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Favorite Expressions/Phrases

CillianL

I seen a thread a while ago about hate worthy expressions such as 'in fairness' etc

So I wondered has an opposite one ever been posted?
If not does anyone have any expressions that made them laugh out loud when they heard them?

Some of my favorites are

My uncle on describing immigrants he doesn't like:
'They wouldn't work to warm themselves!'

Another two from a friend of mine were:
'its as useful as a chocolate teapot'

On telling lies:
Jaysus you'd make Lance Armstrong look honest!

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Duff

I'd ate the arse off a low flying duck.

I'd ate the back door buttered.

I'd rather shíte on me hands and clap.

She looks like her face was on fire and someone put it out with a fork.

I'd drag me balls through broken glass just to **** in her shadow.

I wouldn't ride her if she had pedals.

Max Power

Conchir wrote: »

Hard at work, or hardly working?

Workin' hard or hardly workin'?

Duff

Just realized my above post makes it sound like I'm arguing with myself.

Mountainsandh

who pissed in your cornflakes ?(preferably morning time, bad mood)

Chuck Stone

Fat ugly bitch not sexing her me.

Am I doing it right lads?

3ndahalfof6

Chuck Stone wrote: »

Fat ugly bitch not sexing her me.

Am I doing it right lads?

Shove in ist

The King of Moo

An oldie:

"God forgive me," when it comes hot on the heels of some particularly horrible piece of invective.
It's like a get-out-of-jail free card which nullifies what came immediately before it.

"Jaysus he's an awful c*nt an' I hope him an' all his family die horrible slow deaths from crotchrot an' the divil rides them sideways with his crookedy aul cock for all eternity, God forgive me!"

Sorcha16

Take it easy -and if you get it easy, take it twice!

Chuck Stone

3ndahalfof6 wrote: »

Shove in ist

Fat uglyist bitch not sexing her me.

clappyhappy

He would get up on the crack of dawn.

As useful as an ashtray on a motorbike.

He is so mean he would peel an orange in his pocket.

He's not backwards about going forward.

He wouldn't give you the steam off his piss.

jluv

Aidan O Brien couldn't train ya!

TheStook

Take it Easy, but only in this accent. Say it once and you'll never stop

El Guapo!

If someone says that something seems ok.....
'Thats what the Christians said about the Colosseum...."It looks alright from the outside, lads"

naughtysmurf

As useful as tits on a hen (useless)

If he saw a pussy he'd probably put a plaster on it (inexperienced)

He was like a dog with two dicks (happy)

Omar82

I will in me ****e

mike65

OMNISHAMBLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reloc8

CillianL wrote: »

On telling lies:
Jaysus you'd make Lance Armstrong look honest!

Begob but that's fierce good.

!

What if I left out the Jaysus now would I shtill be ok to say it ?

!!

I mean, is your man Armstrong some sort of dishonest fella is that it ?

!!!

coolhull

On ugly women: I wouldn't put a walking stick in there
I wouldn't ride her with yours

Putting a curse on something: The curse of the seven snotty orphans on it
The curse of the seven castles of Clonmines on it

On stuck-up people: I knew him when he had no arse in his pants
Tis far from champagne he was reared

S28382

An old friend of mine used to tell anyone who was pissing him off "to go fill a box of matches" and they way he said it was hilarious he also used to say if something wasnt straight "it was as crooked as a rams mickey" twas fair funny.:D

RIP Ned.

TheUsual

"Blueshirt bas***ds".

Well it's my favourite anyway.

Sauve

"To hell with poverty, we'll boil a child"

Locker10a

Heard this by someone describing a very cocky person and how they behave:
" here's me head me arsh is comming" !! haha LoL'ed at that for days!

Emeraldy Pebbles

A Welsh friend: "Those hailstones are as big as hamsters! Stroll on!"

JoeA3

"He'd be sound that way"

as in.....

"He dumped the bird there last week, but gave her one for the road, cos he'd be sound that way".

emsie80

my dad always says ' ud have to go into oconnell street to turn around in them' ( commenting on people with big feet or big boots/shoes )

CillianL

'Its as gay as Christmas' Where this came from I haven't got a clue!

'She was the Sunday in every week' I forget the name of the poem its in but its a nice digression from the gutter talk!

A friend of mine on college graduation attire:
'I'm not Batman, I don't wan't to wear a cape!'

ToddyDoody

Better out than in

Say Your Number

Fall to pieces quicker than a leper in a wind tunnel.
I hope he dies roaring.

CillianL

My uncle on someone who can't handle their drink
'Jaysus he wouldn't drink holy water!'

Jackie Healy Rae when facing a challenge:
'I'm going at it with my hat and coat off!'

Somebody a bit dim: "He's not the sharpest harpoon in the harpoon factory".