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Why is my girlfriend ignoring me/acting distant

Irish_Mafia

My girlfriend of 5 months has started acting strange the past few days. It all began monday night when i text to say how was she and she sent 2 brief texts before saying she was heading out with her mates in college(first night back)that was fine.So i left her be yesterday and no contact which was strange because we talk everyday. So i sent her a cute text this morning and she replied hey babe but then said she had a lecture and chat to you later.I waited all day until a couple of hours ago and said how was your day?(no big deal right) and again nothing back. Am i worrying about nothing? Ladies what do you think? Should I just leave her alone now and see what happens? She knows i really really care about her

I am 24 and she is 20.

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Irish_Mafia

Yeah,no word since.

XxMCRxBabyxX

Just to give a different perspective:

I can sometimes text my boyfriend constantly and then get really quiet for ages. I don't meant to do it but I'll just get really distracted with other stuff like college or work or just life in general. It doesn't mean that I love him any less, it just means that I am way too easily distracted at times! I would probably react in the same way as your girlfriend if he rang me too. In saying that, we've been together for six and a half years now and he knows what I'm like but it could still be the same situation for you. Don't get too worried up about it just yet.

Angeles

Given time and age i think OP is right to worry, but more because of the red flag this is putting up in his own mind, which hopefully can lead to a change in how you react in future and continue to mature.
I can see 2 potential causes.
1- you're in love with this girl op and have a strong tormenting desire/need to spend all of your time with her
2- There is quite a high level of insecurity in you and and need far more attention from your partner then perhaps she is able to give.
Ask yourself why "you" are so tormented by a couple of days without communication op. This is less about the actual lack of communication and more about that.

In general when a relationship takes a drastic change from high communication to low communication it means some of the priorities have shifted from one of the perspectives while remaining the same on the other.
This lack of communication or knowledge as to why the op is suddenly twiddling his thumbs can be a horrible torment for any partner who's not on the same wave-link so to speak.

Everyone is saying relax and calm down a bit, and they are right to do so, but it sounds like to me your pushing for a much higher need requirement then she is able to give right now, and that can be a deal breaker based on your own needs.
You will drive yourself up the walls with this op, even when people tell you to try not to so perhaps try to find out why you think its bothering you so much and when you find THAT answer, it might be worth communicating to your gf to see if the needs can be met.

Irish_Mafia

I told a friend what was going on and he privately messaged her and said how i was worried about her and upset and that i ''loved the hole of her'',she text this morning saying what was i upset about and all that and i replied by saying that im not upset but just wondering why she has gone quiet the past week and that the last thing i want is to be a dose but that its nice to hear from her. No word back since but i think this could have potentially killed it??

Niallsi

Irish_Mafia wrote: »

I told a friend what was going on and he privately messaged her and said how i was worried about her and upset and that i ''loved the hole of her'',she text this morning saying what was i upset about and all that and i replied by saying that im not upset but just wondering why she has gone quiet the past week and that the last thing i want is to be a dose but that its nice to hear from her. No word back since but i think this could have potentially killed it??

I think you should have said nothing. Your friend prob shouldn't have messaged her, it's looks a bit weak on your side.

Irish_Mafia

Yeah an idiot to go doing that but he didnt mean any harm,it does look weak on my side but i just hope this dosent kill the relationship,i really do.

wirelessdude01

This is getting better than any soap. Why did your friend do that? Bloody gimp.

I know you said that you are 5years older than her but seriously why haven't you rang her about all this at an earlier date? This kinda stuff over text isn't good. Really is something that 15yr olds do.

Irish_Mafia

I was actually going to say this is turning into a soap opera

,he is an idiot but thought he would be doing good. I know i should have rang her but more importantly it's what I do today and the now. I will have to ring her in a while and talk it out properly or otherwise suggest we meet up and have a chat?

o1s1n

Hi OP. Apologies if this comes across as harsh, but you seriously need a reality check. Your constant need for your girlfriend to text you comes across as extremely needy and overbearing.

It's irritating. I find it irritating and I'm just a casual observer. I would imagine it's especially irritating for a 20 year old who has just gone back to college. She must feel smothered.

If you text someone on a regular basis and they don't text back - leave it. Leave it to a point where you may be concerned for their safety. Then ring them.

Don't text and text and text because you think she might be off 'flirting with guys'. This makes you seem desperate, clingy and don't trust her. And you know what? That's a massive turn off for most people.

You should have left her alone to get on with readjusting to college life, have been happy for her and then let her contact you when she felt like she was missing you.

Irish_Mafia

Yeah I am realizing that now,i have been a bit of a dose and that was actually what ruined a number of other relationships. Its just a horrible feeling when you are so used to somebody in frequent contact over a number of months and expect to hear from them on a day to day basis.Now that this has happened regarding the idiot that fb messaged her she knows that I am being a bit of a dose,and obviously not happy,now whether she embraces the fact that im crazy about her or just a pain in the ass remains to be seen as I think i have more of chance from hearing from the feckin pope before her tonight. But yeah i think im going to be a single pringle again

wirelessdude01

Let her off. If she doesn't contact you within a reasonable time period then you have your answer. Your posts on this thread make you come across as a clingy and needy boyfriend. Can tell you that I wouldn't want that in a girlfriend and gonna guess she doesn't want it either.

Anyway let her do the running for the moment. Do not make an idiot of yourself and contact her again. I'm afraid she might be taking you for a ride but then again I have been wrong before.

Stavro Mueller

What's worth bearing in mind is that constantly bombarding the girl with texts and coming across as needy and anxious isn't going to stop her breaking it off with you if that is what is in her head. At this stage you and your friend have done more than enough damage and it's time to take a step back. If she does make contact I strongly suggest you have an actual conversation, not all this texting. In this case it is doing more harm than good.

fullstop

You know what, OP, **** her is what I say. People are saying you're bombarding her and maybe they have a point given what's happened today but you left her alone for the day on Tuesday and weren't exactly bombarding her with texts over the next few days either. She's your girlfriend, what's wrong with texting or calling her? If she needs space, she should say so instead of giving you the silent treatment.

I think it's pretty bad form from her end. If you're in a relationship she presumably cares about you, but she's certainly not showing it.

NicoleL88

OP. No more texting. And no more other people getting involved!

Call her tomorrow. Actually call her. Apologize for acting the way you have been and go from there.

Irish_Mafia

She said how she was a bit shocked at my friend contacting her and how i should know she needs time for her college work to which i responded in saying that im sorry about his stupidity in contacting her and that i will give her some space now to concentrate on her work which is important. That's it,im done running about and she knows how much I care about her.She is off to a concert with friends tomorrow so not looking like i will see her face to face this weekend but maybe thats for the best. Im out tomorrow night with the lads and I think we both need that after being together every single weekend over the summer. Judging by the last message she dosen't want to break it off but no doubt she is not happy,a lesson learned.

Ed Winchester

Lets hope she's not on boards!

ibarelycare

I'm cringing reading about your friend messaging her...Jesus.

OP your preoccupation with your girlfriend is unhealthy. She's off having fun in college, filling her time with things besides her boyfriend. You need to learn to do the same. I wouldn't be surprised if she's already decided to end things because of your neediness, but if she hasn't YET then you need to change.

Irish_Mafia

No she is not ending it thank god,she just said how she needs time and not the type of person that texts all day every day,and also that she is not used to relationships,i am kind of her first serious boyfriend,now I know where I stand and im going to cool the jets.

wirelessdude01

Used she be in contact often before she went back to college?

Irish_Mafia

Yes nearly everyday and usually she would be the one starting the contact.

wirelessdude01

Irish_Mafia wrote: »

Yes nearly everyday and usually she would be the one starting the contact.

Yet now she is gone this cold. I'll be honest this 'relationship' is over for her.

Irish_Mafia

But she dosen't realize that yet?

wirelessdude01

Irish_Mafia wrote: »

But she dosen't realize that yet?

The question though is have you?

Irish_Mafia

I wouldn't be able to bring myself to dumping her even though it could stop a lot of the pain

wirelessdude01

Irish_Mafia wrote: »

I wouldn't be able to bring myself to dumping her even though it could stop a lot of the pain

Ahh jaysus. If you were one of my mates and this carry on was going on and he was more or less saying that he knows it is over/she is going to end it I would be telling him to grow a pair.

ibarelycare

Irish_Mafia wrote: »

I wouldn't be able to bring myself to dumping her even though it could stop a lot of the pain

What pain? The insecurity you've been feeling for 4 days? Seriously? Dude you really need to calm down and stop being so melodramatic. You're going to ruin this relationship if you don't chill.

Irish_Mafia

She said she needs the space so i will give that her and take it from there,some thinking time will do her good,she's not ending it,just letting me know where i stand,

wirelessdude01

Irish_Mafia wrote: »

She said she needs the space so i will give that her and take it from there,some thinking time will do her good,she's not ending it,just letting me know where i stand,

Space for what? College isn't all that time consuming. You have at least 2hours a day off and then there are the evenings. Even if she is out every evening she could send a text while she is getting ready. Takes a few second to send a text once a day. Not buying it mate and neither should you.

XxMCRxBabyxX

wirelessdude01 wrote: »

Space for what? College isn't all that time consuming. You have at least 2hours a day off and then there are the evenings. Even if she is out every evening she could send a text while she is getting ready. Takes a few second to send a text once a day. Not buying it mate and neither should you.

That's not fair either. I'd imagine she now needs space based on the OPs recent behaviour.

Not everyone has to text constantly. As I've already said I might not text my boyfriend for a couple of days for whatever reason.

Irish_Mafia

wirelessdude01 wrote: »

Space for what? College isn't all that time consuming. You have at least 2hours a day off and then there are the evenings. Even if she is out every evening she could send a text while she is getting ready. Takes a few second to send a text once a day. Not buying it mate and neither should you.

That is what i thought as well,it dosen't take up a persons day to send a text,but i guess that is just what she wants,even before this week she was a slow texter where as I am a fast texter.