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Rough behaviour when drunk - typical in West Dublin?

JaneeMack

Hi, I have a question that I'd like to ask.

First off, I'm not Irish but I've lived here for a few years now. Secondly, I'd like to say that I don't want to pinpoint a particular area as a stereotypical bad place - I love this city in its bad and good!!

I'm seeing this guy from a southwest Dublin area, a place where some people would consider a bit rough. I have two friends who are buying a house and they said they wouldn't even view the houses in that area cuz it's too rough.

Now I have to say I used to have that idea in my head too until I started going over to his house and found it quite nice and peaceful although I wouldn't go out and walk around alone at night (me being a foreign girl and all!)

The relationship's been going great and we've gone out drinking on many occasions - even though we never got hammered together.

This weekend, we went out with our friends from both sides and ended up in a club. We were doing shots and had quite a lot to drink. Now, he was fine until about 2 am but then there was a small argument between his friend and another guy in the club and my guy got involved in it. Thankfully it didn't turn into a full blown fight (the security guards got involved and stopped them) but it was turning into a huge brawl in the club and I was scared to death that it might turn into something nasty. There was a lot of cursing and shouting and ppl got gathered around them while this was going on.

When we left the club, they were acting drunk and stupid at a chipper where we went to for a grub and he threw the can of soda at the wall out on the street really violently and thought it was hilarious when I got upset about it. He also started talking to girls on the street (in a jokingly way, not sleazy) and ran after one leaving me with his friend as if it was so funny. His friend told me that this is a typical Dublin behaviour and that I shouldn't worry - that I haven't seen a real Dub going out.

The next day he said he doesn't remember any of this and apologised.

So, is his friend right in saying that this is a Dub going out kinda thing or should I be worried about this guy? He is in his late 20's. I've gone out with a few guys and never seen anything like this?

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--Kaiser--

Bambi wrote: »

Because aggression and violence are evolutionary traits? It's all about context babes.

A common myth. Random aggression is actually a symptom of low testosterone

cml387

Esoteric_ wrote: »

Why is anyone who shows aggression or violence worth one more chance?

Well I say if he says he's sorry AND doesn't do it again he's worth a second chance.

The Backwards Man

What country are you from OP? Do they not have drinken louts there too?

Esoteric_

cml387 wrote: »

Kinda black and white with you, isn't it.

Not particularly, although in this instance, yes. I'm happy to look at grey areas, but I'm also not silly enough to give somebody displaying violence a second chance, because I don't condone scumbag behaviour. :rolleyes: Personal safety and that sorta thing, ya know? If he can fight with a randomer, he can fight with his girlfriend.

Esoteric_

cml387 wrote: »

Well I say if he says he's sorry AND doesn't do it again he's worth a second chance.

Yeah, but you can't know that he won't do it again until AFTER giving the chance, so really, all you have to go on is a 'sorry' and a potentially empty promise.

Also, nice ninja edit of your post. :rolleyes:

eamonnq

JaneeMack wrote: »

nothing like I expected considering where he's from.

Wow. Just wow.

JaneeMack

ringadingding wrote: »

Also, are you hot ?

No I'm not

JaneeMack

The Backwards Man wrote: »

What country are you from OP? Do they not have drinken louts there too?

We have drunk louts in my country too but none of my friends or family have been one. I guess I was just really scared cuz I've never seen anybody close to me do that.

Esoteric_

JaneeMack wrote: »

We have drunk louts in my country too but none of my friends or family have been one. I guess I was just really scared cuz I've never seen anybody close to me do that.

Exactly. You have them in your country, but none of the people you know are one. That should show you that no, it's not normal behaviour, and it's not acceptable.

anncoates

Some proper aul wans on this thread.

JaneeMack

Esoteric_ wrote: »

Exactly. You have them in your country, but none of the people you know are one. That should show you that no, it's not normal behaviour, and it's not acceptable.

You are bang on - I couldn't argue with that. I'm usually a logical person but because emotion is involved, I find it hard to just say 'no, get lost' to him.

fishy fishy

JaneeMack wrote: »

On a normal circumstances, he is a fantastic guy, nothing like I expected considering where he's from. I was just a bit taken aback cuz I've never seen anybody, including family and friends, acting like this.

Just cuz he's such a nice guy, I want to give him another chance and we talked about this - he says he won't do it again? To be fair, I was quite drunk myself but I just have fun when I get drunk - no trouble - I will stay away from it.

go for it if thats what you want.

eamonnq

JaneeMack wrote: »

No I'm not

Are you honest ?

[Deleted User]

Come on everyone ends up in some sort of scuffle in a club or whatever at some point in their lives so he deserves a chance on that anyway, the breaking the can was silly more than anything. The running after a random girl was by far the most thing I would be questioning him on.

eamonnq

Genesis Swift Rawhide wrote: »

The running after a random girl was by far the most thing I would be questioning him on.

Was SHE hot ? :P

anncoates

Decent enough wind up thread though, given the quality of recent efforts in AH.

Esoteric_

Genesis Swift Rawhide wrote: »

Come on everyone ends up in some sort of scuffle in a club or whatever at some point in their lives so he deserves a chance on that anyway, the breaking the can was silly more than anything. The running after a random girl was by far the most thing I would be questioning him on.

Do they? I never have, and neither have any of my friends or siblings, or anyone I've dated.

If you're hopped on and defend yourself, sound. If you jump into a fight that has nothing to do with you, you're looking for trouble.

JaneeMack

eamonnq wrote: »

Was SHE hot ? :P

He wasn't even hitting on her, but just being stupid.

The girl had a funny looking bag and he ran after her shouting 'what do you have in your bag?' and came back after 5 minutes.

Joe prim

I have read the post and I have diagnosed your boyfriend as type 2 bi=polar, he is therefore actually ill rather than bad and if you break it off you are guilty of discriminatory behaviour and liable to a fine of ( up to ) 50 euro and/or imprisonment for (up to) six months, although, if you know the Guard ( or if your boyfriend is actually a Guard) we can let it go this time.

N.B. In relation to the above diagnosis, I am not a doctor, but I have a interweb connection and therefore know everything.

JaneeMack

Joe prim wrote: »

I have read the post and I have diagnosed your boyfriend as type 2 bi=polar, he is therefore actually ill rather than bad and if you break it off you are guilty of discriminatory behaviour and liable to a fine of ( up to ) 50 euro and/or imprisonment for (up to) six months, although, if you know the Guard ( or if your boyfriend is actually a Guard) we can let it go this time.

N.B. In relation to the above diagnosis, I am not a doctor, but I have a interweb connection and therefore know everything.

My ex husband was actually a type 2 bi-polar so I know for sure this guy isn't one. But thanks for your diagnosis and potential consequences. :P

cml387

Esoteric_ wrote: »

Yeah, but you can't know that he won't do it again until AFTER giving the chance, so really, all you have to go on is a 'sorry' and a potentially empty promise.

Also, nice ninja edit of your post. :rolleyes:

When I typed the first one it sounded a bit smart ass. Maybe I should have left it in.

We only have the OP to go on, but if she says he's really nice and they have a good relationship,and then she throws him over after one misdemeanour?

Esoteric_

cml387 wrote: »

When I typed the first one it sounded a bit smart ass. Maybe I should have left it in.

We only have the OP to go on, but if she says he's really nice and they have a good relationship,and then she throws him over after one misdemeanour?

Be as smart to me as you want, the internet isn't serious business.

Different strokes for different folks tbh. I'd be of the opinion that if there's an issue like that (and I see anything involving aggression/violence as a big issue) cropping up within the first few months of a relationship, when it should be all happy and honeymoon-period type stuff, it isn't something that the boyfriend can guarantee won't happen again unless he quits drinking, so I'd leave if it were me.

eamonnq

JaneeMack wrote: »

He wasn't even hitting on her, but just being stupid.

The girl had a funny looking bag and he ran after her shouting 'what do you have in your bag?' and came back after 5 minutes.

Only took 5 mins ? Dump him!!

The Barefoot Pizza Thief

He's clearly an undercover Guard. The can throwing is just him trying to remain covert and asking the girl what was in her bag is standard practice for funny bag carriers at that hour of the morning ever since we had the antics of the Scissor Sisters and so was really him just being vigilant. Marry him I say.

[Deleted User]

Esoteric_ wrote: »

Do they? I never have, and neither have any of my friends or siblings, or anyone I've dated.

If you're hopped on and defend yourself, sound. If you jump into a fight that has nothing to do with you, you're looking for trouble.

Well I have on very rare occasions and many people I know have for different reasons. Lads hassling sisters, girlfriends, other girls who you are friendly with, helping friends who have got into hassle, people with a big mouth who need to be taken down a peg or two etc. Its very rare but it happens and I've seen the quietest people end up in bits of hassle none from their own doing of course.

Seridisand

JaneeMack wrote: »

My ex husband was actually a type 2 bi-polar so I know for sure this guy isn't one. But thanks for your diagnosis and potential consequences. :P

Maybe it's you, maybe there is no "guy" and you are in fact the bi-polar bear :eek:

frank reynolds

"what do you have in your bag"? and ran after her? did he rob her ???? :eek:

Esoteric_

Genesis Swift Rawhide wrote: »

Well I have on very very rare occasions and many people I know have for different reasons. Lads hassling sisters, girlfriends, other girls who you are friendly with, helping friends who have got into hassle etc etc. Its very rare but it happens and I've seen the quietest people end up in bits of hassle none from their own doing of course.

It depends on what you mean by hassle tbh.

I've had my head kicked in by a group of men while out in a pub once. I'd done nothing to cause it, and didn't retaliate, other than to try and get the fook out of the pub. That's hassle, but I don't believe I did anything wrong there.

I know people who have had 'hassle' like what I've described - unprovoked attacks.

You can defend a girlfriend/sister without throwing a punch. pull her out of the situation and go to the bouncer.

There's a huge difference between getting into some 'hassle' and jumping into a fight for no real reason.

eamonnq

Genesis Swift Rawhide wrote: »

people with a big mouth who need to be taken down a peg or two etc.

Oh yes, of course. They just couldn't be ignored and left to it.:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

Esoteric_

eamonnq wrote: »

Oh yes, of course. They just couldn't be ignored and left to it.

No, they might have said something rude or annoying, they deserve a slap obviously. :rolleyes: