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What is the best way to make a friend?

Tom_Cruise

I would like to have a friend, someone to talk to and hang around with. I don't know how to go about this though. Anyone have any suggestions? I have looked into different clubs to join but im not good at anything especially sports. How do you make a friend?

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Jesus Wept

drop the hand

Mariasofia

Andy Carroll wrote: »

drop the hand

My kinda friend

He does that too I mean

QBE

if you are really down and need someone to talk to at any stage call this number Samaritans Call 1890 200 091 (ROI)

however always talk and get it off your chest . you will find a real friend in time

Czarcasm

Andy Carroll wrote: »

drop the hand

Damn! Why didn't I think of that!

Clandestine

No idea mate. I never really have anything to say IRL so I rarely start conversations (unless I have something I need to talk about) and I can't keep my interest in others. I do know how to converse and read people well, but anything else like acting like a real friend (buying presents, being empathetic when they're down/emotional etc.) is just...

I think I'm doomed to a solitary lifestyle.

StewartGriffin

Czarcasm wrote: »

It's that easy Tom, you want to make friends, just walk up to the nearest person that looks like they too could do with a friend, and go from there!

It's not that easy. Some don't have the traits for just "walking up to people and taking it from there".

If you care about other people, they will appreciate it.

I've seen some people on here, (not the OP), who talk about being unable to find a friend, and it is so obvious that they are self obsessed - consider no one but themselves.
Compassion for others is the key.

QBE

the lad probably is lacking self-esteem and confidence and social skills. I bet he is a really nice kid from good stock.

he just needs to build up his confidence. no better way than joining a club of his intrests. depression can be very dangerous , please encourage the lad.

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[Deleted User]

Tom_Cruise wrote: »

I would like to have a friend, someone to talk to and hang around with. I don't know how to go about this though. Anyone have any suggestions

Just be yourself. Mistakes and all. Leave your baggage, out in the hall.

Just do what you gotta do. And sometimes... someone will notice you....

Rather than live for other people or to impress other people.... try just being happy with yourself for awhile.... and see how that works out.

Andrewf20

StewartGriffin wrote: »

It's not that easy. Some don't have the traits for just "walking up to people and taking it from there".

If you care about other people, they will appreciate it.

I've seen some people on here, (not the OP), who talk about being unable to find a friend, and it is so obvious that they are self obsessed - consider no one but themselves.
Compassion for others is the key.

This got me thinking. I reckon joining / helping out with a charity may be a great way to start. There seems to be a fair amount of young people involved with the simon community, concern etc. This may be a great way to get to know some people and you may feel good from helping others too. Just an idea OP.

Czarcasm

StewartGriffin wrote: »

It's not that easy. Some don't have the traits for just "walking up to people and taking it from there".

If you care about other people, they will appreciate it.

I've seen some people on here, (not the OP), who talk about being unable to find a friend, and it is so obvious that they are self obsessed - consider no one but themselves.
Compassion for others is the key.

Stewart I know what you're saying, and I've posted here before about my chronic shyness and my issues with being socially awkward, but there are times when I'll hide that part of me in order to help somebody else. This was one of those times. There are no traits necessary, just a pair of eyeballs and compassion as you say for others.

I only make it look easy from years of practice. I'd be lying if I said it gets easier with practice, because every person you meet, and every situation, is different. But you have to bury that down and put yourself out there if you truly actually want to make friends.

nozzferrahhtoo

Deleted User wrote: »

Rather than live for other people or to impress other people.... try just being happy with yourself for awhile.... and see how that works out.

Like this you mean????

QBE

you need to know peoples real circumstances. been nervous and lacking confidence. May require counselling. if these symptoms are part of your reason for not been able to interact and make friends. it may lead to bigger things. than the need to make a friend.

when I was younger I had loads of friends. but I enjoyed my own company. everyone differs.

Czarcasm

QBE wrote: »

you need to know peoples real circumstances. been nervous and lacking confidence. May require counselling. if these symptoms are part of your reason for not been able to interact and make friends. it may lead to bigger things. than the need to make a friend.

when I was younger I had loads of friends. but I enjoyed my own company. everyone differs.

Genuine question QBE but how would you suggest getting to know a person's real circumstances unless you befriend them first and then listen to them and let them talk? That's how you get to know a person, by offering to be their friend in the first place and then letting them tell you about themselves.

QBE

Czarcasm wrote: »

Genuine question QBE but how would you suggest getting to know a person's real circumstances unless you befriend them first and then listen to them and let them talk? That's how you get to know a person, by offering to be their friend in the first place and then letting them tell you about themselves.

not everybody's Interpersonal skills are the same for more reasons than one. What's the norm of making friends for you and I . May just mean our social skills are better and others .

Mark Tapley

How about finding the enemy of your enemy?

QBE

Mark Tapley wrote: »

How about finding the enemy of your enemy?

Mark . I could not have put it better myself. Thank you.

Allan Blandford

Tom remember Marty, he escaped from the compound years ago, he and other escapees can help you, they are your true friends, they will help you remember who you really are :

https://www.google.ie/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&ved=0CC4QFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fmarkrathbun.wordpress.com%2F&ei=1uN8Ud7hIOeR7Aa33IGQDA&usg=AFQjCNElnRvkz8HeWTsFHp03cVUvCffUgw&bvm=bv.45645796,d.ZGU

Daveysil15

If you're not in a relationship op, you could try online dating. Also, isn't there some sort of boards meet-ups? Anyway the internet in general would be a good place to start.

bacon n eggs

Tom sounds like he has been knocked down few times, thinking he would be terrible at acting when he hasn't tried it to me means he doesn't think he would be good at anything he might try. No confidence or self esteem. When you think like that every task even talking to a stranger is such a big deal so would walk away and be alone rather than speak. The longer it goes on the harder it becomes.

You need to bite the bullet Tom. Get a dog, take it on walks, join walkers groups, will get you out and also be in groups with others. Will be difficult to start but needs to be taken to move on.

JuliusCaesar

The best way to make friends is to do things with them - think of school, college, work. MeetUp.com has a group for every interest you can think of. Go because of your interest, not to make friends or you'll come across as just needy. You must be interested in something.

playedalive

Tom_Cruise wrote: »

I would like to have a friend, someone to talk to and hang around with. I don't know how to go about this though. Anyone have any suggestions? I have looked into different clubs to join but im not good at anything especially sports. How do you make a friend?

Take a minute to write down your interests. Is there anything that you'd really love to do. Is there anything you'd love to try out but never had the guts.

At this point, just try to bite the bullet and go for it. Sure, you might feel awkward at the start. But, it'll get better. Always smile and be polite.

Be cool about it. People can smell desperation a mile off from people trying to make friends. They are people who you'll click with or not click with. Whatever way it goes, it was meant to be. Don't get disheartened.

Don't get too worried either, when you join things, of the already formed cliques. This is always something I find hard to deal with myself. Just be friendly and happy in your own skin. Don't rush things. They'll take their time.

Tom_Cruise

playedalive wrote: »

Take a minute to write down your interests. Is there anything that you'd really love to do. Is there anything you'd love to try out but never had the guts.

At this point, just try to bite the bullet and go for it. Sure, you might feel awkward at the start. But, it'll get better. Always smile and be polite.

Be cool about it. People can smell desperation a mile off from people trying to make friends. They are people who you'll click with or not click with. Whatever way it goes, it was meant to be. Don't get disheartened.

Don't get too worried either, when you join things, of the already formed cliques. This is always something I find hard to deal with myself. Just be friendly and happy in your own skin. Don't rush things. They'll take their time.

Thanks for replying. I must make an effort i know that. i just have no skills and im pretty much useless at every single thing you could imagine, i sometimes think i have some kind of disorder that prevents me from having any type of coordination to do any kind of sports or physical activities what so ever. But ill have to do something otherwise i don't what im going to do. Thanks again.

Czarcasm

Tom_Cruise wrote: »

Thanks for replying. I must make an effort i know that. i just have no skills and im pretty much useless at every single thing you could imagine, i sometimes think i have some kind of disorder that prevents me from having any type of coordination to do any kind of sports or physical activities what so ever. But ill have to do something otherwise i don't what im going to do. Thanks again.

Tom have you actually spoken to your family or your GP about any of this?

Jack Lumber

Tom_Cruise wrote: »

Thanks for replying. I must make an effort i know that. i just have no skills and im pretty much useless at every single thing you could imagine, i sometimes think i have some kind of disorder that prevents me from having any type of coordination to do any kind of sports or physical activities what so ever. But ill have to do something otherwise i don't what im going to do. Thanks again.

Do you have a job? College?

3ndahalfof6

putty.

meoklmrk91

You sound like you're very low on the old confidence. Something which I myself struggle with from time to time. So I know where you are coming from.

The best way that I have found to make friends is to do something where everyone is in the same boat, a new course where no one knows each other. Or something in that vein.

I know you say that you are useless at everything, I don't believe that's true for a second but just pick something that you are interested in and then go and do something, photography course, cooking class, writing class, something, even if you think you are useless you will become less useless because you will be learning as you go along.

Finally be yourself, remember that you are decent person, and be your own friend, don't tell yourself that you are useless at everything, you teach people how to treat you, if you treat yourself badly then they will too. You sound like a nice fella to me, I find it's often those who think poorly of themselves are often the gems, the most interesting to have a conversation with, the kindest, and those who think that they are all that are the biggest bores you could ever meet.

Everyone has their strong suits and their not so storing suits, I am badly coordinated and can't dance to save my life, I suck at a lot of girlie things simply because I have zero interest in them, so that gets me down sometimes, but I am good at a lot of stuff, that girls usually aren't so that's one of my strong suits. You should find yours, and despite what you may think, you do have some

.

Best of luck with everything and if you feel like you need someone to talk to then go and get a bit of counselling, it can be very helpful in ways you can't possibly imagine.

Tom_Cruise wrote: »

I would like to have a friend, someone to talk to and hang around with. I don't know how to go about this though. Anyone have any suggestions? I have looked into different clubs to join but im not good at anything especially sports. How do you make a friend?

You sounded much more confident in Top Gun. Re-focus, think about how good you were. You haven't lost it, it's in your genes, dig deep.

PizzamanIRL

Tom_Cruise wrote: »

Thanks for replying. I must make an effort i know that. i just have no skills and im pretty much useless at every single thing you could imagine, i sometimes think i have some kind of disorder that prevents me from having any type of coordination to do any kind of sports or physical activities what so ever. But ill have to do something otherwise i don't what im going to do. Thanks again.

Stop telling yourself that you're useless. That won't help.

Also, friends won't come to you out of nowhere. You have to make an effort too. If you want something, go get it.

You should probably stop asking After Hours for advice too, but if you do, answer some of the serious questions asked and you might get some answers yourself.

lanyard

Tom_Cruise wrote: »

Thanks for replying. I must make an effort i know that. i just have no skills and im pretty much useless at every single thing you could imagine, i sometimes think i have some kind of disorder that prevents me from having any type of coordination to do any kind of sports or physical activities what so ever. But ill have to do something otherwise i don't what im going to do. Thanks again.

Set a goal for yourself and work towards it. There is nothing better for yourself then achievement. Start this running program (everyone can run): http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml

Better yet join a sports club. For the non sporty thing you could try a night class, join a political party or join a dating site and go on dates.

honey83

Get out more and don't be afraid to be yourself. I've learned over the years that it isn't the quantity of friends you have but the quality of the friendship. I don't pretend to be someone I'm not. They know I'm wild a loud from the first time they meet me. However,ask me how I feel when I'm divorced and in the dating game again, seems scary!