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To break up or not to break up? Advice?

LegacyUser

Hey, this might be long. I appreciate any advice anyone has to offer.

My girlfriend and I have been going out for just over two and a half years. Basically, I feel that I may have fallen out of love with her.

She's in college now, I'm in 6th year but that isn't really a problem since we had to do the whole long distance thing for both of the summers we've been going out. We can manage just talking over the phone everyday. Also, I completely trust her so I'm not afraid of her getting involved with other guys, she wouldn't do that. I'm the same, cheating disgusts me.

The reason we've decided to continue going out is mainly because I want to go to the same college she's in and we sort of made plans to live together next year. We made these plans about a year ago when she was filling out her CAO. Coincidentally, she wanted to go to the same place as me.

This was exactly what I wanted up until about five weeks ago. I started having my doubts about us. She's my first girlfriend, first kiss, first everything. She has an amazing personality and is overall, a great person. We've never argued over anything, we're both fairly laid back people in most regards.

As great as this girl is, I don't think she's the one for me. Which is very strange for me to say, I feel like 15/16 year old me would punch me for thinking like this. But I think that could be the problem, we've both changed and grown since we first started going out. I even feel like our senses of humour have become very different. This growth and change is only going to continue because of college, I know that people change a lot during this time.

There was no sudden epiphany or anything, it didn't just come to me that I'm not sure if this girl was for me. Over the past few months I think my feeling for her just sort of dwindled, I was getting less and less excited every time I saw her. Something which was also strange for me was that I started noticing other girls, I used to never even look at them.

The trouble is, I think I still love this girl, just not romantically any more. She's my best friend. Maybe it's because I felt so safe in this relationship but there's a part of me that really doesn't want to let her go. There's also the problem that I'll hurt her so much if I break up with her.

Now for the minor reason that will make me sound like an a***ole. She's my first girlfriend, I'm a guy. Needless to say I would like to have a relationship with more than one girl in my life. This isn't a good enough reason by itself to break up with her but I have to be honest, it's a contributor. I want to experience single life while I'm young (I just turned 18). I think I'd regret never being a single guy, sorry if that sounds awful but it's just how I feel.

I'm going to see her on Thursday and I've decided that I'm going to open up to her and say pretty much what I've just written. I'm hoping that she'll have something to say back and that we can talk it out but, to be honest I'm going up with the intention of ending it.

Is it weird that I'll be hurt by breaking it off? I know that the "dumper" is generally seen as the villain but I know I'll be hurting too by breaking it off, but I think it's the right thing to do.

Does anyone have any experience with this sort of feeling (falling out of love)?
Any general comments on my situation?

Any advice?

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Comments

cafecolour

Honestly, everything you've written is pretty sound, and you seem to have a good head on your shoulders.

It's normal to cling to a relationship out of fear of losing the 'safety' and it's normal to avoid a break-up because you don't want to cause pain. Both are very bad reasons.

Definitely end it, allow yourself to move on, and allow her to experience single girl college life as well.

And, yes, it's normal to feel hurt (and even jealous when they move on) even though your the 'dumper'

greenprincess

Yes it will hurt her, and you as you still love her. But I totally understand what you mean about growing apart. Its good that you have realised this, people can go on for years, myself included even though deep down they are pretty sure its over.

It will be tough but I think if you are honest with her she'll eventually come around. You just have to be prepared that she may not want to talk to you for a while

Firetrap

It's no crime to fall out of love with someone. For all you know, your girlfriend is having similar doubts. That's not to say that both of you won't be very hurt and upset when you break things off. You're being honest enough to recognise what's going on and your reasons are perfectly valid. You've not done anything wrong. The one good thing is that you've come to the realisation now, not after you'd moved in together. Best of luck

shellyboo

If you think about it logically, the likelihood of this, the first person you were ever in a relationship with at 15, being the right person for you for the rest of your life is so slim as to be almost impossible.

As you say, people grow and change, especially at the age you're talking about. Do the right thing for you both and break it off. Give yourselves the freedom to figure out who you are and what you want!