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Child Item

Hilarious misconceptions you or your friends had

[Deleted User]

When we were young, one of my friends thought that you had to put the balls in as well during sex. We never did correct him and wondered if his first time was as hilarious as we all thought it would have been.

I have come up with this imaginary dialogue that would have taken place if he had actually done it, I have enlisted the help of E. L. James for this bit of writing:

Ms Unfortunate: "Is it all the way in?" Her inner goddess is eating a large cheesecake topped with lemon bonbons, drinking Rosé while watching re-runs of Sex and the City.

Robbie: "Yup, just about now" he panics when he realises he's soft and hard all at once, then distracts himself by trying comprehend what he's just thought.

Ms Unfortunate: "Great!" she said, as her inner goddess becomes that girl in the hen party that smacks passing randomn men with a giant inflatable penis.

Robbie: "Now let me just pop the balls in....." he says as he follows with two sharp thrusts, and he freezes, popping his balls into her as he finds his release. Then begins twirling them around in an attempt to imitate some of the more impressive variants of rampant rabbit vibrators.

Hmmmm.... Now that I think of it, maybe if the first time my friend had with a girl was her first time too and the balls in technique went by without complaint (lets assume for this argument he had very little balls). So the next guy she was with didn't put the balls in and she was all disappointed!?

OR so far he has only had sex with virgins by some fluke and none of them noticed his tiny balls technique was actually hilariously misguided.

ANYWAY, I used to think Germany was an Island, for longer than I'd care to admit...

So what are misconceptions you can remember you or your friends had?

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some random drunk

NegativeCreep wrote: »

I'm only after finding out now that it's "buck naked" and not "butt naked." How embarrassing

I'm pretty sure both are perfectly acceptable terms. Wasn't there a General Butt Naked, who was similar to that Kony guy?

1ZRed

NegativeCreep wrote: »

I'm only after finding out now that it's "buck naked" and not "butt naked." How embarrassing

Until I read your post I still thought that!

Smh, the shame

NegativeCreep

I'm only after finding out now that it's "buck naked" and not "butt naked." How embarrassing

BillyMitchel

Whatsisname wrote: »

Know a girl whose 19 now, I had to explain to her last year how Madrid wasn't actually in England...

I know a girl in her 20s who thought Asia was in and beside Italy!

wonton

I used to think the collection in mass went to poor people in africa for some reason.

Knex*

On the bus for a college pissup to Carlow last year we managed to convince one of the girls, not actually in my course thank God, that Carlow was in a different time zone. Yup, I shit you not.

She also asked me such questions as: Is Carlow near Kerry?

And as I started to realize her absolute ignorance in all things geographically related, and possibly more, I probed on a bit until questions such as, "So Dublin is in Carlow?", "Are Cork and Kerry in Leinster?" and "Is Munster in Leinster?" occurred.

I don't think anyone could believe some of the stuff she came out with after a while. We left her feeling rather embarrassed

confuseddotcom

Had always thought in my teens and around then that car insurance was a once-in-a-lifetime payment that you'd never have to pay again after the first time ya paid it!!

:o I think at the time it seemed doomed that a person would never get insurance for less than 1,500 or so, so it kinda made sense to me in a way that you wouldn't have had to pay out that much money on a regular basis.

However I learned that that was not the case! Far from it! Insurance has to be paid every year but fortunately great deals and reduced prices can be got which can only be a good thing.

Wouldn't it be great though if it was only a once-in-a-lifetime payment!!!

some random drunk

Took a friend of mine to watch Ireland play a football match. She enjoyed the experience but later questioned me why there was no commentary. Turned out she'd only ever watched football on tv and genuinely thought that the commentary was provided by a guy at the stadium using the PA system. She's 30 btw.

Same girl was also disappointed that Dublin Zoo had no woolly mammoths and didn't realise they were extinct.

Whatsisname

Know a girl whose 19 now, I had to explain to her last year how Madrid wasn't actually in England...

TheKeenMachine

meoklmrk91 wrote: »

My mother loves the beegees so they were always on when we were kids. I was thought the words to the song stayin alive were "ha ha ha stabilise, stabilise.

I thought Queen's "Another One Bites The Dust" was "Another One Fights The Ducks"

hardCopy

MCMLXXV wrote: »

Less than a year ago I learned right here on boards, on a similar thread now I think of it, that the Sugar Loaf Mountain is NOT a volcanic mountain.

I am 37.

My mind is blown

Delightfully Pessimistic

gobnaitolunacy wrote: »

I used pronounce Grand Prix as Grand Pricks.

So I'm not the only person who did this

FairytaleGirl

An old friend of mine thought Downs Syndrome was a nationality untill she was about 16.

She thought they all came from the country Downs in Drome. lol

rgmmg

We were in school discussing marketing or something and I was asked what a flyer was. I thought they were planes that had an advertising message attached to them instead of the mail drop variety :pac:

Diapason

73Cat wrote: »

Thought it was for people in Mountjoy or wherever.

It isn't? Really must look around properly rather than staying in AH.

After having "the talk" with my Dad at a young age it was never really made clear exactly how the man's "seed" made its way into the woman. I assumed it was something that happened in the middle of the night when you were asleep. Serious oversight on the part of my father!

Oh, and I used to think it was "should of" instead of "should have". Imagine, eh?

Ush1

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

I used to think gay men had sex by the man with smaller penis inserting it into the meatus of the other man's penis.

That happens, it's called docking.........er, apparently.

Wibbs

MCMLXXV wrote: »

So people that say Midgees (pl) are right!?! :eek::eek::eek:

Midge = singular Midges = plural, no "ee" sound.

Wibbs

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

I used to think gay men had sex by the man with smaller penis inserting it into the meatus of the other man's penis.

:eek: Jesus!

MarthaMyDear wrote: »

Until I read this thread I thought it was midgets not midges?! v

Lots of people make that mistake to be fair. I always liked the image of loads of winged people of diminished stature flying about the place biting people. Like malevolent fairies

Big Nasty

MarthaMyDear wrote: »

Until I read this thread I thought it was midgets not midges?! v

So people that say Midgees (pl) are right!?! :eek::eek::eek:

jamo2oo9

I used to think that mothers gave birth to girls and fathers gave birth to boys.. I saw a picture of my dad in hospital and I was convinced about it...

I used to think that a penis was called willy and a vagina was called a peanuts.
Also thought that deleting history on the computer would save me from trouble..

My uncle lives in the States and every time I saw a plane, I thought my uncle was on that plane. Then in 9/11 attacks, I wept myself because I thought my uncle died on those planes that were hijacked

MarthaMyDear

Until I read this thread I thought it was midgets not midges?!

Real Life

Newaglish wrote: »

I used to think equipment was spelled with a silent T in the middle.

Equiptment.

i also made this mistake, i made flyers for someone once, had 1000 of them printed with that spelling mistake.

Newaglish

I used to think equipment was spelled with a silent T in the middle.

Equiptment.

Scanlas The 2nd

I used to think gay men had sex by the man with smaller penis inserting it into the meatus of the other man's penis.

Rubberlegs

Until I was well into my twenties I thought that test tube babies grew in the test tube for 9 months:o
I was very excited to see the Prison forum on Boards. Thought it was for people in Mountjoy or wherever. Oh the disappointment:(

Big Nasty

willfromcork wrote: »

I thought that gay people were from Germany!

Greece

Tazium

Khannie wrote: »

Had the god awful job of doing "The Talk" once. He thought condoms were used when you wanted a baby. :eek: Good job I corrected *that* one.

Always thought it was "damp squid" and could never figure out why the hell "damp squid" had any meaning at all until there was a very funny IT crowd episode that taught me otherwise.

(it's "damp squib" by the way and a squib is a type of firework, so a damp one is one that doesn't deliver)

Could have used that in your 'talk'!

Bad Panda

quad_red wrote: »

I can remember seeing the news on tv as a kid and thinking that the guys in the grainy footage wearing masks and shooting guns really didn't look like gorillas from where I was sitting.

Following on from this, I used to think guerilla warfare was so called because of tactics gorillas used in the jungle.

willfromcork

I thought that gay people were from Germany!

gobnaitolunacy

I used pronounce Grand Prix as Grand Pricks.