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All the lonely people

af_thefragile

Where do they all come from?

Lately I've been noticing it to be a growing trend (especially on the internet) more and more people seem to be all alone. I remember when I was a kid (before I became a teenager) I had plenty of friends and there was no one my class who had no friends. Now it seems every other person is lonely. Is it because as people grow older they become more lonely? Or is because the economy is ****e? Or is it because of the internet that people don't feel the need to talk to people in the real world anymore?

Why have we all become so lonesome???

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starviewadams

Most of my friends have moved away to various places around the world,I suck at trying to chat up women,and I'm the youngest person in my workplace by about 25 years at least.Aint rocket science as to why I'm lonely.

I never made friends easily as a kid anyway,so seems fairly impossible to be able to do it now,unfortunately.

Joe prim

my my my wrote: »

Je déteste les gens

L'enfer, c'est les autres. ( or summat like that, too lazy to be arsed looking it up)

The Backwards Man

beks101 wrote: »

I honestly think if you can make such a statement as "friends are overrated" - you've never experienced true friendship in the first place.

Maybe. I'm happy enough the way I am though, so that's good enough for me.

KyussBishop

I think the people with long-lasting social difficulties, are ones who have been out of social contact so long, their confidence and/or social/conversational skills are so eroded, that they find it hard getting back on their feet again.
Sometimes, there are people who got stuck with social difficulty without ever having fully developed their abilities, and then end up stuck during adulthood; makes it even more tough to get out of.

Don't get me wrong though, what I'm talking about is not just a matter of lack of desire/short-term-opportunity with regards to being more social, or just wanting to get away from people for a bit (if you have the social skills, and aren't held back by anxiety, this is not it, you're fine); some people just, for whatever reason, catch the shít end of the stick growing up, and end up with pretty bad long-term issues socially.

I think, next to depression, it's one of the biggest mental-health related disabilities out there (and depending on how bad it is, it can cripple your entire life for decades - you can be perfectly fine physically, yet not able to really live), and naturally it's not all that visible either.

There are a lot of contributing societal factors to it as well I think, some of which mentioned in the thread; there are so many, that affect it in lots of subtle/different ways though (both in development of it, and difficulty recovering from it), that it's pretty hard to begin pinning them down.

sheindlin

KyussBishop wrote: »

I think the people with long-lasting social difficulties, are ones who have been out of social contact so long, their confidence and/or social/conversational skills are so eroded, that they find it hard getting back on their feet again.
Sometimes, there are people who got stuck with social difficulty without ever having fully developed their abilities, and then end up stuck during adulthood; makes it even more tough to get out of.

Don't get me wrong though, what I'm talking about is not just a matter of lack of desire/short-term-opportunity with regards to being more social, or just wanting to get away from people for a bit (if you have the social skills, and aren't held back by anxiety, this is not it, you're fine); some people just, for whatever reason, catch the shít end of the stick growing up, and end up with pretty bad long-term issues socially.

I think, next to depression, it's one of the biggest mental-health related disabilities out there (and depending on how bad it is, it can cripple your entire life for decades - you can be perfectly fine physically, yet not able to really live), and naturally it's not all that visible either.

There are a lot of contributing societal factors to it as well I think, some of which mentioned in the thread; there are so many, that affect it in lots of subtle/different ways though (both in development of it, and difficulty recovering from it), that it's pretty hard to begin pinning them down.

Great post.

--Kaiser--

sheindlin wrote: »

Great post.

A little patronising. If you haven't met the right people I can see how friends could be underwhelming

sheindlin

--Kaiser-- wrote: »

A little patronising. If you haven't met the right people I can see how friends could be underwhelming

I was not being patronising. Actually, I was surprised at how well the poster understood my situation. I have been out maybe twice over the last 4 years. Sometimes it is easier, most lately it has gotton so hard to get outside the door.

--Kaiser--

sheindlin wrote: »

I was not being patronising. Actually, I was surprised at how well the poster understood my situation. I have been out maybe twice over the last 4 years. Sometimes it is easier, most lately it has gotton so hard to get outside the door.

No, sorry, I meant the post you quoted was a little patronising. I can understand how it can apply to some people though

KyussBishop

--Kaiser-- wrote: »

No, sorry, I meant the post you quoted was a little patronising. I can understand how it can apply to some people though

I don't understand how it can be interpreted as patronizing? It certainly wasn't meant that way, and was speaking generally not directing at any particular person.

DJjazzyjeff

Meh

Wattle

I remember reading an interview with Syd Barrett's sister after he died following 30 years spent as a recluse where she said that he didn't need friends because he had so many interesting things going on in his head. Some creative people are that way. They seem to thrive on silence and the life of the imagination. Haruki Murakami the Japanese novelist is another that comes to mind.

Daveysil15

Kyussbishop summed it up perfectly.

meoklmrk91

I need both, I am naturally introverted, if I am sick of being around people it really shows, I get narky and just feel the need to escape. I need my alone time to recharge my batteries and then I need to be around people. I get the best of both worlds, I can go to cinema on my own without a second thought, or I can go with a bunch of friends. Most people I know are too socially self conscious to do the former.

When it really boils down to it life is very difficult, so it helps to have people on your side. But sometimes you can, as others have said, be surrounded by people and felt the lonliest you've ever felt. A good friendship can make everything that little bit brighter, but a bad one can bring you to your knees, the important thing is to be able to differentiate between the two.

We as humans I have noticed are highly capable of isolating other people, it's seems to be in most people's nature in some capacity, some far more than others. It is just part of human nature, the trick is not giving a **** what people think and doing what you want, and if you can't manage that, fake it, eventually you'll stop faking and start doing.

--Kaiser--

KyussBishop wrote: »

I don't understand how it can be interpreted as patronizing? It certainly wasn't meant that way, and was speaking generally not directing at any particular person.

No, it was a good post, just maybe a little patronising for people on this thread who seem happy with few friends. Not something I understand but neither do I understand people who can't bear to be alone

KyussBishop

--Kaiser-- wrote: »

No, it was a good post, just maybe a little patronising for people on this thread who seem happy with few friends. Not something I understand but neither do I understand people who can't bear to be alone

Okey, though I wasn't really applying it to people who want to and are happy being alone (there are definitely people who are fine socially, are completely comfortable, but just don't have any desire for it), more noting the people who don't want to be alone, and are kind of stuck.

FizzleSticks

This post has been deleted.

Femme_Fatale

I don't agree it's harder to make friends as you get older, but maybe I'm just lucky. It depends on who you are too.

cantdecide wrote: »

people have long periods of time thinking Morrissey should write a song about their life!

Heh, that reminds me of being stood up at 17 and going home, putting on How Soon Is Now? and convincing myself he understood me. :pac:

Czarcasm

Femme_Fatale wrote: »

Heh, that reminds me of being stood up at 17 and going home, putting on How Soon Is Now? and convincing myself he understood me. :pac:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k39P2MK6WPo

*runs away* :pac:

B.A._Baracus

Alot of lonely people out there. It's sad. And what is even sadder is the fact that most people don't care.

Alot of people are just so self-involved. It appears too much to take even 10 minutes out of their days to talk to a lonely person they know or have interaction with.

TheUsual

If you're having friend problems I feel bad or you Son.
I got 99 facebook friends but I've never met them.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEHSRgwvbcI

3hn2givr7mx1sc

Fizman wrote: »

Anyone else read the thread title only to find themselves humming it to the tune of 'All the single ladies'?

Nope, but that fúcking Killers song will be in my head for the night.:(

neaideabh

People are stupid and annoy me.... so I avoid them!

jimpump

neaideabh wrote: »

People are stupid and annoy me.... so I avoid them!

Most but not all. A lot of your so called friends would bitch about ya when your backs turned....99.9% of them.

My motto is to use friends, dont let them use you

nua domhan

Frank Black wrote: »

I've got ham, but I'm not a hamster.

I've got porn, but i'm not a pornstar

pharmaton

maybe lonely people tend to be more active online than those who are not?

K-9

People are more aware of loneliness because lonely people have more social avenues to say it! 20 years ago they didn't have the internet to talk about it, or do something about it.

Think about it, who among your friends is going to say they are lonely? Not many, whereas online people are far more likely to say it, join groups etc. etc.

I'd agree the web can be a hindrance as much as a help. It's a great utility if you actively use it to help, if it is used as a substitute for relationships, I don't really see the benefit.

OnTheCouch

K-9 wrote: »

People are more aware of loneliness because lonely people have more social avenues to say it! 20 years ago they didn't have the internet to talk about it, or do something about it.

Think about it, who among your friends is going to say they are lonely? Not many, whereas online people are far more likely to say it, join groups etc. etc.

I'd agree the web can be a hindrance as much as a help. It's a great utility if you actively use it to help, if it is used as a substitute for relationships, I don't really see the benefit.

Very true, the internet has changed things massively.

It is possible now to be best friends with someone you only speak to online and have never met. Simply because when you are at home you are constantly speaking to this person on the computer and before long they end up becoming your 'outlet,' or emotional support, the person you tell all the **** to that no one else wants to hear, ie 'this top I'm wearing annoys me because the sleeves are too short,' or 'I spoke to an old woman today who is getting married' or 'I tried a croissant with jam this morning, it was horrible' etc etc.

This would have been totally inconceivable twenty years ago, but now the online connection has essentially replaced the best friend in many cases. You could even go as far as saying that it serves similar functions as being in a relationship, especially the description of inane daily moments etc, obviously with no physical contact, (the lack of which clearly prevents this problem being far greater), but that is only part of what a relationship entails.

Now speaking to someone online is better than speaking to no one at all, plus there is obviously the potential to talk to anyone from all over the world, we are no longer restricted to the people in our town. Plus the internet helps to narrow down the common interests, you can always find in theory someone who thinks along your lines, shares your hobbies and so on.

However, I think the situation is slightly concerning, because the whole physical aspect is being removed of interaction, not just in a relationship situation, but even meeting up with friends and going for pints or whatever can be an enormous source of stress relief. Having online buddies also makes you less inclined to strike up conversation with other people in the outside world, (we all need to talk to someone, as mentioned earlier with the solitary confinement example, but when you strip everything down, does it really matter if your sounding board is based in Dublin or Dakar)?

With all these interactive friends, many of whom will never be met, especially if they reside on the other side of the globe, you wonder is society as we know it changing irreversibly to a non-tactile environment, where people become more and more reclusive and just head for the ease of their bedrooms/studies to socialise. After all, it is unmistakeably easier than meeting in real life, you don't have to dress up, shower, you won't be interrupted, you won't have to shout over anyone, you don't have to worry about body language and so on.

So yes, I think the internet is indirectly making people more lonely, because their basic day to day needs of communication are frequently being met by online strangers, but we are slowly but surely reducing physical interaction in real life, which is clearly concerning. People are not being forced to communicate with others in the real world as much as they would have had to in years gone by, which I can't help feeling is not a good thing for the development of the human race.

[Deleted User]

I've got bone but i dont have a boner

du Maurier

Lonely or Lonesome? Suppose they're interchangeable but the latter has a tinge of American about it - "Jeez, man, why you all on your lonesome there?!!"

af_thefragile

OnTheCouch wrote: »

Very true, the internet has changed things massively.

It is possible now to be best friends with someone you only speak to online and have never met. Simply because when you are at home you are constantly speaking to this person on the computer and before long they end up becoming your 'outlet,' or emotional support, the person you tell all the **** to that no one else wants to hear, ie 'this top I'm wearing annoys me because the sleeves are too short,' or 'I spoke to an old woman today who is getting married' or 'I tried a croissant with jam this morning, it was horrible' etc etc.

This would have been totally inconceivable twenty years ago, but now the online connection has essentially replaced the best friend in many cases. You could even go as far as saying that it serves similar functions as being in a relationship, especially the description of inane daily moments etc, obviously with no physical contact, (the lack of which clearly prevents this problem being far greater), but that is only part of what a relationship entails.

Now speaking to someone online is better than speaking to no one at all, plus there is obviously the potential to talk to anyone from all over the world, we are no longer restricted to the people in our town. Plus the internet helps to narrow down the common interests, you can always find in theory someone who thinks along your lines, shares your hobbies and so on.

However, I think the situation is slightly concerning, because the whole physical aspect is being removed of interaction, not just in a relationship situation, but even meeting up with friends and going for pints or whatever can be an enormous source of stress relief. Having online buddies also makes you less inclined to strike up conversation with other people in the outside world, (we all need to talk to someone, as mentioned earlier with the solitary confinement example, but when you strip everything down, does it really matter if your sounding board is based in Dublin or Dakar)?

With all these interactive friends, many of whom will never be met, especially if they reside on the other side of the globe, you wonder is society as we know it changing irreversibly to a non-tactile environment, where people become more and more reclusive and just head for the ease of their bedrooms/studies to socialise. After all, it is unmistakeably easier than meeting in real life, you don't have to dress up, shower, you won't be interrupted, you won't have to shout over anyone, you don't have to worry about body language and so on.

So yes, I think the internet is indirectly making people more lonely, because their basic day to day needs of communication are frequently being met by online strangers, but we are slowly but surely reducing physical interaction in real life, which is clearly concerning. People are not being forced to communicate with others in the real world as much as they would have had to in years gone by, which I can't help feeling is not a good thing for the development of the human race.

`From what I've noticed among the people in my college is social interaction is becoming reduced to a meaningless act while any meaningful communication takes place through a virtual medium of either facebook or something else.

Most social interactions take place either in a pub or a club where everyone is often too drunk to have any meaningful conversation, the music is too loud to hear what anyone has to say and in general no one really seems to care about anyone else. Everyone pretends to be very nice and friendly and will have small talks with you but there's no substance to any of it. Its fake smiles, fake hugs, fake wishes, fake concerns all masked by the presence of alcohol and its all eventually meaningless. And then when anyone has anything to say, its usually through the virtual medium, through facebook, which again at the end of the day holds little substance and meaning.

Maybe its just me, maybe its just the lives a young college crowd lives and I always felt like an outsider among this crowd and looking in I couldn't find anything worth holding onto, worth cherishing. Everything was just comprised of just fleeting soundbites and emotions, nothing that could stay.
Hence I ended up becoming more and more detached from the crowd trying to find more meaningful relationships outside and to be honest I couldn't find much. Maybe I wasn't looking hard enough, maybe I was looking in the wrong place, maybe I was doing everything wrong in the first place!