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Child Item

The surname

danslevent

Why do children take the male's surname? Friends and I have discussed this and it seems more prehistorical conceptions that children take the fathers second name. Why not the woman's? We carry the children for nine months surely there should be a fifty fifty choice of second names. My friend argued "my legacy will die out" what about the woman's? It seems rediculous now that woman take men's second names. I would live I hear the arguments pro and against, always love getting my opinion changed!

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danslevent

dolanbaker wrote: »

As long as you're not firing blanks before then! :pac:

Yeah. Obviously.

Feathers

danslevent wrote: »

Friends and I have discussed this and it seems more prehistorical conceptions that children take the fathers second name.

I doubt it :P

Pottler

Our family name is unusual(foreidgn) and I've all sisters, so I'm the last flag bearer, except now I've two sons. Life would be waay easier if we had my wifes surname (she's from a huge Irish family who are well enough known) and I've often contemplated "Irishising" my surname to make it blend a bit better, especially work wise, seeing as we're as Irish as it gets really, except for the name. "Are you the (insert somwhere foreign), lad?" gets a bit old after a while especially when your not.. Surnames are important I think. I'd love to be a Murphy, I'd have it on all our vans, and I'd paint them green...

IsThisIt???

I think if the parents are together when the child is born the fathers surname should be used for the simple fact that it's the done thing. It's such a trivial thing and there's no need to rock the boat when it comes to this. I know I would have hated to have been given my mothers name as a child and having to try explain to people why I don't have my fathers name. Of course it's a different story if the father isn't in the picture or there's some other circumstance, but as a general rule this is easier. The child is not going to be any happier with the mothers surname.

And on another note I hate double barrell names, but I guess that one is "each to their own"

ToddyDoody

Good question op. As far as I'm aware, doody is descended from a line of chip shop owners :-/

coolhull

Stained Class wrote: »

Those double-barrelled surnames sound so wrong here.

Imagine being called Paddy O Neill-Gilhooley or summat.

coolhull is my username. My real name is Patrick O'Neill-Gilhooley.... Is there a problem with that?

Stained Class

coolhull wrote: »

coolhull is my username. My real name is Patrick O'Neill-Gilhooley.... Is there a problem with that?

If your'e bigger than me, no problem at all there...........sir.

Michael Weston

danslevent wrote: »

Celebration*

danslevent wrote: »

You're so cool.

Are you arguing with yourself here ?

guppy

Pottler wrote: »

Our family name is unusual(foreidgn) and I've all sisters, so I'm the last flag bearer, except now I've two sons. Life would be waay easier if we had my wifes surname (she's from a huge Irish family who are well enough known) and I've often contemplated "Irishising" my surname to make it blend a bit better, especially work wise, seeing as we're as Irish as it gets really, except for the name. "Are you the (insert somwhere foreign), lad?" gets a bit old after a while especially when your not.. Surnames are important I think. I'd love to be a Murphy, I'd have it on all our vans, and I'd paint them green...

I hated my surname all my life, couldn't wait to take my husband's "normal" Irish surname when we got married.

I went through life stating my name and immediately spelling the surname out without prompting. However, as soon as I got married and used my new surname to make bookings etc, I was asked to spell my forename. Turns out most people were too polite to point out they couldn't spell that either

In Iceland there are no family names. The girls would be, eg Karen Guppysdaughter (dottir in Icelandic) and if Karen had a daughter, it would be Sarah Karensdottir etc. I think it's nice, but kinda hard to keep track of who you're related to on an extended scale.

up for anything

Stained Class wrote: »

Well, it's a rule, isn't it?

My wife took my surname & we have kids now.

So far it's daughters only.

I spose they might get married sometime & take on a diffrent surname.

But hey, what's in a name anyway?

I'm happy that some part of me will probably survive when I'm gone.

My take on it.

Contradictory. I'm sure your wife would be equally happy that some part of her would survive when she's gone.

IsThisIt??? wrote: »

I think if the parents are together when the child is born the fathers surname should be used for the simple fact that it's the done thing. It's such a trivial thing and there's no need to rock the boat when it comes to this.

If people kept doing things for the simple fact that it's the done thing - nothing would ever have changed in the world.

If it's such a trivial thing why should it rock the boat to change it?

Stained Class

up for anything wrote: »

Contradictory. I'm sure your wife would be equally happy that some part of her would survive when she's gone.

But it will anyway.

As I said before, it's unlikely that the 'Class' surname will survive longterm as we have daughters anyway.

I'm happy that part of me (& wifey too) should carry on after we've passed away.

phoenix999

My dad was born out of wedlock, so was given his mother's surname. She subsequently married another guy and had more children (who used his surname). My dad was never told who his father was and always felt a pariah. I've always resented having my grandmother's surname because of the way she treated him. Poor mum was left to pick up the pieces.

Mardy Bum

Its to solidify paternity. Pre DNA testing no one could be sure that their father was their father but taking your father's name solidifies paternity slightly more even if it is a fiction.

rannerap

I was given my dads surname, my parents subsequently divorced and my mam reverted to her maiden name so we have different surnames. It has never bothered me and I would give my kids the dads surname whether we are married or not.

Esoteric_

I've a double barreled surname and a double barreled first name, not to mention a middle name. I wish I just had a simple two name thing going on. :pac:

Scuid Mhór

franktheplank wrote: »

My two cents. It just has to be one or the other. Double barrel names are ridiculous. What happens when people with double barrel names have kids?

Quadruple barrel names of course. Honours maths represent :cool:

yohan the great

We cant be goin around with everybody having two surnames.

DEFTLEFTHAND

I used to think about that, My father always made it clear to us that we were his family. I didn't have much of a connection on my mothers side apart from my maternal grandmother.

swimming in a sea

I would never get to hung up on surnames, they are usually associated with your ancestors job, maybe we should get a john cooper to change his name to john Hedge(fund manager) or john whitevanman.

I remember a Burt Lancaster movie "local hero" where a new York man is sent to work in Scotland because his name is Macintyre, even though he is Hungarian Jew whose family took the name at Ellis island because they thought it sounded American.

SusieBlue

On my birth certificate, my surname is double barrelled even though I've only ever gone by my fathers surname.

My daughter took my boyfriends surname because we plan on getting married in the future and when we do, I'll take his name. No interest in double barrelling it. I'm not particularly attached to my surname and can't wait to take my boyfriends, shallow as it sounds, his is much much nicer than mine :pac:

Its down to personal choice really, I think.

JustAThought

I' ve two friends ( female)- both married - both refused to take theur husbsnds names for various reasons. Neither husband was happy with it. It causes endless ongoing arguments + i hate it when i have to send the annual Christmas/ Childrens birthday cards to any of them.

Maeve Smith + john Roberts + Kids Ages 6,3 + 1 names unresolved + undecided - still. NIGHTMARE + Social baiting trap.

blatantrereg

The Y-chromosone is always passed from father to son. If correct paternity is established for every generation, and the child takes the father's name, then the same surname will be attached to the same Y chromosone indefinitely. This is awesome, and it's even better that people were doing this tidy sorting well before they knew what a chromosone was.

blatantrereg

yohan the great wrote: »

We cant be goin around with everybody having two surnames.

This would be ridiculous a few generations down the line.

Jane Staunton-Smith and John Jackson-Murphy would have Jill Jackson-Murphy-Staunton-Smith, for example (and that's just one generation on).

IsThisIt???

up for anything wrote: »

If people kept doing things for the simple fact that it's the done thing - nothing would ever have changed in the world. If it's such a trivial thing why should it rock the boat to change it?

I don't buy this, we're not talking about gay marriage or civil rights here! I think people who are arguing for using the mothers surname are thinking of their own interests and not the best interests of the child.

midlandsmissus

blatantrereg wrote: »

The Y-chromosone is always passed from father to son. If correct paternity is established for every generation, and the child takes the father's name, then the same surname will be attached to the same Y chromosone indefinitely. This is awesome, and it's even better that people were doing this tidy sorting well before they knew what a chromosone was.

Not so great for the women though is it! Would you like to change your name?

TBH I wouldnt mind changing my name, if I was really in love with the person, I feel it's just joining them - becoming a partnership.

I know alot of women dont want to change their name though - either they like their name, or they dont want to change it for professional reasons. Everyone should have a choice and no pressure.

midlandsmissus

blatantrereg wrote: »

This would be ridiculous a few generations down the line.

Jane Staunton-Smith and John Jackson-Murphy would have Jill Jackson-Murphy-Staunton-Smith, for example (and that's just one generation on).

Why would you do that?

Simple. Pick one name of each for the child: e.g Jill Jackson - Smith

bluecode

It was never a question that my kids wouldn't take my surname. Besides my name is way cooler and rarer than her name. In any case as they are the only two boys in my branch of the family the surname would literally die with me or my brother if they hadn't taken my name. That would be sad.

It's also largely the reason for calling children after the Father. Maybe it's not quite so important now but when it comes to succession, inheritance etc. There had to be some kind consistency and traceability.

On the other hand my wife didn't change her name when we married. I have no problem with that. But as a result I am regularly referred to by her name. I just answer to it. I find it ironic in some ways. All my sisters took their husbands names quite happily but all my wife's sisters kept theirs. So I'm kind of following my family tradition.

bbam

In fairness if this is a big deal for people , good on them.
Many families have actual problems and issues to work through.

Eithe take his name, or don't. Name the kids any way at all. If ye are all healthy and getting bye in life. Ye should be happy with your lot. It's like your looking for something to have a problem over.

eviltwin

I didn't take my husbands name. We weren't married when our first child was born. She is double barrell but has dropped his and just uses mine. That was her choice and we are both fine with that. Our 3 yr old is double barrell at the moment but when he gets older if he wants to drop one name that is fine.

Having the same name isn't really that important to us, it doesn't make us feel any less of a family. My kids know who their parents are

gingernut125

I have a double-barreled name, hate it, it's far too confusing. My friends use the first half only, which is my mothers. So it can be the paternal name that gets dropped.
When I get married I'll take his name, and if there are kids they'll take his name too.

I know of someone with a double barreled name who got married, kept her name and gave their son a double barreled name, one from her and one from the father. I don't think many people would be awkward and start triple, quadruple etc barreled surnames.