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Best old school put-downs or put-ups you've heard

veryangryman

I love hearing these from the cultees - the old Podge/Rodge style lines

Couple that spring to mind

I'd crawl naked over a mile of broken glass just to throw stones at the bin lorry that brought her dirty knickers away!

She's a face on her like a bulldog thats just licked piss off a nettle!

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iamstop

Callin bird 'wrote off'

A response to a chat up line
Dude: How do you want your eggs in the morning?
Chick: Unfertilized, now fcuk off!

Yo momma so dumb she got fired from a blow job

MungBean

Wouldnt get up on her to look over a wall.

sh__93

I'd rather sh1te on me hands and clap :pac:

Witcher

Wouldnt throw the leg of a table over her

Tide wouldn't take her out

MungBean

On a related note I seen this joke a while back, I'm sure you've all heard it but I'll tell it again regardless.

Guy walks up to a fat girl in a night club and asks if she has a pen.
Girl blushes and giggles and says "Yes I do".
Guy says

"Well ya better fúckin get back to it before the farmer finds out you've escaped".

I thought twas rather good.

Mickeroo

Best. Thread. Ever.

MungBean

I've seen better looking things coming out of Mordor.

Killer Wench

The best put down happens around 4:00.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvaWQR9UQxg

animan

For a girl with bad teeth:
She'd give a carrot a horrible death.
Or
She'd ate an apple through a letter box

Some12

You have the intellectual agility equivalent to that of a small soap dish.

Of your physiognomy, suffice it to say that since it occupies a position on the front of your head, it must be a face.

In your lineage, females of the canine species predominate.

Kinky Slinky

Dirty ..... like a bag of carrots.

I've seen better looking legs in a snack box.

Guy : Give me three Stellas and a girly drink.
Bartender: So, four Stellas?

If I agreed with you we'd be both wrong.

Words simply cannot describe…the size of the fuck….that I do not give.

You're the load your mother should have swallowed.

Funglegunk

I left her with a face like a painter's radio.

Musicman2006

She's a mouth on er for coolin soup!

Saint_Mel

I've seen better legs on a snooker table.

She has a face on her like a plate of mortal sins.

blaze1

Back in the day some young scumbag was trying to kick off with my mate, and his friend started to bog at me.
I just turned to him "An you cut that out as well mate.... Did you not hear I'm bad for health"

My mate started roaring laughing and the 2 scumbags walked off

ROCKMAN

May have heard it somewhere but cannot remember so I'M TAKING CREDIT FOR IT

Anyway using a disc grinder one day and the person helping let the piece move... quick as a flash I come out with ...

" Jesus you're as dangerous as a shag in a minefield "

simonmln

''When she goes into a bank they turn off the cameras''- Ross O'Carroll Kelly

killer007

She was a two bagger.
One Bag for her head and one bag your head in case her bag fell off !!!:)

Zebra3

To describe a really ugly bird.

Bet down with hammers.

SeaFields

I wouldn't dirty my cock with her

Sky King

I'd rather be up on a murder charge

podgemonster

iamstop wrote: »

A response to a chat up line
Dude: How do you want your eggs in the morning?
Chick: Unfertilized!

How to Respond
Dude: Fair enough i'll just shoot up yer arsé then so!

reganreggie

My mate to fat girl " Can you move up on the sofa 8 of the lads want to sit there"

Men are like toilets Engaged, disabled or full of ****e.

Attactive woman- " I say she has a candyfloss flavoured flange"

Kinky Slinky

killer007 wrote: »

She was a two bagger.
One Bag for her head and one bag your head in case her bag fell off !!!:)

Double bagger

not yet

My personel favourite......i left her 2x3 like a paste bucket.

pajunior

Kinky Slinky wrote: »

killer007 wrote: »

She was a two bagger.
One Bag for her head and one bag your head in case her bag fell off !!!:)

Double bagger

If she is really bad she becomes a three bagger the third is a body bag.

Spacedog

Malcom quotes from the 'thick of it'

"he's as much use as a marzipan dildo".

"he's got a knob the size of a bookies biro".

trebor28

"She has a face on her that would drive rats from a dump!"

kevez

she has that many STIs that she'd leave your mickey like a lion bar
she has a face like a jigsaw in bits

paul75

describing someone who is dentally challenged:
"she's could eat an apple through a letter box"