Shrobbs wrote: » If he has no interest in dealing with the issue or at least trying then tell her you need to look for sex elsewhere. It is incredibly selfish to force or attempt to force another individual to never or rarely have sex.
Czarcasm wrote: » It's just as incredibly selfish to force or attempt to force another individual to have sex with you by issuing them with shìtty ultimatums and warnings like that. His wife isn't forcing brilou not to have sex, it just seems that for whatever reason, she is not interested in having sex with him, and again - there could be an infinite number of reasons for that.
Wabbit Ears wrote: » Anyone who has young kids and says they have any sort of a sex life is a liar.
brilou23 wrote: » thank you thats why i hang in there
Shrobbs wrote: » Ask yourself this? Do you want to have sex despite having young kids? If yes, then why doesn't your OH?
Shrobbs wrote: » Ask yourself this? Do you want to have sex despite having young kids? If yes, then why doesn't your OH? Do you think she is still attracted to you? Also , how unhappy is the lack of sex making you, would it be close to depression?
LordNorbury wrote: » An interesting thread, I'm a guy in my mid 30's and single, no kids, this same subject came up for discussion in my circle of male friends not too long ago, (most except one or two, are married or settled down, all with kids whether married or not), and the consensus was that I was the one who had the most active sex life, even though I am single. Some of what I heard from my mates, when this was discussed, genuinely took me aback, for example what appeared to be a serious lack of intimacy when sex did happen, in particular, partners who don't want to do some certain things that I would consider to be fairly fundamental to a good night of sex, for example oral sex, etc. I got the impression that some of these relationships had gone seriously stale for want of a better way of describing them, that they had stopped working on them and keeping the spark alive. Throw in one or two kids and the inevitable financial pressures that must come with life today in 2013 if you have kids, (not something that I need to worry about as a single guy), and you can easily see how a relationship can become devoid of intimacy.
brilou23 wrote: » yeah she says she still feels the same but has lost her drive i find it very hard but i have to ask myself which i love more sex or family
Tasden wrote: » Then you need to ask her will she go to her GP and get tested to see if its hormonal, (not medical advice btw just a suggestion to rule issues out) if its purely a physical issue with hormones following pregnancy then it may be treatable. If its psychological then you need to talk it out. She could be just exhausted and not feel attractive or womanly since her day is spent nagging at and cleaning up after kids. Its a huge thing that men often overlook especially if the woman is a stay at home mam, she's not even having adult conversations let alone feeling like a desirable woman!
Aineoil wrote: » 24 years married now. I don't want to appear crude but you have to keep the intimate moments alive. We have had tough times financially etc....but part of a marriage or a partnership is the love life.
brilou23 wrote: » she is workin and i am out of work so i do all the work with the child i asked her to go to the doctor but she wont thats the most annoying thing
jackofalltrades wrote: » By failing to even address the issue she's basically giving him the option of a celibate marriage or getting a divorce if he wants to have sex in the future. That's a fairly stark choice.
brilou23 wrote: » i feel like such a complainer she does so much for us the family apart from the sex issue
Aineoil wrote: » I think communication is the issue here. As you said she may have many reasons for not wanting sex. For some couples the area of not talking about being intimate is very sensitive.
Tasden wrote: » Yeah, that's not true. Kids can mean you have to make an effort to make time for it, and pregnancy and childbirth can cause hormonal changes leading to low libido for the woman, but the fact you have kids does not mean you have no sex life!
puppieperson wrote: » "women give sex for love and men give love for sex" . Eventually one just gets bored and breaks the deal but the love is there. Look around we are a sex saturated society, its eveywhere advertising cars food perfume - everything is sex obsessed sometimes its nice to just have a quiet place and a nice partner who doesn't want the sex and just wants the hugs and support. This generation 30's upwards had lots of sex as soon as we were able to - unlike our parents we had freedom and eventually we became bored with it. It has become a vulgar commodity it is no longer precious or sacred its been destroyed and sullied by porn, the internet explicit films and lyrics etc etc there are no limits. It is no longer something special........ and sometimes its even a chore.
Wabbit Ears wrote: » Ive spoken about this to loads of my friends who are in the same boat, sex takes a complete backstage, you do it infrequently and its usually a quicky. With kids you're tired, all the time. Its not hormones, its not post natal depression, it its being bloody knackered 24/7 and the last thing your wife wants to do after taking care of the kids all day, finally getting an hour or so to spend some time with you instead of the kids is to suck you off.
December2012 wrote: » Well in my situation I disagree. I love having sex with my husband. It's loving and bonding, it feels good plus it's a way to keep that part of your personality alive. If there is ever a time to be reminded of your sexiness it's when life in its own way tries to take it away from you. Okay the sexy lingerie is replaced for a time by nursing bras and warm pjs, the baby vomit lingers instead of perfume and you've touched another persons arse 20 times that day wiping faeces off it when changing nappies. If there's ever a phase in your life when your partner and you should be reminding yourselves how much you love each other and how attracted you are to each other physically (despite the sleeplessness, the vomit and the mundanity) it's this phase.
