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Civil ceremony feedback

jojo2

I'm looking for feedback from any past brides or grooms that had a civil ceremony at their hotel performed by a HSE registrar.

We've researched the options for a non-religious wedding, we don't like the idea of having a spiritualist ceremony (also the costs are higher for someone like Tom Colton), and the only thing stopping us having a humanist-type ceremony is that we'd have to go to the registry office separately to get married legally.

I received the order of ceremony from the HSE today, I was expecting it to be strict on the wording but it struck me as quite impersonal, for example, it states that the entrance music must be maximum 2 minutes in length.
We were planning on making the ceremony as personal as possible - having two readings, our own music, etc.

It would be great if anyone that has had a HSE civil ceremony could answer any of the following questions:

How long did your ceremony last? From looking at the layout I can't imagine it lasting more than 10mins!

Did the registrar make sure everything was exactly on time? I know the ceremony has to start on time but I'm having images of them looking at their watch every minute?!

Were you able to add anything like a sand ceremony?

How were the HSE to deal with? It's been so difficult to just book a date with them that if it was any other supplier I would have gone elsewhere long ago!

Any feedback is greatly appreciated!

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CaraMay

Was at a wedding recently an the humanist minister was able to do the legal part too.

skippy15

CaraMay wrote: »

Was at a wedding recently an the humanist minister was able to do the legal part too.

Are you sure they were able to do the legal part and not just the ceremony, with couple getting married seperately?

My understanding is Humanists have been approved in Dáil Dec 2012, but are just waiting to be added to the list of registered solemisers. Which is only a formality at this stage, but until they are added officially added they cannot legally marry someone?

CaraMay

skippy15 wrote: »

Are you sure they were able to do the legal part and not just the ceremony, with couple getting married seperately?

My understanding is Humanists have been approved in Dáil Dec 2012, but are just waiting to be added to the list of registered solemisers. Which is only a formality at this stage, but until they are added officially added they cannot legally marry someone?

I'm certain

Gatica

well I'd already heard from a few ppl that they're legally able to do that now. From their website, it sounds like they're still doing the finishing touches though:
http://humanism.ie/campaigns/humanist-weddings/

The other celebrant may not have been "humanist", he could've been "Spiritualist Union"...

pooch90

AFAIK, Humanists aren't fully legal yet (we have them booked for next summer) but they expect full legal status by the summer as all that has to happen is putting their names on the register.
I'd imagine it would be plastered all over their website if legal status was all sorted.

Possibly a spiritualist or Pat Buckley/Pastor Gerry (can't remember his surname) is who did that other wedding

Jellyjelly

Héy Guys

The humanist are on the list, it looks like its just Brian Whiteside at the minute, he's legally able to perform the ceremonies and sign the legal documents without having to have a ceremony in the reg office first

Good luck

J

jojo2

OP here again, just thought I'd post back and let you know how our ceremony went and hopefully put other future bride's or groom's minds at ease about the HSE route for their wedding!

We got married a few weeks ago by a HSE registrar in our hotel in Kildare. After the initial hassle of trying to book them a year ago which involved a lot of phone calls, we found them lovely to deal with. We were supposed to have a registrar from the Kildare office and I had talked to one of the two registrars in that office in February to make sure they were happy with our ceremony layout. However a week before our wedding, they said someone from the Dublin office would be marrying us. I'm not sure why they changed it but it all worked out well and the Dublin registrar loved our ceremony layout and even said we can add in extra songs or readings if we wanted.

So, on to the day itself! We were both getting ready in the hotel, our ceremony was at 3.30 so we had a really relaxing morning. The registrar came up to my room to meet me about half an hour beforehand and make sure everything was ok, then she met my husband and put his mind at ease as he was quite nervous apparently!
My original worry when I got the HSE ceremony layout was how strict they appeared to be on timing, but it wasn't like that at all on the day. As long as we had the legal part in the ceremony with no music playing while we were saying our vows and of course no religious references, the HSE were happy enough! I was about 5 minutes late (a longer walk from the room than I thought!), we chose music for the beginning, signing of the register and the end. We had two readings (The Art of Marriage and Blessing of the Hands if anyone wants to google!), and we also had a Sand Ceremony where the registrar read out a passage on what that meant.
The whole ceremony was about 15-20 minutes, everyone said it was lovely and very "us" (although I do know nobody would tell us if they hated it!), a few people have said they'll definitely be having a civil ceremony after seeing ours so that's nice!

I hope I haven't rambled on too much but I remember this time last year being a bit worried about booking with the HSE so I just wanted to come back and say I'd highly recommend them. Although hopefully now with the Humanists being allowed to legally marry, there will be a lot more options in the future for couples that don't want a church wedding!

daenerysstormborn3

Just to add to the debate, Humanists can carry out the legal part of the marriage ceremony. We are getting married in August, having a humanist ceremony and have been assured that the solemniser can look after the legal part also.

doriansmith

pixiebean22 wrote: »

Just to add to the debate, Humanists can carry out the legal part of the marriage ceremony. We are getting married in August, having a humanist ceremony and have been assured that the solemniser can look after the legal part also.

Last I heard Brian Whiteside has recently been added to the Register but none of the other Humanist celebrants had yet. Are you being married by Brian or have the others now been registered too?

Suaimhneach

Does anyone know about placement of the registrar? I want to have a non-traditional room lay out, but I heard the registrar needs to face the room?

I want something like:
=Us facing the room
=Registrar facing us
=Room facing us

so basically, the registrar has their butt to the people.

Thanks!

Gatica

that's a great idea

After all, it's about you not them!
I can't imagine why they'd object other than having people stare at their back-side.

daenerysstormborn3

doriansmith wrote: »

Last I heard Brian Whiteside has recently been added to the Register but none of the other Humanist celebrants had yet. Are you being married by Brian or have the others now been registered too?

I'm talking about a spiritual, non-denominational ceremony, that the likes of Tom Colton does, I'm not sure if there is a difference.

Suaimhneach

pixiebean22 wrote: »

I'm talking about a spiritual, non-denominational ceremony, that the likes of Tom Colton does, I'm not sure if there is a difference.

They're both solemnisers, as in the state says "you are legally allowed to ask these three questions and sign a document that is legal binding for marriage".

However, Tom Colton does that AND a spiritual ceremony. Humanist Ireland does that and a humanist ceremony.

Spiritual: Depends on your persuasion I guess, I think he may adapt it per person, but it's usually not a catholic god/ceremony alternative.
Humanist: Secular wedding, no mention of god or spirituality.

For what it's worth, Brian did my brother in law's wedding and he was really good natured, funny and sweet. I am sure Humanist Ireland are trying to register more people, the state is making them jump hoops.

Mac0783

As for readings, obviously religious texts are out but there's a lot of good stuff out there... we actually had three cos I snuck in a short third:

Extract from Les Miserables by Victor Hugo (1802 - 1885)

You can give without loving, but you can never love without giving.
The great acts of love are done by those who are habitually performing small acts of kindness.
We pardon to the extent that we love.
Love is knowing that even when you are alone, you will never be lonely again.
And great happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved.
Loved for ourselves.
And even loved in spite of ourselves.[/QUOTE]

that is beautiful, definitely, definitely including that somewhere. thanks