely have poor social skills...........

No, because he's moving there. If he was marrying some of those desperate women from a poor country (Fillipina Brides, Thais Brides) then yes, I'd think it was exploitative and the rest.

RDM_83 again

Nodin wrote: »

No, because he's moving there. If he was marrying some of those desperate women from a poor country (Fillipina Brides, Thais Brides) then yes, I'd think it was exploitative and the rest.

Been years since I was there

but I remember in Thailand there seemed to a lot of older western guys with younger woman that lived there, they are definitely judged as being exploitative (and rightly so IMO)

And, maybe an American poster will be along to clear this up but as I mentioned, even if she wanted too, could she bring him over to live with her in USA directly or would it require some proof of a previous relationship before the marriage/or a period of being married.

Nodin

RDM_83 again wrote: »

Been years since I was there but I remember in Thailand there seemed to a lot of older western guys with younger woman that lived there, they are definitely judged as being exploitative (and rightly so IMO).

Indeed, if they're bringing their money with them. Yer woman, however, has moved into a crap poor area with an extremely patriarchal society.

WilyCoyote

RDM_83 again wrote: »

Been years since I was there but I remember in Thailand there seemed to a lot of older western guys with younger woman that lived there, they are definitely judged as being exploitative (and rightly so IMO)

And, maybe an American poster will be along to clear this up but as I mentioned, even if she wanted too, could she bring him over to live with her in USA directly or would it require some proof of a previous relationship before the marriage/or a period of being married.

They would look (with jaundiced eyes) on the relationship prior to marriage. Her best bet would be to live there for a few years, then travel to America. She has to get a permanent job that pays over double the minimum wage to show that she can support him. He could then come over on a return ticket. They would probably slap a 90 day stay on his passport. He should expect a severe grilling at this side after getting off the plane. Then, straight away, he should apply for permanent residency. Once that paperwork is done (and providing he doesn't break any laws) he's safe from Immigration 'til they do the paperwork. After that ....... the lap of the Gods but he should be OK
The paperwork would then take over a year and the cost (if they do it themselves - about $2K. If they go the lawyer route - about $3K.
On a personal note ......... my wife is American and before we married we were living in Ireland. Came over here to get married and then returned to Ireland for another four years before heading back here permanently. They still made me jump through hoops at the airport!

Overheal

Funny my cousin moved to California to be with her online bf

[Deleted User]

News? She's turned into an expat.. Who cares.

WilyCoyote

Overheal wrote: »

Funny my cousin moved to California to be with her online bf

I imagine she had a job to go to and the relevant papers?

Overheal

WilyCoyote wrote: »

I imagine she had a job to go to and the relevant papers?

or she was American? :pac:

Legs.Eleven

It might not be "shocking" (a word I didn't use) because his age in this case is high enough to imply hopefully a reasonable level of maturity.

But it would definitely attract negative judgment, are you honestly saying that if you saw a headline that read

"41 year old American man moves to rural village to marry his internet girlfriend (25)"

I'd think nothing. Genuinely. I've always gone out with older men. The guy previous to the one I'm with now was 45 and I was 29. Do the maths.

You wouldn't consider the relationship to likely be exploitative and for the man to have likely have poor social skills.
Look at the threads on AH which I am fairly sure you have been involved in, what do you think of the guys on here that go on about "foreign" woman do you really not presume at least some of that is to do with their poor social skills (the posters not the foreign woman obviously)

The poor social skills is an assumption. I have no problems with anyone meeting their partner on the internet. Your point about men going out with foreign women due to lack of social skills...well I have no problems with men going out with foreign women (my boyfriend is Spanish and I haven't gone out with an Irish guy since 2007), it's the knocking Irish women I have a problem with and would presume their labelling of whole groups of women who read the forum as being a bit of an prat trying to get some kind of sad revenge. Different issue surely. I wouldn't judge someone who'd a preference for foreigners; I can see the appeal myself!

I genuinely wouldn't judge a man of 41 with a woman of 25 regardless of how they met and where they lived. Not in the slightest. If the woman was about 5 or 6 years younger, perhaps, but not someone of 25.

JuliusCaesar

Wait till she finds out he doesn't want to leave the farm; his mother won't let them go; she gets fed up with the dirt-poor lifestyle and romance wears off; US immigration make life difficult.

At the moment she's bringing huge wealth (in their eyes) and is playing the wife/daughter-in-law very well. But can she keep it up?

There have been other women who married Masai warriors and so on. We never hear about them slinking back to their own countries again, but I really can't see somebody pushing through the culture shock, the lack of things we take for granted - not just showers and electricity, but health care and not getting sick from water.

Heroditas

No indoors toilet and a bucket for a shower yet he has access to Facebook.
Jaysus, they must have fibre broadband. :pac:

RDM_83 again

Nodin wrote: »

Indeed, if they're bringing their money with them. Yer woman, however, has moved into a crap poor area with an extremely patriarchal society.

And your woman isn't bringing her money with her

, this could be actually be an interesting social experiment, yes India is a patriarchal society but its also one where money is power, is the local cop or judge local cop going to be swung by his sexism or would a little a bit of Baksheesh improve his attitudes to woman remarkably.

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

I genuinely wouldn't judge a man of 41 with a woman of 25 regardless of how they met and where they lived. Not in the slightest. If the woman was about 5 or 6 years younger, perhaps, but not someone of 25.

Really? I know I sound like like I am being disbelieving to be contrary but there is a huge power disparity in this relationship its just not equivalent to an interaction between two people on a relatively equal footing as is the case between Spain and here for example.

FTA69

I genuinely wouldn't judge a man of 41 with a woman of 25 regardless of how they met and where they lived. Not in the slightest. If the woman was about 5 or 6 years younger, perhaps, but not someone of 25.

Everyone is entitled to make their own choices in life but the prospect of a woman quitting work and submitting herself to a life of obeying her husband and his family is pretty disheartening to be honest.

WilyCoyote

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

Wait till she finds out he doesn't want to leave the farm; his mother won't let them go; she gets fed up with the dirt-poor lifestyle and romance wears off; US immigration make life difficult.

At the moment she's bringing huge wealth (in their eyes) and is playing the wife/daughter-in-law very well. But can she keep it up?

There have been other women who married Masai warriors and so on. We never hear about them slinking back to their own countries again, but I really can't see somebody pushing through the culture shock, the lack of things we take for granted - not just showers and electricity, but health care and not getting sick from water.

Hey JuliusCaesar, too much boards has turned you into a cynic

Just in passing .......... any relation of Sir Digby Chicken Caesar De bello Gallico. I did him for the Inter Cert circa 1964

Frightfully nice right on kinda chap but not a word of English

Nodin

RDM_83 again wrote: »

And your woman isn't bringing her money with her , this could be actually be an interesting social experiment, yes India is a patriarchal society but its also one where money is power, is the local cop or judge local cop going to be swung by his sexism or would a little a bit of Baksheesh improve his attitudes to woman remarkably..

.....if she is, she's hiding it well.

Potatoeman

Nodin wrote: »

No, because he's moving there. If he was marrying some of those desperate women from a poor country (Fillipina Brides, Thais Brides) then yes, I'd think it was exploitative and the rest.

Its a status symbol in some of these countries to marry a Westerner.
Stability and the ability to provide are also consideres desirable. Louie Theroux done a document about it.

jester77

The whole Indian wedding thing is a bit mad.

I had an Indian girl working in my team up until xmas. She left to return to India to get married to an Indian guy who is living in Texas. They will meet for the first time at the end of this month, get married the first week of February and she will then move to Texas and live with him there at the end of the Feb. Her parents have organised the whole thing, a few thousand people from her village will take part and there is no alcohol at the wedding :eek:

She is giving up everything and will have no job when she moves and she will know no one. I felt sorry for her but she was either genuinely ok with it or else putting on a very brave face. If she doesn't click with this dude then it's going to be an awful experience for her

RDM_83 again

Nodin wrote: »

.....if she is, she's hiding it well.

Ah come on Nodin, when your in a country with a Median income of 600 dollars a year nearly any westerner is going to appear wealthy and thats ignoring the huge potential benefits she brings to him (and potentially his family) if she sticks it out long enough to bring him back to the US.
Your normally one to highlight exploitation and social issues, even if the story is true she is still in a much more powerful position than him, I don't think the story portrayed is going to be actually accurate it is the Daily Mail after all and she's waiting it out for a bit before bringing him to the states.

Nodin

RDM_83 again wrote: »

Ah come on Nodin, when your in a country with a Median income of 600 dollars a year nearly any westerner is going to appear wealthy and thats ignoring the huge potential benefits she brings to him (and potentially his family) if she sticks it out long enough to bring him back to the US.
Your normally one to highlight exploitation and social issues, even if the story she is still in a much more powerful position than him, I don't think the story portrayed is going to be actually accurate it is the Daily Mail after all and she's waiting it out for a bit before bringing him to the states.

It's possible. However if I was exploiting somebody and waving me money around, I wouldn't be living in a shagging piss poor village in India.

WilyCoyote

Heroditas wrote: »

No indoors toilet and a bucket for a shower yet he has access to Facebook.
Jaysus, they must have fibre broadband. :pac:

High fibre diets?