Why do people still have expensive weddings?

I kind of agree with Sittingpretty here. There's nothing wrong with expecting presents, or expecting cash presents, but to book a huge wedding that you can't afford on the expectation that you'll receive enough in cash gifts to cover what you owe is ridiculous. If you receive that much it's a happy bonus, but you really shouldn't be getting yourself into debt on the expectation of money.

Sittingpretty

fishy fishy wrote: »

where does the "irish" come into it - do you think thats an "irish" trait? I have read what your wrote - I just think you were not thinking when you wrote what you did.

weddings happen all over the world - wedding couples can expect monetary presents and put it towards their wedding - you seem to think that it is only "irish and vulgar" to do this - it's not - its worldwide and part of the whole wedding expense/present - it is to be expected.

To be expected? In your experience maybe, not in mine.

Boombastic wrote: »

Why, because I wouldn't be standing at the door of the church with my hand out?

its not an Irish tradition to stand at the reception door and have a "line" for your envelopes full of cash. That would be typically American. If you did stand at the door with your hand out in ireland people would think it odd.

Sittingpretty wrote: »

To be expected? In your experience maybe, not in mine.

you haven't answered my original question about it being "irish and vulgar" to put wedding gift money towards the cost - can you explain your comment there and what the rest of the world does different to make this action so "irish and vulgar" or can you not explain what you wrote.

fishy fishy wrote: »

its not an Irish tradition to stand at the reception door and have a "line" for your envelopes full of cash. That would be typically American. If you did stand at the door with your hand out in ireland people would think it odd.

How far back does the tradition of having a big Irish wedding go?

Sittingpretty

fishy fishy wrote: »

you haven't answered my original question about it being "irish and vulgar" to put wedding gift money towards the cost - can you explain your comment there and what the rest of the world does different to make this action so "irish and vulgar" or can you not explain what you wrote.

No I can't. You're right and I'm wrong. There. Will that stop you trying to cram your principles down my throat?

I DISAGREE with you. To borrow your own phrase "Get over it".

Hotblack Desiato

Boombastic wrote: »

I want cash because I already live with my Fiance and have everything, but I am so religious I want a big show off day all about me paid for with the presents I deserve and demand

You don't need a religious ceremony to get married.

kippy

fishy fishy wrote: »

Kippy,

seemingly thinking like this is "irish and vulgar".

Indeed.
It's generally a reality though whether, said outright, implied or kept silent.

Ush1

Kyra Echoing Cap wrote: »

To a certain degree I find it hard to understand why they wouldn't want one same as I don't understand why people don't like attending wedding as I always have a great time at them and enjoy some of the aspects of attending a wedding which some people here are saying they dislike e.g. ending up in big conversations with strangers, the band and DJ, the sing song after its over etc

You do know you can do those things without going to a hotel or a church for a fraction of the cost.

ninja900 wrote: »

You don't need a religious ceremony to get married.

True, and I didn't say you did.
My response was in reply to another post about the 'traditional Irish Wedding', which is in a church.

Rented Mule

lightspeed wrote: »

What is wrong with just getting a neighbour to dress up as a priest.

If you have to ask .....

Ush1 wrote: »

You do know you can do those things without going to a hotel or a church for a fraction of the cost.

You can but then it would just be a normal party, not a wedding.

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

Boombastic wrote: »

No, not negative about being Irish.

I'm having a wedding
I demand presents
I expect them because it's my wedding
I want cash because I already live with my Fiance and have everything, but I am so religious I want a big show off day all about me paid for with the presents I deserve and demand

@nx001 no I don't expect cash for my birthday or christmas off anyone. I am an independent adult, why would I expect others to give me cash? I'd rather spend some time in their company

The reek of self entitlement is unreal here.

Sittingpretty wrote: »

No I can't. You're right and I'm wrong. There. Will that stop you trying to cram your principles down my throat?

I DISAGREE with you. To borrow your own phrase "Get over it".

its not "principles" and it doesn't mean that much to be for me to get het up about it so calm down.

its just the "irish and vulgar" statement that I don't understand - putting down something as being "irish" - you must have a terrible opinion of your own kind.
but hey, putting down your own kind every chance you get should be an olympic sport for some people

Iliana Enough Soy wrote: »

The reek of self entitlement is unreal here.

Is your sarcasm detector broke?...you should demand one on your wedding list :pac:

Kyra Echoing Cap wrote: »

You can but then it would just be a normal party, not a wedding.

Rubbish. As long as there's a bride and groom (or bride and bride, or groom and groom) it's a wedding. One of my family members had their afters in their garden, another had a hog roast at a pub, and both were not only great, but a damn sight more fun than any other wedding I can remember being at.

Sittingpretty

fishy fishy wrote: »

its not "principles" and it doesn't mean that much to be for me to get het up about it so calm down.

its just the "irish and vulgar" statement that I don't understand - putting down something as being "irish" - you must have a terrible opinion of your own kind.
but hey, putting down your own kind every chance you get should be an olympic sport for some people

I'd say weddings would be a better Olympic sport to be honest. We might have a better chance at a medal in the expectation hurdles!

I don't have a terrible opinion of Irish people. I'm an equal opportunities analyst, all nationalities can apply

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

Boombastic wrote: »

Is your sarcasm detector broke?...you should demand one on your wedding list :pac:

Yes, Jesus christ, yes.

It's bloody impossible at times. You would never know either, there are people who actually think that this sort of demanding is OK.

Iliana Enough Soy wrote: »

Yes, Jesus christ, yes.

It's bloody impossible at times. You would never know either, there are people who actually think that this sort of demanding is OK.

As witnessed in some posts here, they are entitled to expect a wedding present and not only any ould present but cold hard cash, and enough to a least cover their plate at least, that's the traditional Irish way

Ush1

Kyra Echoing Cap wrote: »

You can but then it would just be a normal party, not a wedding.

Sure that's what you've described there, just a run of the mill piss up. You can get married abroad or in a registry office then have a piss up, then it's still a wedding.

Sittingpretty wrote: »

I'd say weddings would be a better Olympic sport to be honest. We might have a better chance at a medal in the expectation hurdles!

I don't have a terrible opinion of Irish people. I'm an equal opportunities analyst, all nationalities can apply

no, you're not really- when you can single out one "country" as being negative and vulgar. Maybe you should re-think! :pac::pac:

Jaysus over 24 pages and still going, getting silly now same ol same ol.

Unsubscribed.

Ush1 wrote: »

Sure that's what you've described there, just a run of the mill piss up. You can get married abroad or in a registry office then have a piss up, then it's still a wedding.

I was picking out a few particular parts of what happens at a wedding which some other people said they don't like about weddings.

I actually like the event as a whole and a traditional wedding has a totally different feel about it to almost any other type of party.

Yes it is still a wedding if someone goes to a registry office and goes to a pub after for a piss up but it wouldn't be the type of wedding I'd like to have myself and as a guest I don't think it would feel unique from a normal weekend session that happens every week. Whereas a traditional wedding is a big event that you only go to at most a couple of times a year but often a lot less often.

1ZRed

Just thought about the amount of money I'll save myself in future if ever I did get married.

1 -No expensive engagement ring
2 -No massive push for a big wedding which many women are fond of

I'm sure there's a step 3 in there somewhere and pretty sure there's some profit that follows too :pac:

If it were me I think I'd have a very lax, small and quick wedding type thing with a few mates/family off in some tropical country, and after just piss the money away actually enjoying it all with people you actually want to have around you, instead of many you have to out of obligation.
Make an unreal holiday out of it instead of one expensive day which seems like a waste of money to me.

Ush1

Kyra Echoing Cap wrote: »

I was picking out a few particular parts of what happens at a wedding which some other people said they don't like about weddings.

I actually like the event as a whole and a traditional wedding has a totally different feel about it to almost any other type of party.

Yes it is still a wedding if someone goes to a registry office and goes to a pub after for a piss up but it wouldn't be the type of wedding I'd like to have myself and as a guest I don't think it would feel unique from a normal weekend session that happens every week. Whereas a traditional wedding is a big event that you only go to at most a couple of times a year but often a lot less often.

You don't have to go to the pub, have a party in your house? Been to 6 weddings in the last year, not as many house parties. All the weddings were the same format, interchangeable and almost instantly forgettable.

I'd rather save the money and have some sort of house party.

Kyra Echoing Cap wrote: »

I actually like the event as a whole and a traditional wedding has a totally different feel about it to almost any other type of party.

Yes it is still a wedding if someone goes to a registry office and goes to a pub after for a piss up but it wouldn't be the type of wedding I'd like to have myself and as a guest I don't think it would feel unique from a normal weekend session that happens every week. Whereas a traditional wedding is a big event that you only go to at most a couple of times a year but often a lot less often.

I'd have to disagree with you there. While a traditional wedding may feel different to any other type of party it feels identical to just about every other wedding everyone has ever done. From the boredom of the church bit, to the bland soup, dry main (Beef or chicken?), pointless dessert, having to talk to all the fecking relatives you haven't seen since the last wedding (yes, Biddy, it has been a long time), the enforcement of The First Dance (with everyone staring at you, urgh), the Cutting of the Cake, the Throwing of the Bouquet, the ongoing boredom as everyone is too sober to dance, the crappy music, the obnoxious children all over the dance floor, then the gradual taking to the floor of the drunk adults. It's incredibly formulaic.

Jebus, even writing that's sent me into a wedding depression.

Oh, and if you have a traditional wedding unless something major happens anyone who says 'The nicest wedding we've ever been to' or 'That was much nicer than So-and-So's', they're lying.

joehig

I think the funniest thing is when someone spends €30-40 k on a wedding but goes ape s**t when they are asked to pay about €100 for the use of the church

Ush1 wrote: »

You don't have to go to the pub, have a party in your house? Been to 6 weddings in the last year, not as many house parties. All the weddings were the same format, interchangeable and almost instantly forgettable.

I'd rather save the money and have some sort of house party.

I've been to two weddings in the last 6 months and had a great night at both. Whereas Drinking at a house (before hitting the pub anyway) would be nearly a weekly event for me.

Don't get me wrong I like big BBQ's etc at houses during the summer and that sort of thing and it would be the ideal "day after a wedding" thing to do but It would just feel wrong to have anything other than a proper full on wedding for the day itself. I like the traditional way of doing it and wouldn't want it any other way.

kylith wrote: »

I'd have to disagree with you there. While a traditional wedding may feel different to any other type of party it feels identical to just about every other wedding everyone has ever done. From the boredom of the church bit, to the bland soup, dry main (Beef or chicken?), pointless dessert, having to talk to all the fecking relatives you haven't seen since the last wedding (yes, Biddy, it has been a long time), the enforcement of The First Dance (with everyone staring at you, urgh), the Cutting of the Cake, the Throwing of the Bouquet, the ongoing boredom as everyone is too sober to dance, the crappy music, the obnoxious children all over the dance floor, then the gradual taking to the floor of the drunk adults. It's incredibly formulaic.

Jebus, even writing that's sent me into a wedding depression.

Oh, and if you have a traditional wedding unless something major happens anyone who says 'The nicest wedding we've ever been to' or 'That was much nicer than So-and-So's', they're lying.

I happen to like the format myself though. I don't mind the church part, I always find the food very good, I like talking to relatives I haven't seen for ages, I especially like getting getting into big conversation at the bar with random people in a way that only ever happens at a wedding, I like the music, I like the excuse to drink all day etc etc.

hoodwinked

kylith wrote: »

I'd have to disagree with you there. While a traditional wedding may feel different to any other type of party it feels identical to just about every other wedding everyone has ever done. From the boredom of the church bit, to the bland soup, dry main (Beef or chicken?), pointless dessert, having to talk to all the fecking relatives you haven't seen since the last wedding (yes, Biddy, it has been a long time), the enforcement of The First Dance (with everyone staring at you, urgh), the Cutting of the Cake, the Throwing of the Bouquet, the ongoing boredom as everyone is too sober to dance, the crappy music, the obnoxious children all over the dance floor, then the gradual taking to the floor of the drunk adults. It's incredibly formulaic.

Jebus, even writing that's sent me into a wedding depression.

Oh, and if you have a traditional wedding unless something major happens anyone who says 'The nicest wedding we've ever been to' or 'That was much nicer than So-and-So's', they're lying.

and like i said before,

what if the church is entertaining rather than boring?
the food is flavor full and different?
no relatives there that you don't see regularly?
the first dance is actually good?
No children being obnoxious?
the music is actually to your taste?
and people go dancing sober or drunk, or just chat until they are drunk enough to dance?

is that still the exact same boring traditional wedding if all the above boxes are ticked?

oh and not everyone feels the need to lie when complementing others, some people genuinely mean it when they tell you they liked it.