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Farming and Relationships

onrail

Alright Lads,
A bit off the beaten track here, but I'm looking for some opinions and experiences people have had with holding a relationship/girlfriend/boyfriend/whatever while farming.
To tell my story, I'm working away from home but plan to return to the farm in 4 to 5 years. I had been going out with a lovely girl for 4 odd years before she finished it 6 months ago. It may be a bit of an over simplification , but one of the main reasons she gave me for ending it was that she didn't want to move back to with me to the farm, away from her career, friends etc. Its a fair enough reason when you think about it!

Its fair to say I was distraught at the time, because I'd lost someone who I'd planned to propose to. Over time the feeling actually got worse... Is a farming life and a relationship possible these days? Do I need to choose now whether I want a long term relationship or to take over the farm?
Thoughts/advice/experiences would be greatly appreciated... And sorry for the essay!

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biddy2013

alot of ye say your oh has very little interest in farming, do you have an interest in what they do, oh drives a lorry i couldnt care where he is going or what part he needs for the lorry goes in one ear and out the other, he is the same about the farm

moy83

biddy2013 wrote: »

alot of ye say your oh has very little interest in farming, do you have an interest in what they do, oh drives a lorry i couldnt care where he is going or what part he needs for the lorry goes in one ear and out the other, he is the same about the farm

Good point biddy , my wife works in the maternity dept and I couldnt care what happens in there . She wouldnt be too interested in what goes on at the farm really either and that suits both of us

jimmydkid

It's a lot harder to meet some one in the countryside you could be lucky but there is a reason you see so many bachelors in rural areas, I think you have to be flexible , farming is a business it's not your life (if it is your life you need to get out more) I see a lot of people who move up and down the country and around the world to be with there partners its just the norm nowadays. Make sure you put your own happiness and quality of life before your job, life is short make the best of it !

bbam

biddy2013 wrote: »

alot of ye say your oh has very little interest in farming, do you have an interest in what they do, oh drives a lorry i couldnt care where he is going or what part he needs for the lorry goes in one ear and out the other, he is the same about the farm

I'd be interested enough in her work. I'd help her with PC stuff, I've designed systems for her that have been adopted by other hospitals. Don't get me wrong, I'd hate to do her job. Equally she would always ask about stock silage or prices.

My advice is don't try and be the norm, don't try and emulate what other people have or say you need to have. When it happens you'll make your own situation work Things will work much better if your honest and upfront.

onrail

Thanks so much for the replie everyone, nice to hear some optimism for a change!

Marooned75

Compromise if ya have that ya have a start

towzer2010

bbam wrote: »

I'm not sure about that advice.
My mrs only works half time and still earns more than I do, it's no problem at all, don't see how it could be, unless your feeling intimidated in some way??

She's also from a farming background so will help inject an animal or stand in a gap if I ask her to. She'll check on animals when I'm away.

Neither am I. Why on earth would that be a problem. I only wish my wife earned treble what I earn.

Onrail as most people have said it is possible to meet someone who will accept the farm part but it might mean searching for a while but that could be also be true about a lot of other professions. My wife always gives out about the amount of time I spend farming but I try to make it up to her by spending time at something she wants to do. Its all about give and take.

MFdaveIreland

manys a farm has came to an abrupt end with wifes not showing interest, more often than not trickles down to the kids, seen it too many times, they behind every great man is a great woman, dunno if its applicable,

CrazyKatie

MFdaveIreland wrote: »

manys a farm has came to an abrupt end with wifes not showing interest, more often than not trickles down to the kids, seen it too many times, they behind every great man is a great woman, dunno if its applicable,

Is it a wife that farmers want or a business partner? Sometimes both peoples expectations can be mismatched. A wife shouldn't necessarily have to have an interest in the farm, but it helps. In the same way that it helps if farmers have interests outside the farm and don't always put the farm before their wife and chrildren.

freedominacup

onrail wrote: »

Is a farming life and a relationship possible these days?

I don't know how the dating/meeting someone for the first time works now but I assume it's all relative. My wife is a dairy farmers daughter, she can milk, herd, assist at calving, drive tractors handle a jeep and trailer with a full load of cattle on and the most she has ever done on my farm is give a hand moving youngstock to an out farm we have that's a couple of hundred yards from the main block. She's far better qualified than I am and is just getting her career re-established after 10 years part-time and contract stuff when the kids were small. We have a similar income but unless harvest 2020 delivers big time she'll have the much bigger salary before I'm much older which is no concern to me. She accepts that calving and harvest can cause late nights but she knows damn well when these jobs are going on and does not accept late finishing at other times unless there's a good reason. She expects that I make time for family stuff, matches, plays, PT meetings, holidays etc. The farm is somewhere you work, plenty of things have to come before it, remember that and you should have no more difficculty than the next guy meeting someone and developing a relationship.

agriman27

Yeah I hope to meet a woman who will understand farming and commitment to my farm. If I meet girls who seem to disapprove of farmers instantly I tend to walk away, I find some girls even farmers daughters have a narrow minded view of farming as drudgery . I know that a the minute my work life balance would need to improved,I tend to get sucked into the work which i know is a big no no with the ladies. I would change willingly if I met a girl I like though all work and no play and all that :pac:

dove2011

I am a farmers daughter - to be honest I have no interest in farming- I had no brothers so we used to be dragged down to "mind a gap" ... I used to hate it but now have an interest.
I have dated farmers & never had an issue. I think I would be quite happy to end up with a farmer. Ideally the farmer would live near me & where I work so I dont have to change my life for them!

DulchieLaois

Macra is your best bet if you want to be a girl who is into the country living - hence why they join the organisation , i know 3 guys who met women this way and both sides are happy cause they know that they 1 thing in common

AntrimGlens

dove2011 wrote: »

I am a farmers daughter - to be honest I have no interest in farming- I had no brothers so we used to be dragged down to "mind a gap" ... I used to hate it but now have an interest.
I have dated farmers & never had an issue. I think I would be quite happy to end up with a farmer. Ideally the farmer would live near me & where I work so I dont have to change my life for them!

How many acres did you say you had?

:D Someone give Charliebull a shout to get over here.

Bullocks

dove2011 wrote: »

I am a farmers daughter - to be honest I have no interest in farming- I had no brothers so we used to be dragged down to "mind a gap" ... I used to hate it but now have an interest.
I have dated farmers & never had an issue. I think I would be quite happy to end up with a farmer. Ideally the farmer would live near me & where I work so I dont have to change my life for them!

Lots of young lads mad to get into farming but have no land , could be a great match !

dove2011

Bullocks wrote: »

Lots of young lads mad to get into farming but have no land , could be a great match !

Ha ha- was hoping to combined both farmers- as I am the only "country spirited daughter" in my family

Dunedin

Bodacious wrote: »

my girlfriend wife does understand but at times .. silage season.. cows calving etc she can get frustrated with me.. farming isn't a 9-5 and she knows that but it doesn't stop her getting pissed off and hard to blame her at times

I could write a book on this one................ generally goes well but she always manages to pick my busiest times to suggest a weekend away

:D:D:D

freedominacup

Dunedin wrote: »

I could write a book on this one................ generally goes well but she always manages to pick my busiest times to suggest a weekend away :D:D:D

Then you need to get your retaliation in first and go away with her before you get busy.

Sami23

Work full time and farm part time myself and always seem to be rushing in the evenings to get the jobs done to get in and spend time with the missus which I also want. It's hard to make time for both I find. Rush, rush, rush.
Does anyone else feel similar to this and what way do ye work it ?

Charliebull

freedominacup wrote: »

Then you need to get your retaliation in first and go away with her before you get busy.

a man of experience

Charliebull

AntrimGlens wrote: »

How many acres did you say you had? :D Someone give Charliebull a shout to get over here.

did someone call me,

id only consider a spurs fan

Bullocks

Charliebull wrote: »

a man of experience

Or a man of submission !

Kovu

Interesting thread. Personally I could never see myself being with a guy that didn't farm. It's a way of you're born into and grow up learning to adapt around. no one has mentioned women being covered in ****e or smelling like cows though, would that be a turn off on a Saturday night

AP2014

Kovu wrote: »

Interesting thread. Personally I could never see myself being with a guy that didn't farm. It's a way of you're born into and grow up learning to adapt around. no one has mentioned women being covered in ****e or smelling like cows though, would that be a turn off on a Saturday night

I reckon probably a fetish for some lads here, no need for a golden shower

Kovu

AP2014 wrote: »

I reckon probably a fetish for some lads here, no need for a golden shower

Ah Ap, you're the the one for me I'd say. Think of all the fights and make up sex

AP2014

Kovu wrote: »

Ah Ap, you're the the one for me I'd say. Think of all the fights and make up sex

Haha sure it's the best sex

Timmaay

Sami23 wrote: »

Work full time and farm part time myself and always seem to be rushing in the evenings to get the jobs done to get in and spend time with the missus which I also want. It's hard to make time for both I find. Rush, rush, rush.
Does anyone else feel similar to this and what way do ye work it ?

Feeling like a real farmer again now that calving started, rushing between everything. My 1st few yrs was this non stop, with calving spread over most the year, and loads of work needed to bring the farm up to speed. Short term it's a good challenge but more than say the 6wks of busy calving which you accept, and it's not at all healthy, you just never get to relax, you end up hating the farm, and your life 2bh.

Farrell

Sami23 wrote: »

Work full time and farm part time myself and always seem to be rushing in the evenings to get the jobs done to get in and spend time with the missus which I also want. It's hard to make time for both I find. Rush, rush, rush.
Does anyone else feel similar to this and what way do ye work it ?

Same here

jfh

Sami23 wrote: »

Work full time and farm part time myself and always seem to be rushing in the evenings to get the jobs done to get in and spend time with the missus which I also want. It's hard to make time for both I find. Rush, rush, rush.
Does anyone else feel similar to this and what way do ye work it ?

that was me up until a few months ago, working full time & going farming whenever i could, wife had a demanding job & kids were in a creche most of the time, anytime i did spend some "quality time" with the missus which was very rare, i felt guilty that i should be out helping my aging father on farm.

job moved so it was a case of moving with it, now farming fulltime for the time been.
feel your pain..

Feckthis

I can't believe no one has mentioned going to Thailand and bringing back a wife.