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Marriage cert = €150, average Irish wedding cost in a recession= €29,000, why?

Bride2012

I'm getting married in June and wanted a small wedding but I got pressured by family and friends to make it bigger as 'you'll regret it if you don't'. Now I've a big, expensive wedding that I don't really want. I hear of this happening so often, usually parents having their own big guest list. Why do we do it to ourselves in Ireland?

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Bride2012

TheZohan wrote: »

It you want to go with 2008 stats that is your prerogative, next time I'm in the office I'll pick up the publication and scan it if I can lay my hands on it. Would be great if you bookmarked this thread and came back to it in five years though.

I find it very hard to believe that martial breakdown would rise 100% from 2008 to 2011 and ancedotally for me 50% just doesn't add up but you may well be right. The census from this year should reveal more soon either way.

flahavaj

Bride2012 wrote: »

We do know them all, we've, 14 uncles, 9 aunts and 58 first cousins between us and then add partners. Then our friends and colleagues and then our parents' friends and colleagues. I just need to find a line.

What business do the people who work with your parents have at your wedding? WTF?

Cool Mo D

TheZohan wrote: »

It you want to go with 2008 stats that is your prerogative, next time I'm in the office I'll pick up the publication and scan it if I can lay my hands on it. Would be great if you bookmarked this thread and came back to it in five years though.

I found the figures for 2009 here: http://www.cso.ie/newsevents/pressrelease_measuringirelandsprogress2010.htm. They actually fell slightly from the 2008 figures to 0.7 per 1000 per year.

Bride2012

flahavaj wrote: »

What business do the people who work with your parents have at your wedding? WTF?

It's only a few of them and they're close to them.

[Deleted User]

I can assure you that not all women want a big princessy wedding. The thought makes me feel a bit ill. All that hair and make-up, a big awkward dress (what if you spill something on it?), being the centre of attention all day, it all sounds terrible. That's without even considering the cost of the thing. 29K for ONE DAY? I don't think I could ever do it. If I had that kind of cash, I'd much rather spend it on the honeymoon, travelling the world, or put it towards a house. People always ask me, 'did you never dream of having a big wedding when you were a kid?' No, I didn't. I do intend to get married one day and invite family and good friends, but no effing way I'm spending more than a grand or two.

Mike 1972

Peep O'Day wrote: »

Oh so only Catholics can get married in Rome?

Obviously not. I mean not all the locals are Catholic and they dont have to travel outside the city in order to get married :pac:

Thing is I was always under the impression that travelling there in order to get married was an RC thing ? Thank you for clearing up this little misconception of mine.

4leto

In my circles the separation rate shot p over the past few years, a lot to do with the pressures of the slump. 2 cousins and a friend separated from there partners last year. Interesting all are in new relationships now, with I suppose other separated people. A lot to be said for internet dating sites.

MagicMarker

Cool Mo D wrote: »

I found the figures for 2009 here: http://www.cso.ie/newsevents/pressrelease_measuringirelandsprogress2010.htm. They actually fell slightly from the 2008 figures to 0.7 per 1000 per year.

Divorces rose 70% between 2002-2006, none of this really matters though considering The Zohan was talking about separations as well.

Saying half of all relationships end is hardly being overly dramatic. I love how the OP is jumping in though trying to defend marriage! OP, I'm not a betting man but if you were to give me 2/1 odds on your marriage breaking up before you die then I'd put my life savings on it.

Bride2012

I'm getting tempted to elope to Scotland. I lived there for a while and loved it.

'There is also no requirement for residency north of the border, although it is compulsory to give a minimum of 15 days' notice of the wedding to allow for any objections. This makes Scotland ideal for overseas couples wanting to jet in and out for the ceremony.'

Would my mother forgive me though? I do have 2 unmarried sisters who could one day do the big thing, hmmm.

Bride2012

MagicMarker wrote: »

Divorces rose 70% between 2002-2006, none of this really matters though considering The Zohan was talking about separations as well.

Saying half of all relationships end is hardly being overly dramatic. I love how the OP is jumping in though trying to defend marriage! OP, I'm not a betting man but if you were to give me 2/1 odds on your marriage breaking up before you die then I'd put my life savings on it.

Thanks for that ultra helpful post

hotmail.com

IzzyWizzy wrote: »

I can assure you that not all women want a big princessy wedding. The thought makes me feel a bit ill. All that hair and make-up, a big awkward dress (what if you spill something on it?), being the centre of attention all day, it all sounds terrible. That's without even considering the cost of the thing. 29K for ONE DAY? I don't think I could ever do it. If I had that kind of cash, I'd much rather spend it on the honeymoon, travelling the world, or put it towards a house. People always ask me, 'did you never dream of having a big wedding when you were a kid?' No, I didn't. I do intend to get married one day and invite family and good friends, but no effing way I'm spending more than a grand or two.

The men want the big wedding as well. Some of them just pretend it's all the woman's fault.

doyle61

Op did you think of going abroad?? Myself and the good wife went to lake bled to get married and people still talk of how relaxed it was. I have to say we had a great time as we werent running around the place like we would have if we stayed in Ireland. The food was five star quality, the guests were only family and close friends and the whole bill including honeymoon to malysia came to just under 20k. Something like that might be a solution for you??

Bride2012

doyle61 wrote: »

Op did you think of going abroad?? Myself and the good wife went to lake bled to get married and people still talk of how relaxed it was. I have to say we had a great time as we werent running around the place like we would have if we stayed in Ireland. The food was five star quality, the guests were only family and close friends and the whole bill including honeymoon to malysia came to just under 20k. Something like that might be a solution for you??

I thought about it but I don't really like the idea of people being asked to use their holiday time and money. I know that it's an invitation, not a summons but my nearest and dearest would feel obliged I think. I am rethinking it now though.

paddyandy

I saw the dream wedding and drought now they hav'nt a cent.TV dictates .

homerjay2005

Mushy wrote: »

260?? Do you know all these people? Thats a crazy number.

260 is average-big in terms of size of a wedding in ireland (outside of cities), ive been to weddings with over 300 people in total.

im a little bit surprised that the wedding is costing 29k, i would assume that includes dress, photographer, flowers, cars,round of drinks. etc etc first off.

in all fairness, there is a base cost no matter if you have 100 people or 260, i would estimate that if you cut down your list by about 100 people, you would only save €5,000-€6000. given that fact that most people will pay €100-150 in a present, they normally pay for themselves.

my brother had a big wedding and it paid for itself, though they didnt waste money on cars, flowers, camera etc.

i know its not about money and its your day, but the more people you have, the less it ends up costing you, as long as you dont pay more than 60euro per head per person.

there is an attitude of "f*ck your parents" in alot of posts here, which is mindless.its also a huge day for your parents, they are wrong to add 60 people, but thats the way it is in ireland and that wont change for a long long time.

summary - a 29k wedding does not cost 29k, it would only end up costing 8-10k maxinum and thats the base cost you will pay anyway..

minidazzler

Bride2012 wrote: »

We're paying for it ourselves, my parents are giving us 2k as a present but want 60 from their list not including relations. At last count the guest list was 260 as we've big families. We may decide to elope; )

Don't be an idiot, your parents can **** themselves if they think you should pay that much for a wedding you don't want.

stovelid

They want 60 of their own guests not including relatives?

Sweet lord.

No way would I acquiesce to this even if they were to help with the cost. That they are not makes it even worse!

We had 80 guests overall.

[Deleted User]

just buy this wedding package OP

http://www.groupon.ie/deals/dublin/talbot-hotel-carlow/1039988

lazygal

homerjay2005 wrote: »

260 is average-big in terms of size of a wedding in ireland (outside of cities), ive been to weddings with over 300 people in total.

im a little bit surprised that the wedding is costing 29k, i would assume that includes dress, photographer, flowers, cars,round of drinks. etc etc first off.

in all fairness, there is a base cost no matter if you have 100 people or 260, i would estimate that if you cut down your list by about 100 people, you would only save €5,000-€6000. given that fact that most people will pay €100-150 in a present, they normally pay for themselves.

my brother had a big wedding and it paid for itself, though they didnt waste money on cars, flowers, camera etc.

i know its not about money and its your day, but the more people you have, the less it ends up costing you, as long as you dont pay more than 60euro per head per person.

there is an attitude of "f*ck your parents" in alot of posts here, which is mindless.its also a huge day for your parents, they are wrong to add 60 people, but thats the way it is in ireland and that wont change for a long long time.

summary - a 29k wedding does not cost 29k, it would only end up costing 8-10k maxinum and thats the base cost you will pay anyway..

It's totally not true to say a wedding pays for itself or people cover their costs! We got lots of picture frames, small cash gifts and vouchers, and nothing at all from several couples. The "people will cover their costs with cash gifts" attitude is awful, people should have the day they can afford without expecting their guests to foot the bill for what, in essence, is a lifestyle choice.
I don't know one couple who "covered their costs" we're at an age with lots of weddings and whenever this "covering costs" thing comes up, the consensus is always that its not a suitable budgeting strategy because, as I said, not every couple gives cash or indeed a gift!

wandatowell

MagicMarker wrote: »

if you were to give me 2/1 odds on your marriage breaking up before you die then I'd put my life savings on it.

[Deleted User]

Bride2012 wrote: »

We do know them all, we've, 14 uncles, 9 aunts and 58 first cousins between us and then add partners. Then our friends and colleagues and then our parents' friends and colleagues. I just need to find a line.

You are hardly close to 58 people AND their spouses? Colleagues can be invited to the afters and your parents colleagues can f**k off. Grow a friggin backbone woman! Why do you want all these people you don't know helping you celebrate YOUR nuptuals? Friggin crazy if you ask me

[Deleted User]

lazygal wrote: »

It's totally not true to say a wedding pays for itself or people cover their costs! We got lots of picture frames, small cash gifts and vouchers, and nothing at all from several couples. The "people will cover their costs with cash gifts" attitude is awful, people should have the day they can afford without expecting their guests to foot the bill for what, in essence, is a lifestyle choice.
I don't know one couple who "covered their costs" we're at an age with lots of weddings and whenever this "covering costs" thing comes up, the consensus is always that its not a suitable budgeting strategy because, as I said, not every couple gives cash or indeed a gift!

Especially nowadays with everyone broke...I've heard a lot of tales in the past year or two of multiple toasters/microwaves/towel sets/picture frames. People can't afford the night away, the outfit, money for the day and an expensive gift...and it seems to be the gift that people are choosing to cut down on first

ElleEm

Bride2012 wrote: »

It's only a few of them and they're close to them.

YOUR PARENTS are close to them- you aren't, and I gather your partner isn't either. I just don't think you should ever have to make "small talk" on your wedding day. You should know and love everyone there!

Also, count the money you will spend on this "few" colleagues and friends of theirs- it's probably €50+ per head. Could easily be a few hundred quid just for your parent's guests.

lazygal

Starla_o0 wrote: »

You are hardly close to 58 people AND their spouses? Colleagues can be invited to the afters and your parents colleagues can f**k off. Grow a friggin backbone woman! Why do you want all these people you don't know helping you celebrate YOUR nuptuals? Friggin crazy if you ask me

This is madness, I agree. We split our list down the middle, 50-50 and told our parents "This is who we are inviting". We got all the crap about "What about Mary, we went to her son's wedding two years ago" etc, etc but held firm and it was worth it. We knew and wanted every single person we asked to be there and didn't spend our time on the day going "Who the hell is that?" to each other.

Proceed on a need to know basis, only tell you parents about decisions you have made, don't solicit opinions from them any more.

beertons

Don't invite more, in the hope that it will cover the costs of the day. Be prepared to get alot of gifts these days. Cash is like gold dust, and you'll have a few too many picture frames, and vases when everything cools down. I haven't heard of many people who covered the costs/even made a profit from getting married. One lad broke even, but that's because her dad paid for the meal. Cosmetic's and pictures aside, it's all about the food!

lazygal

Starla_o0 wrote: »

Especially nowadays with everyone broke...I've heard a lot of tales in the past year or two of multiple toasters/microwaves/towel sets/picture frames. People can't afford the night away, the outfit, money for the day and an expensive gift...and it seems to be the gift that people are choosing to cut down on first

This was our view, so we saved for the day and budgeted accordingly. Several people travelled a fair way to attend, having to take time off work etc, and we made it clear we in no way expected any gifts. We loved everything we got, some people obviously gave us generous cash gifts but also welcome were the vouchers for €50 for Arnotts and the towels we now keep for guests.

bluefinger

when i read about this kind of money being spent on a wedding i immediately thought of that series big fat gypsy wedding.

there's nothing tasteful or romantic about any wedding i've been at personally, they normally just appear to be a grown up version of my sweet sixteen.

if you have the money to spend good luck to you but to spend a years wages on a day out if you can't afford it is mental in my opinion.

homerjay2005

lazygal wrote: »

It's totally not true to say a wedding pays for itself or people cover their costs! We got lots of picture frames, small cash gifts and vouchers, and nothing at all from several couples. The "people will cover their costs with cash gifts" attitude is awful, people should have the day they can afford without expecting their guests to foot the bill for what, in essence, is a lifestyle choice.
I don't know one couple who "covered their costs" we're at an age with lots of weddings and whenever this "covering costs" thing comes up, the consensus is always that its not a suitable budgeting strategy because, as I said, not every couple gives cash or indeed a gift!

if you invite 150 people, your wedding for example would cost about 14k. if you invited another 100 people, it may only cost maximum 20k. those extra 100 people, would give at least 5k between them in cash presents.

you can call it an attidue, its no attidue, its simple logic and maths.

lazygal

homerjay2005 wrote: »

if you invite 150 people, your wedding for example would cost about 14k. if you invited another 100 people, it may only cost maximum 20k. those extra 100 people, would give at least 5k between them in cash presents.

you can call it an attidue, its no attidue, its simple logic and maths.

What kind of wedding are you basing those figures on? I know people who got deals of €45 a head all in, dress second hand, mates' rates on photos etc. and had weddings for 200 for €10,000. A cousin of mine spent a lot more on her 80 guests because her dad forked out and they had a lavish affair. We had 90 guests, food and drink and band were the bulk of our costs, everything else was haggled on big time, like I got hubby's ring online for £30. So there's no wedding "rule of thumb" and no, no one should be looking on their guests as a source of income to pay for a lifestyle choice of ANY kind, even a wedding.

fran oconnor

Richard Hillman wrote: »

Lets keep it real. A wedding is absolutely nothing to do with vows or spending your life together etc. Its all about the female having her big day and a whipped man desperate to pay 30k because he is insecure of her leaving him and is afraid of spending his life alone. If it was about actually being married, a lot more people would be opting for the legal piece of paper.

I agree with this, plus 20 or 25k for a woman to dress like a shuttlecock for the day is nuts imho..