nav[aria-label="Primary Navigation"] { padding: 0; & ul { list-style: none; width: 100%; display: flex; flex-direction: row; justify-content: start; align-items: start; gap: 30px; padding: 0; & li { margin: 0; } & ul li { list-style: none; } } }

Child Item

Expensive Hen Weekends Away

JCC

Hi Y'all

Just looking for some opinions...

One of my best friends is getting married 6 days before Xmas this year, and her bridesmaids have organised a hen party in Barcelona in October.

Now I've been told by the bride that I have "all year to save" and that she "really wants us all to go", but even with the cheap flights at the mo, I've worked it out that the weekend including spending money is going to cost roughly €400 (more if we drink more!), and with the hotel cost and buying a new dress/drink money/present for the wedding, the hen party and wedding together are probably going to cost me the best part of €700!!

Now at the mo I'm barely saving, I haven't been on holidays since Feb 2010, and I'm treating my self to a week away in June that I really need after a stressful two years. My car insurance is up the end of October, and the wedding is so close to Xmas it's going to be tight moneywise for the end of the year!

My question for all the brides on here is, would you be annoyed if I just came out now and said I won't be able to afford to go? I just can't justify the cost in my head! Oh, and the other thing is, another friend of mine and the bride's will be pregnant for the Barcelona hen, so there's going to be a mini hen night out here at home anyways once she is able to go out after the birth.

I appreciate any input you guys can give!

Find more posts tagged with

Quick Links

Comments

lazygal

I don't do hen weekends. I just think they're incredibly self indulgent and a total Celtic tiger hangover. I don't see why anyone needs a full weekend away to celebrate their imminent wedding. I also don't see why they feel the need to guilt people into the expense involved. I want to be able to chose when and where and how much I spend on a weekend away, not give up holiday time to indulge some bride's vision of what she 'deserves'.

Wow that was a rant. Anyway OP, I'd simply tell her you can't afford it. Only one of my friends had a weekend away hen and I had just started a new business so couldn't afford it and she understood. Given the fact this bride is having not one but TWO hen 'things' means there is no reasonable reason for her to be annoyed that you cannot attend the more extravagant one.

Mylow

Simple...you can't afford it. I wouldn't get hung up about it.
Your getting your priorities right.

stargazer 68

I have to agree with the others. I think these weekend away for hens are crazy. I hate hens parties at the best of times so a whole weekend!!

Sleepy

A weekend away in Ireland, I can justify for a hens/stags do. A trip abroad is a stretch too far for most social circles in these times.

ElleEm

Just tell her you can't go.

I hate this hen weekend stuff too, it's fairly self- indulgent, especially when the bride gets up in arms when people can't attend. It's ridiculous how she was :rolleyes: kind enough to allow you time enough to "all year to save". She clearly has no idea or care for other people's situations. I have a friend getting married at the end of the year, and she knows how strapped I am for cash. She does not expect me to attend her Hen's party as she really wants me at her wedding.

Tell your mate the same, that you cannot afford to go on the Hen's AND go to the wedding.

stargazer 68

I know someone getting married towards the end of year and has her hen organised for a while now - weekend away. Hotel booked for everyone going and deposits etc paid to hotel. Now the wedding has been postponed until next year so the girls going either go on the 'non hens' or lose the money they have paid!

JCC

Thanks for the feedback girls, I think I'll just bite the bullet and tell her I can't go...I know she'll be annoyed but she has to understand, and it would be worse if I left it until a month before to say anything! I'll let ye know what she says....

Janey_Mac

JCC wrote: »

Thanks for the feedback girls, I think I'll just bite the bullet and tell her I can't go...I know she'll be annoyed but she has to understand, and it would be worse if I left it until a month before to say anything! I'll let ye know what she says....

And if she guilt trips you, point out it's the hen or the wedding ,which one does she want you to miss!

Gatica

telling you you have a year to save is totally out of line! I'm sure most people have better things to save for in life than parties for others...
Some of my friends have ~10 weddings to go to this year, another was invited to ~20 and had to decline a number of them as she simply couldn't afford the time nor the money. Now if everyone one of those brides on top of the wedding invites insisted on the guests saving for their hens, how far do you think they'd get with having to split savings 10 or even 20-ways?
It's utterly selfish of your friend to ask this.
I'm planning to have a weekend hen, as I'd enjoy a bit of time away and time with my friends. My bridesmaid has no other wedding invites at the moment and is happy enough to do a weekend away with me. As far as I'm concerned even the two of us could have a fun weekend together. I'm getting packages for 1 or 2 nights and with/without treatments (for a spa weekend) so the girls can decide the extent to which they want to spend their time and money. There's no obligation to attend and I understand that with dozens of weddings in some people's calendars it may not even be possible to attend the hen for some.
Nothing wrong with desiring some "me-time" with your close friends. However, it's unreasonable to expect people to splash out on you when they have other priorities...

gazzer

OP I think your friend is being incredibly selfish expecting people to spend that much money on a weekend.

Speaking as a guy who is having a civil partnership this year I am fully aware that money is tight among my friends so I decided just to do a weekend in Cavan where I live (activity centre, night out at a pub/club). Some people are coming for 2 days and others just for one. All my friends will be staying in my house so accomodation costs are nil.

Some people get so self indulgent with hens/stag weekends. Barcelona is not a cheap place.

ABajaninCork

I struggle with the hen weekend idea anyway. Find it hard enough to do hen nights anyway, which I think are a bit tacky. But that's just my opinion - to each their own, right?

Times are hard as we all know. But even harder if you're unemployed or have had hours cut from your job. Brides need to recognise that.

The Celtic Tiger is now a Celtic Kitty. And not a well one at that either!!

I had to decline a hen night recently as we simply couldn't afford it. Both of us are unemployed, and even at the 'cheap' price of E100, it was way beyond our reach. It was either the hen night or no wedding!!

Penny Dreadful

ABajaninCork wrote: »

I struggle with the hen weekend idea anyway. Find it hard enough to do hen nights anyway, which I think are a bit tacky. But that's just my opinion - to each their own, right?

Times are hard as we all know. But even harder if you're unemployed or have had hours cut from your job. Brides need to recognise that.

The Celtic Tiger is now a Celtic Kitty. And not a well one at that either!!

I had to decline a hen night recently as we simply couldn't afford it. Both of us are unemployed, and even at the 'cheap' price of E100, it was way beyond our reach. It was either the hen night or no wedding!!

Me too:)

I'm getting married in June and had decided not to have a hen of any kind at all. This was partly because I don't really like them and partly because I know some of the people invited are really struggling financially, some have up to 7 weddings to go to this year and I didn't want to put the extra cost on these people.
Anyway, in the end I was convinced to have something and so settled on a night out with a cocktail making class and dinner in the city centre so everyone can come in for the evening and taxi or nitelink home afterwards.

I would have no problem at all if someone said that they couldn't come, if it was a choice between a hen or wedding I'd prefer people to come to the wedding.

kandr10

Its probably best to say it now giving her plenty of notice (not that shed need it but just to get it out in the open). Barcelona is definitely not cheap!

moco

I'm planning a very cheap holiday for my hen party. Cheap as in I've seen special offers for a villa for 8-10 people for £400 for a week.

Me and a few girls were planning my hen party and we came up with this idea as we would all like a cheap holiday in the summer before my wedding.

A couple of my friends will definitely go, as it was their idea really, and I’ll be asking everyone else that I would have invited to a hen party anyway, but it will be made clear that there is no obligation to go whatsoever. I completely understand if people don’t want to/can’t afford to go and even if my sisters decided against it I wouldn’t be in the least bit annoyed.

Me and the other girls organising it want a nice chilled week in the sun before my wedding, but for everyone else I know it’s too much to expect other people to be there.

Sleepy

moco -you might find it best to organise an ordinary hen party at home for the masses and just leave the week's holidays with your friends to be exactly that: a girl's holiday rather than "your" hen holiday.

moco

Sleepy wrote: »

moco -you might find it best to organise an ordinary hen party at home for the masses and just leave the week's holidays with your friends to be exactly that: a girl's holiday rather than "your" hen holiday.

A couple of the girls have kids and wouldn't be able to justify a girly holiday to their partners, yet a hen party is ok as they will be babysitting while their partner is at my fiance's stag weekend.

I live in London so if I go into hen partys at home I'll have to have one in Ireland for people there, then one here in London too. I'd rather just have the cheap week in the sun for whoever wants to come and leave it at that.

Sleepy

Would you not worry your friends would feel like the OP?

No matter how nicely you explain that you don't mind if they can't make it, many of them won't be able to afford it and may feel put out that you didn't care if they could make it or not?

Not judging, btw, just playing devil's advocate a little. I'm still weighing up what to do for my own stag. My preference would be to get the lads to all go to an away Connacht match somewhere but I just don't think I could justify asking my friends to spend that kind of money...

Moonbeam

I love hen parties but I think they have to be affordable and that is not affordable.
I would think 100-150 for a weekend incl accomodation and food would be fine but I think anymore is expecting too much of people.
If any of my friends could not make my hen party I would be disappointed but I would not be pissed off with anyone that could not afford it.

moco

Sleepy my close friends will be going as it's their idea. Whether I had my hen in London or home, one group would have to travel anyway. I may pay for the villa myself then everyone can just sort out their flights. I think if everyone knows that very few will be going on the holiday it will make then feel less obliged in a way. Like there are going to be a few of us in a big villa so if people want to come out for a week or for a few days, they're welcome but it's not expected of anyone. People who know me would know I don't expect it really.

Gatica

I don't think you're being unreasonable, moco, the OP's friend was being particularly selfish because she told her she has a whole year to save up for her hen party, not giving her room to even back out of it.
If you live abroad, then it's fair enough to let both sides decide if they wanna travel to your hen and no favouritism is shown

missyb

Im not having a hen, most of my friends cant afford it anyhow, though I have enjoyed the hens I have been on I generally dont like "organised fun",I hope to meet some of my friends for a few drinks before the wedding, if they can make it great, if not I will see them at the wedding, be honest with your firend and explain that the particular time of year is expensive for you and you cant afford to go, I wont be falling out with my friends over their attendance at my "hen". I dont think most people with any perspective would.

tatli_lokma

I know a lot of people use the reasoning that 'sure you'd spend the same on a meal and night out in Dublin/Cork/wherever for the price of the holiday/weekend away'. That was probably true in the days of the celtic tiger. But not anymore. It is very easy to have a great night out with a meal, drinks and a nightclub for €100. I defy anyone to say that you could have a weekend away, including transport, accommodation and the aforementioned food, drinks and nightclub for the same money.

And maybe its just me (and it probably is just me, usually is!

) but this whole 'well we're going away, but if you can't aford it its fine' excuse still is a bit off to me.

to put my opinion in context here's an example: a good friend of mine got married a few years ago. Her hen was in Liverpool. Her reasons for this were because a good few of her family live in the UK, so they would have to come to Dublin, so it was fairer for everyone to have to travel and Liverpool was cheap for flights for everyone. Sounds reasonable enough right? well it wasn't long after my own wedding, and for other reasons too money was tight, so eventhough the flights were cheap this hen would have cost me around €300-€400 by the time you factor in travel to/from airport, accommodation, meals and spending money. So I couldn't go. She understood. Grand so.

BUT, and here's the thing, I felt really disappointed and left out! I know it was my choice not to go. I would have loved a girly night out, and if it had been in Dublin I could have gone. I could have stretched to €100 for a night out and enrolled the hubby to play taxi man! But because of the expense and time off work, I couldn't go. And for WEEKS after the hen, the gang were all talking about this that and the other that happened on the hens. There were in-jokes and bonding. There were about 10 of us that couldn't go for various reasons, and speaking to a few of the others they were also really disappointed to have missed out. She did have a second night out, but most of the gang from the first night couldn't go out again. Plus there were still comments about what happened on the first hen, and we kinda felt like the poor cousins. No matter how good the night out was, it was always going to be overshadowed by the Liverpool weekend.

Now I know that I might sound like a sullen school child, and trust me, I did have to tell myself to cop on a good few times. But still and all, I did feel left out and disappointed.

I know that because of the very reason of people missing out, many brides then have another hen at home. But in that case, I have to ask 'why?' if you are having a do at home, why go away? Why have two? why not just have the more inclusive one in the first place? I know not everyone will be able to go, and someone will more than likely miss out, but surely the option that is most inclusive, and most accessible for most people is the best option?

Whatever happened to having just a girls night out, without any great expense or travel required for people? whatever happened to the days of your mam inviting all the female neighbours over to the house, where you sat around, had a few drinks and found out that Mary from down the road is really a bit of a dark horse with kinky inclinations? and finding out that your granny wasn't exactly a wall flower in her day???

and then off to the pub/nightclub for the youngsters? That's what my sisters had when they got married and I remember having a ball. Isn't that what the idea of a hen was originally about anyway? the women getting together to have a giggle and impart wisdom to the bride-to-be? It wasn't always about L-plates, dressing up and drinking drinks through a straw with a willy on it!

oh, maybe I'm just old fashioned!

tatli_lokma

moco wrote: »

A couple of the girls have kids and wouldn't be able to justify a girly holiday to their partners, yet a hen party is ok as they will be babysitting while their partner is at my fiance's stag weekend.

that makes no sense - same amount of days away, same cost. But if its a hen their partners will be ok with it, but if its a holiday they'll be put out? that doesn't make sense.

Sleepy

moco, I think Little Ted explained what I was thinking far more eloquently than I could have.

It's exactly the idea that a friend of mine would feel the same way about missing my stag that's making me hold fire on having it abroad...

tatli_lokma

I should add also, that a good few people didn't go to either hen - the weekend away was too expensive, and they just didn't bother to go to the local one. One girl I spoke to at the wedding said it was because she didn't see the point, because the real hen had already taken place and she couldn't afford to go to that one. So she didn't see the point in going to a second one just for the sake of it.

(me on the other hand, I was dying for the local hen, really looking forward to a girly night out...unfortunately it fell a bit flat)

moco

Little Ted wrote: »

that makes no sense - same amount of days away, same cost. But if its a hen their partners will be ok with it, but if its a holiday they'll be put out? that doesn't make sense.

The girls with the kids will only be coming for a few days. They can’t really justify a week away on a girly holiday but a few days is ok, since their partners will have had a few days away on my fiance’s stag.

moco

Little Ted wrote: »

I should add also, that a good few people didn't go to either hen - the weekend away was too expensive, and they just didn't bother to go to the local one. One girl I spoke to at the wedding said it was because she didn't see the point, because the real hen had already taken place and she couldn't afford to go to that one. So she didn't see the point in going to a second one just for the sake of it.

(me on the other hand, I was dying for the local hen, really looking forward to a girly night out...unfortunately it fell a bit flat)

No bride is going to be able to keep everyone happy so I feel it’s best to do whatever suits most people in the circumstances.

moco

Sleepy wrote: »

moco, I think Little Ted explained what I was thinking far more eloquently than I could have.

It's exactly the idea that a friend of mine would feel the same way about missing my stag that's making me hold fire on having it abroad...

Yea, that’s fair enough but every group of friends is different, and the people closest to me will be there.

clint_silver

moco wrote: »

I'm planning a very cheap holiday for my hen party. Cheap as in I've seen special offers for a villa for 8-10 people for £400 for a week.

Me and a few girls were planning my hen party and we came up with this idea as we would all like a cheap holiday in the summer before my wedding.

A couple of my friends will definitely go, as it was their idea really, and I’ll be asking everyone else that I would have invited to a hen party anyway, but it will be made clear that there is no obligation to go whatsoever. I completely understand if people don’t want to/can’t afford to go and even if my sisters decided against it I wouldn’t be in the least bit annoyed.

Me and the other girls organising it want a nice chilled week in the sun before my wedding, but for everyone else I know it’s too much to expect other people to be there.

why is it when girls ever talk about a weekend away they always seem to be in bed by 10pm. "oh it was very reserved, very quiet, we had a lovely relaxing time"

guys should do that. Oh the stags was great, really got to unwind with the lads. We all had a lovely chat and made each other camomile tea into the wee hours.

moco

Lol clint, when I say chilled I mean I don't plan to be out clubbing til 7 in the morning like when I was 19. Not every night anyway!