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Thinking of starting my own religion.

Chuck Stone

A requirement to wear an unusual hat is definitely on the cards for my new religion (only for men though).

The women of my religion will have to bake delicious cakes to honour our God.

So, good folks of AH, any suggestions for my new religion?

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Ellis Dee

Chuck Stone wrote: »

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So, good folks of AH, any suggestions for my new religion?

The supply of eejits who will fall for religion seems to be virtually inexhaustible, but there's a lot of competition out there as well.:D

You'll need a good gimmick to impress the great unwashed masses and persuade them to swallow your guff and part with their money.;)

A fellow with the same idea as yourself once wrote to George Bernard Shaw and asked him to suggest a gimmick that might work.

The reply he got was. "Have yourself crucified and rise again on the third day."

That should do it.:)

Capt'n Midnight

If you are going to start a religion you need a good name.

Not one that invites a stoning when you visit fundamentalist areas.

opinion guy

Your motto should be 'Be excellent to each other"

Ghost Buster

Wacker The Attacker wrote: »

I have no particular argument for or against religion but that guy is one of the smuggest c**ts alive

I know!! The next thing he will be claiming is that the entire universe was created specifically for him, that he was made in the image of a super being and that this super being takes an interest in every little thing he does and has a special place for him in his house if he is a good boy. Smug bastid...

Oh...wait:eek:

Capt'n Midnight

opinion guy wrote: »

Your motto should be 'Be excellent to each other"

If scientology has taught us one thing it's about suing the arse off anyone who breaches copyrighed religious texts

Ghost Buster

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

If scientology has taught us one thing it's about suing the arse off anyone who breaches copyrighed religious texts

And that Oprahs sofa cussions are ever so bouncy.

Alibaba

Jesus !

Wacker The Attacker

Ghost Buster wrote: »

I know!! The next thing he will be claiming is that the entire universe was created specifically for him, that he was made in the image of a super being and that this super being takes an interest in every little thing he does and has a special place for him in his house if he is a good boy. Smug bastid...

Oh...wait:eek:

I have no argument for or against religion (as I said in the original post).

I simply stated that I find Richard Dawkins to be a supremely arrogant individual.

Fr_Dougal

Religion. :rolleyes:

Ghost Buster

Wacker The Attacker wrote: »

I have no argument for or against religion (as I said in the original post).

I simply stated that I find Richard Dawkins to be a supremely arrogant individual.

Thats ok. I just cannot see it. He is a slightly posh and very very polite man who seems understandable bemused when speaking to adults who believe in talking snakes and creationism,. Who wouldnt?

kowloon

Needs a symbol. How about a large spoon or ladle?

And on the nineteenth day of metageneration there was a great disturbance in the mongfield. The festival of ladling shall commence bi-annually to celebrate the craft of the divine cutler.

Smeggy

Show me who to smite and they shall be smoten...

Shryke

Can I be some kind of high ranking heretic, constantly on the verge of public execution for lusting and drinking and making fun of everyones hats while wearing my own specially designed hat that is the only true hat? I want a dog as well, and the dog is a bishop.

9959

Chuck Stone wrote: »

I will make you a priest if you join.

You will get a car, a house, and sex as perks of the job.

I'm in.

uncle_sam_ie

A hat is a must have for your religion. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/8635624/Pastafarian-wins-religious-freedom-right-to-wear-pasta-strainer-for-driving-licence.html

Chuck Stone

Shryke wrote: »

Can I be some kind of high ranking heretic

9959 wrote: »

I'm in.

Welcome aboard Shepherds of the flock.

TheCrywas.

A religion to support your MOPE mentality.

Ghost Buster

Chuck Stone wrote: »

Welcome aboard Shepherds of the flock.

I want to be a Nun with the chance to rise to Mother Superior in a few years or even lady Pope. Im a bloke but I really cannot see that as a problem after years doing the willie tuck thing in front of mirrors.

Ghost Buster

SafeSurfer wrote: »

Another religion - just what the world needs.

But if this turn out to actually be The One True One then it is just what we need.

BBDBB

Im coveting my neighbours ass

mmmmmmmmmmmmm

smcgiff

Ghost Buster wrote: »

But if this turn out to actually be The One True One then it is just what we need.

You know, I don't think I can risk not believing. Do we have any feast days? How about usurping Feb 14th as a special day to love ourselves, erm.... Or would that be a sin?

ScumLord

The only requirement I have of any new religion is that the god dictate his doctrine through official recognised channels in a recorded manner. None of this "I came to him in a dream". As we've learned over the past few millennia dreams are very unreliable and open to widely varied interpretations. A simple email would keep a record of the commandment and allow for quick replies and verification when required. Email would be much more expedient than say talking to children via burning bushes.

9959

Having been made a priest by the Supreme Leader of the New but still venerable church of Chuck Stone, I'm beginning to have some difficulties with his rigid doctrinaire approach.
Far too complicated to detail now, but I'll be holding a recruitment meeting this coming Sunday during which I'll explain why my interpretation of the new creed is more suited to the needs of young and old alike, urban and rural, not forgetting the rich and the poor, particular the former.
Anyone who joins my branch this Sunday will automatically be declared 'A Really High Priest' of the 9959ers (nominal entrance fee of €750, two adults €1,000 or €1,500 for a family of four, strictly no cats or dogs allowed.

A small number of positions with the title 'Really, Really, Really High Priest' shall be made available for a flat fee of €5,000.

Haven't quite worked out all the rules as yet, but sex after marraige is definitely verboten, I'm sure we can work out the rest as we go along.

Sorry 'bout this Chuck, I mean 'Great and Wise One', but that's what you get for scoffing the last two slices of ham in the fridge, you hungry bollix.

Chuck Stone

9959 wrote: »

Sorry 'bout this Chuck, I mean 'Great and Wise One', but that's what you get for scoffing the last two slices of ham in the fridge, you hungry bollix.

That was our God who had them with mustard and he's angry with you for trying split the Church and even told me he might give you nasty hemorrhoids unless you get back in line.

Pherekydes

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

Not one that invites a stoning when you visit fundamentalist areas.

Eh, he'll be the one chucking stones.

Rayne Wooney

"if one shall kill himself in the name of Chuck Stone, one shall become a martyr of the highest order and 99 virgins will await him in heaven"

Don't forget to write that into the Qur'an Chuck

wendell borton

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GtvjLdwEBMM

Just as long as it aint nothin' foreign.

Staedtler

Chuck Stone wrote: »

A requirement to wear an unusual hat is definitely on the cards for my new religion (only for men though).

All religions require some form of headdress.

Methinks, Chuck Stone has realised how absurd life is and how absolutely ridiculous people really are. But, in a last ditched attempt to save himself from this realisation, and the indignity of joining the ridiculous, he digs deep into his consciousness, where he finds remnants of childhood stories combined with obscure memories of American car bumper stickers stating "What would Jesus do?"

Chuck Stone: "Goddamit, that's it! I'm going start my own religion - better run it by the boardies first though."

9959

Trouble at mill Chuck - I now refuse to address you as 'Great and Wise One' - another schism looms, I believe someone named 'Shryke' has pinned a list of demands to your bicycle-shed door. Apparently he's having trouble cancelling his direct debit to your sham of a so-called church, plus he wants his bike back.
Give him his money and his bike back, you bollix.

philologos

Chuck Stone wrote: »

A requirement to wear an unusual hat is definitely on the cards for my new religion (only for men though).

The women of my religion will have to bake delicious cakes to honour our God.

So, good folks of AH, any suggestions for my new religion?

Your new religion should have a commandment precluding posting threads about starting a religion in After Hours?