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Assaulted by priest this morning

Manny Pacquiao

Right, so I stayed in on Friday night to prepare for a heavy day of drinking on Saturday with all the football on. Man United vs. Arsenal were kicking off at midday so the boozing was to begin early. In preparation, I stuffed myself full of food yesterday morning but it wasn't enough, so I went home at 6 o'clock and had more food. I thought I would be fine but it still wasn't enough as I would find out later.

Went back down to the lads in the pub and I must've blacked out at around midnight last night after a few more Guinnesses, woke up this morning at around 8 o'clock in the church grounds - located next to the pub - with a priest kicking me and choking me with my shirt collar as I lay there face-first in the tarmac, so I gave this guy a boot in the shin as lying there trying to get up, he comes back and actually kneed me in the ass and gave me a dead butt-cheek whilst shouting all sorts of profanities at me; calling me a "knacker" and telling me to "get off the church grounds, you're a disgrace to the community!".

It was at this stage I realised he was a priest because of the outfit he was wearing as, at first, I thought I was being arrested by undercover but, no, it was a priest of all people. I manage to stand up but again this lunatic advances towards me, so I bowed my head and launched at him with a flying headbutt straight into his mouth, knocked him to the ground and then I proceeded to stomp on his head twice for good measure to keep this clown down while I made a getaway from public view.

When I got home, I realised the church has C.C.T.V. all over the building and now I'm just sitting here waiting for the Gardai to knock at my door - I haven't rang them but I'm assuming someone has if the priest hadn't.

What should I do, should I go down and make a statement or am I panicking over nothing? I'm seriously sh!tting it here because I don't think stamping on someone's head looks good on camera. Any advise? Was this guy in the wrong or am I in the wrong?

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MagicMarker

Manny Pacquiao wrote: »

What should I do

Grow the fuck up.

Icyseanfitz

from professional boxing to this...

mikom

Tsk... Tsk... Tsk

Have you forgotten your training?

The first rule of priest fight club is you do not talk about priest fight club.

Dr Turk Turkelton

Of course stamping on someone's head looks good on camera-
If your the lead actor in the latest Tarantino movie!

tldr your going to do 3 moons in the joy.

fuerte1976

And you post this in after hours ??

Say a prayer or something...

connundrum

Manny Pacquiao wrote: »

Any advise?

Guinness was your problem there. Try a lager next time.

V_Moth

"The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact."

-Chewbacca

reginald

I'd go to confession first and tell the priest that you told a lot of lies on t'internet. He'll probably chastize you and make you say 10 Hail Mary's

NegativeCreep

He started on you first. If anyone's going to the joy it's the priest!

Intensive Care Bear

Thats nothing i woke up this morning to find myself bashing the Bishop.

Underground

Sounds legit.

juan.kerr

He caught you engaging in a spot on munting right? Admit it OP and we can help you overcome this illness.

corktina

V_Moth wrote: »

"The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact."

-Chewbacca

thats a fact!...

....damned pwned again...

FearDark

SKRRRRRRRRRK SKRRRRRRRRK!

It's no trent.

2/10

thomasj

Id get in touch with the makers of the hangover.

You've just described the next sequel in the making.

dollypet

if its true- away down to the cop shop with you.
in any event- cool story bro, tell it again.

Father Damo

Just waiting for some sanctimonious viginal does what mammy always told him wanker to post saying the OP has a Disgraceful attitude to alcohol.

In advance, go fcuk yourself you dry sh1te. The OP is a LAD :pac:

MaxSteele

Manny Pacquiao wrote: »

and then I proceeded to stomp on his head twice for good measure to keep this clown down while I made a getaway from public view.

Good measure ?

When you say "stamp", do you mean leaning your foot on his face or a full force vertical stomp ?

It's one thing defending yourself with a flying headbutt, but potentially fracturing someone's skull or giving them a brain haemorrage is scummy.

You should apologize to the priest and see what happens from there.

admiralofthefleet

dont believe you

Shryke

Ask him to forgive you. Jesus and all that. And don't make up silly stories. And don't think eating mountains of food has a huge effect on alcohol intake. It only makes a difference if you have an empty stomach or not. Don't ever entertain the idea of kicking someone in the head, people die easily that way and it really isn't funny.
Chewy you listen to. Wise that one is.

Quality

4 hail Mary's and an our father and you should be ok

Seaneh

Kicking someone in the head when they are on the ground = attempted murder.

You are a scumbag OP.

yermandan

Pics of the CCTV or GTFO

miamee

If this is not the bog load of cóck and bull I suspect it is, calling an ambulance or doctor for the man whose head you stamped on might be a start.

Fr_Dougal

From the OP that brought us this:

Manny Pacquiao wrote: »

43 days when I was lost in Western Australia's Great Sandy Desert. How I survived defied medical science. All I had was dirty water and my will to survive.

RikkFlair

Whats the name of this movie again?

Crann na Beatha

This post has been deleted.

tallaghtmick

Flying headbutt? are you E-Honda?

Plazaman

Aha, you just woke up to him kicking you, you can imagine what he was at with ya when you were unconcious. By any chance, were your trousers on backwards when you were running away?

MadPatrick

MagicMarker wrote: »

Grow the fuck up.

He obviously already has or he'd have been buggered.