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Child Item

Hilarious misconceptions you or your friends had

[Deleted User]

When we were young, one of my friends thought that you had to put the balls in as well during sex. We never did correct him and wondered if his first time was as hilarious as we all thought it would have been.

I have come up with this imaginary dialogue that would have taken place if he had actually done it, I have enlisted the help of E. L. James for this bit of writing:

Ms Unfortunate: "Is it all the way in?" Her inner goddess is eating a large cheesecake topped with lemon bonbons, drinking Rosé while watching re-runs of Sex and the City.

Robbie: "Yup, just about now" he panics when he realises he's soft and hard all at once, then distracts himself by trying comprehend what he's just thought.

Ms Unfortunate: "Great!" she said, as her inner goddess becomes that girl in the hen party that smacks passing randomn men with a giant inflatable penis.

Robbie: "Now let me just pop the balls in....." he says as he follows with two sharp thrusts, and he freezes, popping his balls into her as he finds his release. Then begins twirling them around in an attempt to imitate some of the more impressive variants of rampant rabbit vibrators.

Hmmmm.... Now that I think of it, maybe if the first time my friend had with a girl was her first time too and the balls in technique went by without complaint (lets assume for this argument he had very little balls). So the next guy she was with didn't put the balls in and she was all disappointed!?

OR so far he has only had sex with virgins by some fluke and none of them noticed his tiny balls technique was actually hilariously misguided.

ANYWAY, I used to think Germany was an Island, for longer than I'd care to admit...

So what are misconceptions you can remember you or your friends had?

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Bad Panda

I used to think women peed from their bums as they had 'nothing there'.

Ush1

Bad Panda wrote: »

I used to think women peed from their bums as they had 'nothing there'.

Same here, and babies came out there stomach like the Alien, which does happen in some cases.

whitewave

I believed for a while that boys have a penis and girls have a China

The_Minister

I used to think that cartoons were actors dressed up.

Even Tom and Jerry

quad_red

I can remember seeing the news on tv as a kid and thinking that the guys in the grainy footage wearing masks and shooting guns really didn't look like gorillas from where I was sitting.

Gracelessly Tom

Friend of mine worked with a young girl who came out with a beaut a few years ago....

The Paralympics opening ceremony a few years ago was on TV in their office and as a lot of wheelchair bound athletes came onto the screen she was heard to say "look at all those cvnts, isn't it great to see them competing?". Cue howls of disgust from everyone else. When people told her you can't say things like that she said "Of course you can, sure they are cvnts, wants wrong with calling them that?"

Turns out when she was a kid and asked her mother what a cvnt was her mum got embarrassed and told her it was a person in a wheelchair. For years she never questioned this explanation!

taxus_baccata

I used to think that the people on the TV could see me. I remember one evening after school watching the Den and my mum wanted me to change out of my school uniform, I completely lost it because I didn't want Zig, Zag and Ian Dempsey to see me change!

My aunt lives in London and I thought that was a specific Aer Lingus Plane that just flew around all the time. In Shannon you used to be able to see the passengers walk onto the plane and we used to wave her off. I used to wave at every aer lingus plane I saw, also thinking that my aunt could see me!

taxus_baccata

Gracelessly Tom wrote: »

Friend of mine worked with a young girl who came out with a beaut a few years ago....

The Paralympics opening ceremony a few years ago was on TV in their office and as a lot of wheelchair bound athletes came onto the screen she was heard to say "look at all those cvnts, isn't it great to see them competing?". Cue howls of disgust from everyone else. When people told her you can't say things like that she said "Of course you can, sure they are cvnts, wants wrong with calling them that?"

Turns out when she was a kid and asked her mother what a cvnt was her mum got embarrassed and told her it was a person in a wheelchair. For years she never questioned this explanation!

I nearly peed myself laughing at that one!

Muckit

'The plantations of Laois and Offaly' in National School history classes.... I taught they were out sowing trees!!

gobnaitolunacy

I used pronounce Grand Prix as Grand Pricks.

willfromcork

I thought that gay people were from Germany!

Bad Panda

quad_red wrote: »

I can remember seeing the news on tv as a kid and thinking that the guys in the grainy footage wearing masks and shooting guns really didn't look like gorillas from where I was sitting.

Following on from this, I used to think guerilla warfare was so called because of tactics gorillas used in the jungle.

Tazium

Khannie wrote: »

Had the god awful job of doing "The Talk" once. He thought condoms were used when you wanted a baby. :eek: Good job I corrected *that* one.

Always thought it was "damp squid" and could never figure out why the hell "damp squid" had any meaning at all until there was a very funny IT crowd episode that taught me otherwise.

(it's "damp squib" by the way and a squib is a type of firework, so a damp one is one that doesn't deliver)

Could have used that in your 'talk'!

Big Nasty

willfromcork wrote: »

I thought that gay people were from Germany!

Greece

Rubberlegs

Until I was well into my twenties I thought that test tube babies grew in the test tube for 9 months:o
I was very excited to see the Prison forum on Boards. Thought it was for people in Mountjoy or wherever. Oh the disappointment:(

Scanlas The 2nd

I used to think gay men had sex by the man with smaller penis inserting it into the meatus of the other man's penis.

Newaglish

I used to think equipment was spelled with a silent T in the middle.

Equiptment.

Real Life

Newaglish wrote: »

I used to think equipment was spelled with a silent T in the middle.

Equiptment.

i also made this mistake, i made flyers for someone once, had 1000 of them printed with that spelling mistake.

MarthaMyDear

Until I read this thread I thought it was midgets not midges?!

jamo2oo9

I used to think that mothers gave birth to girls and fathers gave birth to boys.. I saw a picture of my dad in hospital and I was convinced about it...

I used to think that a penis was called willy and a vagina was called a peanuts.
Also thought that deleting history on the computer would save me from trouble..

My uncle lives in the States and every time I saw a plane, I thought my uncle was on that plane. Then in 9/11 attacks, I wept myself because I thought my uncle died on those planes that were hijacked

Big Nasty

MarthaMyDear wrote: »

Until I read this thread I thought it was midgets not midges?! v

So people that say Midgees (pl) are right!?! :eek::eek::eek:

Wibbs

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

I used to think gay men had sex by the man with smaller penis inserting it into the meatus of the other man's penis.

:eek: Jesus!

MarthaMyDear wrote: »

Until I read this thread I thought it was midgets not midges?! v

Lots of people make that mistake to be fair. I always liked the image of loads of winged people of diminished stature flying about the place biting people. Like malevolent fairies

Wibbs

MCMLXXV wrote: »

So people that say Midgees (pl) are right!?! :eek::eek::eek:

Midge = singular Midges = plural, no "ee" sound.

Ush1

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

I used to think gay men had sex by the man with smaller penis inserting it into the meatus of the other man's penis.

That happens, it's called docking.........er, apparently.

Diapason

73Cat wrote: »

Thought it was for people in Mountjoy or wherever.

It isn't? Really must look around properly rather than staying in AH.

After having "the talk" with my Dad at a young age it was never really made clear exactly how the man's "seed" made its way into the woman. I assumed it was something that happened in the middle of the night when you were asleep. Serious oversight on the part of my father!

Oh, and I used to think it was "should of" instead of "should have". Imagine, eh?

rgmmg

We were in school discussing marketing or something and I was asked what a flyer was. I thought they were planes that had an advertising message attached to them instead of the mail drop variety :pac:

FairytaleGirl

An old friend of mine thought Downs Syndrome was a nationality untill she was about 16.

She thought they all came from the country Downs in Drome. lol

Delightfully Pessimistic

gobnaitolunacy wrote: »

I used pronounce Grand Prix as Grand Pricks.

So I'm not the only person who did this

hardCopy

MCMLXXV wrote: »

Less than a year ago I learned right here on boards, on a similar thread now I think of it, that the Sugar Loaf Mountain is NOT a volcanic mountain.

I am 37.

My mind is blown

TheKeenMachine

meoklmrk91 wrote: »

My mother loves the beegees so they were always on when we were kids. I was thought the words to the song stayin alive were "ha ha ha stabilise, stabilise.

I thought Queen's "Another One Bites The Dust" was "Another One Fights The Ducks"