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Child Item

Chatting with strangers

Eathrin

I was getting the bus home today and in the seat behind me a man in his 60's sat beside a foreign woman of about 30. He starts chatting to her and she seems more than happy to have a conversation. Nearly everybody else on the bus had earphones in. I'm a young adult and it's not in my nature to start a random conversation with a stranger.

Is this a thing that was much more common in years past? Are you the type to start a conversation with the person next to you?

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Dudess

Yeah I do it no bother when the situation suits it. It's something that should happen organically rather than be forced/intrusive though.

ballsymchugh wrote: »

about 10 years ago you could walk down a street on your own late at night, and if someone was walking the other way on their own, both of you would say hello. now if you do that you're a stalker/weirdo/rapist.

Lol - someone referring to 2001 in a "Those were the good old days" manner... Man, that makes me feel OLD!!!

Seriously, many still don't think that way. And some thought that way in 2001.

meoklmrk91

I usually have no issue striking up a conversation with a random stranger, strangely though it usually seems to happen when your standing in a queue or dealing with bad customer service. There is only one thing Irish people love more than complaining and that is having someone to complain to.

somefeen

Its exactly what Im doing right now

OPENROAD

Well have been chatting with strangers all night in the Hotel bar in London...American Airlines and Delta Airlines crew sooooooooooooooooooo friendly !!!!!!!!!!!

Abi

John_Rambo wrote: »

Regarding Abi's comments on assuming young mothers wanting her to comment on their babies, or babies staring at here.... I think that's a bit bizarre, says more about her than the people she meets on the lift to be honest!

I never start the conversation - so the assuming goes out the window there. Not wanting to talk to perfect strangers says something about my social skills and it's bizarre? Horse-shit.

If I don't want 20 second conversation with someone I've never met in my life, it's my perogative. Not wanting to talk to strangers means you're socially inept, I've heard it all now :rolleyes:

John_Rambo

Abi wrote: »

Not wanting to talk to strangers means you're socially inept, I've heard it all now :rolleyes:

I wouldn't say socially inept, maybe it's a lack of confidence or just emotional immaturity. Feeling awkward cause a baby is staring at you is odd.

Tubsandtiles

Cian A wrote: »

I would just like to reiterate that It's not that I see anything wrong with talking to strangers myself, it's more just that I worry people will think I'm a weirdo for trying to talk to them. I wouldn't think they were a weirdo for doing the same thing though! I suppose you could say I'm self-conscious:D

I've got the same mentality

Feckfox

John_Rambo wrote: »

I wouldn't say socially inept, maybe it's a lack of confidence or just emotional immaturity. Feeling awkward cause a baby is staring at you is odd.

It doesn't say anything about anything :rolleyes:

ffs...

professore

Agricola wrote: »

Id never start a conversation with a stranger on a bus or wherever because I just couldnt be arsed. If im on a train for an hour, Id rather read a paper or listen to a podcast or the radio than talk about the weather or have a clueless debate about the GAA with some randomer.

You might be surprised what people talk about. I once had a great conversation with a religious Ghanaian man and a couple from California about evolution on the Dublin-Cork train (admittedly I'd had a few glasses of wine earlier

Abi

John_Rambo wrote: »

I wouldn't say socially inept, maybe it's a lack of confidence or just emotional immaturity.

Because I don't want to talk to strangers?

It's funny, when you're a child you're told not to talk to strangers, but as an adult if you don't talk to strangers there's something wrong with you.

stupidusername

John_Rambo wrote: »

I wouldn't say socially inept, maybe it's a lack of confidence or just emotional immaturity. Feeling awkward cause a baby is staring at you is odd.

ha, yeah that is odd.

I don't mind making conversation with people. well at times I wouldn't have much energy for it, but I often wonder if some people do it because they're lonely, so I wouldn't like to not do it. if that's the only conversation they'll have with someone in the day, I'd feel mean not having it. Though I do hate that people are uncomfortable in silence in lifts, there's no need to try make conversation for those few seconds.

John_Rambo

Abi wrote: »

Because I don't want to talk to strangers?

No, because you, an adult, avoids lifts because you feel awkward if a baby looks at you and by looking at the woman with the child you think they want you to tell them their offspring is cute and ask how many weeks old, and what weight was he/she when they were born.

Kasabian

Some of the best conversations I have had have been with strangers, they are so gullible and mid sentence you can just walk away leaving them perplexed.

We were all strangers at some stage, some become friends others remain strange. I love life.

Ted_YNWA

I seem to attract all sorts of nutters striking up conversations with me ..

One chap invited me home cos I watched his bags at a bus stop while he ran into the shop .. politely declined that offer ...

Kasabian

Ted_YNWA wrote: »

I seem to attract all sorts of nutters striking up conversations with me ..

Hello

Ted_YNWA

Kasabian wrote: »

Hello

case proved

Mint Sauce

I have started a conversation the odd time on the bus. Whats the difference to starting one in the pub or club, apart from your final agenda.

Saila wrote: »

in my day we didnt have mp3 players, now get off my lawn!

Nah, I just used a diskman or a minidisk player.

WoollyRedHat

I've been mistaken for strangers

mikom

true-or-false wrote: »

Old men (not all old men) start conversations with women on public transport all the time. It's not a generational gap thing, like old people are just friendlier than us. It's that some old fellas like the opportunity to have a woman cornered, socially I mean. Sometimes it's pervy, sometimes it's drunken, and sometimes they're just plain old sexist/patronising. I don't know why they do it but it's really annoying, and all you can do is put on a "ah I'm having a grand old time, aren't you impressive with your advantages in wisdom and gender".

Women (not all women) don't engage in conversations with old men on public transport most of the time. It's not a generational gap thing, like young people are less friendlier than us. It's that some young women like the opportunity to ignore older men, socially I mean. Sometimes it's snobbishness, sometimes it's ignorance, and sometimes they're just plain old ageist. I don't know why they do it but it's really annoying, and all you can do is put on a "ah, are you having a grand old time, aren't you impressive with your advantages in youth and freedom".

[Deleted User]

Marcus_Crassus wrote: »

Complete rubbish.

What makes you say that?

I've been approached on public transport more times than I can count, every time by a male aged at least 50, each time I was friendly, gave them the benefit of the doubt that they actually just wanted a chat, and everytime it descended into either perviness, scariness, or they started being extremely patronising to me in a sexist/ageist way.

My top three?
-Got talked to all the way from Bray to Kilbarrack on the dart, and at the end of what was actually an ok conversation he asked if he could kiss me, I (16 at the time) said no sorry, and got kissed on the ear because he tried anyway!
-Got "I don't wanna miss a thing" sung to me --> look up the lyrics, would you not feel uncomfortable? (granted this one was one where the guy was drunk, but it was 10am)
-Got lectured to by a guy from Pearse St. to Howth junction about what life is like and how I don't understand what love is because I'm too young, then kept going on about philosophy and near the end actually asked me if I've ever read a book. Hadn't let me get a word in edgeways but felt safe to make out that I was some kind of empty headed idiot.

If people actually chatted to each other on public transport I'd quite like it, and I have had a few conversations with tourists on public transport, but it is a fact that the above scenarios are only a snippet of the many encounters I've had with "friendly" oul fellas on public transport.

Edit: mikom, implying that my discomfort at the situations I've been in makes me an ageist, ignorant snob is ridiculous. The reason I used to get approached so much is because I seemed friendly and would accommodate them at the beginning of the conversation, and frankly at the younger age I was, it was slightly scary as I was rarely approached with other people around.

bodhrandude

Go to one of the many summer festivals in Ireland Abi, Im sure that you will find you have talked to thousands of randomers without realising it, unless you are the type who sellotapes an area around their tent to a bunch of others to create a no access way for everyone else.

HavingCrack

Generally don't mind chatting to strangers anywhere except the bus or train. I'm not sure why but on the bus I just like being left alone.

[Deleted User]

I'm quite shy so am not the type to start a conversation myself but have been approached on trains or buses quite a bit. Never by men but usually by middle aged or elderly women. The odd American woman too, once spent a train journey from Cork to Dublin chatting with two American students who were studying in Cambridge.

InkSlinger67 wrote: »

Hey OP, if you don't like talking with strangers on public transport I would suggest staying away from the 123 route a.k.a. The Live at 3 bus. It is a chat show all on it's own.....all it needs is Derek Davis and some dodgy RTE sets built-in to complete the sh1te TV show experience.

Funny you say that, I was in that situation just a couple of weeks ago on the 123.

Abi wrote: »

It's funny, when you're a child you're told not to talk to strangers, but as an adult if you don't talk to strangers there's something wrong with you.

I was just thinking of this recently. I've often been told that I should be more social, yet that goes against what you're taught as a child.

fryup

GarIT wrote: »

Being 18 I find it odd that the people that talk to you are generaly between 13-16 and 65+ nobody else seems to talk. I don't mind the odd chat but I hate when someone starts talking to me and then appears to think I'm rude to be texting or playing with apps and not answering properly.

you cold standoffish f*cker

you're not from waterford by any chance

BigBrownBear

I'd have a natter with anyone unless the conversation starts with........
"Aaalll right buddy. Whats the stoooorrrrryyy"

rebel10

HavingCrack wrote: »

Generally don't mind chatting to strangers anywhere except the bus or train. I'm not sure why but on the bus I just like being left alone.

I think it is probably due to the fact that if you feel uneasy or just bored of the conversation you cannot just go and walk away, you are trapped!

Eve_Dublin

I love to chat to strangers. Doesn't happen at all here in Madrid, probably because they presume I don't speak the lingo but when I go home to Dublin, it happens before I even board the flight and when I land waiting for my dad outside the airport. Happens almost everytime and I'm open to it. I usually look around with the face of, "Please speak to me....someone!" and I'd strike up a conversation with someone if we were both waiting for a bus or whatever and I've usually found the other person is dying to talk to you too. I'm good at the auld idle chit-chat having put myself into situations in life where I've had to be and I enjoy it and sometimes you really hit it off with the other person and it picks you up mentally for the day. Sometimes it's been men blatantly chatting me up but I've no problems with that as long as it's light-hearted.

Last time it happened was the last time I was home walking across O'Connell bridge and an old man grabbed my arm and asked me to help him across. He then proceeded to tell me what he was up to, where he was going etc. and I was only delighted to talk to him. He must've been in his 80s and had so much life in him. He was lovely..and hilarious.I miss the chit-chat terribly over here because it's just not done, not even in bars.....people tend to chat to whoever they came with and no one else.

You don't know how lucky you have it over there in that sense.

Abi

John_Rambo wrote: »

No, because you, an adult, avoids lifts because you feel awkward if a baby looks at you and by looking at the woman with the child you think they want you to tell them their offspring is cute and ask how many weeks old, and what weight was he/she when they were born.

Okay, whatever dude.

Karsini wrote: »

I was just thinking of this recently. I've often been told that I should be more social, yet that goes against what you're taught as a child.

Who is telling you to be more social? I'd tell them where to go if I were you.

I'll happily admit I'm introverted. People view this as a bad thing, when quite frankly, I see it as the opposite. I just do not see the point in talking to someone you don't know, sure when will you ever see them again? Small talk of any kind just seems a bit retarded to me. I'd rather say nothing at all than have some empty conversation about the weather or the usual crap. If forced into it, I'll talk, but I will be thinking of the quickest way to get out of it.

It's the same thing with people not understanding you enjoying your own company. I actually feel sorry for people that seem to have the constant need to have people around them.

robbie_998

did it for the first time the other day coming home on the luas... sitting at abbey street for ages not moving for whatever reason and i was tempted to get donuts which turned into a journey long conversation with an american woman !

Precious flower

I wouldn't mind at all if someone sat down beside me and struck up a conversation, as long as it wasn't creepy!:p A few weeks ago I was waiting for the bus and this middle-aged lady sat down beside me and began chatting away to me, didn't bother me in the least and she was really nice telling me where she was heading etc. and even offering me chocolate!:D

I would never start up a conversation with a total stranger, I just wouldn't be able to do that and I feel it's something only the older generation have maintained really because when they were growing up communities were a lot more tight-knit, so chances were you would probably know the person who was sitting beside you through someone.