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Am I obligated to go to my fiancee aunt's funeral?

0210ania

as i title ..me and my partenr are engaged. His auntie died and i was wondering if have to go?
It's his uncle's wife (his dad's sister in law). I would know this part of his family too well, but because it's his dad's sister in law - it's so called 'close' family.

It will sounds horrible but i don't really want to go because i don't take funerals very well. I would be sometimes more upset than family (only because someone died) and in general it would be on my mind for few days after.

Do you guys think i will be expected to be there because we r engaged?

what's Irish people would be expecting, what's the right thing to do?

P.S i am very sorry for my english!!!!

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connundrum

Free sambos and tae.

Sure why wouldn't you go?

[Deleted User]

At least maybe try get to the Church, you're considered part of the family now Id say, if you are engaged.

hard to get out of...

Claasman

Ya probably are expected to be there....

Maximus Alexander

You're not obligated by law now, but everyone will think you're a c*nt if you don't show up.

bbam

You'll be expected.
In typical Irish fashion they'll be sitting down afterwards talking about who was there, who they were supprised to see there and those who didn't bother to show their respects.

toxicity234

Yes

Annasopra

Yes you should go to support your fiancee

Vojera

Unless you have a very concrete reason, like work won't give you the time off, then yes, you really should go. It'll be remarked on by his family if you don't, and some people remember that sort of thing for a very long time.

Cee-Jay-Cee

Ask your finance if he thinks you should go and explain how you feel.

smcgiff

Have you work commitments you "cannot get out of?"

bgrizzley

I know how you feel op. I try to show my face then slink off quietly as soon as I m on the radar. I'd advise same.

anncoates

Go.

Stone Deaf 4evr

If it was me, I'd go. but that'd be the limit of how far out in the family tree I'd be willing to go. for example - if that ladies mother died I wouldn't go to the funeral.

The Irish have a funny attitude to funerals, i know fellas who attend the funerals of people who had done work for them, sold them a car etc etc. Its a bit much tbh.

[Deleted User]

Depends on a lot of things tbh. Was she young? was it tragic? Will your fiancee be upset?

If she was a little old 100 year old lady who died in her sleep and your fiancee is just going to show face rather than to grieve then you could definitely get away with not going.

If she is a 50 year old woman who died having recently she found out she had a brain tumour and your fiancee is going to be really upset and will need hugs - then you should go.

You can mix those scenarios around if you like

I think it comes down mostly though to whether or not your fiancee wants you to be there. If he does, then you probably should.

Gone Drinking

Go if you can, every tiny bit of support helps everyone involved. I know they aren't nice and I myself never liked them. However my brother was killed last week in a traffic accident and the support I've gotten has been amazing.

I appreciated every single face I saw, every message of support, handshake, hug etc. It made such a difference for me and I feel terrible that there's been family funerals that I've avoided simply because I'm not good at dealing with death.

I was always someone who said "ah sure, they won't care if I turn up or not" but they do and I've found that out first hand this past week, the hardest 7 days of my life.

Vojera

Gone Drinking wrote: »

Go if you can, every tiny bit of support helps everyone involved. I know they aren't nice and I myself never liked them. However my brother was killed last week in a traffic accident and the support I've gotten has been amazing.

I appreciated every single face I saw, every message of support, handshake, hug etc. It made such a difference for me and I feel terrible that there's been family funerals that I've avoided simply because I'm not good at dealing with death.

I was always someone who said "ah sure, they won't care if I turn up or not" but they do and I've found that out first hand this past week, the hardest 7 days of my life.

Really sorry to hear that

[Deleted User]

Gone Drinking wrote: »

Go if you can, every tiny bit of support helps everyone involved. I know they aren't nice and I myself never liked them. However my brother was killed last week in a traffic accident and the support I've gotten has been amazing.

Sorry to hear that Gone Drinking. I've been there, it's hard as fcuk. If you need a whinge drop me a PM any time.

Maximus Alexander

Gone Drinking wrote: »

Go if you can, every tiny bit of support helps everyone involved. I know they aren't nice and I myself never liked them. However my brother was killed last week in a traffic accident and the support I've gotten has been amazing.

Hug

tony1980

Just go for support, it will look bad if you don't. Don't give anyone anything to say, it will be over before you know it and you will be glad you went!

razorblunt

Go to the rosary if there is one, it's the least "sad" of the three (rosary, removal, burying).

People remember who turned up.

wexie

Considering most of the people that will be at this funeral will be at your wedding (presumably) maybe you should ask yourself if you want to hear about how it was a shame you couldn't make it on your wedding day.

I've found the older generation of Irish people to have long memories about these things and they're not always quite so forgiving or understanding.

heretochat

Gone Drinking wrote: »

Go if you can, every tiny bit of support helps everyone involved.

I appreciated every single face I saw, every message of support, handshake, hug etc. It made such a difference for me

Also agree with this. Had a very close family member pass away a couple of years ago and really the support offered by people, family and strangers alike, was a huge help. It is a cliche but a true one all the same.

My sympathies GD at this terrible time for you.

sbsquarepants

There's normally a great session tacked on to the end. Some of the best days out start with a funeral!

Edit. Just noticed your username - surely you know this to be true already!

Honey-ec

I wouldn't feel obliged, I have to say. She's not a blood relative. My aunt's husband died in March and I certainly wouldn't have expected my husband to take a day off work to attend the funeral.

Mind you, seeing as we broke up last year, he probably would have been quite surprised if I had.

TheBody

@ Gone Drinking.....sorry to hear that.

@op You kinda have to go. You might think your absence won't be noticed in the crowds but it will. Families have long memories when it comes to this sort of thing. There are times in life when we just have to suck it up and do stuff we don't want to. This is one of those times.

Hunchback

Not to diminish or belittle the tragedy of a family death, but I reckon while you are in still in the early stages of your relationship and are engaged, it prolly is important for you to go, just to keep everything cool with the OH.

As the years pass, you will get to know the family better, and be able to assess familial expectations for yourself. You'll prolly find that you care less what his extended family think as the years roll by, but in the meantime, I reckon, it's pretty much a good idea to go and leave early enough

[Deleted User]

While people remember those who do attend, I really don't think they remember those who don't unless they're a really close friend or relative.

Legs.Eleven

Very sorry for your loss, Gone drinking.

sparrowcar

This is not about you.. It's about supporting the person you love so get over your own issues and be there for your OH.

It sounds harsh but put the shoe on the other foot.. How would you feel of he didn't turn up for a death in your family.

force eleven

This thing of 'what'll people think' is really annoying. If you don't want to go,don't.