Follow my heart, follow my head?
So, I came out of a relationship at the end of the summer. We were going out for a couple of years, it started very casually then developed into something really good.
I was out of work for a few months which, while it killed me at the time, was great in that we saw a lot of each other however I got a job but it was a good distance from her. Our schedules clashed a lot so we didnt see much of each other but we stayed together.
Finally we got a block of time that matched up so we went on holidays. It was great, sooooo chilled out. As cliched as it sounds I fell in love with her all over again there. We both had a ball and I felt we really got closer (she told me she felt the same way) After that things started to get strained. We only saw each other 3 days in the month following that. She was getting in a bad mood alot saying that she wanted more not less and the holiday highlighted how little we actually saw of each other. I understood this and I started looking for jobs closer to her but couldnt find anything and the thought of being unemployed again was scaring the crap outta me
We started to drift, I could feel her moving away no matter what I did. I guess I started to 'close up' too as I could feel this wasnt going anywhere I was gonna like. This, obviously, didnt help and when we finally broke up she said it was the distance and that I hadnt reassured her enough. I understood this totally, the last thing I ever wanted was to see her unhappy. So I watched as she walked out the door........
I buried myself in my job, exercise, books, anything I could do to keep myself going while the pain passed. I thought I was doing pretty well. Then I went on a break at the end of the year, a nice relaxing holiday for myself.. do as I please, maybe even meet someone for a holiday fling you know?
Alas it didnt work out quite like that... I couldnt stop thinking about her. It was quite a shock as I thought I had moved on but boy now it doesnt feel that way. I got back home and met up with her and I just couldnt take my eyes off her. It made me realise that I shouldnt have let her go, balls to the money I should have walked out that door with her that day and, at least, tried to make it right. I wont remember this job the day after I leave it but I have a terrible feeling I will be thinking about her for a long time.
I think she is seeing somebody new and that hurts but I dont expect her not to, we broke up months ago. However I think I'd be making a big mistake if I didnt try. What Im stumped with is how the hell do I even bring this up?
"honey I havent stopped loving you and I'd live in a hole in the ground to be near you" ?? Obviously now that but Im at a loss. If she says no then so be it I get on with my life knowing I tried. My head is telling me not to but my heart is saying the exact opposite.
What dya reckon?
