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Dating over 40

JuliusCaesar

and not over 40 people at the same time...although...

Anyway. Anyone dating? What's it like? Am considering online dating but going by a thread in another forum (youngsters! bah!) it may be full of hidden snags and codes. Advice?

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stargazer 68

Galen wrote: »

Hi rebelwoman, your response reminded me to get off my arse and get on with online dating lark. I'd put it off because of other distractions - most due my own carelessness :-D and computer breakdowns. So thanks.

Its a bit daunting at the start and you need a thick skin - believe me!! But once you get going and start messaging people it gets a bit easier. Do put a pic up though - seriously saves the embarassment of mailing one later and then never hearing from them again! :rolleyes:

rebelwoman

Hi Galen Glad to be of help and I hope it all works out for you:) You really have nothing to lose by joining one of the dating sites (except your sanity of course:D)
I understand where you are coming from Dovies by saying you should post a picture. Personally I dont and when I explain to people why they seem to understand. I will send a pic when I get to know them and if they dont like what they see I have no problem with that. I certainly would not feel embarrassed if they did not respond after that (actually I dont think that anybody has not responded after I send a pic so maybe I will have to wait and see how i really feel if that should happen!!:))

stargazer 68

rebelwoman wrote: »

I certainly would not feel embarrassed if they did not respond after that (actually I dont think that anybody has not responded after I send a pic so maybe I will have to wait and see how i really feel if that should happen!!:))

I have my pics up but when I didnt I had no problem getting replies when I sent them like you. However, I believe men seem to have more trouble in that area than us women folk!!

rebelwoman

Yes I have heard that from some men but I would usually go on the profile first anyway and if I like something there I would message and take it from there. You have no guarantees with pics same as with what you are reading in the profiles. Its just a chance we have to take. It can be fun though weeding through the lies to find the right ones;)

stargazer 68

Im finding a lot of men over 40 are trying to 'discover their youth' and 'sow their wild oats' again. Obviously most of them have come out of long relationships and dont want to settle down just yet. Any of the men on here find the same with women?

Galen

Dovies wrote: »

I have my pics up but when I didnt I had no problem getting replies when I sent them like you. However, I believe men seem to have more trouble in that area than us women folk!!

I always put up an up-to-date photo of myself on Facebook, Google+ and now Match.ie, it's quite pathetic for a man to misrepresent one's self.

Women must protect themselves from the sinister element online anyway they can - some sort of self-defense classes would be a good idea for all women.

rebelwoman

Best of luck with it Galen hope you have lots of success;)

stargazer 68

Galen wrote: »

Women must protect themselves from the sinister element online anyway they can - some sort of self-defense classes would be a good idea for all women.

Never heard of online self defence classes

Jellybaby1

Dovies wrote: »

Never heard of online self defence classes

O&O's should remember there used to be Irish dancing on the radio, so why not online self defence classes!

rebelwoman

Ok its been a while now and I for one am dying to know if Julius C and Galen have actually tried out the online dating and how they are getting on? Hope its working out for someone;)

Galen

rebelwoman wrote: »

Ok its been a while now and I for one am dying to know if Julius C and Galen have actually tried out the online dating and how they are getting on? Hope its working out for someone;)

Hi Rebelwoman, so far it's rather disappointing. Like I suspected, it's like pulling teeth - painful. I joined AnotherFriend, nothing has happened yet to make me consider upgrading to a premium account. I believe in full disclosure in my profile ie. that I'm volunteer teacher and other while unemployed. I've had many contact messages and have sent several contact messages but no reward. It must be technique :-D

rebelwoman

Hi Galen sorry its not going well for you:mad: I have replied to some men who are unemployed (half the country in that situation at present!) You just havent met the right women yet. Give it time. Glad you responded cos I was real curious to know how it was going. Good luck again

Galen

rebelwoman wrote: »

Hi Galen sorry its not going well for you:mad: I have replied to some men who are unemployed (half the country in that situation at present!) You just havent met the right women yet. Give it time. Glad you responded cos I was real curious to know how it was going. Good luck again

Hi Rebelwoman, I've local women friends that are in the same opinion as you and I'm not one to give up easily. So thanks for asking but I have a long slog in front of me yet. Besides that, I need to find something to do; get a job or get in college, one must keep trundling along.

stargazer 68

Galen believe me online dating thing is a tough slog - I have been at it for a while! You need to broaden your dating pool - difficult I know as I haven't been able to do it. Come along to the tGC beers and meet a few more boardsies - you too Rebelwoman!

rebelwoman

Thanks for the invite Dovies will keep it in mind if I happen to be in Dublin when one on:) I havent even made it to one of the Cork meet ups so doubt that I will get to Dublin;) but you never know could surprise ye all and arrive with my zimmer frame one of these days.

Galen

Dovies wrote: »

Galen believe me online dating thing is a tough slog - I have been at it for a while! You need to broaden your dating pool - difficult I know as I haven't been able to do it. Come along to the tGC beers and meet a few more boardsies - you too Rebelwoman!

Thanks for the invite Dovies I'll keep it in mind the next time I visit Dublin. Rebelwoman mentioned that there was a meetup in Cork, how about the west?

Galen

rebelwoman wrote: »

Thanks for the invite Dovies will keep it in mind if I happen to be in Dublin when one on:) I havent even made it to one of the Cork meet ups so doubt that I will get to Dublin;) but you never know could surprise ye all and arrive with my zimmer frame one of these days.

Hey Rebelwoman, what part of Cork do you hail from? I've relatives in the city and the west of the county (my mother is a Cork woman and my brother was born in Bantry).

OldGoat

We have a thread for chat and banter. Lets try and keep this thread to topic.

Galen

OldGoat wrote: »

We have a thread for chat and banter. Lets try and keep this thread to topic.

No problem OldGoat but honestly I'm too tired to care at this point. I haven't decent sleep all week with insomnia so I'm absolutely shattered. So sorry my bad.

JuliusCaesar

Dovies wrote: »

Im finding a lot of men over 40 are trying to 'discover their youth' and 'sow their wild oats' again. Obviously most of them have come out of long relationships and dont want to settle down just yet.

Well, I haven't met the ones who want to date 25 year olds! LOL! But I do find that I'm getting a bit tired of the "I'm damaged" cry - heard that from 3 different men. We've all had experience of life ffs, the bad as well as the good.

Found it difficult to get men to agree to meet up in person without endless texts, emails and phone calls. For heaven's sake, I'm an adult, not a teenager.

Also, "I'm not looking for anything serious right now" - well, I'm not going to decide that I want to get into a serious relationship with you after 1 date. I do actually need to get to know you better. But I'm willing to give it a go and see.

I do know if somebody is a complete non-runner straightaway: can't stop moaning about the ex, boring as all hell, lack of physical hygiene, lied about their age (I swear one guy was pushing 70), keeps going on about how wealthy they are, expects bed on first date. I think that covers it.

Except for the sleezebag, shudder.

So met 2 nice guys out of -eh- loads. These were two who wanted to meet in person pretty fast. Both very attractive. One guy kissed me, said he'd phone if I texted him my number but never got back to me. What the hell was that about? I'd prefer if he had told me close but no cigar directly. The other guy was still in the throes of a breaking-down relationship, so had to tell him call me in a few months when you've decided whether you're staying or going. I think he was just looking for reassurance that he was still attractive to other women.

rebelwoman wrote: »

Ok its been a while now and I for one am dying to know if Julius C and Galen have actually tried out the online dating and how they are getting on? Hope its working out for someone;)

See above.... :rolleyes: I'm taking a rest for a while. I'm pretty resilient but have found it tough going emotionally.

rebelwoman

Hi JC gee you are having a tough time of it online:mad: I know what you mean about them complaining about their ex's. It really is a matter of weeding them out which can be grating on the nerves but I really believe that there are some decent men on there too. Give it a rest for a while and then come back and try again and you might have better luck hopefully.

stargazer 68

Anyone had any success lately?

Galen

Very poor results so far but I'm going to put a new more detailed enthusiastic profile with new pics. If nobody is still interested I'll be too busy to care when I get going with my Uni course next year.

Rubecula

Maybe you could go from internet friendships to penpals or something. Perhaps that way lies the route to finding someone? Do it in little stages, if nothing else you may make very good REAL friends.

Just an idea.

Galen

Rubecula wrote: »

Maybe you could go from internet friendships to penpals or something. Perhaps that way lies the route to finding someone? Do it in little stages, if nothing else you may make very good REAL friends.

Just an idea.

I've updated my profile on AnotherFriend and POF but as now I'm done with the whole scene unless I get any interesting responses. AnotherFriend has been pretty dreadful with once only contacts from women or no response to my messages so perhaps their computer generated, POF is pretty useless too.

JuliusCaesar

Hi Galen, I send off a rake of individual emails there last week to men my age....and not one reply! The only interest I had was from a 70 year old - which is really a little old for me. And that was from a paying site - which I refuse to pay for. You get one free email per person, so if they don't reply to that, then bad cess to them.

I'm beginning to think that there is a veeeeerrrrrrry small population of men over 40 who are really looking to meet up with a woman in person - they and I are on all the free sites. If we haven't met up yet, it's because there's a major discrepancy. After this, it's the meet ups. If that doesn't work, well I'll throw my hat at the whole singles scene. Maybe I'll join a golf club instead!

maybebabygina

it makes sense to be cautious

http://www.liarscheatsandbastards.com/main.php5?action=lcb_det&id=1305

Galen

Hi JC, these dating sites sure are frustrating. I've been getting the same treatment as you, with the paid for site you send an email but they want to waste their one daily message on you so why would I subscribe to the service when no one else wants to pay. The free sites just don't have enough of dating pool in Ireland and are next to useless especially in rural areas.

All I can think of now is that there must be some way of dating through Facebook than all those game invites. There doesn't seem to be any meet ups in Mayo, I haven't seen them yet anyway and I'm on Twitter and Facebook. I couldn't find anything on boards.ie about them in Mayo either.

Galen

maybebabygina wrote: »

it makes sense to be cautious

http://www.liarscheatsandbastards.com/main.php5?action=lcb_det&id=1305

Of course whether we're men or women, we have to be cautious but we ask is an acknowledgement once in a while from the opposite sex in this crazy world of the dating game.

JuliusCaesar

Anyway, Galen, living in a major population centre I have an advantage. What I would say to you is be prepared to travel. I've no objection to crossing at least half the country because otherwise I'd have little to no choice as the dating pool is so small. I think I'll leave the actual single sites and go and join some clubs/meet ups and go and do some interesting things. It's bound to be more fun (well, if they aren't entirely female!) than everyone sizing each other up!

Had a look at that LiarsCheatsBastards link - have never met any of the Irish ones! Phew!