I wanted to share my story and advice to anyone who is struggling coming to terms being LGBT/scared of coming out.
On the evening of the 25th June 2012, I made a very big decision that turned out to be one of the most life altering choices of my 18 years of existence. After years of discovery, self-loathing, pain, fear, it led to the eventual acceptance, personal growth and finally the courage to tell my best friend that I was someone who was attracted to men instead of women.
It was the single toughest thing I ever had to do. I was consumed with fear and the idea of the worst that would be to come. But no, my friend was very passive at this information. A reaction so mild was something that sent me elated and overjoyed. I poured my heart out to him of the years of silence that I endured, and he was there to listen quietly. A weight was lifted off, somebody knew, I felt free.
Why should anyone who is attracted to the same sex or some variance of the sexuality spectrum do anything about it? Why should we question ourselves and bother investing the effort? I find it is one of the most important things to do if you want a life of freedom and peace. I believe strongly that you have the option to your happiness. Is being honest with yourself a key to it? Most certainly.
From people online and in public, that they are gay but they are too afraid to make it known to their friends and family, maybe sometimes even themselves (“I’m just interesting in trying something different. I’m not gay.”) People are too afraid of rejection, the idea that they will be shunned away forever. Granted, people have unique cases but it seems all the same to me; where people are afraid to questioning themselves, afraid of change, frightened to grow and become a better person in case someone or something will say something to them.
Coming out initially was the closing of one chapter and the beginning of another. I had just finished my Leaving Certificate exams and the summer waited to me, for the independent world of college to be around the corner. It was a scary and interesting transition, with leaving the school system and saying goodbye to school people to a world in the big city where I was an unknown nobody. It was frightened, but also insanely liberating.
With this new courage and confidence heading to college that I could be an honest and truthful person – I found it bode well. I was able to attract wonderful friends who enjoyed me for all that I was, flaws and differences included. I felt at times, I was almost seen as a leader among my peers when people came to me for advice on certain issues. They knew that they could depend on my honest and truthful opinions. It’s a nice feeling. While life throws its curveballs at times, things look bright.
This is why I would encourage anyone who is struggling to delve into themselves and question who they are and what makes them happy or not. Its fully important that we have the best possible lives. As I quote listening to the podcast “Reset your life”: there is only a finite number of ticks that we have, before our heart stops and we stop living. After that, what do we have? We never will know for sure until the tick stops ticking.
Life is too damn short to be worried about people. I spent a lot of my teenager life obsessed with not slipping up in case someone noticed and jeered at me. Ironically, it happened a lot. I was terribly bullied as a child and a teenager, for not liking football like the other boys, for being weird, having braces, wearing glasses, walking funny, accused of being gay, asexual – I received a tremendous amount of abuse. But you know what, I have those war scars (despite them being deeply and emotionally scarring for a long time) and I display them proudly. I learned that people aren’t very smart and are very insecure and tend to only care about themselves – where this leads those so insecure to take it out on themselves. Like those ones calling others you a ******. Need I say more?
I encourage you to look at yourself, if you are ‘in the closet’ – question why are you in there? Are you genuinely happy to remain in there? If so, why, else why? Question hard and question deep. Learn more about yourself. The only true things you have to lose are limiting beliefs about yourself.
I found when coming out, the feeling poured out into many other aspects of life. I felt more happy, got more productive and didn’t feel getting out of bed sometimes wasn’t as much of a struggle as it used to be on some mornings. I know I have the confidence to push for good things in my life. I deserve it as much as the next person. Everyone has the entitlement to a happy good life; we just have to want to have it, with a conscious mind set of getting it. Nothing will happen for you unless you make it happen. You have to seize the day!
I wanted to share this to all those who are stuck in a place where they feel trapped. You have the freedom to do whatever you want, you just have to gain the courage and realise there is better. Mind no one else, it is you and your life, your mental health that matters at the end of the day.
I want to share a story from this board that inspired me so much when I coming to terms with myself. It gave me a lot of courage and brought tears to me due to its moving cotents. To the OP of that thread, where ever you are: thank you. Read it here:
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=75289873
