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Child Item

Are some people just born middle-aged?

beks101

There's this girl I went to college with, she's about two years younger than me but for as long as I've known her she's acted about forty-five.

She's always had a complete disregard for things that occupy most teenagers'/young peoples' minds - music, nights out, popular TV shows, fashion, getting the ride (not a bad thing I guess). And her wardrobe and hair style is distinctly tweed, dated, "teacher / mammy"ish. The glasses alone add about a decade.

Her style of conversation is like that which I'd overhear if I sat in on a lunch with my mother and her old school pals - with all the 'old-fogey' phrases and nuances to go with it. Did you hear such-and-such bought a new house fair play to her, himself did well in the exams thank God, tis shocking what you'd see of a Saturday night down in those parts, twas a great mass on Sunday, great to see the local choir back in action.

FB posts tend to be equally banal:

"Had the pleasure of visiting (random town) today, tis a fab spot altogether, the flowers are only gorgeous"

"Absolutely thrilled to be shortlisted for (random gardening competition), tis fierce windy out there but our green fingers shall persist!"

I've always found myself censoring the swear words and adapting a more innocent, slightly more 'country' tone while engaging in conversation with her, as if I was talking to an old-fashioned aunt or grandparents of a friend or something. Even though I'd be talking to a nineteen year old, several years younger than me.

It's hard to imagine someone like this getting bollixed drunk and crying because "everyone hates me" or something, or having wild animal sex, or having a fag and some skittles for breakfast just for the hell of it...as is a rite of passage for most young people. They just seem so innocent and yet, paradoxically, completely middle-aged. Like they skipped the silly adolescent / 20s phase.

Anyone else know people like this?

Are some people just born middle-aged?

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J_E

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Hahaha are we friends with the same person?! She sounds like a girl I used to be friends with. We were like chalk and cheese and I think the only reason we became friends was cause I was the new girl and she had no friends so we bonded on my first day!

She's hilarious though, when she came out for a drink the first night with us, she had one and "knew her limits" after that. Me abc my friends wouldn't be a crowd that would recognise limits so I'd imagine she was disgusted.

She travels a lot and has all these pics up on Facebook and I do have to laugh at her in her 3/4 length shorts and her Ecco sandals haha.

She was home a few years ago (she's nursing in England) for Xmas and we all went out, **** ur Honda civic was BIG at the time and me and my best friend were drunkenly singing it to each other and she's all like what is this nonsense.

Knock some Craic out of her all the same though - although it'd be unintentional

Jesus, hope she gets better friends than that....

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IzzyWizzy wrote: »

You were 'friends' with a girl you took the piss out of because of how she dressed and actually laughed *at* her for entertainment?

Nice.

She actually dressed alright on nights out, just her dress sense as a tourist - lets just say, 1988 was banging on the door looking for its shoes

[Deleted User]

LexieOnRale wrote: »

She actually dressed alright on nights out, just her dress sense as a tourist - lets just say, 1988 was banging on the door looking for its shoes

And this is a friend you're on about? Jesus.

LETHAL LADY

I've suddenly developed a fondness for all things beige with a particular penchant for elasticated high-waisted pants and ecco slip-ons (all beige of course). This is what lays ahead for you young bucks, shame I'm only thirty something. Guess I should **** off and tend to me geraniums.

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IzzyWizzy wrote: »

And this is a friend you're on about? Jesus.

No I'm not friends with her anymore I found her too condescending. If I wanted to get scolded for bad life decisions I'd have been friends with my mother

[Deleted User]

LexieOnRale wrote: »

She travels a lot and has all these pics up on Facebook and I do have to laugh at her in her 3/4 length shorts and her Ecco sandals haha.

Hopefully she'll cop on that one of her so-called friends is laughing at her behind her back and find herself a new one.

J_E

LexieOnRale wrote: »

She actually dressed alright on nights out, just her dress sense as a tourist - lets just say, 1988 was banging on the door looking for its shoes

Do her a favour and unfriend her. It boils my blood when others act friendly on face value only to use them as the running joke on a daily basis. That's just being a bully, plain and simple.

[Deleted User]

LexieOnRale wrote: »

No I'm not friends with her anymore I found her too condescending. If I wanted to get scolded for bad life decisions I'd have been friends with my mother

And I'm sure she wouldn't want friends who mocked her on nights out and laughed at her dress sense.

Links234

IzzyWizzy wrote: »

And this is a friend you're on about? Jesus.

Just to give the benefit of doubt, sometimes friends take the piss, or say something that could be mistaken as cruel if you didn't understand the context between friends. Hell, sometimes some friends have said horrid things about shoes I was wearing. That might not be the case, but you can't always tell.

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Cydoniac wrote: »

Do her a favour and unfriend her. It boils my blood when others act friendly on face value only to use them as the running joke on a daily basis. That's just being a bully, plain and simple.

I'm a bully because she has a **** dress sense? Alroysh.

Call Me Jimmy

I came to bring some moralising to this thread.... damn

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IzzyWizzy wrote: »

And I'm sure she wouldn't want friends who mocked her on nights out and laughed at her dress sense.

I don't know what you expect me to say... Tell her that her shoes are lovely? Wouldn't that make me a bit two faced?

Links234

...or on second thoughts

Mint Aero

LETHAL LADY wrote: »

Guess I should **** off and tend to me geraniums.

Don't forget about the nasturtiums, old people love their nasturtiums.

[Deleted User]

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I'm a bully because she has a **** dress sense? Alroysh.

No, you're a bully for mocking her dress sense and laughing at her behind her back.

cantdecide

I have found this to be a façade or even a defence mechanism in some. Others just simply lack personality and mimic an older female influence. I've seen a domineering parent figure being at least in part responsible- some parents just want their kids to be clones of themselves.

urabell

Yeah she's an oddball and no amount of posts criticising you for pointing that out will change that

[Deleted User]

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I don't know what you expect me to say... Tell her that her shoes are lovely? Wouldn't that make me a bit two faced?

Say nothing?

[Deleted User]

cantdecide wrote: »

I have found this to be a façade or even a defence mechanism in some. Others just simply lack personality and mimic an older female influence. I've seen a domineering parent figure being at least in part responsible- some parents just want their kids to be clones of themselves.

I think this is more like it. Maybe not a lack of personality, but some people are really impressionable and absorb their parents mannerisms and values to a greater extent than most people would. They tend to be really traditional.

J_E

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I don't know what you expect me to say... Tell her that her shoes are lovely? Wouldn't that make me a bit two faced?

Raise your hand...

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Candie wrote: »

No, you're a bully for mocking her dress sense and laughing at her behind her back.

But why would it be okay for other girls to mock someone else's dress sense? She would pass comment on some young one with her skirt skimming her ass, she'd comment on my shoes being too hight or the fact my hair was too backcombed. There was no laughing behind her back lol. She would say something grannyish, people would laugh. She wears Ecco shoes my mother wouldn't have even worn, obviously people will be like what.

Same way as if one of my friends started wearing fishnets hoodies and biking boots, I'd probably say something about them being hideous too. Big deal.

Millicent

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I laugh at her Facebook pictures because they're hilarious

So she dresses "funny" while travelling the world? God, how awful. She so deserves to be mocked for doing her own thing while enjoying seeing foreign countries and having more imagination than having a skinful in the pub every weekend.

LikeClockwork

Or ya know...she likes different things. Not everyone follows a herd mentality.

BNMC

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I don't know what you expect me to say... Tell her that her shoes are lovely? Wouldn't that make me a bit two faced?

If you've nothing nice to say, say nothing at all.

You come across as very shallow and not a very nice person.

SparkySpitfire

Jaysus, how's the weather up there for the moral cavalry here?

As for the OP, I think so. I know a few people like that, very sheltered lives and insular, like they'd eat lunch with a select group of friends (including family of various ages) at school and wouldn't attempt to talk to others. But if you were put in a group with them for whatever reason they'd be lovely to talk to. Others have older parents or as someone else said were raised by an older generation e.g. grandparents. This type of person would be one that never bothered anyone though and they're good to have around. Just as people have the "wild friend" they sometimes have the "middle aged friend".

Nothing wrong with them, they generally have common factors though. Speaking broadly of course. Generally. :P

Call Me Jimmy

I don't think it's how impressionable the child is rather as said, how domineering and controlling the parent is.

Some children are just reduced to living a life of borderline unconsciousness and downright repression by parents like these.

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IzzyWizzy wrote: »

Say nothing?

Why? When she turns around and tells me not to stand under the heater in the beer garden incase I go up in flames from all the hairspray in my hair, I can laugh at that because its funny. But it's still commenting on my appearance.

You must have weird friends when you can't give your honest opinion on their appearance

Millicent

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Why? When she turns around and tells me not to stand under the heater in the beer garden incase I go up in flames from all the hairspray in my hair, I can laugh at that because its funny. But it's still commenting on my appearance.

You must have weird friends when you can't give your honest opinion on their appearance

But why do you feel the need to comment on your friends' appearances?

Genuine question. I've never felt the need to do so outside of telling a friend that they look well on a night out or something.

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BNMC wrote: »

If you've nothing nice to say, say nothing at all.

You come across as very shallow and not a very nice person.

Oh the irony in that post!

you give great advice in the first sentence and then come along and crap all over your own advice in the next sentence.

God I love boards!

[Deleted User]

LexieOnRale wrote: »

/There was no laughing behind her back lol. She would say something grannyish, people would laugh. She wears Ecco shoes my mother wouldn't have even worn, obviously people will be like what.

Same way as if one of my friends started wearing fishnets hoodies and biking boots, I'd probably say something about them being hideous too. Big deal.

But you're laughing at her facebook pics so unless she's beside you, you're having a snigger behind her back.

If you can't say something nice, you really don't have to say anything.